My First FR

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Alright, so all this is "after the fact" but I will appreciate any input you men can give me. I just had the weirdest fling of my life. We started hanging out two weeks ago, roughly a month prior to that I would see her out once a week or so. I could tell she had a crush on me, but I slow cooked her.

Two saturdays ago, I covered the graduation of a local university. Lo and behold, she was the valedictorian. I run into her, and she acts spastic to see me.

HB8: "What are you doing here?"
Me: "I'm a Reporter."

After that, it was on. Last week, sh!t got out of hand. She was texting me constantly all day long, calling me twice a day, and wanted to see me EVERY day. The bad part is, I caved. I gave her what she wanted. When we were together, I felt awkward alot of the time, because I didn't know what to make of her behavior. This girl was the most "Anti-Rules" Girl I've ever met, she was the biggest female AFC ever. She would constantly tell me how hot, great, and smart I am. She would say "I don't know why you would be interested in me." I'm 26, she's 22, btw. She was an insecure mess, I felt sorry for her. She got divorced awhile ago, married for 6 months, couldn't wait to tell me of how her husband cheated on her and was addicted to porn, etc. Claimed to have had sex with two guys, and drilled me to no end about how many girls I had slept with. Constantly asked me if I was a player, it probably didn't help that everybody (girls and chodes I'd never met alike) told her about what a "big player" I am. She cried when she got drunk too.

I had a BIG red flag in my gut the whole time, but I admit I came to feel sorry for her. My Captain Save-a-Ho didn't make it out into the light of day, but I gave her some objective praise. Sunday night I was working on a story, and took a break to get on Facebook for a second. She was on, started talking to me, we talked for a few mins then I got off. I get this text "Well, goodnight!" When I called her monday, no answer, no return call. None since. WTF? My questions are as follows:

1. Regardless of how hard she came after me, was I wrong to hang out with her so much? Can you give them too much, even when they're begging for it?

2. Is this one a throw away?

Thanks gents

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

No. Everything else though. It was a purely logistical matter that we didn't shag (I had to move back in with the rents, she as well).

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

"Shy guy act"? If you take my reference to feeling awkward around her as being that, I understand what you mean. It was awkward because she was just constant with the telling me how great I am and being massively insecure about herself. I was thinking, "If I acted this way around her, what the h3ll would she do?" I liked her alright, but she threw me off with all that. I didn't know how to respond to the barrage of compliments and insecurity. So I see where I may have came off as shy or awkward.

Another thing I did wrong, I think, was to give her so much of myself. She was just push push push, fast fast fast. It seemed like not seeing me was breaking her up. I wasn't all that in to her to begin with, maybe my interest grew from all the stuff she was staying and her wanting to be with me so much. I don't know, this one was weird, but now I miss her a bit.

DonS, what was your mistake?

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Do you think I should drop her? Can over supply really kill such fanatical initial interest?

It sounds like you dropped the 23 year old.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

Thanks DonS. I give myself the credit that it wasn't me calling, texting, and wanting to be with her constantly; we know how that one would've went. I just should've maintained my frame by not giving in to seeing her so much. I think good ol attachment to outcome creeped in on me, because I liked this girl chasing me all the time, and was afraid that if I didn't see her, she would stop. As always, fear ended up being the enemy behind the scenes.

But this is how we learn!

 

[Jeffst1980]

This was a textbook example of one of those insidious s#it tests that confounds so many.

A girl displays ULTRA HIGH interest to make the guy think it's safe to stop acting DJ, then when he does, she cuts him off.

She might start by talking about all kinds of future plans of things they can do together, and will compliment him to the point that he feels uncomfortable. In other words, she will generate ABSOLUTELY NO CONFLICT and demonstrate a willingness to show inexplicable high interest before getting to know a guy. All she seems to want in return is that you go along at her pace.

This is just a front, however; what she REALLY wants is for you to SLOW THINGS DOWN and even appear to be turned off by her aggressiveness. It sounds counterintuitive, but that's how she knows she's got a DJ. In fact, all that talk about you being a "player" actually HELPED your cause.

Having allowed her to set the pace of the relationship, you surrendered all control to her, and fast. It's crucial that, no matter how much they beg or tell you they aren't a game player, you stick to the script and make them wonder about if you like them.

Of course, this isn't normal behavior for a girl, and girls that pull such a massive s#it test are way too manipulative to consider for an LTR. She will probably end up married several times to wealthy AFC's and ultimately break their hearts.

If you want to continue this game, wait till she contacts you. Don't question her or appear mad or confused; act aloof and distracted. Tell her you have another call midway through and that you'll call her right back. Then don't call back. She'll try again to get in touch with you out of her need for validation--get her to come to YOU on YOUR terms without disrupting your schedule. Then, escalate from there.

If she doesn't give you intimacy, you don't give her dates. Otherwise, it's just not equitable. Women like this are attracted to the guy that works the LEAST to attract them.