My friends are bums, how can I get out more?

[El Don]

Im single and want to go out all the time and have fun and meet other girls and everything but my friends never want to go out. I dont have alot but the ones I hang out with all have a g/f and so I guess they really feel no need to go out and party. They got someone already and I guess are fine sittin at home with them every weekend. Im tired of it.

I want to go out and try to get them to go but they don't want to. They rather just watch some movies or chill at their place with their g/fs every weekend. Im just getting frustrated because I cant meet other girls or go out period because they dont feel any need to because they are tied down I guess. I dont want to go to parties or the club or out by myself. What can I do to get them to go out or do anything at all or what should I do?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Hmmmm, ever think of going out yourself finding a different set of friends? It's sad that you are limiting yourself because you don't have the balls to go out alone and all you can do is sit around and complain about your other people.

 

[Wiesman44]

hey man, I used to be in your exact same situation. Its hard to tell u what to do over forums.

Send me an instant message over AIM if u'd like. SN is in my profile.

 

[Koopa]

im having the same problem but working on getting new friends and expanding networks.. unfortunately its hard to stay in touch with different groups

buddies' girlfriends are real succubuses, aint they?

 

[Wiesman44]

yep

 

[El Don]

im trying to get new friends but it can get frustrating sometimes. Ill be hittin you up wiesman thanks

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't get the difficulty with expanding your social circle. You go someplace and do something that you enjoy doing and most likely there are other people there that enjoy doing it too! And guess what? You already have something in common to talk about, whatever it is you are doing! Find more things that you enjoy doing and you can expand your social circle by at least those many things.

 

[nonchalant]

I don't get the difficulty with expanding your social circle. You go someplace and do something that you enjoy doing and most likely there are other people there that enjoy doing it too! And guess what? You already have something in common to talk about, whatever it is you are doing! Find more things that you enjoy doing and you can expand your social circle by at least those many things.

the concept is not difficult, but it takes a long time and is frustrating to build a social circle.

i'm interested in hearing wiseman's advice.

 

[st_99]

I'm in the same situation. My social circle has dwindled to next to non-existent for various reasons. I find myself wanting to go out, have a blast and just enjoy life but without much of a social circle I cant do it. I've never been good at expanding my social circle and its finally starting to catch up to me. Always been the type to be very loyal to people that I've known for a long time but have trouble getting comfortable with and befriending new people..sux.

 

[protienpowder]

i'll be hitting you up also wiseman

 

[PowertripII]

uhm.. go out by yourself? Initiate conversation with others?

It's really not hard.. I've switched friend-sets a few times over the years. You just have to be willing to make it happen.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

These guys just aren't social and the base their activities around whatever the "group" is doing. They don't want to go out on their own and they think it's a monumental endeavor to make friends. I guess this could be true if you a social type of person in the first place. I'd suggest that they just take an on-line class on becoming a hermit, it'll be much easier.

 

[manbearpig]

These guys just aren't social and the base their activities around whatever the "group" is doing. They don't want to go out on their own and they think it's a monumental endeavor to make friends. I guess this could be true if you a social type of person in the first place. I'd suggest that they just take an on-line class on becoming a hermit, it'll be much easier.

Well, some people in this world have pretty strong social anxiety. I have a cousin like this, his brother used to joke about him going to McDonald's and ordering a hamburger, and the person at the register asks him "would you like fries with that?" and he runs out screaming "STOP ****ING WITH ME!!", lol.

Asperger's syndrome is similarly socially crippling. You may have to look it up most people aren't familiar with it. I actually have it. It makes things harder, I admit. But what can I do? Just troop on I suppose. I have it and thats that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_Syndrome

 

[d9930380]

yea - unfortunately you can't get friends to do anything if they have a girlfriend. Unfortunately you can't blame them either. Why go to a club if your not single - and it's also hassle to take their girl there too as he has to put up with blokes hitting on her all night.

It's even worse if you live with one - he didn't when we moved in. I have brought it up a few times and he keeps "saying" the right things and then nothing changes. I've given up and I'm waiting for the contract to end, although I won't be telling him that because i don't want him to start "acting" how I would like him and then returning to form once it's signed, which is what he will do. I've made my mind up and that's it.

I don't really know how to fix this problem. Changing job is normally what I do. But you could also join a club (maybe golf). Taking an add in the personals. But it's tough for people like me (I have aspergers too), I'm not great in groups although I'm diamond in a one-to-one situation.

 

[spider_007]

I think this is a huge sticking point for a lot of guys....including me.

Social skills are a HUGE part of being a complite person, and getting plenty of pvssy. Unfortionetly most of the guys on this forum are the type you seen in highschool, who maybe had one friend or even worse; no friends.

The unfortionate thing is, it's really hard making friends after highschool. Most people are happy with the circle of GOOD friends that they already have. If you wanna make new friends, you have to put in a major effort. You got to make them think that your are this crazy fun guy who they would just love to hang out with.

or

I like to take the easy way out. If you are exposed to the same thing as another person for a perlonged period of time, you'll have a small conection with that person on which you can build on....Examples of this would be; Taking a class, and sitting next to somebody (instead up in the front row, alone), Going to the same bar (or any place) offten and seeing same people there, Talk to people at work, the might not like you at first, but they usually warm up to you...

One thing i had to work on is recognizing the signs of interast, and actually put in an effort to be a friends with somebody.....

it's a slow process for most of us, and it can take years....

I kept in touch with a guy i knew from previous job....i met couple of people through him....i met another guy at school (old guy) and got into this "Hystorical society" where we are rebuilding a WWII musquito bomber, and se5a scout plane.....there i met couple of other older guys (late 40's)....

I took a class in school, met couple of people in it, but i blew it....

took another class, met a nice chick.....hang out with her at school bar.....at the end of the semester me and another guy are exchanging phone numbers, and she pulls her phone out.....any way i blew it (as expected). Run into her later, blew it again....

it's a slow and painfull process. You just got to putt in the effort, and recognize the signs, and eventually you'll have friends....

 

[manbearpig]

Because of my A.S., recognising signs correctly is the difficult part for me.

And I WAS that kinda guy in High School, Spider. I had one real friend, and that was toward the end. I've found out its even more difficult to make friends in the real world than back then.

 

[Tomatoes]

I remember when I was expanding my friends network....Its easy. I did during the England game....Made friends with a sound group of lads....

Very very strange number closing a bloke.......

But it works for me. Expand your social network. Dont waste time trying to change your current friends.

 

[manbearpig]

Its not easy for me due to my A.S., Tomatoes. I'm not trying to say I can't(because if I take that attitude why post here?) but I'm saying that I have to work at it a lot more than most people.

 

[spider_007]

Its not easy for me due to my A.S., Tomatoes. I'm not trying to say I can't(because if I take that attitude why post here?) but I'm saying that I have to work at it a lot more than most people.

-QUIT YOU DAMN WINNING!!!!!!!

-QUIT THE STUPID SELF-DIAGNOSIS!!!!!!!!


if you recognize that something is wrong with you, and you know what is worng, then there is nothing stoping you from changing other then your own stupid pride, self puitty, and negative thinking.

TRUST ME I KNOW, I'M LIKE THAT TOO!!!

It's like; "Look at me, i have it harder then anybody else". NEWS FLASH, NOBODY CARES.

.......LOOK AROUND, nobody cares more about you then YOU!!!!!!!

 

[manbearpig]

You're a moron. You do realise A.S. is a nuerological disorder, it has nothing to do with how sorry you do or don't feel about yourself. Get a ****ing brain.