My deal

[CHICAGO27]

Hey all... First time poster. I have been silently observing these forums for the last three years. would like to thank all of you for a lot off your good advice and motivation. You guys helped guide me to the point I am now. I decided to post because I am looking to get some outside feedback on my situation.

***My Story***

I moved to Chicago about 1 1/2 ago. I moved here to be here with someone I met online. We had be dating eight months long-distance before I decided to move to the area. It was pretty much a no-brainer for me because the area in which i lived was economically depressed and I felt that I would have a better chance here than back east.

I...

- moved to Chicago
- lived in various makeshift places, sister's basement, couch, friends house, car... etc
- spent hours looking for jobs, pounding the pavement, taking temp jobs
- landed a great job with a great company
- still working there.
- got an apartment with the girlfriend

In the meantime, my relationship deteriorated as I grew aware of the fact that she was unwilling to give as much effort as I was. While I was doing all of the above, my ex was giving just enough effort to get by. It got to a point where I knew I needed to move out of our shared apartment and move on.

That took six months!

In June, I finally had enough of her **** and got a place of my own and moved out. I used to feel so ashamed of myself for putting up with all of that garbage. I used to read these forums and hear about similar situations. I just think I was at a point where I was so demoralized and it just took enough crap on her end for me to have enough.

I think I am a different person now than I was 2 1/2 years ago. Now at 31, and single, i see so many possibilities. However, I still feel that I need to work on my inner game before I am ready to be totally successful with women.

This is where I am at now...

- Lost 30 lbs since the breakup... (fit again)
- Have joined sports teams and made efforts to make friends
- trying to volunteer/coach more often
- Having a life that is not centered around women

I truly feel that when your life is not dependant on the opposite sex you feel more empowered. I don't feel like it matters what they think anymore. Still, with all of that said, I still feel like there are some deep-down limiting beliefs that are blocking my progress.

Questions...

How long after a breakup does it take to be truly ready? Even though we broke up three months ago I just severed contact a week ago. I have been thinking six months of rebuilding the inside. Slowly getting myself back out there, increasing my confidence incremently. Working out is great because it doesn't just show tangible change on the outside but it helps make you feel more confident. Any take on this?

Are all online women f^%$ed up? I don't think I am ever going to go back there. I have never met a sane woman online. I think meeting people online is a social crutch. I know now I need to get to a point where I go out there and approach and take. I just need to get to a point where I can accept the fact that I will probably be reject 7/10 times. That is my challenge.

Should I pursue an office romance? I work for a hedge fund and I work with ALOT of HOT WOMEN. I have found myself handcuffed in that department because the risks outweigh the rewards. I have a very visible position in the company. I have taken the approach of going really "slow & steady" with the ones I want to get to know. I feel though my caution and delay is causing me to miss out. Is there a good way to guage thier interest?

Well, those are a couple of questions on my mind. Thanks to all of you for taking a listen to my story. Feedback as always is greatly appreaciated.

Thanks

 

[DJDamage]

How long after a breakup does it take to be truly ready?

I think you are always ready. There is nothing to it really, you just go on different dates, bang as many women as you want and enjoy it. However jumping right into another LTR with a woman is out of the question.

Should I pursue an office romance? I work for a hedge fund and I work with ALOT of HOT WOMEN.

No don't.

The risks don't outweight the benefits. You went too far to get this job then risking it all for some broad who might give you trouble at work if things don't work out.

It was already a mistake moving to another city just because of a woman.

Go out there and meet those women who you don't work with.

 

[Warrior74]

NEVER DATE WOMEN AT WORK. Seriously. only an idiot would do that. in fact..read about an idiot doing it right here on sosuave. Look at how he messed up his potential job situation all over some nearby ass.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=152575&highlight=shat

 

[CHICAGO27]

Re

I think the whole dating the co worker thing has been the main thing on my mind. I have been debating it but like you said the negatives far outweigh the positives. I have actually decided consciously to stop trying to game the women at work. I just needed someone else to confirm what I was thinking.
Sometimes it is good just to get another person's opinion. Ultimately, we all make the choices we make regardless what people tell you. I don't personally feel ready yet but you know you got to start somewhere. I just want to get to the point where I see a target, I have a gameplan, I execute it, and come away with something good. I'm tired of seeing women I want to have sex with, who I am more than capable of laying, and for some reason or another not finishing the job.
Anyways, thanks for the feedback.

 

[mtbbkr111]

I'd stay away from the online thing.. It is far more easier get a phone number in person (takes a few minutes to chat and ask). Also you can get a better gut feeling of who she is.

As for the office romance. Stay away, but become friends with these girls, as they probably have alot of good looking friends. One thing about living in a new place, is you really have to cold approach/or through work to get any sort of responce, as you don't have the big social circle of friends that are in your hometown (well that is where I'm at)..

 

[CHICAGO27]

I hear you. I know in most situations moving somewhere for a girl is the wrong thing to do but in my situation I had a couple of things going for me in regards to doing that. The biggest thing was that where I lived there was no chance for me to have a good life. I used to live in the middle of nowhere where there was pretty much nothing. I knew that if things went south with my ex that a) I was in Chicago... great city b) there were plenty of single woman to go for c) I really liked the city and could see myself living there. My other choice was Atlanta and Chicago blows Atlanta away.

It's tough making guy friends. I have a bunch of buddies at work though which has made things easier. The only problem is that they are all either in long term relationships or married. Still need to make some wingmen friends.

 

[sodbuster]

Just make friends with the ladies at work.I'm sure they have friends-just make sure they know the type you are looking for. I tell the women I know "I'm DIVORCED,not DESPERATE". Just get the referral network set up and go