My friends screwed things up for me - any recovery advice?

[Jariel]

There has been a mutual interest between me and a female friend for some time now. Things were progressing slowly, but comfortably. Then (after I split with my girlfriend) we made out and agreed to go out together. Our plans were casual and we were both happy just to see how things would develop.

However, all our friends suddenly jumped to their own conclusions and started labelling us an item, putting us on the spot, congratulating us and spreading the word. They were telling me how much she's into me and warning me not to hurt her, and I suddenly felt like things were moving too fast and I felt this huge pressure on me. I spent all night thinking how I was going to get out of it! Anyway, it turns out the pressure got to her in the same way, she felt it was too serious too soon and we both agreed it wasn't working.

(As most of you should know by now, getting too serious too soon is a big AFC mistake!)

So we're back to being platonic friends, with no prospects at all. However, I want more than that and I'm getting strong indications (and hearing from her friends) she wants more than that too, but just need to take things at our own pace.

Is there any way of getting back to where we were before our friends intervened? I'm really not sure what to suggest to her so any advice would be welcome.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

just flat out ask her if she was aware that it was your friends who were pushing it and making things seem like it was alot ore serious than it actually was

Tell her you'd like to take things at your pace... not the pace they think you should go at.... it's between you and her, and not them.

Are your friends 12yrs old, by chance? that's just really odd.

I would say something to them, myself. tell them to shut the fvck up, next time.

it sorta reminds me of being 13 yrs old and hookin up with the pretty girl, and the second it happened all my other friends who secretly wanted her too, would run around the playground shouting it.... lol it's just really lame, man... sorta like they're trying to sabotage you, or they really don't get it

 

[Jariel]

Thanks, and I think this is probably what I'll do and hopefully we can somehow rewind things somewhat.

And I agree, my friends were acting like 12year olds. I don't think they meant to sabotage things, but they saw it as their duty to push us closer together because we were moving too slow (by their standards). I have told them I didn't appreciate their interference.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

In conclusion: Your "friends" no longer serve a purpose as a dating outlet.

 

[Double]

why do you make everything so complicated

scenario1 - you both whine about your friends that they stress you out and stuff.....so you as the man say yeah so lets do it the way we want to do it and take it slow and see how things go. she smiles and agrees.

scenario2....same as above but she keeps on *****ing about all this "pressure" and that she doesnt want to date now because of this horrible horrible selfmade "pressure"........not saying that this is a definitive next but whats up with a girl who is single and doesnt want to date you? think about it

so what scenario is it now....i have the impression that you agreed with her that you should just go back to being friends instead of telling her to do it your way and take it slow.....which made the situation complicated which you seem to love

 

[smoke city]

jariel -- i wouldn't worry about it. if you two really are hot for each other, the crap your friends are saying won't carry much weight for very long. just go back to hanging out with her and let things take their natural course...

 

[Jariel]

You guys are right. This seems a bit too dramatic and complicated, and I've caught myself before falling into that "how to put things right" trap.

I'm just going to take a step back now and see what happens.