My current friend with benefits

[Tomatoes]

Hey all

Coming back to DJ forums for the first time in 2 years my only objective is to help others like i needed it when i was younger (SS really helped).

However i have something in the back of my head that I could do getting someone elses opinion on.

So here we go.

Its involving my friend with benefits.

I have been seeing her for about 4 months. Its always been the agreement that we are really good mates who fvck each other. I talk to her about anything (including other girls now and then).

Its always been quite nice because it ment i dont have to chase sex therefore i got better results. However just recently my flatemate has decided to move out and she has offered that I move in with her.

She spends half the week staying at mine atm anyways so there wont be alot of change there. Thing is....if i move in with her im going to have to make it a formal relationship. Its always been the case that we see other people but we stay clean and never rub it in the others face. What she does. I dont wanna know and vice versa. That couldnt be the case if we lived together.


On paper. Shes pretty perfect for me.

Shes really smart (I like a girl who can hold an interlectual convo)
She is domestic (She cleans my flat, washes my clothes, cooks me food lol she is trying to make me fat)
Shes good in bed (Some areas she could improve in but im helping her)
Shes got a good background (Well off family with good background)

Problem is....

Even with all the above thow....I just dont get that spark....That feeling when your head over heels for someone. Its just not there. I see her as a friend who i sleep with. Its more of an agreement than a romance

Would me moving in with her be a mistake?

Im limited on options so I might trial it for a month and see how it goes...

Any views, opinions, or comments welcome.



Cheers

 

[DavenJuan]

this thread is about to get swarmed with warnings!

what are the pros versus cons with this happening?

1. you shouldnt be talking to her about anything and everything. she is suppose to be your FB not best friend

2. moving in with her to "test it out" is not something that typically happens. once its done, its tough to turn around a month later and give her the boot.

3. you can bet that you wont be FB anymore. this obviously is going to be a RELATIONSHIP. the fact that this was even brought to your attention as an idea leads me to believe that this is what it is now. a relationship.

i cant remember ever having a FB asking to move in with me even during financial hardships, primarly because i didnt even know when they had them. we only slept together, we didnt discuss such things.

4. you are too young to be moving in with a women. i made this mistake several times and still paying for it.

5. Personally, i think you need to look in the mirror and ask yourself what YOU really want with this supposed "FB". The directiosn this seems to be heading in leads me to believe there is "more than meets the eye"

 

[DJDamage]

Would me moving in with her be a mistake?

Yes it would be.

FB relationships are usually temporarily. Eventually this broad would want something MORE, they all do in the end.

 

[Tomatoes]

you shouldnt be talking to her about anything and everything. she is suppose to be your FB not best friend

2. moving in with her to "test it out" is not something that typically happens. once its done, its tough to turn around a month later and give her the boot.

3. you can bet that you wont be FB anymore. this obviously is going to be a RELATIONSHIP. the fact that this was even brought to your attention as an idea leads me to believe that this is what it is now. a relationship.

Firstly. A **** buddy is completely diffrent. A **** buddy is you go round....you get your end away.....you leave.

Read it again. Im moving to hers....moving out again wouldnt be an issue.

I agree with your third point. If i moved in.....it would be a relationship. However i can hardly call it that at the moment. If anything its a very open relationship.

Without being in a situation its hard to take out of context

Trust me....my judgement on that is not clouded.


You both got the wrong idea.....This girl aint just a quick ****....She is one of my best mates....I just dont have any serious feelings for her.

Plus in my head i feel i could do better (i think that with every girl thow. Such a perfectionist )

 

[DavenJuan]

questions tomatoes....

would you rather f**k a hb10 with hiv or an hb8 clean??

this risk is far greater than the return.

moving in with her may be convienent and even a great idea at the moment. even if you plan to move in, just be good ole buddies and not have sex anymore, the chances of things going awry are pretty great.

i mean i moved in with 3 male buddies of mine and as much as we get along, it went south with our three living styles.

its hard enough having a roomate, its even HARDER when you decide to move in with a FB, who is also a FRIEND and now a ROOMATE. just having one of the three to live with is hard enough

but hey, 3 months later this will def. be a great thread to discuss when "poop" hits the fan.

 

[DonGorgon]

You are not F'buddies you are 2 people afraid to commit cause you know you still wanna be players and hos.. So what you have is an open relationship that works because you dont live together and get feelings hurt by seeing all the other people you both are f'ing.

I agree you guys are great for each other but simply too youg to value the posistive benifits of a loving monogamous realtionship... maybe when you ar both 80 years old it will work....LOL

 

[Tomatoes]

You are not F'buddies you are 2 people afraid to commit cause you know you still wanna be players and hos.. So what you have is an open relationship that works because you dont live together and get feelings hurt by seeing all the other people you both are f'ing.

I agree you guys are great for each other but simply too youg to value the posistive benifits of a loving monogamous realtionship... maybe when you ar both 80 years old it will work....LOL

I think your partly right....i think the only reason i havent commited is because it means i can still look for something better.

Ive got abit of time before i make my decison.

Thanks for your posts

 

[MacAvoy]

Here's my take on the issue. I've got no problems getting tail but I'm always up for an adventure. First question, are you at the point in your life where you truly want to settle down and get married? I'm guessing no, so really why not spend 6-18 months living with this quality broad and have fun.

Simply enjoy life, do what makes you happy. It doesn't have to be any more than that. How many LTR's do we go through in life, every single one doesn't have to be a test to see if it is "the one". Why can't we spend 2 years with someone and just enjoy it, then move on?

That being said, make sure you take precautions when living with her, you don't want to end up with her for life because of some accident. I would also have a talk with her because it sounds like her feelings run deeper than she's let on.

At the end of the day its your decision but I think you've already made up your mind.

 

[DonGorgon]

First question, are you at the point in your life where you truly want to settle down and get married?.

MOst humans only settle when they have to or it is very convenient or lucrative to do so. and that is almost always temporary

 

[bachelor]

Problem is....

Even with all the above thow....I just dont get that spark....That feeling when your head over heels for someone. Its just not there. I see her as a friend who i sleep with. Its more of an agreement than a romance

Would me moving in with her be a mistake?

Im limited on options so I might trial it for a month and see how it goes...



I would NEVER move in with her. Obviously, you are not attracted to her and moving in with her would make things worse. By moving in with her, she will be controlling the situation. Would you want a girl that is just a friend with benefits controlling situations?


I do not think so. Let's say you brought a girl home to hook up with her. I'm telling you she will be a **** block towards you. The best advice I can give you here is not to move in with her.

Remember you want to control the frame. Right now you are controlling it by not living with her.

 

[SunnyD]

BAD idea.

Think about it. She is your "best mate"...ok great, that you sleep with. Great. When the day comes that you two call things off, atleast things can end amicably and she will always be an option later on for some sex if you find yourselves in a rut. First of all, I think sleeping with you "best mate" is a bad idea in the first place, as I just lost my best friend because of this but anyway, not sure guys actually value their female friendships or not so mute point.

Thnk about this though. If you live with her, you can't bring girls home or she will cut you off and be a forever b*tch towards you and that will make living together HELL. So you're thinking "well thats fine, out of respect I won't bring girls home, I'll go home with them." Yeah, great...so one night you don't come home and she is going to give you the third degree about where you were all night and with who. Even if you stay at a buddies after a night of drinking, things will turn to paranoia and assumption and she will question EVERYTHING. Trust me, I know...I turned into this and it was horrible.

And that's just HER end. How will YOU feel when she starts seeing its ok to bring people home and you have to see every guy she spent the night with?? You can say now "well, Ill be doing the same..its an agreement..no big deal" but it will be...when she stops sleeping with YOU.

And finally, if the agreement will be NOT to sleep with others and be exclusive...is that what you really want? I'd guess not since you say you don't have those feelings for her. I bet she does for you, or she wouldnt suggest living with you. Don't string her along as just a place to live. Find other options, and keep her as your "best mate" that you sleep with.

Don't fix it if it ain't broke.

 

[MacAvoy]

Sunny what you and everyone is missing out on is that he REALIZES that he will be in a formal relationship with this women if he moves in with her. He said so himself.

So that isn't a valid excuse for not moving in. He's willing to make that committment if he moves in.

 

[DonGorgon]

He's willing to make that committment if he moves in.

No he is not.

 

[thedeparted]

I see a fvck-fiance in your future, with some little fvck-babies on their way...

 

[MacAvoy]

No he is not.

She spends half the week staying at mine atm anyways so there wont be alot of change there. Thing is....if i move in with her im going to have to make it a formal relationship. Its always been the case that we see other people but we stay clean and never rub it in the others face. What she does. I dont wanna know and vice versa. That couldnt be the case if we lived together.

He says so right there. He acknowledges that if he moves in, its going to be a relationship, then towards the end of his post, he says he's likely going to give it a go for a month on a trial basis, to me that says he's willing to do so.

 

[mr.uk]

i think you need to ask her if she really has feelings for you and if she does then you should say no. why? because if you dont like her and she likes you then i think you would fall out eventually...leading to a ruined friendship.

however, if she really has no feelings for you and just likes the sex, then i would suggest you be adventurous and give it a shot...like was said before, you can always move out.

 

[DonGorgon]

He says so right there. He acknowledges that if he moves in, its going to be a relationship, then towards the end of his post, he says he's likely going to give it a go for a month on a trial basis, to me that says he's willing to do so.

Yeh he says it, but you can tell by his tone that he does not want it at all...

 

[MacAvoy]

i think you need to ask her if she really has feelings for you and if she does then you should say no. why? because if you dont like her and she likes you then i think you would fall out eventually...leading to a ruined friendship.

Do you honestly believe that they are going to be friends forever and that her friendship is so valuable that its not worth jeopardizing?

They are already fvcking, its almost guaranteed that the relationship will eventually go in the gutter along with said friendship.

however, if she really has no feelings for you and just likes the sex, then i would suggest you be adventurous and give it a shot...like was said before, you can always move out.

Do you know anything about women? I'm willing to be dollars to donuts that she has feelings for him.

However Tomatoes is a smart guy, he's not going into this blind. He's not some AFC falling for the first piece of tail that he got a sniff of.

That being said, that doesn't mean he can't take a break from horing around and play house for a little while, it doesn't mean that he has to marry her.

 

[Luveno]

Don't move in with your FB.

She is willing to sacrifice her independence to be with you...sounds kind of like she's backdooring a relationship with you.

Avoid doing this at all costs.

 

[SunnyD]

Do you honestly believe that they are going to be friends forever and that her friendship is so valuable that its not worth jeopardizing?

They are already fvcking, its almost guaranteed that the relationship will eventually go in the gutter along with said friendship.



Do you know anything about women? I'm willing to be dollars to donuts that she has feelings for him.

However Tomatoes is a smart guy, he's not going into this blind. He's not some AFC falling for the first piece of tail that he got a sniff of.

That being said, that doesn't mean he can't take a break from horing around and play house for a little while, it doesn't mean that he has to marry her.

"Play house" for awhile? Get in a relationship just for sh*ts and giggles? Even though he has FLATLY said he has no feelings for her??? Wtf is the point? Why string her along like that and make her believe it's something serious, come on lets be real...moving in with someone is a big move...why allow her to fall in love, then inevitably get badly burned when the time comes he finds that special person and leaves her cold?? Or cheats on her..while she is led to believe that this is the real thing just so he can get steady a$$...

Come on MacAvoy...I know you're not THAT cold.