My goal to become a better speaker, here's my journal!

[Shivastorm_88]

It took me a long time to realize that my main problem in approaching girls is the fact that I'm a horrible speaker. If I have a reason to approach, whether it's for a legit reason, or situational approach, I do it on the spur of the moment and feel no real shyness about it. However, it's what follows after that goes all downhill. Basically, I'm a horrible speaker. I don't know what to say to keep an interesting conversation and I got absolutely no charisma. So I decided that instead of working on cold approaches, but then always using the fact that I'm not a good speaker as an excuse and not progressing, I'd go directly at the root of my problem: Become a better speaker.

WHAT WILL I DO?
What I did is a list of 15 aspects I have to develop, or get rid of, and how to do so. I think that there are 4 categories in being a good speaker, which are: The Mindset, the Body language, the Way of speaking and the Message delivered. More on that further down.

In each of these categories I found specific aspects that I have to work on, and then I created myself a schedule to follow. For example, for three weeks, I will work on three aspects (again, more explanation below):

• No fillers
• Don't openly talk about myself
• Don't justify myself

THE METHOD
So what I do is I keep a daily journal to make sure I stay stringent about it, posting what I did right, what I did wrong, and what to keep in mind next time. I plan on working on a set of aspects for about 3-4 weeks before moving to new aspects, while obviously maintaining the progress I've done with the previous aspects. If I find that after the 3-4 weeks I haven't made enough progress, I won't add new aspects yet.

Furthermore, I will work from the easiest things to change to the hardest. Finally, the full schedule isn't made yet, as I might in time add new stuff or change my order of importance.

THE JOURNAL
I won't do a daily journal here, I'll keep it on a weekly basis instead, which I will update every Sunday evening or Monday, depending on my schedule. It will be a summary of my personal, daily journal, with some recommendations that I have for myself. I will also post which aspects I am working on, and the exercises I will do.

THE ASPECTS THEMSELVES
The white dots are specifics to the real aspects which are the black dots.

MINDSET
• Be relaxed, amused (and laid-back) by situations, not stressed
o Remain calm in whichever situation
o Remain suave and distant
o Do not get over excited
• Get in touch with my emotions
o Do not suppress my emotions, but control them (decide when one emotion should be expressed or not)
o Relate to other’s emotions
• Treat others well
o Learn to listen and be genuinely interested
o Learn to give genuine compliments or approval
o Remember their names
• Be assertive
BODY LANGUAGE
• Improved posture
o Stand straight
o Relaxed posture (more calm)
o Welcoming posture (facing someone, uncrossed legs and arms, etc.)
• Eye contact
• Smile
• Warm body language while communicating
o Constant smile
• Be present
o This is a mix of eye contact, smile, warm body language, but also to really focus on the person speaking, and let him know that you are truly listening (repeat some things said by the other person, e.g.: Oh really? You went to France?)

WAY OF SPEAKING
• Get in touch with my emotions
o Convey emotions when talking
• Speak with conviction
o Speak at a slower pace
o Speak clearly
o Use tone, rhythm, emotion and pitch to put emphasis on important thing

MESSAGE DELIVERED
• Stand for what I believe in
• Think before I speak
o Reduce the filler material
o Make every word count
o Used enhanced vocabulary
• Don’t speak simply to say fillers
• Don’t openly talk about myself
• Don’t justify myself


Please feel free to give me any sort of feedback

 

[f283000]

Have you thought of joining toastmasters?

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Week: 14-20 November

The aspects this week are:

• Don’t speak simply to say fillers
• Don’t openly talk about myself
• Don’t justify myself

The exercises and/or directions will be:

No fillers: Don’t say useless things to fill in a silent moment (such as: I'm tired, I'm hungry, etc.)

Don’t openly talk about myself: Don’t give so many details about my plans and accomplishments, even to my friends (I tend to do that a lot)

Don’t justify myself: When I do something or ask something, don’t give the reason for it. When someone asks me the reason for something, stay vague (I also tend to do that a lot)




As of tomorrow (or Monday if I don't have time Sunday) I will post my summary of the week's results.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Have you thought of joining toastmasters?

Funny you mention that, I went to a meeting on Tuesday, I will be joining shortly I just need to browse the different clubs in my area

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Week: 14-20th November - Report

The aspects this week are:

• Don’t speak simply to say fillers
• Don’t openly talk about myself
• Don’t justify myself

The exercises and/or directions will be:

No fillers: Don’t say useless things to fill in a silent moment (such as: I'm tired, I'm hungry, etc.)

Don’t openly talk about myself: Don’t give so many details about my plans and accomplishments, even to my friends (I tend to do that a lot)

Don’t justify myself: When I do something or ask something, don’t give the reason for it. When someone asks me the reason for something, stay vague (I also tend to do that a lot)

THE JOURNAL

MONDAY
Mostly school, studying, drawing, hang out with friends but I also went climbing. It was my first day and I actually did pretty good until I went wall climbing, where I realized it's a lot easier to slip when I'm tired (not as alert)

TUESDAY
Morning I studied and drew, but the afternoon I kept busy: Yoga, wall climbing and toastmaster's club. I'm really proud of myself because in the TMC I actually took the initiate and volunteered for an improvise speech and did pretty good, although the speech was not elegant. As for the aspects, already I am in much better control, and where before I would add in fillers to cut the silence, I didn't this day, or none that I noticed. Although at the TMC, when socializing, I was giving too much information about myself (when meeting new people I have a bad tendency of talking too much about myself).

WEDNESDAY
Again, drawing, school, study and hang out with friends. Although not related to my goal to become a better speaker, I am also working on sorting out my hobbies and giving more priority to drawing, and so far pretty good. Used to be: Computer games > drawing, but now, since Monday, I haven't played at all. As for the exercises, the first two went really well, already it's become more natural to me. The harder part is justifying myself. I still slip in the first two aspects, but it's rare. The third one I slip much more often...

THURSDAY
Today, drawing, school and work. Nothing else. Although I am seriously getting more into drawing, I actually woke up early to draw (whereas before I'd wake up early to play computer games). Today was also a good day, for the most part I managed to keep in mind not to justify myself, and even with my work colleagues, I refrained the fillers and talking about myself, which I used to do often. There is only with one that I have slipped, as I had a habit of telling her everything that was going on around in my life...

FRIDAY
Drawing, work, hanging out with friends. Although I forgot to do my journal, and by the time I had time to do it, I forgot about what happened -_-

SATURDAY
Work and party. At the party I am pretty proud of myself. I socialized a lot, but 0 fillers or talking about myself (as far as my sober mind can remember). Although when I got drunk, I went to start a bonfire outside and basically took care of it, and people starting gathering around it and speaking with me, girls were hitting on me but I was halfway dismissing it (was being responsive yes, but not too much as I was focusing on the fire... Wet wood is annoying).

SUNDAY
Hang-over at work = I don't talk. Although usually I would've told many co-workers about the party and what happened and what I did, this time I didn't really talk about it all that much. It's funny, I used to feel the need to do so... Now I just don't really care.

OVERALL
Already in one week I see some nice progress. It's a lot more natural for me to avoid the three above aspects, I slip less and less, and am less inclined in talking about myself (I see less and less the point of telling my exploits to others... I don't do what I do to put on a show after all), or adding fillers during silences. Because of that, I have to work on starting more conversations, which is a good thing. I'm learning to bring conversation to interesting subjects that will get others to speak on and on, which is, in my opinion, one of the most important aspect of being more charismatic: Being able to listen and to associate yourself to what the others tell you.

What I really have to work on is justifying what I do. I still do that too often.



Two more weeks with those three aspects, and then, next step!