my gf wont do what i say to in public, i think cos she wants attention from other guy

[pete101]

im wondering if im being unreasonable.. im lying on the couch at a cafe just chilling reading things using the wifi on my phone and she calls me to tell me shes back from going out with her girls shopping today and wants to find me. so i tell her where i am, she comes in and tells me to move, im already comfortable and dont want to move so i make space for her.. then her girls come in too and tell me to move.. i look annoyed and tut cos i now have to get up and sit properly. then the 2 other girls take the seats next to me so my girl gets up and sits on a chair away from us to the side.

her friend moves so she can sit back next to me but my girl isn't sitting close as she normally does or shows affection like she normally does. we're in a campus cafe at college and she always like to show affection in public (even in inappropriate places she wants to kiss) but for some reason on campus in this cafe she doesnt seem to want to hold hands or even put her head on my chest.

i asked her to do it, she says no, i ask her why, she says she doesnt want to, i ask why again, she says she doesn't. im starting to get annoyed and tell her 'do it' she pulls away cos im ordering her about, so i go back to my phone using the wifi as i was reading something before she arrived (she told me to put it away and pay attention to her after her friends left) she tries to grab it from me, i go 'put your head on me or im not going to pay attention to you..' she's acting like a spoilt little girl and im not rewarding her with my attention if she doesn't do something so basic.

so she threatens me with that shes going to leave.. i call her bluff and go 'ok fine.. bye' she goes 'i mean it. im going now' i go 'ok bye bye' shes trying to read if im angry (we've had a lot of arguments the last week to the point where we're pretty much breaking up) then gets up and leaves.

i felt i shouldn't reward her behaviour with my attention was i right to or was i overreacting?

to me it seems like she wants guys in that cafe to know shes still available and doesn't want people to know we're a couple.. (she told me over the weekend she likes attention thats why she dresses up when shes out so people look at her) i questioned her why does she need the attention from guys, i should be enough for her. so i already had this in my mind.

we've been arguing so much that this little thing could split us up. how should i act next time i see her?

cos shes left some stuff in my room she needs like make up remover and shes going out partying tonight with her girls and some guys her friends know. im conscious that if shes p1ssed at me and drinks she may make out with 1 of the guys shes with even tho she really likes me cos she feels me and her are over. i wont know if shes cheated or not BUT i expect her to come to my room at like 3am to get her make up remover she really needs but will turn it into her wanting to stay over (even tho really she just wants the make up remover)

should i act like im ignoring her still? or just let it go?

im pretty good at predicting her behaviour. ive been such a good bf to her doing nice little small things for her but its like shes taking me for granted. but i can see her staying over just to get the make up thing, i was thinking about questioning her about this if she comes over but it could lead to a full blown argument given the past week. i dont really know what i should do.

i know i shouldn't reward spoilt behaviour but im wondering if im being unreasonable.

 

[bukowski_merit]

i asked her to do it, she says no, i ask her why, she says she doesnt want to, i ask why again, she says she doesn't. im starting to get annoyed and tell her 'do it' she pulls away cos im ordering her about, so i go back to my phone using the wifi as i was reading something before she arrived (she told me to put it away and pay attention to her after her friends left) she tries to grab it from me, i go 'put your head on me or im not going to pay attention to you..' she's acting like a spoilt little girl and im not rewarding her with my attention if she doesn't do something so basic.

you're BOTH acting like spoiled little girls...

so she threatens me with that shes going to leave.. i call her bluff and go 'ok fine.. bye' she goes 'i mean it. im going now' i go 'ok bye bye' shes trying to read if im angry (we've had a lot of arguments the last week to the point where we're pretty much breaking up) then gets up and leaves.

i felt i shouldn't reward her behaviour with my attention was i right to or was i overreacting?

you're both frustrated with each other... you're both overreacting... and YOU should not be talking to her in the logical way you do... you're essentially "testing her" openly... and women normally do not respond well to this... EVEN when their interest level is through the roof; yet alone when you're on the verge of breakup.

to me it seems like she wants guys in that cafe to know shes still available and doesn't want people to know we're a couple.. (she told me over the weekend she likes attention thats why she dresses up when shes out so people look at her) i questioned her why does she need the attention from guys, i should be enough for her. so i already had this in my mind.

your conclusion on why she doesn't snuggle with you seems a little far-fetched to me; if that was the case - she wouldn't do it anywhere; and believe it or not - you guys snuggling in public IS NOT going to keep other guys from wanting to get with her (she knows this too).... her dressing up for attention is really what most girls do... saying "i should be enough for you" isn't doing anything but making her realize that you aren't enough for her (pink elemphant principle)...

we've been arguing so much that this little thing could split us up. how should i act next time i see her?

like the way you acted when you initially attracted her... minus the games...

i know i shouldn't reward spoilt behaviour but im wondering if im being unreasonable.

you honestly sound like you're acting out on her behavior....

the #1 rule of passing a girls sh!t is????????? be unreactive....
this is pretty much universally taught no matter who the teacher/method/theorist is that being unreactive to her games is the best way to be... acting the same way she's acting - IS NOT being unreactive...

i believe the next most important thing to do is to reach her emotionally... especially when you're hanging on by a thread... you cannot reach her emotionally playing these games...

the final thing - if all else fails... is to break up with her before she breaks up with you...

 

[pete101]

you're BOTH acting like spoiled little girls...




you're both frustrated with each other... you're both overreacting... and YOU should not be talking to her in the logical way you do... you're essentially "testing her" openly... and women normally do not respond well to this... EVEN when their interest level is through the roof; yet alone when you're on the verge of breakup.




your conclusion on why she doesn't snuggle with you seems a little far-fetched to me; if that was the case - she wouldn't do it anywhere; and believe it or not - you guys snuggling in public IS NOT going to keep other guys from wanting to get with her (she knows this too).... her dressing up for attention is really what most girls do... saying "i should be enough for you" isn't doing anything but making her realize that you aren't enough for her (pink elemphant principle)...




like the way you acted when you initially attracted her... minus the games...




you honestly sound like you're acting out on her behavior....

the #1 rule of passing a girls sh!t is????????? be unreactive....
this is pretty much universally taught no matter who the teacher/method/theorist is that being unreactive to her games is the best way to be... acting the same way she's acting - IS NOT being unreactive...

i believe the next most important thing to do is to reach her emotionally... especially when you're hanging on by a thread... you cannot reach her emotionally playing these games...

the final thing - if all else fails... is to break up with her before she breaks up with you...

the thing is i f'd up last week cos she got fed up with me for getting jealous about her going clubbing with her girlfriends cos i didnt trust them or her with them cos they'd attract unwanted attention. she tells me on sat that she dresses up to get attention from guys as i said but thing is she's kinda like a summer fling gf cos shes only here for 5 weeks and we got kinda serious straight away and i didnt stay detached from the situation.

she was upset cos all her past bf's have trusted her she couldn't understand why i got jealous. it was my mistake in the 1st place cos i felt that girls from her country expected their men to be jealous otherwise they'd think you'd not care but everytime i'd ask her a question about when guys tried it with her if she went clubbing, instead of getting a reassuring answer she made me suspicious that i kept asking follow up questions that p1ssed her off.

we were at breaking point cos she came here to have fun and not to argue with her bf. i got mad at her cos she told me little white lies, like saying that no guys tried it with her the night before which i thought was bullsh1t then she told me later in the day that they did, i was p1ssed at the lying rather than that guys tried it with her. she didn't think it was a big deal i told her i break up with girls for this kind of lying.

its got to a stage where we only have limited time with each other and im putting way too much pressure on her time, and i know this, but for instance i choose the worst possible times to fight with her, i.e. this evening before she goes out clubbing with her friends. despite me realising shes a good girl and doesn't cheat shes still insecure and an attention seeker and wants guys to look at her isn't it conceivable that if she feels we're arguing way too much and has had enough, plus the fact she's on holiday here for only a few weeks, feels insecure and vulnerable, is ready to break up, is out dancing with her gf's and guy friends of the girls are going with them, they'd definitely try it with my girl no doubt, isn't it conceivable she'll probably dance with them/make out with them if she drinks too much?

i dont know if she'll be drinking a lot tonight to get over our fight but that could lead her to doing something irresponsible cos she thinks its over. im in a helpless situation and its my fault for getting into a summer relationship where i cant game other girls right now. i reap of insecurity but i feel that she may cheat cos these guys will try it with her in a drunken state.

her argument of not wanting her bf with her when she goes dancing with her girls is ridiculous if they have guys going with them to the club. thats the exact opportunity a guy like that if i was in their position would want. she'll be by herself, isolated without me, shes fair game, they'll be like 'wheres your bf?' she'll be like 'oh hes home we had a fight' then they can run game and i'm fvcked. it is my fault for getting into a silly argument but the principle is still there. im just an idiot for getting myself into this situation and realise what an afc i am for not only posting this but digging my own grave.

is there anyway i can figure out if shes cheated cos she'll obviously get p1ssed if i ask any intrusive questions, i need to almost read her body language or reaction to something indirect, or do i have to accept it may happen and i will never know?

it's making me p1ssed right now just thinking about my situation that if we didn't argue or it was tomorrow or any other day she wasn't going clubbing we'd be fine. grrr..

so are u saying when i see her tomorrow i should just forget about the argument and act normal?

i do so much for her she takes me for granted without even saying thank u, she says she appreciates the little things i do for her, but she never reciprocates, i told her this before when we were last arguing.

i feel i asked her to do 1 little thing showing affection for me so i just dont give her my attention, she's always trying to kiss me in public so it makes me question why she wont do it there its like shes trying to hide something. i know guys will still try it despite that, but it seems weird.

can i really tell tomorrow whether she's cheated with 1 of the guys who's gone clubbing with her?

the only way i can protect a situation like that is if i went with her, but she doesn't want me going with her so makes me not trust her. its fine if its just the girls who go but if they're bringing guys with them then it's more open to her talking to them, she had high IL before but after this argument and arguments we had before isn't it highly likely she may cheat?

i feel like an idiot if i spend my money on her acting like shes my gf and she's cheated tonight and wants me back tomorrow. theres no way she'll tell me that she had nor her friends will, so do i have to accept she may have and move forward?

 

[bukowski_merit]

she didn't think it was a big deal i told her i break up with girls for this kind of lying.

But you didn't with her... aka: you view her as higher than the other girls... look, i've done this before... in the past... i've said the exact same words... "i've broken up with girls for this"... and yet, there we are... not broken up...

despite me realising shes a good girl and doesn't cheat shes still insecure and an attention seeker and wants guys to look at her isn't it conceivable that if she feels we're arguing way too much and has had enough, plus the fact she's on holiday here for only a few weeks, feels insecure and vulnerable, is ready to break up, is out dancing with her gf's and guy friends of the girls are going with them, they'd definitely try it with my girl no doubt, isn't it conceivable she'll probably dance with them/make out with them if she drinks too much?

i don't think she's a good girl... but anyway - if you want a girl that doesn't go out much - you need to screen for this before you start relationships... and if you're in one and they suddenly begin to want to go out - you let them go out... and you either go out yourself... or let them go....




all the rest of the stuff only proves one thing: YOU care about your relationship a lot more than SHE does.... and guess what - the one who cares less controls the relationship....

you have sooo many terrible frames going right now... that I BELIEVE your best course of action is to get rid of her now...

you probably won't though... because i've been there before...

in the end you'll probably be kicking yourself for not doing it...

stop threatening and do... don't give her one last chance... give her NO last chance...

 

[pete101]

But you didn't with her... aka: you view her as higher than the other girls... look, i've done this before... in the past... i've said the exact same words... "i've broken up with girls for this"... and yet, there we are... not broken up...




i don't think she's a good girl... but anyway - if you want a girl that doesn't go out much - you need to screen for this before you start relationships... and if you're in one and they suddenly begin to want to go out - you let them go out... and you either go out
yourself... or let them go....




all the rest of the stuff only proves one thing: YOU care about your relationship a lot more than SHE does.... and guess what - the one who cares less controls the relationship....

you have sooo many terrible frames going right now... that I BELIEVE your best course of action is to get rid of her now...

you probably won't though... because i've been there before...

in the end you'll probably be kicking yourself for not doing it...

stop threatening and do... don't give her one last chance... give her NO last chance...

i think u really understand me and my situation, its like she feels i'd never break up with her.. and i probably won't given my lack of plates. she probably senses this.. i was like 'how do u know im not out seeing other girls etc?' she was like 'cos i can feel it..' thing is i was out with another girl last week, trying to get detached from my situation but thats failed so now im in a weak position.

she's leaving next week back to her country so do u still think i should break up with her?

will i even be able to find out if shes cheated tonight with 1 of the guys who went with them?

i dont know the guys so its not as if i can ask them how their night was.. unless i can read her body language or reaction from when i ask her how was her night.

she keeps telling me i should trust her and she was in tears last week cos of the arguing and that all her bf's trusted her.. she feels like as if what has she done to make me feel like that jealousy. to me logically everything she does or says in these situations is the wrong thing. the only consistency is she always says/does the wrong thing in each situation.

if im unreactive to her bullsh1t, do i just ignore her like i was before?

just dont say anything/do anything. she knows something is wrong but i wont tell her. just give her silent treatment then move on after a few mins.

i dont like her friends anymore, they're starting to really annoy me plus they keep drawing unneccesary attention from guys, they're not pretty like my girl so any guys who come into the group will be looking to get with her not them. they're deluded thinking these guys will go for them instead.

do u think she should want me to go clubbing with her if her friend is bringing guys with them to go clubbing in hope they'll hook up with her friend?

everytime i get jealous or argumentative she gets stressed upset and feel we're at the end of our relationship. so now i feel my hands are tied that i cant question her BS, but if i react in the way i did today its like then we're back to square 1.

it's my right to question her bad behaviour right? i just got to do it without talking down to her and do it in a neutral calm manner.

 

[DJDamage]

She is an AW that threaten you with a breakup and you are taking it all like a chump.

This is why you spin plates and why you don't settle for the first 18-22 year old college girl whom you got to tap because the majority of them are noterious AW's and they tend to replace their boyfriends every 3 months.

 

[londonzen]

he said "do it" lol