My ex-girlfriend break-up. How to approach the situation.

ethann

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Hi,

This is my first post in the forum, hope my post topic is in the correct place. I have been reading some stuff about seduction and I tried to apply this, however I still have to learn a lot. Let my tell you my story:

Background: I am a 31 years old guy, I am in very good shape (I play sport in semi-professional league), I am handsome, tall, have studies (phd and master) and I'd say people consider me as a "high level guy". As a drawback, I still live with my parents and I am somehow a nice guy. I have been with several girls, however I have not had too much serious girlfriends.

And here my problem comes: I met a girl the 9 months ago, I got in love with her, she is really independent and have one relationship of 7 years, after that she was dating (and ****ing) with a guy 3 months, and then myself. Everything was going well. She introduced me her parents, her family and all her friends from different cities. We have been together six months. I always noticed things like "I cannot go today, what about tomorrow", but she was in love with me. She works a lot and has some stomachal problems, that made me think I should adapt to her, and that is what I did. Starting from this january she begun to be more distant and I noticed that. Then, after a weekend where she went with her friends outside, I told her what was the problem and she told me "the relationship was rising, but now is freezed", then I said "Ok, this is the end I guess", after talking a little bit more I hugged her and I have to admit I cried.

The next days I felt really really bad and i wrote her that I think I should tell her some things. I told her that I love her and bla bla, and she told me it was not my problem, it was about her. And I said ok. Starting from that day I begun my no contact, she wrote me just once "how are you?" and i asked very dry "im fine thanks". So, as the days were passing I could not leave my thinking about her, I always asked myself "what would have happened if i wasnt left her". Then I could not afford this situation and 2 days ago I wrote her about meeting her, she accepted.

What surprised me is that she did not care about meeting in her village (she lives in a village) and "show me" there with her. Surprisingly to me, it seems she is not dating no one. After some conversations about our families, I told her "Ok, i guess you know why i am here, first: we have been with no contact more than two months and I think now you will have clear your mind, have you missed me?", she answered "yes, i have missed you a lot, and i have thought a lot about it. It's me, I passed from a situation with my previous bf where I have to adapt him to everything, now i want to be free, I feel stressed when someone wants to do something with me". Then I said "Ok, then just tell me Ethann, this is the end, there is nothing else to do", and she doubt , she said she is confused and she need time, I told (not directly) that we would deal with time, but she said no, that was not good for her nor for me. Then I insisted "then say to me this is the end" and she told me "this is the end". She also told me she left her bf. So I walked with her to her house and I insisted "tell me NO again, and she told me NO".

So, on the positive side I feel much more better now. Just a small advice to you all that are suffering: If you feel you have to do something, DO IT, face it. Go and tell her what you have to tell, don't cry and don't beg. Then, next days your mind will tell you "Ok, you got a NO but you tried". And try just once. Now I am beginning again the no contact.

And my questions: I really felt she was telling my the truth, this may be an exception, but 99 % i'd say she is not dating with any guy, strange, but true. She even told me "my mother says i will be alone." ¿Why do you think guys she lost interest on me, do you think she has a problem due to her past relationship?, also, what do you think my behaviour should be starting from now? and, how would you have behaved with her?

Thank you for reading my post, any suggestion will be very welcomed.

-E
 

Suspens

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Those questions are meaningless. If you had multiple equally hot girls bouncing on your D you wouldn't ask those questions. You shouldn't care. You guys had your fun, it's over now. It' all about having fun. She is dead now.

As an educated, handsome tall athlete, you can do much better. You are just a tad naive.
Then I said "Ok, then just tell me Ethann, this is the end, there is nothing else to do", and she doubt , she said she is confused and she need time, I told (not directly) that we would deal with time, but she said no, that was not good for her nor for me. Then I insisted "then say to me this is the end" and she told me "this is the end". She also told me she left her bf. So I walked with her to her house and I insisted "tell me NO again, and she told me NO".
A few months from now, you will feel embarrassed and hate yourself for that tragic dialogue.

ethann said:
Why do you think guys she lost interest on me, do you think she has a problem due to her past relationship?[/B], also, what do you think my behaviour should be starting from now? and, how would you have behaved with her?
Have to be blunt mate. You acted like a sad parasite. She is very happy to get rid of you.

“When you make loving others the story of your life, there’s
never a final chapter, because the legacy continues.”
—Oprah Winfrey
 

ethann

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Suspens, thanks for your answer. There are some points I'd like to specify:

1- When I said I'm educated, handsome tall athlete, I am not pretending to seem arrogant. Actually my self-steem is not in its best.

2- I do not think I acted like a parasite. I think I did some things well: two months of no contact, and not begging her. But let me tell you something, if there is something that really marked a step is closing the circle, I faced the problem and said her to tell me NO in my face. Maybe for you this is meaningless, but for me it is something that needed to be done. Actually, I just wake up and I feel better, far better than these previous weeks. So, I dont think I will feel embarrased for that day, but it is true I feel embarrased of some other days.

So, having said that, the point of my post is: taking into account I won't acted as a real parasit, I was wondering if what took her to change her mind. And I was wondering if it is true she just want to **** another guys I dont feel for having a commitment now, even though she is 31 and it was supposed I'm a "high standard guy".

I'd like to know more opinions.

P.S: At least this experience is somehow helping me to understand women and myself.
 

mikey2012

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Dude, let her go. What's so special about her? There are millions of chicks out there. I really don't understand.
 

ethann

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Well, it is not as easy as you state. I really felt she was what I was looking for, "not a *****". She suddenly changed her behaviour, so that really crushed my mind. And yes, indeed, I'm letting her go. What I simply would like to understand is why she left me, because everything seemed to go perfect. Now she does not give a ****.
 

Thundernuts

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You're asking us why a woman, who almost never make any logical decisions, did something.

Listen Ethann, why she did it is irrelevant and all we can do is guess based off your very limited(as well as poorly written) explanation of what happened. Work on yourself. Get out of your comfort zone and start seeing the world from different perspectives.

I agree with suspens 100% you need some life experience for someone who is 31 you really are at a disadvantage in the dating world. Read the DJ bible and start going to social places. Put this woman behind you as dwelling on the past is never a good thing.

Welcome to SS. By the way what country are you from? I am thinking near russia/eastern Europe
 

ethann

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Well, Im not a native english speaker, so sorry if there are mistakes I always try my best.

And yes, i agree with you, I am letting her go. The only thing I do not understand is that I really thought she was "the one" for me. I have dated a lot of girls and, though I agree with you I have to work a lot (actually i am reading rollo blog and the dj bible), I am not as unexperienced as you said. And i am from Spain. In any case, thank for your answer Thundernuts.

PS: Regarding Suspense I read other post from him and i thought he was a troll...
 

Obsidian

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You say that she is not a wh0re, yet she slept with two other guys outside of wedlock and then apparently did the same with you. She wasn't your wife. There was never any commitment there.
 

ethann

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She was 7 years with a guy, It was a kind of commitment. After that, she was dating with a guy 3 months, and then, me (6 months). Usually girls date with guys a LOT MORE. And she also introduced me her family, friends, and all the stuff... She is from a village and she took me there. You know everything seemd to be FINE. I am not the kind of guy who introduce my family to every girl, and after her I did the same. She said I was the second one who was introduced to her family.

So you say there was not any commitment here? Ok then I seem to be stupid.
 

Suspens

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ethann said:
PS: Regarding Suspense I read other post from him and i thought he was a troll...
Not a troll. There have been a shlt ton of bs threads recently, which have been ignored by the mods, so I thought about creating one or two:D .

And don't take anything you read here personally.

1- When I said I'm educated, handsome tall athlete, I am not pretending to seem arrogant. Actually my self-steem is not in its best.
I know you were genuine, that's why I said you deserve better than this melodrama crap.

Don't call yourself stupid, you just need more experience and that's it. In a year or two, you will be much better.
 

mikey2012

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ethann said:
Well, it is not as easy as you state. I really felt she was what I was looking for, "not a *****". She suddenly changed her behaviour, so that really crushed my mind. And yes, indeed, I'm letting her go. What I simply would like to understand is why she left me, because everything seemed to go perfect. Now she does not give a ****.
What's there to understand ? Women are like that . One minute they all over you. The next they treat you like you have rabies. They go off emotions . Maybe you were to beta/ willing or maybe you were too alpha and she didn't find security . Either way who cares? Move on . Find another . If you get attached like you were ... Then you be fvcked for life .
 
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