"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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My ex GF had a car crash

bigshot

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on wednesday night my gf had a car crash, her sternums out of place slightly, her back and neck are f*kd cuz of whiplash, teeth are chipped, arms bruised, legs bruised and cut realy badly. Now thats pretty bad, she only just passed her driving test about 3weeks ago.

I dont really talk 2 her no more, havnt done so since we broke up. we attend the same college, buh do u think i shud send her a text or something to see if shes ok.

she didnt tell me herself about the accident, a friend of mine told me.
i have decided to cut off all contact with her (after our break up) as this was advised in one of the "how to handle a breakup" post. therefore i dont really want to send her a text msg (to ask how she is) but im just wondering what the right thing to do would be. after all, she did fuk me about in our relationship.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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djSlvt

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Well, accident is different. Send her flowers with a message card, "hope you get better". Then no contact, unless she calls or comes around. Then you can be a friend for her, if she needs one.



I crashed at 120 mph, got knocked out, but otherwise was alright, no cuts, or brocken bones, even drove the car home after cutting exhaust pipe off. It was on 95 crown vic police. If she got fvcked up so badly then either she wasnt wearing a belt or it was a head on crush, or more likely she was driving a piece of sh1t jap rice burner.. Just to give you an idea of what not to drive, mahn.
 

bigshot

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i really dont know the exact details of the crash, cuz i just heard the story briefly from a friend.

i dont think i will send her flowers or a card, cuz shes one of those types that will use that to think that im still interested in her. (even though i broke up with her in jan this year).
 

Rudra

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Agreeing... in such an extreme situation, see just the person and not your ex GF... just a person that was close to you and now is in need of whatever emotional backup she can get. Call her up, would be best. Write a card. Flowers? Maybe. But best is personal contact of course, if seeing her is not one of your options, then call.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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DJDamage

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bigshot said:
I dont really talk 2 her no more, havnt done so since we broke up
Then why start now? just because someone has personal tragedy does not mean that all bets are off and the history you two shared will be forgetton. This chick will get better and be fine with or without your help and "you being there". She got her family, her friends, and possibly her current boyfriend. You stepped out of the picture a long time ago by choice, don't try to be a that guy again popping out of the blue. She might not even want to see you since your conflict is still there.
 

MVPlaya

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You don't need flowers. Thats just silly, and its definitely a romantic statement in this context. Send her a card, a polite message saying you hope she gets better. She might be your ex, but she's also a human being, So treat her like you would any friend, send a get-better note, and wish her good luck. Thats all you can do.
 

\O/

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She's alive, she will be fine. Ignore.
 

bigshot

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well let me put it this way, we were just really really really good friends from may 06-nov 06. November is wen i found out she liked me, i did my part in telling her i liked her aswell, and we got together. but we only lasted 6weeks, and it f*kd up our friendship. so its difficult for me to decide wat 2 do because the relationship itself wasnt exactly serious (6weeks isnt long for a relationship).

i like the idea of a quick phone call, but then again, i definately understand not contacting her at all. she probably took me out of her life the same way as i have done.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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bigshot

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Play the Game said:
I'm jealous... :whistle:
why are you jealous?

even though i dont talk 2 her, ive noticed shes changed alot.
 

comic_relief

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don't be a d!ck to her. Send her flowers or a card.

comic_relief
 

Obsidian

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bah, I don't know what you should do.

Unless you actually want her back, there's not really any harm in sending her a card and/or calling. Do what you want. (And flowers only make sense if she's actually in the hospital. Otherwise leave them out no matter what.)
 

champb

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Nothing's wrong with just giving her a call. If you are worried about the idea of sending flowers and her thinking you like her just make the phone call. Just keep the call short, ask her how she's doing, tell her the usual get well soon type thing and then end the call. The sooner you end the conversation the better. If you try to talk long she could think you want to rekindle things (maybe not), ending it soon she will probably get the idea you are being nice to a friend.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Juan_Man

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The new rule is that if you find out that your ex-girlfriend has been in a serious accident, you must wait at least six days before you call her to avoid giving off signs of desperation. If you wait that long, you are guaranteed a kiss close when you visit her at the hospital.

WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!! Believe it or not, there are situations where even DJ rules shouldn't be considered. Just send her a card wishing her well and let her know that she can call you whenever.
 

Fred Da Head

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MVPlaya said:
You don't need flowers. Thats just silly, and its definitely a romantic statement in this context.
How are flowers a romantic statement? Would it also have been bad to send flowers to her funeral if she hadn't made it? Flowers are a "normal" thing to send to anyone you know who gets into an accident or gets sick and spends some time in the hospital. Now, I'm not saying the OP should send roses, but a florist could give pointers to the right type of flowers to send.

You guys are turning into damned social robots...
 

bigshot

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Berlex said:
neg hit her
how is this a neghit situation?

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Ok i think ill call her, but what exactly should i say if i want to keep the call short?
-"hey heard what happend, hope your ok and you recover fast"

Anything else?
 

Obsidian

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Unless you want to get back together with this girl who dumped you and who can't drive -- which you shouldn't -- then it really doesn't matter what you do.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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