my first date with an older chick

[improvingdonjuan]

I will give as much detail as I can.

I asked this chick who's 21 and we had already flirted so much and she had given me all the green lights. being my first date with a girl in a long time i made some mistakes but i just have to learn from them.

first mistake i envited her out but i wasnt sure where to take her so i invited her to the block (there are lots of stuff to do there, caffes, restaurants, clubs, videogames, movies, stores, so on)
we walked around alot joking flirting and all that
since the moment she got in the car i sensed that she was trying to convince herself that this was not going to work out because i was so young and all that (well she kinda leveled the field with those comments cause im so ****y,and funny that i was basically making her feel like I WAS EVALUATING HER)

when we got there i couldnt decide where to go so i told her i couldnt find the place so we walked around then
i made a comment
"why are you getting so closed to me, you want to hold hands dont you?,......well ok ill hold your hand only cause my hands are cold" (it was pretty cold out)

so we walked around holding hands, and joking laughing and i would put my arms around her. she used kino on me and i was using it on her too. we went to a restaurant and we ordered our own thing she offer me to share food. I bought two orders and she asked me to buy one drink so we could share it.
we talked about our goals,our plans, history, lots of C+F from her and from me.

then i decided to go for the kiss i complimented her lips but i wussed out, then we talked some more i started running my hands down her cheek and looking at her lips i started moving closer slowly but again i felt so nervous (but i said screw this i have to do this, im afraid, why? of what? ) since the moment had passed i said "you know what i feel like doing?" she said yeah ...."lets go take a walk" i said "no not yet " she said "i know what youre upto but you have to ask permission first"
i said "no, i never ask permission" so i proceeded to go for it but just as my lips were about to touch hers she turned her face so i ended up kissing her cheek. (my ego felt hurt, i felt rejected, i could understand it cause i was conviced this girl liked me, she would let me touch her hair, smell it, we drank from the same straw, same cup, we held hands, we huged, so much eye contact, this girl had high IL, she found excuses to be around me all the time)

after the failed kiss my ego automatically nexted her and i backed off, no more kino , no more C+f , i asked her questions i will never ask again
"why didnt you let me kiss you?" answer " i dont kiss just every guy who asks me out"
(an even stupider question)
" i could have sworn you liked me, thats why i asked you out to see if you were worth persuing a relationship with"
so since i was asking for it she gave me what i did not want to hear LETS JUST BE FRIENDS for now.
(another ego blow) I said "for now?........no forever until i get bored and stop talking to you" so she smiled and she wanted to go to a store so we went. then she wanted me to help her pick out clothes for her like an AFC (another ego blow)
i told her i wasnt interested instead she should HELP ME PICK OUT SOME STUFF so she did but didnt like the clothing she has good taste.
then she insisted but i said "no you can go if you want but i dont like shoping" i walked out of the store and thought about how things had changed instantly ever since my questions. i went back in cause i saw her looking all over for me so i hid and made a C+F coment.

she told me something about a purse and how her girlfriends were fun shoping with i answered "BUT I am not your girlfriend. lets go)

as we walked she started flirting with me again and using kino i responded with my usual C+F and kino and we had fun i told her i lifted weight in high school and she touched my chest and comented on my muscles so i responded with "yeah but nothing but fat in yours though" and i touched her breast she smiled and said if it wasnt me she would have slaped someone who touched her like that. more C+f and we huged and flirted but i was more distant.

basically i treated her as a friend in the car and we talked about sex but i mentioned my ex and stuff she asked questions and she talked about her culture (we are both hispanic but from different nationality) as i took her home and we talked i let her know that her chances with me were gone.

finally she tried kissing me good bye (on the cheek) after doing kino in the car i back away and she tried again i backed away again so she said " come on improvingdonjuan im just trying to say bye" i said "bye" her "give me a kiss on the cheek (almost saying please)"
so i did and then i said now you give ME a kiss on the cheek and she did, then asked when we would see each other agian i said "we wont" her "never? (with a sad tone) i said ill be busy for the rest of this month .

so that was it. good learning experience. i HAVE LOTS TO LEARN
now help me with suggestion on how i should handle the situation for next time with a different chick. or if this chick persues me then i might give her a chance but how to handle it since i blew it

 

[Tails]

ouch. i think maybe she just wants attention. it wasn't your fault. maybe the kiss was too early.

 

[Caveman]

Hey improving...

Imo you lost control when you said: "Do you know what I feel like?" If the moment to kiss is there, don't mention it. Just go for it.

I think her comment about how you should ask permission was a test. Ever since that moment she has been playing you around.
Even though you answered that you never ask for permission (which I thought was a good answer), I think you screwed up by acting like a little girl whining (why won't you kiss me? i thought you liked me?) It's good you realize this girl is a goner because she is. She can never have respect for you since you gave her what she wanted when she wanted it. And you backed-off when she wanted you to back-off. She was in total control. The fact that she didn't slap you for squeezing her boobs, just points out that at that time you already turned into a girlfriend.

After your loss of control you desperately tried to prove how you're a man by saying you don't like shopping and that you were not one of her g/fs but by then it was too late. You already lost her respect. Besides that: Don't SAY you don't like shopping. SHOW her. Don't SAY you're not her girlfriend: SHOW her. (preferably use a little humour in this: Don't follow her around the store with a bored face, but try and make some playful jokes about girls and shopping)

Don't worry about it. Learn from it. It's good how you realize when you're doing something wrong. Get up and try again.

 

[Tails]

hang on, so he lost the game all because he said: "Do you know what I feel like?"

sh!t, lol. gotta be careful what you say ey bro.

 

[Caveman]

Well yeah... Say one wrong word and they'll cut your willie off! Life's tough.. LOL

But seriously, All would not have been lost if he hadn't continued to screw things up the way he did. I think in this case his worst mistake was to start whining about why she wouldn't kiss him. I think thats where she lost respect.

 

[Tails]

also him trying to kiss on first date maybe? i guess all the signs were good enough. but if she moved away i woulda just said something like: "hey, don't get too use to that, i might not kiss you again."

with a smile of course!

 

[Caveman]

I don't think there's anything wrong with kissing on the first date but I suppose there are some girls still that won't. Since this is a mature or older chick I don't think it is the case here. I don't even believe he moved too soon but that can only be judged within the situation itself. You can FEEL when you can move in. I think it has been her plan to test this guy by telling him he needs permission.

Your answer would have been a good reply. Accompanied by a smile even better. But not if followed by an immediate second try. It would show her you don't take crap and YOU are the prize. Not her. The worst thing to do is let her know it makes you feel rejected.

 

[Don_Marko]

hold on here... I don't think all is lost and actually he's done quite well especially since he hasn't been in the game for a while!
Mistakes were made as pointed out but he definitely scored majour points with lots of kino, touching her breast, and bunch of kisses. On top of all that she definitely wants to see him again and it looks like he learned a lot. I would classify this as a successful date!
Besides it looks like you still might get some with this girl, as you stand out in the society full of AFCs, (yes you had some AFC moments but you can sense DJ waking up deep inside of you
I would advice you to wait untill SHE CALLS, (which she most likely will) set up a date (make sure that YOU DECIDE on date and location) and then bust out some game (C&F, hot-cold (be interested one moment, then distant the next, so she can't figure you) and next time when you go in for a kiss you should do better, if not then just scream: NEXT!!!

Good luck homie

 

[Caveman]

I still believe he should next her cuz she already turned him into a girlfriend but improvingdonjuan: if you decide to continue with this chick, keep us posted. If you can turn from g/f to b/f or f/b, I will bow my head to both you AND Don_Marko..

* runs off to start practicing bowing of head *

 

[backbreaker]

actually, you made a couple of mistakes, but I am not here to talk about you, but to help, so here goes:

First, you didn't have a plan of action. dating is like war. you have to have a course of action and a desired outcome to each date with a woman. You said you just invited her to the block and when you got there you didn't know what do to. No woman wants a man who isn't in control. By pre-planning the date from top to bottom, she would not only be impressed, you would be less stressed, and you look like you are in control.


"why are you getting so closed to me, you want to hold hands dont you?,......well ok ill hold your hand only cause my hands are cold" (it was pretty cold out)"

She was not being a **** tese, she was flirting with you. Learn to reconigize when women flirt and learn to flirt back. You entered her personal area, and she not only acknowldeged it, but she accecpted you in.

"we talked about our goals,our plans, history, lots of C+F from her and from me."

This is when you start to see the effects of not having a game plan. Your goal, is to date this woman. To do that, she has to think of you sexually. You don't get a woman thinking about you sexually by talking about your or her future goals. You can be ****y and funny all you want, but if you don't say AND do things that make you seem deseriable in her eyes, you will be a ****y and funny friend.

Don't necessarly talk about you and her having sex (as a matter of fact, don't). But ask things like, "what's the most romantic thing a guy has every done for you" or "Describe your perfect date" or something like that. You said you did use kinko, so that's good.


"no, i never ask permission"


This was a nut check. And you failed. You should have grabbed her, looked deep into her eyes, and kissed her without saying a word. To funny, you could have asked afterwards.

No reason to get down because she rejected your kiss. Guys please, pretty please learn that different woman are DIFFERENT. Some don't like to be kissed on the first date. Some llike to have SEX on the first date.

JUST BECAUSE SHE SAID NO NOW, DOESN'T MEAN IT'S FOREVER.

She could just feel like she doesn't know you yet. for all you know,s he could feel like her breath is not right and doesn't want you to think her breath is always like that.

The way to tell is what was her reaction when she kissed you. Did she just say no? Did she move back and say something like "I don't like you like that"?

"why didnt you let me kiss you?"

Don't ever I mean EVER ask a girl this. It's your job to find out, not hers to tell you.

A couple of other notes, assuming this was your first date, it was entirely too long. NEVER keep a first date longer than an hour and a half max. Just long enough to peak her interest, and leave, I dont' care how much you are "clicking".

Don't ever talk about past gf's until you are dating, even if she brings it up. If your hand is forced, say something wonderful aobut this girl and move on. For instance "Yeah, me and so and so were a pretty good couple and she was fun to be around"

All and all, you didn't do TOO bad, you did what the average joe would do, but this girl is interested in you, but she is giving you opprotunity after opprotunity to be a man.

You have to make a move, and fast. That's really it. What else do you thnink she is hanging around you for? Even if she isn't interested, try to kiss her again, or at least hold her in a sexual way, if she isn't intersted, MOVE ON. But I honestly think she is interested.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

She saw you thinking too much about going for the kiss - 3 hesitatons are 3 too many. You should have aborted the attempt and saved it for the second date.

It is not a lost cause though - I thinfk she likes you but ask her out again and only pursue her romantically if she denies you again then leave it at that. Call her only if she sees you as a romantic partner.



.

 

[improvingdonjuan]

back breaker i was the one who made the CF comments and held her hand not her (you must have read it wrong)

yeah i did lots of mistakes but my goal in this date and the ones i go on for now are just to learn so really whether this girl interested in me or not i will find out next time i see her, i will judge her IL that has been droping.

i used kino and C+F thats my personality basically and yes i made mistakes but i did get her signals so really you misunderstood I mean the way i see it is: I did everything right cause i made the best of my first mistake not planning the date right.
i took control and got her signals right, body language and all i flirted with her alot and was ****y as hell but the hesitations i made me loose timing but still i see it as victory ( i had the balls to go for it)
she probably played one of her cards the "playing hard to get card" when she rejected my kiss but thats when i lost it cause i accept that i whinned and biatched like a little hurt girl because i didnt get my way. I however saved face by rejecting all her "be my girlfriend AFC" invitations she gave me, she could not put me in her chump pile. I let her know that she was nexted with my actions and words so at the end she has no idea what to expect from me.

i will wait for her reaction just to see how things turn out
because i screwed up and i know it but this is not a sience its an art and the war is not over yet. i went out on a date 3 days after our date with another girl so really she is not all im thinking about.
I AM PRACTICING I AM MORE INTERESTED IN LEARNING THE GAME THAN IN LANDING A CHICK.

thanks for the encuragement cause i will keep you updated on this chick just to see how i can get this situation on track. learning experience for me and for YOU, (and you can analize it and draw your conclusions)

 

[Caveman]

I like the way you think man. With that you are a giant step ahead of other RAFC's and soon be a real DJ.

Noticing your mistakes, admitting to them and planning to not make the same ones will make you a better person overall and keep you from getting hurt. Especially since you're not focussed on one chic. Keep it up!

 

[Hollowpoint]

Good replies, you figured out what you did wrong,
Rejection does suck, but when she rejects the kiss
say "Not a very good kisser are you?" in a scornful tone.


Good job not accepting HER kiss later on.

 

[backbreaker]

don't kid yourself.

You ARE interested, because if you weren't, you wouldn't be going out with her. However, it is a good learning experience.

 

[Zircon]

Well IMO you did pretty well. I say this because I think this chick is mostly an attention *****.

Basically she tested you a COUPLE of times, and if you even waivered on ONE of the tests (not even fail), she was going to give you grief.

Is this what you want? Didn't think so...I suggest in future you treat her like ****...if the opp comes to fvck her do it, and then forget about her.

These are the kind of women I stay away from. They only have their own needs in mind and are a waste of time and effort.

FInd another one worth your attentions.

Oh...did I actually forget to say this??!?!

NNNNNNEEEEXXXXTTTTT!!!!

 

[squirrels]

Inviting her out to a place like that isn't a bad idea at all...as long as you pretty much have a direction. Think: "We'll go grab some food, play some air hockey, then maybe do xxxxx". If you're walking around pulling a "Whaddyou wanna do? I dunno, whaddyou wanna do," that's extremely weak.

You made a big issue out of holding hands. Next time just take her hand. If your kino had been as "spot-on" as you thought, you could naturally progress to this and she would've accepted it as normal.

You DEFINITELY lost the moment with the kiss deal, assuming it was there to begin with. You NEVER ask for a kiss, just take it. You may have thought that "you know what I want to do" was clever, but it wasn't, because she tacked on the "but I'm afraid to" that you didn't say. You were already asking. You just didn't know it.

A kiss just happens when it's time to kiss. Period. Again, if your kino was right and there was a spark at all, it should probably progress toward this, unless she DOESN'T kiss on the first date. Which is a distinct possibility. But a little peck is not unreasonable for the first date, even if you don't go full-on tongue.

Your hesitations probably killed you...you showed that you were nervous about your sexuality and your attraction to her and that makes you look like a poor lover. Plus you've already got a strike against you for being younger than her. She probably assumed you weren't mature enough to give her "what she wanted," physically.

And then you made your worst mistake yet. As if you didn't make the kiss-moment awkward enough, you then proceeded to WHINE about it. ("Aww...why didnt' you kiss me?? Why don't you like me?? Waaaaah!") And I'm not cutting on you, but there's no "suave" way to say the things you said because they're pure AFC. At that point she wrote you off as the boy she expected, rather than the man she was getting earlier. She already suspected that you were too immature. She was waiting for you to slip up and show your immaturity and you gave her exactly what she was looking for.

Now that she's confirmed this, she tells you she "just wants to be friends." It will be well near impossible for you to recoup her interest from here, because every time you TRY to get intimate she's going to remember your previous awkwardness. Your best bet will be to live and learn and move on.