My Cousin...

[ReZin]

Never thought this would happen, to be honest it's the last thing I ever expected.

I'm falling for my cousin. Now I'm sure many of you will automatically convert to the notion that society has placed upon you on how it is wrong, taboo, etc., to be honest I could care less about what people like you have to say. Let's face it, the only reason why you think that in the first place is BECAUSE of what the American culture (or whatever other country you have grown up in) tells you is wrong and right, if you were raised around the concept that cousin relationships are perfectly fine you can be damn sure you wouldn't think twice about it. So before you give me **** about about it go ahead and press the back button on your browser, your comments go on deaf ears.

Now for those of you with the ability to empthasize and place yourself in the position of others, I would like some advice on this. I'm not trying to boost my ego or anything as it is what it is, but me and my cousin are both very good looking people. Wherever we go she gets other guys staring at her and other girls staring at me, there was a group of 3 girls me and her passed the other day ago that threw some looks at me and started whistling and hollering random things at me, so that helped. I have no problem attracting other girls to me, but I just don't 'feel' the connection with other girls like I do my cousin. She is an amazing person and is exactly what I have been looking for in a girl, I just don't know what to do about it.

I can't stop thinking about her and it's starting to screw with me. I'm not sure how she feels about the whole cousin thing, and I really don't want to just go straight up with my feelings for her as that screwed me over in the past, and this could be even worse because she is my cousin. I can't read her at all though, I can't tell if she's interested and that just makes me want her even more. The other day we were saying some prayer for my grandma and everyone held hands to do it, she was on the other side of the room and come over to be by me so she could hold my hand, so I took that as a little bit of IOI. She always walks by me a lot when we are out doing things, but still I don't know how to interpret it. We have been hanging out a lot this past week though and have always been together wherever we go.

I really do like her a lot, I just don't know how to handle this as it is completely new to me and has taken me by surprise. I don't expect many of you here to understand, but hopefully there are some out there who could give me some good advice for this. She does have a boyfriend right now and she seems to like him quite a bit, so I'm not sure what to do. I am probably over analyzing this whole thing and it would be best for me to just let it go, but I really don't want to as my feelings for her just keep on growing. If I do decide that this just isn't going to work out I am going to have to cut off all contact with her, I just can't be around her with the feelings I have for her, it's probably the only thing I could do even though it does sound selfish.

Those of you who have the capacity to handle this are welcome to post some advice, thanks.

 

[Warrior74]

Cousin thing aside....You need to go and meet other women. She's a chic with a boyfriend who isn't even thinking of you in that way. Even if she did, its the stigma attached to dating her cousin that will cause a major riff in any possible relationship. A man controls himself, do so and sarge on man.

btw. How close of a cousin is she? first, second third?

 

[PhatE1vis]

A few thoughts:

Children of first cousin unions have a slightly higher risk of birth defects. Granted, it's not huge, and genetic counciling is available if you decide to go that route.

Of course, you'll also have the social stigma to deal with (as illustrated so eloquently in this thread already).

There are tons of women out there, why take the risk of alienating yourself from your cousin if she doesn't feel the same way, or the rest of your family if they don't support your relationship.

Tough call, man. I think I'd branch out and find someone else.

 

[OrangeCrusader]

I'm gonna skip on the redneck jokes here.

I will say, though, that IMO, don't shvt where you eat. If you happen to fight, or things go badly, it's within your own family and introduces its own set of problems.

Approach this very, very, very carefully, I'd say you're in the right to not make any massive leaps or moves from here, wait on her reactions and figure out where she is with this (if anywhere) first.

 

[Guybrush]

COME ON, she's your COUSIN. You are in the family zone. You must be the most desperate man to even think about such a thing. PLUS she has a boyfriend.

Go out and meet some women, and BELIEVE ME - all those *unique* feelings you are having right now, CAN BE TRANSFERRED to another chick.

So stop whining, or buffering by accusing us and stand up

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Hey what's the big deal? Do you have any hot sisters? If it doesn't work out with your cousin, maybe you can get involved with one of your sisters.

 

[Bizzaro]

Before I say what I have to, I'd just like to strengthen on PhatE1vis' points and say that you may not be too happy with your children if that cousin of yours is close. 4th or 5th time removed is just fine, but any closer, and you may have to care for impeded children for the rest of your life.

That said, you're definitely over-analyzing. You're choking yourself man, and when you're choking yourself, you chase the girl away.

So yes, let go. Just let it go and it'll come back if you really want it to, but on a more relaxed and welcoming level.
Don't show desperation, and escalate gradually, and apply Level 1 kinno as much as you can, with some level 2 kinno now and then. Don't go level 3, that would be dangerous, especially if you're not really sure about the waters you're sailing.


With that, just sit back and just radiate your goodness, you'll get more women to choose from than just your cousin alone.


EDIT: You should've noticed by now that just having her around you when you guys walk around already gets you attention from other girls.

 

[MikeYikes122]

You are in the family zone.

The family zone!? :crackup: That has to be a SoSuave first.

She is not going to LJBF you, she is going to LJBFM (Let's just be family members) you.

I've kind of been in your situation, but it was with a second cousin - a girl who is the daughter of my dad's cousin. I passed on her because technically her and I are related. But god is she hot. I still talk to her. I'm scared to drink around her because I'm afraid we'll hook up.

 

[Effington]

Actually, we had a discussion about this in a behavioral management class, and according to my teacher, incest is not only a universal taboo, but it's arguably the ONLY universal taboo. So your reference that it's just "American culture" is inaccurate, it's actually the entire world...and not just that, it's possibly the only thing the world agrees on being bad, probably because it's counter-productive to evolution.

So, besides the fact that you will become an outcast of society, and likely disgusted by your own family, it's all good. Oh, and if you actually do become an item, you'll have deformed children. If you go for it and she shoots you down, you only lose the respect of your entire family, so hopefully she does say no.

No...I see nothing wrong with this scenario.

 

[fea8899]

Not that I condone this particular type of relationship, but first cousins getting together is NOT that rare in many cultures.

 

[NotoriousBIP]

Im sure it happens somewhere in the world right now, but really if you look at history from ancient history to the middle ages to colonial times, you will see that incest happened very frequently.

 

[spax]

stupid americans..people in the 19th centuary used to marry cousins all the time

 

[nubian-knight]

its common among many middle easterners and south asians

its still fuking disgusting tho

 

[MikeYikes122]

stupid americans..people in the 19th centuary used to marry cousins all the time

There's nothing "stupid american" about us responding like we did:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest_taboo

You're a "stupid foreigner", and if you think it's OK to breed with your family members, I don't think your offspring are going to be much more intelligent.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

stupid americans..people in the 19th centuary used to marry cousins all the time

Mayor Rudy Guiliani (sp) was married to his cousin at one point.

 

[ReZin]

Cousin thing aside....You need to go and meet other women. She's a chic with a boyfriend who isn't even thinking of you in that way. Even if she did, its the stigma attached to dating her cousin that will cause a major riff in any possible relationship. A man controls himself, do so and sarge on man.

btw. How close of a cousin is she? first, second third?

Yeah, I probably do just need to get out and go meet other women. For some reason I'm not able to feel the connection though, I don't know why.

She's my first cousin by the way. Thanks for the advice, I'll work on it.

A few thoughts:

Children of first cousin unions have a slightly higher risk of birth defects. Granted, it's not huge, and genetic counciling is available if you decide to go that route.

Of course, you'll also have the social stigma to deal with (as illustrated so eloquently in this thread already).

There are tons of women out there, why take the risk of alienating yourself from your cousin if she doesn't feel the same way, or the rest of your family if they don't support your relationship.

Tough call, man. I think I'd branch out and find someone else.

Yeah, I just don't understand why so many people out there can't look beyond social stigmas. To me it says a lot about the state of the world and the influence people are able to have on others. I'm probably going to have to branch out, I don't wan to put her in an awkward situation so it's probably the best thing for me to do.

I'm gonna skip on the redneck jokes here.

I will say, though, that IMO, don't shvt where you eat. If you happen to fight, or things go badly, it's within your own family and introduces its own set of problems.

Approach this very, very, very carefully, I'd say you're in the right to not make any massive leaps or moves from here, wait on her reactions and figure out where she is with this (if anywhere) first.

Yeah, I'm not going to be aggressive with this. I'm sure with the way that me and her have been hanging out lately it has entered into her mind on more than one occasion. If it was meant to happen than it will, if it wasn't than it wasn't and there is no point in me getting bent out of shape about it as it is what it is. Thanks.

Before I say what I have to, I'd just like to strengthen on PhatE1vis' points and say that you may not be too happy with your children if that cousin of yours is close. 4th or 5th time removed is just fine, but any closer, and you may have to care for impeded children for the rest of your life.

That said, you're definitely over-analyzing. You're choking yourself man, and when you're choking yourself, you chase the girl away.

So yes, let go. Just let it go and it'll come back if you really want it to, but on a more relaxed and welcoming level.
Don't show desperation, and escalate gradually, and apply Level 1 kinno as much as you can, with some level 2 kinno now and then. Don't go level 3, that would be dangerous, especially if you're not really sure about the waters you're sailing.


With that, just sit back and just radiate your goodness, you'll get more women to choose from than just your cousin alone.


EDIT: You should've noticed by now that just having her around you when you guys walk around already gets you attention from other girls.

Thanks for your help man. This is a tough situation for me so those with valuable advice really helps me. You're right though, I used kino quite a bit and I did get some in return, but nothing that would tell me 100% she was interested. I'm just going to stop talking to her altogether, I'm sure that will get her to think quite a bit and I won't have to worry about anything at the same time.

Actually, we had a discussion about this in a behavioral management class, and according to my teacher, incest is not only a universal taboo, but it's arguably the ONLY universal taboo. So your reference that it's just "American culture" is inaccurate, it's actually the entire world...and not just that, it's possibly the only thing the world agrees on being bad, probably because it's counter-productive to evolution.

So, besides the fact that you will become an outcast of society, and likely disgusted by your own family, it's all good. Oh, and if you actually do become an item, you'll have deformed children. If you go for it and she shoots you down, you only lose the respect of your entire family, so hopefully she does say no.

No...I see nothing wrong with this scenario.

Actually in the Middle East and in indigenous cultures it is quite common for people to marry their cousins, it was prominent in the cultures of old as well. The only reason why it is now a taboo is because of those in the position of power to say it is a taboo have done so.

If you look throughout history you will find that many people in the 'spotlight' so to say have married their cousins, including Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin. George Bush and Laura Bush are also distant cousins (that however is a poor example as Bush is a complete douche bag), and I can almost guarantee if you look throughout your family history you will find at least one instance of a married cousin couple.

The instance of child deformity is also only slightly higher in the case of cousins than it is non-cousins.

Also, incest is a term that is only applicable in relationships between immediate family members.




For those of you that have gave me useful advice with this, thanks. I know it is not easy for many people to discuss this as we have all been raised to believe it is wrong. I'm just going to cut off contact with her and let it go, if anything was meant to happen between us then it will happen, I'm not going to worry about it.

 

[iqqi]

Gross.

Hey. We are all children of Adam and Eve... we are ALL related!!!

 

[squirrels]

My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... it's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... eat apple sauce through a straw... pork farm animals.


Dude...seriously...social stigmas and whatever other justifications you've come up with aside...this is a BAD idea. Find yourself another woman.

 

[TheBaconator]

It's taboo because it's just plain wrong on so many levels. If you allow incest on any level then where do you set the line? Do you think it's ok for brothers to marry sisters? Parents their children? How is that any different from you being with your cousin? You can't judge it because then you'd be a total hypocrite.

 

[PSYCHO]

If you have a child it is going to have two heads! Don't do it!