My GF's Ex Seems to be Approaching Her Again..

[I-tallionStallion]

KontrollerX says it perfect, right on the money. Doesn't she have other friends...so ridiculous.

 

[Fela Kuti]

so are you guys saying that girls can't be friends with their ex's? once they broke up, the ex's should be erased from their life?

 

[Fela Kuti]

just to let you know, she NEVER initiates the meetings. he always is the one asking. and my gf, the innocent girl that she is, asks me if it's okay. and so far i haven't tell her no, since their meetings seem to be simple like repairing her pc, borrowing dvd's, etc.

okay, so now i'll tell her to keep a distance from him. next time, what should she tell him if he asks to meet? without making him offended.

sorry for my english.

 

[Fela Kuti]

im not going to try to explain to you ALL the reasons why its a horrible idea for your gf and her ex to hang out. you can search 1,000 threads to help answer that question.

i can't search "ex". two letters search is not allowed

 

[Fela Kuti]

update: so this afternoon, her ex visited her house again. later, i told her like you guys' advised. then she asks me: "what's the polite way to tell him? he's the one who wants to visit my house so i can't just tell him to go home"

 

[aliasguy]

Fela kuti wrote:

"just to let you know, she NEVER initiates the meetings. he always is the one asking. and my gf, the innocent girl that she is, asks me if it's okay. and so far i haven't tell her no, since their meetings seem to be simple like repairing her pc, borrowing dvd's, etc."



boyoboy.

You are either with the MOST innocent, clueless chick EVER (doubtful), or YOU are the most clueless GUY ever.

Open your eyes.

 

[Fela Kuti]

believe me, she's innocent and naive.

 

[chance]

if i was you i'd play it off cool like; "stop hangin around that idiot. they don't call them ex for nothing... tell him you don't feel comfortable, whatever. you hang out with me now babe " make it straight to the point and say it hard so she understand but also with a smile in a way. not too serious. she will respect you for that trust me.

 

[young_gun]

WAKE THE F*CK UP!!!!!!

I have plenty of platonic girl friends, but I don't call them that much. I don't ever talk to my ex-girlfriends unless I run into them in public. If I start calling these girls more than once or twice a week, it's because I either have some kind of group project with them (doubtful that this is your case) or it's because I want some pvssy.

He comes over to her house???? He fixes her stuff?? Man you need to wake the eff up and put an end to this right now. He's not doing this just to be a "good guy". If he didn't want something from her, he wouldn't give two sh*ts if her DVD player was broken. That's what repairmen are for. Little favors every once in a great while are OK, but it seems like he's doing things left and right for her. Don't go over the top and get super jealous about this, but if you don't put an end to this SOON, this guy may very well take your girl from you. Have her show you a little RESPECT and tell him off.

what should she tell him if he asks to meet? without making him offended.

Who gives a sh*t if it offends him?? What's he going to do to you? Tell that f@g to f*ck off and get his own girl. If he showed up at her house while I was there, I'd go upside his head with a roundhouse kick.

 

[feelingloved]

Ask her how it feels to her, that he wants contact. Ask her how she thinks it makes you feel. Ask her whats more important. Either she invalidates your feelings, or values them and does something useful in the relationship.

Remember to bring up her answer, the next time she has an issue which she has feelings about. "IE do feelings count".

 

[chance]

some people are just clueless... like peter parker in spiderman 3 ... what he does to mary jane when he kisses gwen (as spiderman) he had no clue how it would make mary jane feel. he didn't even know how to think like that. some people just don't know. it might be just a movie but there's people like that around the world. they don't know that some things they do are actually hurting their partner.

 

[Fela Kuti]

some people are just clueless... like peter parker in spiderman 3 ... what he does to mary jane when he kisses gwen (as spiderman) he had no clue how it would make mary jane feel. he didn't even know how to think like that. some people just don't know. it might be just a movie but there's people like that around the world. they don't know that some things they do are actually hurting their partner.

are you referring to my girl?

 

[chance]

are you referring to my girl?

it's possible man. you gotta teach her the right way. just as peter learnt that what he did was wrong. he just didn't know it until she told him.

 

[KontrollerX]

so are you guys saying that girls can't be friends with their ex's? once they broke up, the ex's should be erased from their life?

Yes.

Unless there are kids involved or they are both single and thinking about getting back together as single people there is absolutely no reason for ex's to remain friends when one or both are already involved with someone else.

"believe me, she's innocent and naive."

They're never innocent and naieve.

Thats all just an act chicks put on to appear cute for you and throw you off to whatever they may be doing behind your back.

Not saying she is doing anything behind your back if she's happy with you but yeah that innocent and naieve crap is just a smokescreen with many uses for women.

 

[Fela Kuti]

so, why does it okay to allow a girlfriend to go out with a male friend (some of you even encourage their gf's if they ask for permission), but it's not so with an ex? why is it seen as insecure if we prohibit our gf's to have fun with a male friend, but not so with an ex? is the ex really more dangerous than a male acquintance? why is it?

 

[Being_the_Don]

it's possible man. you gotta teach her the right way. just as peter learnt that what he did was wrong. he just didn't know it until she told him.

The alien symbiote had something to do with that, though.

@ the OP,

Your gf's ex was with her before you. There was a reason why they broke up with each other. Do you know their history? How long were they together before they broke up? Who broke up with whom? How long was she single before she got together with you? How long have the two of you been dating?

You need to have answers to all of these questions because it affects your future with her. You said that the ex comes over to repair things. Okay, so how does he know that they're broken? Does she tell him? I remember you saying that he always initiates contact but when you throw in about the DVDs etc. I got to wondering about that. How does he know they're broken? Does she tell him? Does he listen to music or watch TV at her place? And who bought the DVDs anyway?

It appears that the ex is playing nice guy for his ex girlfriend. Often times women don't like the nice guy routine because it reeks of manipulation but these two have a history together so it's not your typical nice guy ploy. See, for the ex to be there doing these things which you should be doing, he is saying "See, your man is not man enough for you. You can do better. That's why I'm here."

Women can quickly up one guy's value while lowering another's at the same time. And guys are skilled (most of us anyway) at coyly lowering another guy's value to put doubts in a woman's mind. If a woman talks up one guy in front of another then she is saying that the guy she is praising is better than the other guy. Not always but it is often true. And in this case she is getting messages from her ex that he can be the guy for her. And when she asks you what you think about it, that could be innocent. But I'm thinking that she's testing you. If you don't react the way she thinks you should act then she'll have her answer. Now what that is ultimately you're going to have to find out for yourself. But no doubt she knows this is bothering you since you have mentioned it to her. So... just something to think about.

 

[ready123]

so, why does it okay to allow a girlfriend to go out with a male friend (some of you even encourage their gf's if they ask for permission), but it's not so with an ex? why is it seen as insecure if we prohibit our gf's to have fun with a male friend, but not so with an ex? is the ex really more dangerous than a male acquintance? why is it?

I'll point out, if you've ever tried to be friends with an ex, it's not a typical friendship because you guys knew each other intimately. It's wierd

But me personally, I'd let her hang out w/ him because if she's cheater, let her cheat now than later so I can move on. In a way, I look at it as a trust test for her and I know if she fails, I can replace her. But I'm the only one in this thread who thinks like this.

 

[aliasguy]

How you "handle" this is one thing. WHY it's happening is another. She's sorta "dating" her ex. Well, she IS dating her ex, as well as the OP....... dinners, "hanging out," him over at her house with him "fixing" things. This woman has TWO boyfriends, in reality, if not in "name."

Do you think the ex is really just being a "nice guy"? Do you think he doesn't want to hit it again? And all the talk about her being so naive is irrelevant, even if it's true (unlikely.)

She and he are both getting something out of this, otherwise they wouldn't be DOING it.

Are you two supposedly exclusive?


Open your eyes.


I'd vote for a preemptive breakup NOW. And move on. Lotta fish.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Your gf's ex was with her before you. There was a reason why they broke up with each other. Do you know their history? How long were they together before they broke up? Who broke up with whom? How long was she single before she got together with you? How long have the two of you been dating?

>>I don't know their exact history, but they were together for 6 months and she's the one that broke the relationship. She was single for 3 months, then have a new guy for 2 months, then a few weeks later got together with me. i've been dating her for about 7 months, exclusive 4+ months.

You need to have answers to all of these questions because it affects your future with her. You said that the ex comes over to repair things. Okay, so how does he know that they're broken? Does she tell him? I remember you saying that he always initiates contact but when you throw in about the DVDs etc. I got to wondering about that. How does he know they're broken? Does she tell him? Does he listen to music or watch TV at her place? And who bought the DVDs anyway?

>>he knew that it's broken because she told him on the phone when he called her. i don't know the reason why he called, though. actually she asked me first if i could repair her pc, but i was busy. if not for repairing, he comes over to borrow cd's, dvd's or just "wanna talk".


one thing that i must point out once again, he's currently in love with a girl that's already have a bf. and he often tell my gf about this problem!

 

[Fela Kuti]

Okay, there's one main thing that makes me think: By disapproving her talking to him, doesn't it make me seem INSECURE/JEALOUS? Won't it make her think that I don't trust her?