My Dad is dying and suffering...

[blind_one]

Around three years ago my father was diagnosed with lung cancer.

After two chemotherapies, extended radiation therapy and surgical removal of his right lung the sickness has been seemingly stopped.

With that he was effectively made into an older person with vastly reduced physical fitness. He was still able to fulfill his job as a driver and thus provide for me and Mom during last 20 months or so.

Two months ago the cancer came back. Tumor was putting pressure on one of the main veins further reducing his body's oxygen intake. He was still able walk although that was taxing. Undergone another irradiation which had to have a lower magnitude.

Since then he's in home with me and Mom slowly losing strength. Two weeks ago he lost the ability to feed himself so we are helping him.

Last week cancer has moved into the brain and taken his speech. He is half sleep all the time, groaning from pain when hes awake, constantly on morphine.

For the first time in my life I feel helpless as there is no way out. I am most concerned for my Mothers mental condition as she nurses him day and night while I go to work.

I'm swinging between feeling like sh!t and feeling angry for not being able to do anything ....

 

[Masculinity]

First, let me tell you I am sorry about the situation you're in. Second, this is your father. Women and other things should be the last things in your mind. This is your old man who is on his way out. I would spend time with him and make his last days the best you can.

 

[ZTIME]

Oh little brother, I've been here. It's rough. This is by far the harshest reality of life. Sometimes it ends and sometimes it's way too soon.

By your description of the situation, your father sounds like a good man. Even after being ill, he still went out for 20 months to help support you and your mother. He's a good father.

I'm going to leave you with my thoughts. You choose your own path, but please take to heart what I leave here.

1. Your mother needs you right now. Drop everything you can and support her as much as possible. You are losing a father and she is losing her husband. It will be rough for both of you. If you can take some time off from work, now's the time.

2. When you get a chance to be alone with your father, leave nothing unsaid. Cry with him, laugh with him, and get everything out. Over a long period of time, the pain of death will subside. Regret will last forever. Now's the time to get it all out.

3. Understand that this is not your fault. It's the cycle of life, and there is nothing you can do to change it. You were blessed to have a father. Some of us never had one.

Good luck on this journey little brother. Be blessed.

 

[EvilSpirit22]

I hope he gets well soon bro! Take care of your mother she needs your support right now. And don't forget to tell him that you love him a lot and are thankful for what he has done for you guys. God bless you man.

 

[Bible_Belt]

23 is the age that young men start to realize their own mortality. You're getting the crash course.

Despite the horrible misfortune of such bad health, your dad is at least lucky to have you and your mom to take care of him. You're doing the right thing.

 

[sylvester the cat]

23 is the age that young men start to realize their own mortality.

i realized this at 11. my parents owned a retirement home and i had grown quite attached to a resident called Tom. a very interesting guy and a chain smoker. he had been advised by the doctors to quit but he refused. one day i came home from school and Tom was no longer there.

i was heartbroken.

 

[Moroder]

and feeling angry for not being able to do anything ....

You can do "nothing" but be there and hold his hand. But this "nothing" will mean everything to him, and to you, too.
Side note: You and your mother helping him with eating. Man, there's lots of annoying bullsh!t talk about "real men" on this board. To me, your father and you are two real men.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I went through the same thing a few years back. Dad got cancer, lasted about 8 months from hearing the news until he passed. His health had been pretty bad for a year or two before, but they didn't nail it down until then.

This is the human condition, man. Nothing to do but suck it up and do your best, even though you know how it's going to end.

Just make your dad as comfortable as possible, support your mom as much as you can. Make them smile and laugh as often as you can.

Enjoy anything close to "normal" times when the three of you are together. When this time is gone, it's gone for good.

Watch movies together. Do things you all like. Talk about the good times.

Inside you want to rage and cry and curse God. Leave that until after he's gone.

For now, enjoy him. Enjoying being together. Let him know you appreciate him. Let him know he did a good job raising you, even if he didn't.

Let him know, without a doubt, deep in his bones that you'll live a life that will make him proud. And that it was because of him.

Let him know his life was a success.

Only after he's gone, let that negativity rage fully until it is spent.

Then get on with your life.

Since this is a board for picking up girls, I'll say this:

To the extent you can embrace and fully experience this tragedy with an open face and an open heart, you WILL fully own your life.

Only through the crucible of tragedy are we truly and fully transformed into men.

 

[blind_one]

My dad passed away last night with me my mother and brother to accompany him.

Until then we had the help of hospice services, nurses and doctors came over to check on him and help us take care of him on a daily basis.

I had the opportunity to talk freely with him in the hospital during last irradiation therapy a month ago and I assured him of that recently.
That he needs not to worry, that I'll take care of mom, household and myself and that I love him. Even though he was unable to speak he hugged me and I know he knew it all.

I had planned time off from work from 24th to at least the 2nd of Jan, I have called my manager and told him whats up so now I have 22nd and 23rd off as well. Managers mom had breast cancer but is still hanging on so he knows first hand, he offered is help and propsed he comes to the funeral i have nothing against it.

Financially , thank heavens we had some funds saved up and if thats not enough we can get by on my job alone.

Finally I wanted to thank all of you for you support not only now but also over my entire stay here you and my dad helped me become the person I am today.

Peace

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

He is at peace now. Sorry for your great loss.

 

[TheGambino]

That´s so bad to hear. I wish you all the best luck and strenght in the upcoming years and life. Take care and if you have the urge to send a private message about your feelings go ahead Ill read it and reply.

Indeed he has peace now.

 

[Special EDy]

Sorry for your loss, I lost my stepdad, the man who raised me and taught me to be a man, to Pancreatic Cancer this July. My only consolation was that I visited with him as often as possible after the diagnosis, and that I had taken of from school and sat with him alone the night before his sudden death.
Like ZTIME so perfectly put it, the shock of death subsides with time but regret lasts forever. The good feelings will last forever too.

I would allow your mom some space, she will need it, but keep yourself available. I call or visit my mom at least once a week since my stepdad passed. Just be natural about it. The first few days or weeks are a shock, it's the months that follow when despair and reality sink in.

 

[.Bing.]

Sorry to hear about that. It's never easy watching a loved one die of a terrible disease. Be strong and take care.

 

[ZTIME]

Hello Little Brother.

I figured I'd check in to see how you're handling your recent situation. So today I have a few questions I'd like to ask. Consider your responses to be "good therapy".

1. How were the services for your father?

2. How is your mother holding up?

3. How are you truly feeling about the whole situation?

4. What will the plan be for you and your mother now?

Thank You in advance for sharing your experience.

 

[SeymourCake]

Look into hemp oil treatment if this is your last resort.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4lsvHMkWFg

Edit: I didn't realize he already passed away. I am sorry for your loss. This will make you stronger. My father died when I was 13 on Valentines Day. You will transform into a stronger person.

 

[backseatjuan]

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That's how you dial it, +7 is Russia

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