My Experiences with a BPD Mother

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I have not told anyone in person about my experiences in this regard, but today I felt like making a thread on this, partially to rant, and partially to see if I can help anyone. Before I write this, I want to be sure I am not depicting myself as a victim, because I despise the victim mentality, and I also recognize that many people have experienced childhoods that were much more abusive and traumatic than mine.

I grew up with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder. My dad was the classic "nice guy" and my mom had an extreme (and sometimes violent) temper. During my childhood, I witnessed these episodes of anger on a sometimes daily basis. She would become incredibly angry over the smallest things, and my dad would apologize profusely, and yet my mom would remain angry, grinding her teeth and yelling things like "God damn you to hell!" and "I hate you so much!" on a regular basis, while also kneeing and kicking him in the balls on occasion. My dad would usually just take it and say nothing. My dad did nearly all of the chores around the house and what little my mom did do, she would become hysterically angry if she was not thanked profusely for it. In his public and professional life, my dad is a leader of men, in his private life, he is a doormat. My mom never once apologized for anything that I can recall, because she never believed she was in the wrong.

These childhood experiences have shaped my personality in several ways, some positive, and some negative. One thing that has occurred is that I have sexually fetishized dominant women. However, I do not consider this to be a major issue, and am still very much attracted to "normal" women. Another thing that occurred (beginning in my early 20s) is a personality trait of relentlessness and resilience. If I have a goal in mind, I do whatever it takes to achieve it, and if my mind is set on something, I will obsessively, relentlessly, and viciously work for it, with almost COLD determination (if that makes sense), ignoring all obstacles. I believe that this may be a consequence of these experiences. Another trait that has occurred is a lack of traditional "moral" principles. I am certainly not a psychopath, and I DO have empathy for other people, but I don't have any sense of "honor" or "loyalty" that many people in the "manosphere" claim is important for men. I have no issues about sleeping with married women and would certainly sleep with my friends' girlfriends/wives if the opportunity arose. I also don't see any point to getting married. I am also "harder" in some sense and also see the world as it actually is rather than how I wish it to be better than other men. I don't understand religion. When I was a child, I was a god-fearing Christian, but when I became a man, I realized that "God" is simply a fairy tale devised by people who lack the balls to face reality. I am analytical and largely numb to emotion, although I have rare events in which I exhibit extreme emotion. I am also very introspective and quite self-absorbed (as can be seen from this thread).

So, what's the point of this rant? Not much really, just to share my experiences I guess. Many of the guys on this forum seem to be obsessed with BPD, so these are my experiences with it. Some of you may be helped by this post, others may not. Some of you may even come to ridicule me or despise me after reading this. In any case, I don't care. These are simply my experiences, opinions and thought proccesses, and I don't expect everyone to relate.
 
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Julian

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Your mom fukked your mind up bro. God is real trust that. You think your hardcore nah bro you sound emotional and beta.
 

eli77

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find some one going through the same thing and talk with them it helps
 

Snake-eyes

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I have not told anyone in person about my experiences in this regard, but today I felt like making a thread on this, partially to rant, and partially to see if I can help anyone. Before I write this, I want to be sure I am not depicting myself as a victim, because I despise the victim mentality, and I also recognize that many people have experienced childhoods that were much more abusive and traumatic than mine.

I grew up with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder. My dad was the classic "nice guy" and my mom had an extreme (and sometimes violent) temper. During my childhood, I witnessed these episodes of anger on a sometimes daily basis. She would become incredibly angry over the smallest things, and my dad would apologize profusely, and yet my mom would remain angry, grinding her teeth and yelling things like "God damn you to hell!" and "I hate you so much!" on a regular basis, while also kneeing and kicking him in the balls on occasion. My dad would usually just take it and say nothing. My dad did nearly all of the chores around the house and what little my mom did do, she would become hysterically angry if she was not thanked profusely for it. In his public and professional life, my dad is a leader of men, in his private life, he is a doormat. My mom never once apologized for anything that I can recall, because she never believed she was in the wrong.

These childhood experiences have shaped my personality in several ways, some positive, and some negative. One thing that has occurred is that I have sexually fetishized dominant women. However, I do not consider this to be a major issue, and am still very much attracted to "normal" women. Another thing that occurred (beginning in my early 20s) is a personality trait of relentlessness and resilience. If I have a goal in mind, I do whatever it takes to achieve it, and if my mind is set on something, I will obsessively, relentlessly, and viciously work for it, with almost COLD determination (if that makes sense), ignoring all obstacles. I believe that this may be a consequence of these experiences. Another trait that has occurred is a lack of traditional "moral" principles. I am certainly not a psychopath, and I DO have empathy for other people, but I don't have any sense of "honor" or "loyalty" that many people in the "manosphere" claim is important for men. I have no issues about sleeping with married women and would certainly sleep with my friends' girlfriends/wives if the opportunity arose. I also don't see any point to getting married. I am also "harder" in some sense and also see the world as it actually is rather than how I wish it to be better than other men. I don't understand religion. When I was a child, I was a god-fearing Christian, but when I became a man, I realized that "God" is simply a fairy tale devised by people who lack the balls to face reality. I am analytical and largely numb to emotion, although I have rare events in which I exhibit extreme emotion. I am also very introspective and quite self-absorbed (as can be seen from this thread).

So, what's the point of this rant? Not much really, just to share my experiences I guess. Many of the guys on this forum seem to be obsessed with BPD, so these are my experiences with it. Some of you may be helped by this post, others may not. Some of you may even come to ridicule me or despise me after reading this. In any case, I don't care. These are simply my experiences, opinions and thought proccesses, and I don't expect everyone to relate.
Oh I can relate for sure to some of it. Although I was my mom emotional tampon/punching bag since me and father look alike. My father was the alpha that left her and didn’t tolerate her ****. So she took all her resentment towards me via hard core actions. Oh well that’s life
 

billtx49

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I have not told anyone in person about my experiences in this regard, but today I felt like making a thread on this, partially to rant, and partially to see if I can help anyone. Before I write this, I want to be sure I am not depicting myself as a victim, because I despise the victim mentality, and I also recognize that many people have experienced childhoods that were much more abusive and traumatic than mine.

I grew up with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder. My dad was the classic "nice guy" and my mom had an extreme (and sometimes violent) temper. During my childhood, I witnessed these episodes of anger on a sometimes daily basis. She would become incredibly angry over the smallest things, and my dad would apologize profusely, and yet my mom would remain angry, grinding her teeth and yelling things like "God damn you to hell!" and "I hate you so much!" on a regular basis, while also kneeing and kicking him in the balls on occasion. My dad would usually just take it and say nothing. My dad did nearly all of the chores around the house and what little my mom did do, she would become hysterically angry if she was not thanked profusely for it. In his public and professional life, my dad is a leader of men, in his private life, he is a doormat. My mom never once apologized for anything that I can recall, because she never believed she was in the wrong.

These childhood experiences have shaped my personality in several ways, some positive, and some negative. One thing that has occurred is that I have sexually fetishized dominant women. However, I do not consider this to be a major issue, and am still very much attracted to "normal" women. Another thing that occurred (beginning in my early 20s) is a personality trait of relentlessness and resilience. If I have a goal in mind, I do whatever it takes to achieve it, and if my mind is set on something, I will obsessively, relentlessly, and viciously work for it, with almost COLD determination (if that makes sense), ignoring all obstacles. I believe that this may be a consequence of these experiences. Another trait that has occurred is a lack of traditional "moral" principles. I am certainly not a psychopath, and I DO have empathy for other people, but I don't have any sense of "honor" or "loyalty" that many people in the "manosphere" claim is important for men. I have no issues about sleeping with married women and would certainly sleep with my friends' girlfriends/wives if the opportunity arose. I also don't see any point to getting married. I am also "harder" in some sense and also see the world as it actually is rather than how I wish it to be better than other men. I don't understand religion. When I was a child, I was a god-fearing Christian, but when I became a man, I realized that "God" is simply a fairy tale devised by people who lack the balls to face reality. I am analytical and largely numb to emotion, although I have rare events in which I exhibit extreme emotion. I am also very introspective and quite self-absorbed (as can be seen from this thread).

So, what's the point of this rant? Not much really, just to share my experiences I guess. Many of the guys on this forum seem to be obsessed with BPD, so these are my experiences with it. Some of you may be helped by this post, others may not. Some of you may even come to ridicule me or despise me after reading this. In any case, I don't care. These are simply my experiences, opinions and thought proccesses, and I don't expect everyone to relate.
OP, Always good to see a man balance his experiences and perceptions with reality and move forward with his life…
 
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I had similar issues and always wonder if it was a bpd mom. I've slept with over 150 women at this point and my average relation**** lasts a weekend. Huge issues w dating and trust. I generally very much dominate women in the bedroom... but I think that's normal man ****. The relationship stuff is def not. At least we acknowledge the problem but on the other hand I have 3 brothers that grew up in the same house that are completely normal. :(
 

mrgoodstuff

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I had similar issues and always wonder if it was a bpd mom. I've slept with over 150 women at this point and my average relation**** lasts a weekend. Huge issues w dating and trust. I generally very much dominate women in the bedroom... but I think that's normal man ****. The relationship stuff is def not. At least we acknowledge the problem but on the other hand I have 3 brothers that grew up in the same house that are completely normal. :(
Normal as in getting cvcked?
 
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