My Friends Just Buy Me Stuff, Don't Want Or Expect Anything in Return

[davidcarr]

They buy me tickets, they buy me drinks, they buy me food, just minor stuff. But once they ask, they don't even wait for an answer, they just buy it. So I have to accept or else it goes to waste. So I'm stuck saying yes. It's not like I hate what they buy me, it's great.

I can pay them back, but it's not mandatory. I try to do the same, buying food and drinks, but I've gotten multiple refusals. They're like 'I got this,' or my female friends will just walk away from the bar and drag me away. They don't even say 'you get the next round' or wait for me to pay for that next round, they just pay. Shrugs.

I'm starting to feel like a mooch. We're all at a similar income level I assume. We have money but we're not billionaires or trust fund babies.

I don't count nickels but I'm having trouble getting friends to accept these types of gifts in return. None of these occasions is a big deal in and of itself, but it's become a pattern. At least I'm staring to notice.

Maybe I should just jump the gun and pay next time and use their same strategy.

 

[Serenity]

I too have friends like that. You have to think kinda backwards about this. Instead of everyone keeping track of how much they've paid others they keep track of how much others spent on them, just like you are doing now. It is a lot nicer to insist on paying rather than demand others to pay though. This works fine as long as everyone in the group has the same philosophy, it breaks down if one guy abuses it. So it is a trust based system where you trust the others to have a sense of wanting to keep it balanced by paying another time.

Although an exact record is not kept, the one guy that never pays or offers to pay will be noticed. So if you want to be a part it's better to contribute, insist on it especially if you notice you have been given more than you have given back.

 

[davidcarr]

I think I'm reasonably conscientious about this.

Even if I decline however, they 'force' me to accept. Meaning like I said, they don't take no for an answer and buy no matter what.

I insisted on buying drinks for a female friend. She dragged me away from the bar. I actually owed her money. But she accepted a free drink from another female friend. So that was a head scratcher.

Next time I won't ask. I'll just buy.