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My hangups and sticking points

Stoic

Master Don Juan
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Hey brothers,

Just turned 37 and starting to go on a lot of dates lately. Wanted to lay out some of my sticking points to maybe make myself more aware of them and try to eradicate them as quickly as possible. I welcome any advice.

1. I tend to be way too much of a nice guy with women. This tends to be engrained in my DNA. Even though Im cognizant of it, I still find myself doing it. I do things I shouldn't. I get in a pathetic mindset, where I start falling for the girl half way through the first date. I put the girl on a pedestal. I play it too safe in what I say and do. I'm too stifled.

2. I delve into deeper, more intellectual conversation and am too serious at times. This is how I like to talk with other men (and women), but I'm not sure it serves me well.

3. I try to pretend as if I'm not that sexual. This again is ingrained in my I think from my Catholic upbringing. So I fail to escalate or when I do escalate, I do it awkwardly sometimes. I think I have a fear of being considered the 'bad guy'. It seems like I want to be the safe guy, the good guy.

4. I poorly lead at times. I have a bad habit of initially leading, then turning over the reins to the woman. I.E when to end the date, where to grab a beer/food, what to do. I know better and need to start acting like it.

5. I wait too long to escalate/ kiss. Sometimes the date is going obviously well..her touching me, good eye contact, and yet I wait until the end of the date to kiss/escalate. Seems it would be better to escalate earlier on. I get a bit nervous when at the end of the date, I have to go in for the kiss.

6. I give away frame.

7. I sometimes lack confidence/self belief.
This might be the biggest one. I really don't think this one makes logical sense. I do have some insecurities, but overall, I objectively have a lot going for me. Excellent income, outstanding shape, athletic, adventurous, financially secure. Probably slightly above average in looks.

8. I have a challenge now with premature ejaculation! Haha, this sucks. I have to sort this **** out asap. This topic may need to be its own thread, but if there are any ideas to overcome this, Im all ears.

9. I act too thirsty at times. Obviously not a good look. Im in a dry spell, so I need to create some kind of abundance in my focused interests/other woman to stave this off.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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adopt scorched earth.

I lead. she follows or next. blow me or blow me out. you can observe vagina getting dry by a lack of masculine intent. be bold.

learn to vibe. learn David D ****y funny. learn to play the game. If you are into it, what leaves your mouth has inherent value. it's a DHV. where I think you go wrong is the lack of fluff convo which seeds competence. be socially savy.

I am Christian too. 7lbs 8oz baby Jesus forgives. act accordingly. Seed the pull. I say a random word that's sexual and entirely irrelevant to the conconvo other than to build tension and seed the pull. I esculate. everything is a excuse to do so. obviously no or stop means e button.

At 37, you should be more competent. I always kiss and esculate. Calibrate. I hug from Go. does she lean in or out. Stack. if she leans out, it means not yet. no rejection. vibe. be funny if you are. aloof, nonchalant, indifferent.

a chick once said she's anxious. I esculate off that.

read I can make you confident by Paul McKenna. do the exercises. do the inner game work. read Joe Navarro what the body's saying. approach 3 girls a day. learn from the experience.

every set is practice. lastly , date younger.
 

Glassguy

Moderator
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Hey brothers,

Just turned 37 and starting to go on a lot of dates lately. Wanted to lay out some of my sticking points to maybe make myself more aware of them and try to eradicate them as quickly as possible. I welcome any advice.

1. I tend to be way too much of a nice guy with women. This tends to be engrained in my DNA. Even though Im cognizant of it, I still find myself doing it. I do things I shouldn't. I get in a pathetic mindset, where I start falling for the girl half way through the first date. I put the girl on a pedestal. I play it too safe in what I say and do. I'm too stifled.

2. I delve into deeper, more intellectual conversation and am too serious at times. This is how I like to talk with other men (and women), but I'm not sure it serves me well.

3. I try to pretend as if I'm not that sexual. This again is ingrained in my I think from my Catholic upbringing. So I fail to escalate or when I do escalate, I do it awkwardly sometimes. I think I have a fear of being considered the 'bad guy'. It seems like I want to be the safe guy, the good guy.

4. I poorly lead at times. I have a bad habit of initially leading, then turning over the reins to the woman. I.E when to end the date, where to grab a beer/food, what to do. I know better and need to start acting like it.

5. I wait too long to escalate/ kiss. Sometimes the date is going obviously well..her touching me, good eye contact, and yet I wait until the end of the date to kiss/escalate. Seems it would be better to escalate earlier on. I get a bit nervous when at the end of the date, I have to go in for the kiss.

6. I give away frame.

7. I sometimes lack confidence/self belief.
This might be the biggest one. I really don't think this one makes logical sense. I do have some insecurities, but overall, I objectively have a lot going for me. Excellent income, outstanding shape, athletic, adventurous, financially secure. Probably slightly above average in looks.

8. I have a challenge now with premature ejaculation! Haha, this sucks. I have to sort this **** out asap. This topic may need to be its own thread, but if there are any ideas to overcome this, Im all ears.

9. I act too thirsty at times. Obviously not a good look. Im in a dry spell, so I need to create some kind of abundance in my focused interests/other woman to stave this off.
Do the complete opposite of all of this.
 

GioWolf

Senior Don Juan
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I’m around the same age and I used to be exactly like you. I know how you feel and it’s going to take a lot of work to undo half a life of conditioning. The book “No More Mr Nice Guy” helped me tremendously. I recommend reading it several times. I think confidence and taking the lead should be a priority. I also try and dumb myself down and be more aloof. Don’t believe this “sapiosexual” crap. Being too nerdy/intelligent is not sexual. I’m not saying be a complete idiot, but be less serious. As long as you’re aware of what you’re doing and keep working to improve, you’ll be fine. Good luck.
 

Stoic

Master Don Juan
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Thanks brothers. Appreciate the replies. I'll keep myself accountable let you know what I do on the dates. And hopefully don't repeat any of the above that I listed.
 
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