My first cold approach, to forward?

[skinnydart]

I had never done a true cold approach before, however I finally worked up the courage to go up to a cute girl working at this ice cream place some guys friends and I had gone too a few times.

Other than some fluff talk when she was serving me, "you the only one here tonight?", "you go to x college?", stuff like that, I hadn't talked to her before. Before I leave I walk up to her...

Her: You want some more? (icecream)
Me: No... actually I was just wanting to see if you wanted to hang out sometime?
Her: (smiles) So how old are you?
Me: actually I'm a senior in college, blah blah
(fluff talk for another 30 seconds)
Her: So... do you want my number?
Me: (kinda taken back) sure, yeah you just seem like you might be a cool girl to hang out with
Her: (finds a pen, writes it down and gives it to me)
Me: Hey thanks, i'll talk to you later (walks out)

2 days later I call her...

Me: Hey, this is skinny, the guy you met at the ice cream place the other day?
Her: O, ok yeah... blah blah... I have to start work at 4:00 tomorrow
Me: hmm, so how about I pick you up and we go grab lunch somewhere?
Her: uhhh... umm... wow you don't mess around do you?
Me: what do you mean?
Her: I don't know, you're just being really forward.
(I didn't really know what to say at this point)
Her: ... why don't you just stop by my work tomorrow and we can talk. I'm a shift supervisor so I can take a few minute break. We can talk on the phone though.
We ended up chatting for the next 15 minutes about general stuff, just getting to know her, stuff like that.

Was what I did really that forward? Part of the reason I'm confused is that I'm a really quiet guy, I mean it was really hard for me to just walk up to her and talk to her like that.

 

[Craig Reeves]

Hi Skinny,

OK, let's analyze….

First of all, I don't want you to see what you did as a failure -- you LEARNED from it, and that's really what matters.

OK, let me help you out here...

First of all, when you talked to this girl, and you wanted to get her phone number. I tell almost EVERY guy that posts here this...

NEVER LET A GIRL KNOW *WHY* YOU ARE GETTING HER NUMBER UNLESS SHE'S JUST DYING TO KNOW.

If she must know just say, "why do you think? I want to call you."

Telling her why you want her number will remove all of the mystery and will immediately send her vibes that you are trying to court her. Which might be a little too forward as you suspected.

Now let's talk about when you were on the phone with her.

The very first mistake that I saw was that you came on the phone and you asked for her PERMISSION to take her out for lunch.

Now before you say anything I KNOW that what you did was EXTREMELY common, but it’s one of the most commonly made mistakes that men make. You need to LEAD, you need to NEVER ask permission when you are making a move. EVER. In fact, start getting into the habit of not ASKING her to do anything. You might want to get out of this ASKING mentality with women. Like I said, don’t beat yourself up for this, a LOT of men do this. In fact, about 95% of men do this.

Instead, you should have said this:

“Hey, this is skinny, the guy you met at the ice cream place the other day. (Notice no QUESTION)”

“Hey.”

“Hey listen, I’m thinking we have just got to do lunch tomorrow at (whatever resturaunt). That sounds like a lot of fun.”

The problem I’m seeing here from you is that you’re not quite establishing yourself as somebody who is DESIRABLE. It’s almost as if you’re HOPING that she likes you instead of assuming she already does.

This is a terrible and mistaken mindset. If YOU don’t know if she likes you, she won’t either. Remember that.

Like I said what you did was extremely common but most men aren’t DJ’s. J Like I said, you’re making progress just by doing this so good luck in the future!

 

[skinnydart]

Well I don't think it would've mattered in what way I asked/told her I'm taking her to lunch, she would have been said no, she was that taken back. I didn't see what was the big deal, I mean I thought it was common for a guy to get a number, then a few days later to call and set a date, not just call to "chat" as she wanted.

I thought that what she took as being "too forward" was just confidence but maybe I'm confused.

What should I do now, just stop by her work and set something up then like she suggessted or keep control of the situation some other way?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by skinnydart
Her: I don't know, you're just being really forward.
(I didn't really know what to say at this point)


Her: ... why don't you just stop by my work tomorrow and we can talk. I'm a shift supervisor so I can take a few minute break. We can talk on the phone though.
We ended up chatting for the next 15 minutes about general stuff, just getting to know her, stuff like that.

Was what I did really that forward?

Say "Yeah..I like your comment" (about being really forward).
Is she doen't get it - it doesnt matter really. You establish your attitude anyway.

Her suggestion doesn't sound good: she wants your attenton, string you along and do nothing together?
Suggest going for coffee instead of a restaurant.

 

[h2o]

thanks Craig Reeves, that's good advice...i'll be keeping that in mind too.

skinny: try this advice al77 gave me about phone convos...maybe get her more used to who you are, and ask what she's up to...i was thinking maybe i'll build a bit more rapport, depending on how much i talked to her on the approach.

Originally posted by al77
Phone convo: I am having a hard time with it, but what I figured out it is a good thing to a) idetify yourself clearly "Hi, I am h2o we have talked about XXXX next to YYYY, how is your XXXX?". Or\and say a couple of sentenced to let her used to your voice.
After that.. you may got for "what are you doing on... or ....?" Dont wait for the answer, go "Lets get together for coffee.. <watching starts at night, counting boobs in the library>".

good job on your first approach...i've just started them too. good luck, and keep at it. i don't think it was too forward, maybe she just wasn't interested, that's not your fault.

 

[skinnydart]

I met a couple of my guy friends at that ice cream place tonight. They showed up first and the girl, recogizing they were my friends, started asking about where I was, if I was coming, stuff like that. I showed up a few min later, ordered my ice cream, we chatted for a few seconds at the counter until she had to help a customer so I went and sat down.

A few minutes later she came up to our table and sat down. We talk for a little bit, then I say:

Me: "So, you think I'm too forward?"
Her: "Yeah, well, first you get my number, and the first thing you do is ask me on date."
(I'm thinking "yeah, so?... and the problem with that is?")
Me: "hmm, it was only for a sandwitch or something" (smiling)
Her: "ok, well, so how about lunch tomorrow?"
Me: "well, I have to work starting at 10"
Her: "well how about the next day?"
(at this point I was feeling pretty good, I mean most of the time it's the girl saying "nope, can't do it that time" and the guy saying "ok well how about this day then")
Me: "Sunday? Yeah, I can do that. Where do you want me to pick you up?"
Her: No! ...I'll meet you there.
(whatever, lol, I mean I don't look like the type of guy that's going to rape her: http://i27.thefacebook.com/pics/0/2/n55702006_8301.jpg)

I was thinking of when she sat down at our table saying something like: "gosh, so you just sit down at our table univited? Kinda forward there don't you think?"

On the other hand I didn't get my ice cream free which kinda sucked.

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by skinnydart
I met a couple of my guy friends at that ice cream place tonight. They showed up first and the girl, recogizing they were my friends, started asking about where I was, if I was coming, stuff like that. I showed up a few min later, ordered my ice cream, we chatted for a few seconds at the counter until she had to help a customer so I went and sat down.

A few minutes later she came up to our table and sat down. We talk for a little bit, then I say:

Me: "So, you think I'm too forward?"
Her: "Yeah, well, first you get my number, and the first thing you do is ask me on date."
(I'm thinking "yeah, so?... and the problem with that is?")
Me: "hmm, it was only for a sandwitch or something" (smiling)
Her: "ok, well, so how about lunch tomorrow?"
Me: "well, I have to work starting at 10"
Her: "well how about the next day?"
(at this point I was feeling pretty good, I mean most of the time it's the girl saying "nope, can't do it that time" and the guy saying "ok well how about this day then")
Me: Sunday? Yeah, I can do that.

I was thinking of when she sat down at our table saying something like: "gosh, so you just sit down at our table univited? Kinda forward there don't you think?"

On the other hand I didn't get my ice cream free which kinda sucked.

Instead of being apologetic ("It was only for a sandwich") you should've said something like "Oh, is that a problem?" in a mock intimidating tone. Your alternative response at the bottom would've worked well too. Just resist the urge to apologize or rationalize your behavior when a girl questions you.

Of course, you got the date anyways so it's no big deal. Let us know how it goes.

 

[izza]

Sounds like you're doing great, and that she's interested in you. I would say be sure you're in control of things: when and where the dates are. All this "that's forward" "let's talk" stuff is smelling like low interest (I'm assuming you have read AD's machine on the Bible, if not you really should).

I think when you have more experience and confidence under your belt, you'll learn to naturally never play any of the woman's games. It protects you from temptresses and shows her you're important if you walk when you don't get your way. Remember that you deserve a woman who's really, REALLY interested in you.

But hey, it takes stones to approach, so you're making huge strides already. Keep it up,

Izza