My first cold approach - and what I learned...

[MaudGrimes]

Hey, I wanted to put a breakdown up of my first cold approach. I think this may be for me as much as anything, it'd be good to hear what you guys have to say.

Never done this kind of approach before and found it extremely tough, but I did it so good for me, right? All the other numbers I'll have got will have been when I'm drunk so I had to go at it in the day, stone cold sober.

This HB7 works in a local gym shop. I'd seen her before briefly and knew she was the one I was going to have a practice on. I went in again today, tried on some shorts (had to do something whilst I was working up the courage right!?), then came out of the changing room, psyched up to ask for her number when I see she's on the phone. I panic. Do I wait for her to hang up? Do I come back later? I'm still hanging around the shop 5 mins later and it's literally me and her in there alone, it's a small shop and I'm running out of things to browse. I leave, whispering thanks to her as she talks on the phone. She waves goodbye.

I'm so pissed off with myself after this I literally revisit the shop twice in the next 10 minutes but each time she's still on this fvcking call and I'm beginning to look like a freak who can't decide if he wants to buy anything or not. I go and do a workout, disappointed with myself for not seeing it through. I work out, am just about to leave to go home and see she's still there two hours late - and is alone, with no phone, behind the desk...

I give myself a quick pep talk and go in. I get straight to it: I ask her if she has a boyfriend and if she wants to go out. She says she's not seeing anyone and she we can but she's busy with her final year of University. I get her number. The interaction is not fluent because I'm jacked on adrenaline and nerves.

She seemed to have a startled rabbit expression because I just appeared in the door way and blurted out something about going out.....but do you know what, I don't care. I did the whole thing to prove to myself I could take action and I did. I didn't even care if she rejected me or not, the point of the exercise was to go through the steps I'd set myself: Make small talk, ask if she has a boyfriend, get number, chat, leave. And that's what happened. She could have said she had a boyfriend and not given the number and I'd still be as satisfied. Today I made a big step.

My advice then to those of you thinking of doing something similar for the first time:

It's not and easy thing to do, know this and be prepared for it. It's worth the reward.

Read some posts on here of some other guys similar experiences - know that this process is happening to other guys out there right now.

Remember that the GOAL is for you to chat, ask for the number, and leave...whether you actually get the number or not is irrelevant, this can be addressed later.

Do not go in there worrying about what this girl's view of you will be once you're done - this is about YOU, not HER. In this respect she does not "matter", she is simply a tool for you to use to improve your game/social interactions.

DON'T DRAG IT OUT - if you're going to do it, get over there and do it. I know the 3 second rule is quoted a lot but it's true; you're only prolonging the agony.

And there you go. Somebody may read this and find it useful or this may bring back a few memories for some others. Tomorrow I try to find another target and I'll have another go. I'll keep you updated.

 

[pdx1138]

Awesome leap of courage there.

The big question I asked myself: if I don't ask/approach I'll never know.

I prefer to know.

It gets a lot easier once you've done it a few times.

Better to just do it, instead of thinking about it.

thats what gets us into nervous hell, WAY too much overthinking of the outcome instead of just taking action.

 

[pickmasterjd]

There was a ton of things wrong you did that could have prevented that from happening...but good for you for having the balls to go up and do it.

Here are some pointers for next time...

Given your current situation, I would use the 'fated encounter' technique which envolves doing something outside her personal zone for awhile ie working out...then slowly moving into her personal zone 2-3 feet away so she acknowledges your presence and comment on her or something in the situation WITHOUT turning your body to face her, thus giving away your power. This can be a 'thinking out loud' statement or commenting on her ie "you know you should stretch before you do that."


The trick in all this is to do it with conviction. Pick up a woman is more about how you say it than what you really say!

Make sure to use your side vision so she knows you she acknowledged your presence and she is not talking on the phone like you described.

In a public place when you are meeting for the first time, never directly go up to her and start talking...especially if she is hot because she has been approach SO many times by guys she can not remember. Just walking up, facing her, and saying 'hi' is like letting the other football team have 14 points before you start kickoff.

Start the interaction without giving her power like I described or use a similar technique, then being your interaction based off her subconcious body signals thus knowing how much humor, high status behavior, rapport..ect to use.

If you are confused at all dont worry you will figure it out. This is a good place to start and you can PM me or visit the links in my profile for more tips.

 

[Doctrine Dark]

This topic really helps.

Last time I was in this position, the girl was literally 10 yards away from me, and she knew I wanted to approach her, as she kept glancing at me and smiling. But like a wuss, I eventually turned around and left without doing anything. This topic makes me want to take action.