My Friends are Holding me Back

[Alkali]

I had a group of solid 7s eating out of my hand. Completely, I was 100% in control.

I told them that they should stop by and hang out with me at lunch.

They eagerly agreed.

They came, they saw, they left. I'm a rather observant person.

They were not pleased with the friends I choose to hang out with.

My friends are all great...just not at first.

My closest friends, who I've known since I was in elementry, are either:

1. Quiet and Intelligent (Wierd at first)

2. Loud and Stupid (Annoying at first)

3. Horny and have no Sense of control (Too friendly at first)

Looking back on it, I typically get more numbers when I'm by myself.

I'm not going to ditch my best friends...but this is a problem. I want hot girls. I can't have both.

At the moment I'm leaning towards finding a girlfriend.

Isolating myself from my best friends and fooling around with her crowd during school hours.

On the positive side, this would widen my possibilities and increase my social appeal.

As well as land me some hot ass.

On the negative side, I would only be hanging out with my buddies after school in my spare time.

They might take it personally.

 

[Derek Flint]

One of the best things I've ever done in my life is to get rid of all the deadweight and all the "energy vampires" in my life.

I have no place in my life for people who are holding me back from reaching my goals, regardless if they are personal or professional.

They won't change. You will.

It's up to you to prioritize what is more important to you:

Progressing personally and professionally, or hanging around with "friends" who prevent you from progressing.

It's a tough call, but there is no in-between.

Either they get on board and get with it, or they get dropped.

No, you can't have both. It doesn't work.

 

[Alkali]

Hmm. I don't like that answer, but at the same time, I think it's the one I'm looking for.

I realize that I need to cut ties (they aren't capable of adapting) but I'd like to know how.

 

[Derek Flint]

I've been where you've been.

The only way to do it is brutal honesty.

There is no easy way to do it.

I don't envy your position, as I've been there and done that. Lot of guilt and hard feelings come with the decision, but in the long run, it's for the best.

Good Luck.

 

[Alkali]

Kind of ironic. People generally describe me as brutally honest.

When I actually want to pad the blow God snickers at my situation.

Well, alright Derek, thanks for the advice. I'll take it seriously.

However, I'm in no rush to do this.

I'll probably bump this tomorrow for a few more opinions.

Considering the gravity of the situation and being better safe than sorry.

Or is that a load of crap? Safe is certainly worse than sorry in a DJ's world.

 

[PhilippeUrielAmancio]

I've been where you've been.

The only way to do it is brutal honesty.

There is no easy way to do it.

I don't envy your position, as I've been there and done that. Lot of guilt and hard feelings come with the decision, but in the long run, it's for the best.

Good Luck.

Alkali, keep your eyes open for guys who have the same goals and drive that you do. Make friends with them and start hanging out with them.

I'm only 22, but like Derek said, over the past couple years I've gradually phased out friends who hinder my personal goals. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision, but more growing apart. I want to move up in my profession, and I want to meet beautiful women. I hang out with people who want the same thing.

If you stick to your goals, and be-friend other people with similar motives, you'll be surprised how your desires change. You'll probably look back in two years and be shocked at the changes in your social circle.

 

[Alkali]

Wow, thanks for the insight. It seems simple but you framed your thoughts flawlessly.

So would you suggest brutal honesty in a confrontation? Or just a casual, exponential trade off?

 

[PhilippeUrielAmancio]

Another thing...

Alkali, you said you've been friends with these guys since elementary school. If I'm not mistaken, you were basically forced to be friends with these guys. There are only so many people to hang out with in elementary school...

It sounds like you are still in school (correct me if I'm wrong). You'll naturally begin to meet more people, as long as you are outgoing and sincere. These are people you CHOOSE to be friends with, rather than people who were randomly placed in your 25-person class.

 

[PhilippeUrielAmancio]

Alkali, I still hang out with a few of the biggest chodes on the planet. But I'm at a point where it doesn't hinder me anymore. It's not necessarily getting rid of your old friends that matters. It's adding new friends who can help you get to a new level. Eventually, you might be better friends with these new people than you were with the old guys... And that's when you'll look back and say, "damn... I used to hang out with so-and-so all the time..."

But good friends are good friends. I used to play Super Nintendo all the time when I was young. Then I upgraded to Playstation and Playstation 2. But I still like playing Super Nintendo...

And I'm still good at Playstation 2....

See what I mean?

 

[Alkali]

Right, I'm in my senior year, but it's a little more complicated than you make it out to be.

These are kids I typically spend at least four hours a day with...for the past ten years.

It's true, there is a smaller selection in elementry, but there is a selection all the same.

Our values are different though. They have no ambition and aren't outgoing.

However, I know plenty of people that I'd consider friends.

I hang out with them in class (my clique is in lower levels) and greet them at lunch.

But I rarely spend time with them (other friends) other than that aside from the occasional invite.

When I say friends, I mean my "group."

A group that I somehow have to stop spending time with and alienate to another.

It's going to be wierd, maybe even akward at first.

 

[Alkali]

Alkali, I still hang out with a few of the biggest chodes on the planet. But I'm at a point where it doesn't hinder me anymore. It's not necessarily getting rid of your old friends that matters. It's adding new friends who can help you get to a new level. Eventually, you might be better friends with these new people than you were with the old guys... And that's when you'll look back and say, "damn... I used to hang out with so-and-so all the time..."

But good friends are good friends. I used to play Super Nintendo all the time when I was young. Then I upgraded to Playstation and Playstation 2. But I still like playing Super Nintendo...

And I'm still good at Playstation 2....

See what I mean?

Nice anecdote. But that's not my (exact) problem. My problem isn't my friends.

It's that my group of friends repel girls.

I need to spend time with a different group of friends.

I don't know how to do this.

 

[PhilippeUrielAmancio]

To be honest, it's almost impossible in high school. Everyone is so relyant on friends. If you stop hanging out with them regularly, they'll get pissed. When you're done with high school, everything changes. The cliques disappear, and everybody becomes more independent and self-confident.

You're clearly already ahead of the game. For now, just enjoy the fact that you are setting yourself up perfectly for your prime. Focus on meeting new people from outside your school. If that doesn't happen, just be happy that you're only one year away from a new beginning.

 

[The Sperminator]

Are you really willing to ditch your good friends? You can still get girls just do it when you are by yourself don't lose your friends all together. It's hard to find good friends now and days.

 

[bigshot]

Make friends with everyone!
I hang out with different crowds everyday, girls notice

 

[DonDan]

You are who you surround yourself with.

So if ur friends are like that, it makes me wonder what you're like.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You are who you surround yourself with.

So if ur friends are like that, it makes me wonder what you're like.

If you've been friends with people damn near your entire life you don't just push them aside because you've grown and they're mentally arrested.

It's called loyalty you fvcking idiot. We see from your childish response who YOU really are. Dumbass.


Alkali, young brother, the best thing for you to do is to suggest your friends follw your lead. Some will be hesitant, some may take you up on it. For those who do, become thier mentor. It will improve every aspect of who you will become and accelerate your maturity ten fold. For those who choose to stay stagnant, I am in complete agreement with brother D.F. and you'll need to hack those cancerous limbs off of you.

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

I have one golden rule,pick good friends and if girls don't like your friends tell the girls to **** off.And what are you doing inviting 7 girls to a get-together with your friends in the first place? Date them in rotation and see your friends too.

Now if it were your friends that insisted on setting up the get-together you have no right to ***** and moan cause afterall you invited them for them.

 

[B4IFURU18?]

If you're in high school, it's going to make this very difficult. The ****ty thing about high school is it's hard to meet new friends when you've been there for three years already. If you were a Freshman, this would be easier as there's a culmination of many different people coming into one high school.

This is hard because you've been in school for three years, and you have established a group. The sad thing about high school is that it's so clique'y.

I never had this problem in HS, I valued my friends over getting women. Women didn't start chasing me until I was in college. High School wasn't about getting girls, for me anyway, I had much more going on. That makes it difficult for me to give you good ideas on how to expand your social circle.

Being that there are so many affiliations (many groups) in high school, it makes it very hard to break into another one. Unless you were say, a skateboarder who plays baseball (like me). I had my skater friends, and I had my baseball friends. I could manage hanging out with both groups. Never did I merge groups, that's really not possible...

Never get rid of good friends, get more of them...

 

[kdnash82]

Growing up, my mom always told me to associate with people who want more out of life. If you ever associate with someone who stops being greedy about what they want in life, then there is a problem.

 

[J-Bone]

All my friends used to kinda do the same. one of em would point out our flaws to make himself look better and be loud and the other would gross them out and the other would never make the move. so i slowly told them little nicks and nacks of things i done successfully and eventually they started catching on. now all my best friends are the same best friends but they are all mack level with me and they even pull the wingman approaches with me like a swing of the bat. just don't criticize them too hard but rather tell them your secrets slowly enough that they wont feel like your trying to change them but make them wanna steal your secrets.