My Dilemma

[DJStrawberry]

Hello to all the DJ's, aspiring DJ's, RAFC's and the like. This is my first post after lurking for awhile and I have finally grown a sac to open up to everyone to heed some much needed advice. I'm going to do my best to explain my situation; please understand that I am delving into the flaws of my character and life so it is awkward to show all my weaknesses to people I don't even know, but my life is at a crossroads right now that I really could use help from those that have mastered women, life, and success. Here it goes.

I met my lover my sophomore year in high school (I am 23 years old). She is very beautiful, classy, intelligent, and loves me to death. When we met, she was a virgin and had only made out with a few guys. I quickly turned that around and to this day (she being 22), I am the only guy she has ever had sex with or been in a serious relationship with. She is about to graduate college and has been bringing up moving in together and marriage. I do not know what to do because I have several concerns about this.

My concerns

- I am the only guy she has ever been with. Is she blinded by one-itis? By taking her virginity, will she be forever attached?

- I am so young and feel like I have not dated around enough and might be settling for what is comfortable. I have had a few girlfriends in between my sophomore year in high school and now but have never fully opened myself up to really give someone else a real chance at my heart.

- I feel like I have been married the last 6-7 years. We lack a spark in our relationship and I want to have sex with every hot girl I see on the streets. My girl, however, says she knows I'm the only guy she wants to be with and wants to have my children.

- My life isn't where I want it to be right now. I have dropped out of community college multiple times and have been shuffling from job to job. I feel like I need to get my life together before I bring a lady into it. I can barely take care of myself, how can I take care of her?

- I really cherish the fact that I'm the only guy she has ever slept with. That is very rare in this day and age. I don't know how I would handle knowing she is fvcking someone else if I make the decision to separate for personal growth. This is a huge concern of mine. A big part of me feels like I need us to separate so she can be sure I'm the one and so that I can take the time to focus on my life and being successful. Letting her go to the Don Juan's of the world is tough to swallow.

- She is extremely close to my family especially my mom. They are like best friends. It is almost impossible to not see each other. If I tell her I need time apart, I don't know if not seeing her is the right way to go about it. My mom is like her second mom to her and I feel terrible because she will not only lose me but my family.

-My social network sucks. Not being in a college environment and not having many social outlets/dedicating my time to her has left me in a place where I do not socialize much and has made me unhappy. I also feel like I've been out of the macking game for so long that I feel impaired when it comes to talking to new girls and opening myself up to new situations. I used to be a very social guy with many friends from both sexes. I'm in my own little world with my girl that I am not advancing socially. I feel like a 40 year old trapped in a young man's body.

any thoughts on my predicament is greatly appreciated. Thank you all for taking the time to read this post.

 

[Interceptor]

Wow.
You've become CoDependent, I think.
That means she feels she can't leave you and survive, and vice versa.
If you feel you've lost the "spark" that could mean you are together WAYYYY too much. And you both don't have enough space to breathe, and RECHARGE.
Number one, you NEED Space.
She needs to learn to feel what it's like to be away from you, and deal with it.

Your attraction to other women could be a psychological sign that's bubbling under from your subconscious.
You need to feel free, and free spiritedly wander and do what you want.
Am I right?
There's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong for a man in a realtionship to look at another woman and think of her sexually.
BUT ....there needs to be a line drawn, out of respect to all parties involved. That means no looking while with your girl, and no acting on your lust.
Sexual variety is also affecting you. As you feel that having sex with a lot of woman will give you a "satisfaction" or "happiness".
Well, truthfully, this is only a Short Term feeling. ONS and F*ck buddies do not bring contentment and fulfillment. Again, it's only a short term rush on your "crush".
You won't finf your ONS taking care of you, will you?
No emotional or physical support there, buddy. You're on your own with those women. And believe me, that your F*ck buddy will be doing other guys. You know that , right?

But you're young, and haven't experienced life as much.
You say you feel like you've been already "married".
So what's wrong with that?
Except you feel chained to this woman.
That's because you both gave in and became Co Dependent and didn't work on giving yoursefl enough "space". You are both smothering each other.
And she feels (naively) that You're the ONE.
Now, hold on, you MIGHT be the "ONE". And she may BE the ONE for you , too.
But both of you are headed for disaster if you proceed ahead without taking the necessary precautions against boredom, and monotony.

You need to have the "talk" about "SPACE".

You've got to grab your nuts, and say to yourself:
"If I don't do something right now, I will destroy our relationship, and damage myself and her emotionally and psychologically."

You're not ready for marriage. She may be.
But the way things are now, I GUARANTEE you will end up unhappy and divorced eventually.
If you love her, you will try to see if there's a way to change your mind set and grow emotionally, and spiritually.
You need to look at things in the long term. be realistic, but have hope and optimism.
Worst case scenarios many times DO NOT HAPPEN.
You may sit down and talk, and her LOVE for YOU will give her the strength, to give you space.
And you defintiely need some, because you are disrespecting her by your current mindset.
You MAY have to accept that she may "wait" for you, but will still DATE other guys.
And you will be datin gother chicks, and still feel guilty because she is still haunting your thoughts.
Either way, it's time for action.
Because, one. Masculine males do not run away from problems, they confront them, whatever the outcome.
Two, you will bail at the altar, or worse, give in and marry and be unhappy for the life of the marriage becasuue you two didn't take time to mature, and share your feelings on this.
Yes, love needs space.

LOVERS need space to recharge, grow, and bring something back for their LOVERS.

Think about this, and if you have the intimacy level, sit down and tell her this. If you don't, you will give in and stray, and break her heart.
You can do this the manly way, or the chickensh*t way.
Be positive. Be optimistic. Have hope.
If she loves you she will wait and/or give you space.
But you need to be strong enough to deal with jealousy issues. And she does too.
This is a test of your love. If you both fail, then move on. If not, then you have a winner. And be happy that you found an awesom, good woman to share yourl life experiences with.
A woman whom will have an intimate rapprort with you that no woman in your life can ever compete with.
That is priceless.
iIt's worth fighting for.

Get ready and do it.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Sounds like you're just feeling sorry for yourself on this one. There is also seems to be a lot of guilt from your part. To bottom line it, you seem to be convinced that just because you were the first to give her the c0ck, you will always feel trapped, and she will never leave you, and it still makes you insecure.

First of all, she won't always be attached. She's very young. If you start, or keep being a dumb a$$, she will get un-attached quickly, or once she finally matures. You have ignored every other area of your life just to stay in a comfortable place.

You are very young yourself. You need to get to work on those areas of your life you are letting yourself slip on. Believe me, as "attached" as she is, she is gonna find somebody with his $hit together and won't waste time dropping you like a bad habit.

I always ask myself, what do women bring to the table for me? What do you bring to the table now? How will you change it. Wish you all the best. Get to work on your life.