"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
my girl accepted a date with another dude....
- Thread starter Legend
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
Legend, I know you are hurting - but shouldn’t the source of hurt be from the lack of respect you received from this girl, instead of your loss? Don't be blinded because of this pain, you are only seeing what you want to see, and you are only hearing what you want to hear - from the DJ's that are aligned with your thinking. I offer a different harsher view because that is exactly what you need in this circumstance. You were blatantly disrespected as a man and for you not to see this and act as if you haven't been disrespected, worries me. I didn't come to this website to tickle any one's ears.
Keep your dignity and leave this girl like a man, and don't ever talk to her again...her conversation with you about this other guy was a slap in the face - and you are standing there and saying, "but I still love you". Have some shame, and stop acting like a baby. Because we didn't give you what you wanted to hear you no longer are coming back here? Why did you come to us for? Was it so that we can only tell you what you already believe? There is no insight in regurgitating your own thinking. Wake up dude, let this be the first day where you become a true DJ and get rid of that desperation! Didn't ‘pook’ write something about desperation? Read your title, “My girl accepted a date with another dude”. This statement alone tells me that she is not your girl or that you are a major chump for being with a girl that is on another man’s jock!!! This is pathetic and reeks of desperation!!
If you came here for help, then be a man and accept the reality of things. Quit discarding sound reasoning - only a fool would do such!
Keep your dignity and leave this girl like a man, and don't ever talk to her again...her conversation with you about this other guy was a slap in the face - and you are standing there and saying, "but I still love you". Have some shame, and stop acting like a baby. Because we didn't give you what you wanted to hear you no longer are coming back here? Why did you come to us for? Was it so that we can only tell you what you already believe? There is no insight in regurgitating your own thinking. Wake up dude, let this be the first day where you become a true DJ and get rid of that desperation! Didn't ‘pook’ write something about desperation? Read your title, “My girl accepted a date with another dude”. This statement alone tells me that she is not your girl or that you are a major chump for being with a girl that is on another man’s jock!!! This is pathetic and reeks of desperation!!
If you came here for help, then be a man and accept the reality of things. Quit discarding sound reasoning - only a fool would do such!
First, I think we all know who gives the dankest advice on the board. And I'd also like to say that the majority of posters who commented have more or less the perspective you should have. (Those who are actually in relationships and have the tiptoe the fine line of tact and dignity will tend to straddle the middle more than those from the peanut gallery who can shoot from the hip)
In any case, she has showed this 'fat annoying' guy a greater amount of respect than she did for you. She respected HIS feelings over yours. The fact HE would be hurt by a rejection was above the hurt you would feel of her having a date.
She may be weak willed, fine, she's not a good 'relationship' quality girl...Why? Because shes fickle and spineless. This may be a 'one in a lifetime' type aberration from her personality...I'm guessing it isn't though...She talks about 'old guys being better,' she seems to have a FIRM command of the manipulation game. Perhaps she isn't as weak-willed/naive as she seems.
So you need to make this decision...Its one or the other....
1.) Are you overly jealous, and the issue is YOU...i.e. if the situation was put in front of say 100 guys, what would their take on it be. Would you be in the minority of decision making?
2.) She is being overly disrespectful, the issue is HER...i.e. are you creating reasons in your mind for why her actions should be considered 'better' than they actually are??? A good way to figure this out is whether you find yourself RATIONALIZING when you think about what she did..."She didn't know how to say NO"
You can then either fix the problem or get rid of her...Seeing as this is a HER issue, i'd give her the first lesson in saying NO...
Lesson #1...If you willingly choose to disrespect our relationship, will I want to continue it.....NO.
If you violate my trust, will I put it back in you....NO
See how simple it is....Just say no!!!
gl
In any case, she has showed this 'fat annoying' guy a greater amount of respect than she did for you. She respected HIS feelings over yours. The fact HE would be hurt by a rejection was above the hurt you would feel of her having a date.
She may be weak willed, fine, she's not a good 'relationship' quality girl...Why? Because shes fickle and spineless. This may be a 'one in a lifetime' type aberration from her personality...I'm guessing it isn't though...She talks about 'old guys being better,' she seems to have a FIRM command of the manipulation game. Perhaps she isn't as weak-willed/naive as she seems.
So you need to make this decision...Its one or the other....
1.) Are you overly jealous, and the issue is YOU...i.e. if the situation was put in front of say 100 guys, what would their take on it be. Would you be in the minority of decision making?
2.) She is being overly disrespectful, the issue is HER...i.e. are you creating reasons in your mind for why her actions should be considered 'better' than they actually are??? A good way to figure this out is whether you find yourself RATIONALIZING when you think about what she did..."She didn't know how to say NO"
You can then either fix the problem or get rid of her...Seeing as this is a HER issue, i'd give her the first lesson in saying NO...
Lesson #1...If you willingly choose to disrespect our relationship, will I want to continue it.....NO.
If you violate my trust, will I put it back in you....NO
See how simple it is....Just say no!!!
gl
What comes around goes around...
You are out dating other women and then crying when she dates other guys something is wrong...
Sounds like she told you about it before it happened which is the mark of a very good catch. Women who can tell you what you don't want to hear and is very easy to hide are the true catches. You know what the deal is, you just aren't happy about it.
As for the dating another guy you and her can talk about being exclusive or you can tell her you are the catch and all the girls like you. Fact is a HB7 female can outpull a HB9 male with very little difficulty when she wants to.
Either way do what you want but if it doesn't make you happy then do something else.
You are out dating other women and then crying when she dates other guys something is wrong...
Sounds like she told you about it before it happened which is the mark of a very good catch. Women who can tell you what you don't want to hear and is very easy to hide are the true catches. You know what the deal is, you just aren't happy about it.
As for the dating another guy you and her can talk about being exclusive or you can tell her you are the catch and all the girls like you. Fact is a HB7 female can outpull a HB9 male with very little difficulty when she wants to.
Either way do what you want but if it doesn't make you happy then do something else.
Jay Fiedler
Don Juan
Sadly, like it has become lately on this site, the maturity level of this thread is pretty low. I think many of you are missing the VERY IMPORTANT point that legend admitted that he went out and had drinks with a girl the NIGHT BEFORE his girl did with her stalker/harasser. Hello? Does that not register with anyone? He started it...he set the precedent. Of course shes going to be jealous and upset that legend went out with a girl while they're involved..who wouldn't??? I can 100% gaurantee you that if the girl had gone out with a guy first, you would all be telling legend to next her and go out with someone asap.
To me, this relationship is doomed. Neither one of you sound happy with the other, so why continue the pain? Do I think your girl went out with that guy because she likes him? NO. To make you jelaous? Hell yes. And I'm sure there are many other things that have gone on this relationship that you have failed to tell us that could be considered your fault. I'm not blaming you, everyone has their share of mistakes in a relationship, but by no means do I think this is all her fault. In the end, even though I think you should do it for different reasons that most of the other guys have stated... I think you should move on. FOr both your sakes. But in no way do I think you were the one disrespected here when you were the first one to go out with a different girl.
To me, this relationship is doomed. Neither one of you sound happy with the other, so why continue the pain? Do I think your girl went out with that guy because she likes him? NO. To make you jelaous? Hell yes. And I'm sure there are many other things that have gone on this relationship that you have failed to tell us that could be considered your fault. I'm not blaming you, everyone has their share of mistakes in a relationship, but by no means do I think this is all her fault. In the end, even though I think you should do it for different reasons that most of the other guys have stated... I think you should move on. FOr both your sakes. But in no way do I think you were the one disrespected here when you were the first one to go out with a different girl.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I guess i was wrong and will have no choice but put an end to this girl in my life. She has been nothing but trouble. If she wants to hang out with older bar flies, thats her problem. I'm not going to contact her or even bother talking about what happened between us. I guess it was just lust......i can't deal anymore with her behavior and her disrespect. If anything the only reason why i would disrespect her would be because she disrepected me first.
I have been very caring, loving, funny and have invested a lot of time into this bad investment. I am just glad i found out now instead of down the road.
I have been very caring, loving, funny and have invested a lot of time into this bad investment. I am just glad i found out now instead of down the road.
Hang on Legend,
I haven't had time to read all the other responses but I think this is a simple case of tit-for-tat.
You went out with another chick for drinks and now she's getting you back by telling you she dated someone else. Its possible she never even went out with the guy. She may be just be lying to make you jealous.
If you two were really in an exclusive relationship then what are you doing dating other women? That's your fault. You disrespected her.
If you don't see the problem going out for drinks with other women then why do you give a sh!t if she sees other guys? Are you trying to have your cake and eat it too?
The mature thing to do would be confront her about the situation in a calm, cool manner. Ask her whats up and where this relationship stands. If the boundaries of the relationship have changed then get it out in the open.
Getting upset and storming off is.....well kind of childish..
I haven't had time to read all the other responses but I think this is a simple case of tit-for-tat.
You went out with another chick for drinks and now she's getting you back by telling you she dated someone else. Its possible she never even went out with the guy. She may be just be lying to make you jealous.
If you two were really in an exclusive relationship then what are you doing dating other women? That's your fault. You disrespected her.
If you don't see the problem going out for drinks with other women then why do you give a sh!t if she sees other guys? Are you trying to have your cake and eat it too?
The mature thing to do would be confront her about the situation in a calm, cool manner. Ask her whats up and where this relationship stands. If the boundaries of the relationship have changed then get it out in the open.
Getting upset and storming off is.....well kind of childish..
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
I don't have all the details to this...but she had a date 24 hours after legend went out with a girl. Huh? So fast, it obviously was planned a while ago and not the same day!
Regardless, it was a bold and disrespectful move on her part and this shows you that the relationship was on the ropes way before he went out for drinks. Why would you want a ltr with a girl like this..."you did it, so out of spite I'm going to do it to you and go out with this ugly harassing dude!". She didn't seem too devestated or concerned to me about legend's 'date'. At least that is the story we are getting here.
Regardless, it was a bold and disrespectful move on her part and this shows you that the relationship was on the ropes way before he went out for drinks. Why would you want a ltr with a girl like this..."you did it, so out of spite I'm going to do it to you and go out with this ugly harassing dude!". She didn't seem too devestated or concerned to me about legend's 'date'. At least that is the story we are getting here.
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I never even thought of that....what a wh*re i havebut she had a date 24 hours after legend went out with a girl. Huh? So fast, it obviously was planned a while ago and not the same day!
I am not asking this to start any new sides, but was your "having drinks" with another woman a date as far as you (or the other girl) were concerned?
I have drinks with women that do not constitute dates at all (co-workers, old friends). But that's only my side. if the woman I am with thinks its a date (and you can tell) then I wouldn't go on it if I had a g/f.
I have drinks with women that do not constitute dates at all (co-workers, old friends). But that's only my side. if the woman I am with thinks its a date (and you can tell) then I wouldn't go on it if I had a g/f.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Jay Fiedler
Don Juan
Dude, open your eyes. You are so engrossed in your own thoughts and wants that its blinding you to the truth. The odds are 95% she never went out with anyone. She just told you that because she knew you had gone out with a girl the night before ( and btw, whats up with that?--its ok for you to go out with someone but not her?). So she told you she was going out with the one guy in her life right now that is showing her attention besides you---TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS!! And ya know what? YOu deserved it. I mean if you two are exclusive--why are you hanging out with another chick? It kill sme how some of the guys on here live by such a double standard when it comes to their gf's.
Again, it sounds like you two play wayyyyy to many games with one another, and this relationship has been damaged beyond reproach. For both your sakes--move on.
Again, it sounds like you two play wayyyyy to many games with one another, and this relationship has been damaged beyond reproach. For both your sakes--move on.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
Jay,
If she wanted to make him jealous, would she have said that this guy was ugly???
If she wanted to make him jealous, would she have said that this guy was ugly???
Jay Fiedler
Don Juan
PRL...its my understanding that this guy had been talking to her and going after her for a while now, and she always told legend not to worry about it because shes not interested, hes ugly, etc.
So to me it makes perfect sense that when she found out that legend went out the night before with a chick, that she wanted to get back at him and turn the tables, so she thought of the one guy that has been giving her attention-the ugly guy. For all we know legend has been exhibiting some jealous behavior about the guy that we dont know of. Plus, it would seem kind of odd if she just went out with a guy who she didnt even know a day after legend went out-that would amke it seem like she had it planned beforehand. THis guy she already knew. To me it makes perfect sense that this was all made up to get back at legend and his wandering eye.
So to me it makes perfect sense that when she found out that legend went out the night before with a chick, that she wanted to get back at him and turn the tables, so she thought of the one guy that has been giving her attention-the ugly guy. For all we know legend has been exhibiting some jealous behavior about the guy that we dont know of. Plus, it would seem kind of odd if she just went out with a guy who she didnt even know a day after legend went out-that would amke it seem like she had it planned beforehand. THis guy she already knew. To me it makes perfect sense that this was all made up to get back at legend and his wandering eye.
You guys are arguing "95% chance she made it up" WTF!!!!!!
If you both are seeing other people that is one thing, it seems like you two were together from what you were saying...
In any case, stay away from immature girls....
If you both are seeing other people that is one thing, it seems like you two were together from what you were saying...
In any case, stay away from immature girls....
iqqi
Master Don Juan
is this a joke? you went out on a date with another biotch and you think you should be mad at your girl when she realizes she should do the same? you are inconsiderate and unthoughtful. selfish and a huge hypocrite. disrespectful and you get what you give.
dumbass.
this must be a joke. you should be scurrying under a rock with your tail between your legs for even having the balls to be mad after what you did first. the fact that you would even admit that you are mad is a big joke.
dumbass.
this must be a joke. you should be scurrying under a rock with your tail between your legs for even having the balls to be mad after what you did first. the fact that you would even admit that you are mad is a big joke.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
iqqi you are giving us the 'liberated' female perspective which is not how men think, and in this case he was gravely disrespected. Whether it was his fault or not we don't know because he didn't give us the whole story. Nonetheless, the point here is don't get back with her after such conduct. Her conduct in and of itself was contemptible, regardless of the circumstances! Most men don't take shyt like this, at least not Don Juans!
Part of being a man is admitting your own mistakes and not holding others to standards you cannot yourself maintain.Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
iqqi you are giving us the 'liberated' female perspective which is not how men think, and in this case he was gravely disrespected. Whether it was his fault or not we don't know because he didn't give us the whole story. Nonetheless, the point here is don't get back with her after such conduct. Her conduct in and of itself was contemptible, regardless of the circumstances! Most men don't take shyt like this, at least not Don Juans!
If he is dating other women and she is dating other men their is no reason to hold anything against her. Being treated with respect is not a god given right under any situation.
I see "DJ"ism as being respect worthy and then not tolerating anyone disrespecting you. But the first step is being respect worthy.
always something new with this girl
today she talks talking to other guys, saying the same shyt she says to me to these guys. Like hi dork, that was like our word....her phone rings off the fvcking hook....its insane!! What the hell......never date a bartender. I will never again
I really am not a jealous guy but man this girl really is turning me into one.
today she talks talking to other guys, saying the same shyt she says to me to these guys. Like hi dork, that was like our word....her phone rings off the fvcking hook....its insane!! What the hell......never date a bartender. I will never again
I really am not a jealous guy but man this girl really is turning me into one.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
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"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.