my girlfriend may think that she caught me cheating, need advice...

[Don Afc]

Ive always found this place good to go to, so I'm posting here in hopes to find an answer from you DJs. Here's my story:

My ex and I were studying at school today and she made a couple advances. I didn't really react to her, as I am seeing this girl that I really like now... Anyways, she's getting closer to me and lays her head on my lap to sleep. Just then, my real girlfriend walks in with her friends and sees me kind of playing with my ex's hair. I dunno why, but I then reacted as if I was guilty like I was "caught in the act" and pushed my ex off me (Even though nothing really happenned)

My girlfriend kind of ignores this and walks away with her friends and I don't know what she's thinking now.


I don't want to screw this one up

 

[izza]

That's really !@#$ty luck man.

Hmm, excuse me while I think in writing.

1.) Pretend nothing happened. Lame
2.) Apologize. Ahahahaha
3.) Explain. Even lamer
4.) Make endless jokes about it (as long as they're actually funny). BINGO!

The biggest mistake you can make, I think, is to let yourself take this seriously.

If she asks you questions about what you were doing, exaggerate to the stars, then tell her what happened. Tell your gf she walked in just before you got a chance to declare your love for your ex gf. Ask her to knock next time. Pretend to get mad at her for ****blocking hahahaha. If she gets mad, tell her she's blowing all this out of proportion, which she would be. She'll come around.

Remember, if you're making truly funny jokes, and she remains truly mad about this minute incident, she's using it as cover for real anger about something else. Just keep that in mind, and keep it light. I'm not too worried my friend. Take care, I think you'll be just fine.

Izza

 

[belividere]

This isn't really sh!tty luck.

I think you shouldn't be talking to your ex to begin with. Especially if you are presently with someone else. Not only were you talking to your ex but you allowed her to come over to your place and lay her head on your lap while you played with her hair? You should really consider completely dropping her and moving on.

Anyways whats done is done. What can you actually do now to salvage your relationship with the new girl is a tough call and depends a lot on how things are between you presently and what precedent you have set. Is your relationship exclusive? How long have you been dating/courting with both her and your ex?

Revisiting Izza's list, here are my thoughts.

1.) Pretend nothing happened. Lame

Yes, this is pretty lame. Depending on the circumstances though I have and will do this in future. If a girl I am not exclusive with catches me with another girl than I dont feel the need to explain myself. As a disclaimer to this though I often present the fact that I date around upfront so a girl getting mad about it is doing little but getting herself nexted.

2.) Apologize. Ahahahaha

Ahahahaha. Like izza said, fvck that. You really didn't do anything wrong, unless you are a complete pu$$-bag and professed your love to this new girl already.

3.) Explain. Even lamer

This is lame as regardless of what you are trying to tell her she wont believe it. I dont really blame her though, your actions are speaking a thousand words alone here. If I walked in a girl I was dating and caught her stroking her ex's head she would be yesterdays news before tomorrow even hit. If I walked in with a group of friends and saw that I'd feel like even more of an a$$. If you explain the truth you have little to no chance. You can lie your ass off during your explaination and pull things through but is it even worth it at this point? Remember actions speak a hell of a lot more than words do. Your actions in this instance were not convincing that you weren't still interested in your ex.

4.) Make endless jokes about it (as long as they're actually funny). BINGO!

Joking about it may be funny to you but broads are all sensitive and emotional. You really think that she is going to take this as a funny situation? A joke or two may fly at first. Chances are that if she is hurt by this in any way it will be brought back up time and time again.

I think the overall lesson learned here is to lock your fvcking door when your fooling around or in your case when it looks like your fooling around. Not really knowing what you want or expect from this new girl I would suggest just leaving it and bullsh!tting your way out of it if need be. Seriously though drop your ex and quite doing things like that with her since it really isn't going to get you to far in the long run.

 

[izza]

i should revise my post, because I overstated my case.

I would say, use a joke as a lighthearted way of testing the water. If you make a good joke and she gets mad, then you listen to her (without apologizing!!), you validate her feelings, you listen, you care about how she feels (which is not apologizing), she comes around, you win.

If you make a good joke and she blows this **** hugely out of proportion even though you started with a good joke, and you're listening, and validating her feelings, guess what: you have a bad apple on your hands. She might be too controlling, insane, too jealous or whatever, but if she can't eventually see the humor in something so innocent, and so completely not your fault, she might not be someone you want to get seriously involved with. Again, by learning this, you win.

Opportunity knocks, my friend. In hard moments like this you learn what a person is made of, and whether or not a girl has a forgiving/funny/reasonable bone in her body. Good luck man,

Izza

 

[Don Afc]

belividere it wasn't at my house (I would never invite my ex over), it was at school in a public setting with tables, chairs, etc

anyways I called her twice ever since and she wouldn't really talk to me both times. You know, the silent treatment? Someone I know told me that a few of her friends are talking $%!@ about me too.

Anyways I hope that I actually get a response from her when I see her at school (in person). I don't know about bull****ting because the truth isn't really that ugly... it definately looked worse than it was!

oh yeah and my ex offered to call her up and explain, but I decided not to

thanks for the replies mates

 

[izza]

Did you arrange to meet?

Your opportunity to act is dwindling, although it's good that she's getting a chance to cool down.

Izza

 

[DJDamage]

See this is why its wise to drop the ex forever. If the situation was reversed and the girl you were dating had her ex face on her lap, I don't think you would have been happy either.

I suggest you sit back and let her contact you and bring it up. If she mentions it say (if you care about this girl and want to be with her) : Look I was hanging with my ex and she got tired and put her head down and I didn't know what to do. She shouldn't have done that, she crossed the line and I am never going to hang with her again".

See you don't need to applogize because you have done nothing wrong. You also state what she is thinking that you shouldn't hang with your ex without her telling you that . If you really care about this relationship, you better let the ex go.

If she tries to b1tch again and make you feel guilty after what you said, say the following: "This conversation is over and closed' if you don't believe me and you want to continue to give me a hard time then I am leaving".

Just walk away and make her feel bad as if she did something wrong. Now the tables have turned.