flyinshark
Senior Don Juan
You may want to read this till the very end, even though it seems like a long read at first.
Background:
I've been with a girl for almost 2 years now, and 4 days ago i broke up with her for a couple of reasons. Different cultures, her wanting to get married in 2-3 years and engaged next year, her being chubby and my fear of her becomming too fat in 10 years+, and lastly because i dont feel ready for commitment at my age. I'm 22 and i feel like i need to have sex with a lot more women before i settle down with one for the rest of my life. IF i ever decide that i feel ready for marriage...
What happened today:
So, a few days passed, and today i had to give her back some of her clothes that she had at my house, which means that we met in person. I gave her the stuff and then, the speech she probably has been preparing for the past couple of days came out of her mouth.
I'm still in shock, as it was about 45 minutes ago. She said that since she has been looking at our relationship from the outside, she realized a lot of things that were wrong in it, especially wrong things about me. She said that since I told her all the bad things about her 4 days ago, it was normal that she would tell me the things that finds bad about me. I was glad and told her that it's about time she tells me what my faults are, since she never really talked about this before.
She told me that she has the impression that I think really high of myself and consider myself as a guy who has no flaws, so she thought it was necessary to let me know what my shortcomings were, so I won't go dating other girls thinking that I am all that great.
So, she started by telling me that she has come to realize that I am a very selfish person. Selfish because I was not willing to make any compromises in our relationship.
Then she said that what my friends used to tell me a while ago is true: I am cheap! She didn’t elaborate too much on it, knowing that it was a topic that was gonna hurt me. I told her that when I will be making money I won't be cheap anymore, but she ignored that comment and went on for the third and last attack she had in store for me.
She said that I called her chubby a few days ago, so she wants me to know that I am not all that great physically either. She told me that my problem is that I'm short, again knowing that it was an issue that could potentially hurt me. I have told her in the past that I wished I were taller. So I told her today that being short is something that I have no control on, yet she could change her chubbiness if she wanted (and she didn't).
Then, she finished the show by telling me "…as far as being friends, I don't think so!" Short pause, then gets up and leaves while saying "BYE!". She never looked back, while I had already gotten up from my seat and was moving in the opposite direction. I looked back at her one last time (possibly the last time I see her in my life), and went I back home.
My thoughts:
Now here are my thoughts about the things she mentioned. First, she called me selfish. I am not totally sure, but I think she's very wrong. I don't make compromises? How about having stayed with her despite her almost never being able to stay with me later than 9PM because of her parents, and even less sleep over at my place? That was a sacrifice for me, was clearly something I didn’t like, but I lived with it for 2 years.
Also, never in our relationship did I impose something on her, relative to what we did together. I did decide our activities most of the time, but I would always be open to suggestions or negative feedback from her part, and we always came to an agreement on the activities we would do together.
I call that compromise, so I don't see what selfishness she is talking about.
Second, she called me cheap. Maybe because this summer she decided to not have a job (to spend a relaxing vacation) and she was broke for the past 4 months or so, and I one day told her that I was getting fed up of always paying for the activities we were doing together. I told her that I was feeling as if I had to dish out money in order to have a girlfriend, or worse, pay for her time. She didn’t like that at all, and maybe that's why she calls me cheap now. Am I cheap for always wanting to split bills equally with her when we go out? I don't think so…
Third, she told me I'm short. What can I do about that? And why she would even tell me something like that, other than to try to hurt me? Clearly it's not my fault, and she did date me for 2 years and never complained about it, yet now it's a big shortcoming. I feel as if she has been digging as much as she could in order to find stuff to accuse me of, and if this is her best argument against my looks, then damn, I must be a great looking guy.
Conclusions:
Seriously now, all the stuff she told me I know is because I hurt her by telling her some of her shortcomings last time, so she wanted revenge. I am not bothered by the things she said because I find them untrue, but what hurts me is her way of saying those things. It looked like clear vengeance, and clearly she was seeking to hurt me as deeply as she could.
I feel a bit upside down, mainly because I thought she loved me, and now I see this side of her that is so mean and cruel, that it's almost unbelievable. Telling me she doesn’t wanna be friends and saying bye while leaving me there like that clearly shows that she doesn’t wanna ever talk to me again and although that's what I want too, I cannot help but feel like she just stabbed me in the heart with a poisonous knife.
I don’t want her back, I would be crazy to want that, but her vengeful attitude clearly thought me something about women. Something I have known before that it existed, but I never thought my own girlfriend (ex-girlfriend now) would do to me.
Women can be the best, most caring creatures in the world one day, but if attacked they can retaliate in ways that I don't wish for any man to experience. It's like a cold shower, and I still need some time to recover from this, but I know that in the end I got out of this as a better, more confident, and more aware man.
I'll choose my future girlfriends more carefully, and I will always be ready for that vengeful stab from them in case I ever push their buttons too much. This was life changing for me, so i wanted to share this with you guys, at least those who managed to read this till the end.
If anybody had to go through a similar experience, i would like to hear your stories, or if anyone has comments or suggestions about my story, please go ahead. Thanks for reading guys!
Background:
I've been with a girl for almost 2 years now, and 4 days ago i broke up with her for a couple of reasons. Different cultures, her wanting to get married in 2-3 years and engaged next year, her being chubby and my fear of her becomming too fat in 10 years+, and lastly because i dont feel ready for commitment at my age. I'm 22 and i feel like i need to have sex with a lot more women before i settle down with one for the rest of my life. IF i ever decide that i feel ready for marriage...
What happened today:
So, a few days passed, and today i had to give her back some of her clothes that she had at my house, which means that we met in person. I gave her the stuff and then, the speech she probably has been preparing for the past couple of days came out of her mouth.
I'm still in shock, as it was about 45 minutes ago. She said that since she has been looking at our relationship from the outside, she realized a lot of things that were wrong in it, especially wrong things about me. She said that since I told her all the bad things about her 4 days ago, it was normal that she would tell me the things that finds bad about me. I was glad and told her that it's about time she tells me what my faults are, since she never really talked about this before.
She told me that she has the impression that I think really high of myself and consider myself as a guy who has no flaws, so she thought it was necessary to let me know what my shortcomings were, so I won't go dating other girls thinking that I am all that great.
So, she started by telling me that she has come to realize that I am a very selfish person. Selfish because I was not willing to make any compromises in our relationship.
Then she said that what my friends used to tell me a while ago is true: I am cheap! She didn’t elaborate too much on it, knowing that it was a topic that was gonna hurt me. I told her that when I will be making money I won't be cheap anymore, but she ignored that comment and went on for the third and last attack she had in store for me.
She said that I called her chubby a few days ago, so she wants me to know that I am not all that great physically either. She told me that my problem is that I'm short, again knowing that it was an issue that could potentially hurt me. I have told her in the past that I wished I were taller. So I told her today that being short is something that I have no control on, yet she could change her chubbiness if she wanted (and she didn't).
Then, she finished the show by telling me "…as far as being friends, I don't think so!" Short pause, then gets up and leaves while saying "BYE!". She never looked back, while I had already gotten up from my seat and was moving in the opposite direction. I looked back at her one last time (possibly the last time I see her in my life), and went I back home.
My thoughts:
Now here are my thoughts about the things she mentioned. First, she called me selfish. I am not totally sure, but I think she's very wrong. I don't make compromises? How about having stayed with her despite her almost never being able to stay with me later than 9PM because of her parents, and even less sleep over at my place? That was a sacrifice for me, was clearly something I didn’t like, but I lived with it for 2 years.
Also, never in our relationship did I impose something on her, relative to what we did together. I did decide our activities most of the time, but I would always be open to suggestions or negative feedback from her part, and we always came to an agreement on the activities we would do together.
I call that compromise, so I don't see what selfishness she is talking about.
Second, she called me cheap. Maybe because this summer she decided to not have a job (to spend a relaxing vacation) and she was broke for the past 4 months or so, and I one day told her that I was getting fed up of always paying for the activities we were doing together. I told her that I was feeling as if I had to dish out money in order to have a girlfriend, or worse, pay for her time. She didn’t like that at all, and maybe that's why she calls me cheap now. Am I cheap for always wanting to split bills equally with her when we go out? I don't think so…
Third, she told me I'm short. What can I do about that? And why she would even tell me something like that, other than to try to hurt me? Clearly it's not my fault, and she did date me for 2 years and never complained about it, yet now it's a big shortcoming. I feel as if she has been digging as much as she could in order to find stuff to accuse me of, and if this is her best argument against my looks, then damn, I must be a great looking guy.
Conclusions:
Seriously now, all the stuff she told me I know is because I hurt her by telling her some of her shortcomings last time, so she wanted revenge. I am not bothered by the things she said because I find them untrue, but what hurts me is her way of saying those things. It looked like clear vengeance, and clearly she was seeking to hurt me as deeply as she could.
I feel a bit upside down, mainly because I thought she loved me, and now I see this side of her that is so mean and cruel, that it's almost unbelievable. Telling me she doesn’t wanna be friends and saying bye while leaving me there like that clearly shows that she doesn’t wanna ever talk to me again and although that's what I want too, I cannot help but feel like she just stabbed me in the heart with a poisonous knife.
I don’t want her back, I would be crazy to want that, but her vengeful attitude clearly thought me something about women. Something I have known before that it existed, but I never thought my own girlfriend (ex-girlfriend now) would do to me.
Women can be the best, most caring creatures in the world one day, but if attacked they can retaliate in ways that I don't wish for any man to experience. It's like a cold shower, and I still need some time to recover from this, but I know that in the end I got out of this as a better, more confident, and more aware man.
I'll choose my future girlfriends more carefully, and I will always be ready for that vengeful stab from them in case I ever push their buttons too much. This was life changing for me, so i wanted to share this with you guys, at least those who managed to read this till the end.
If anybody had to go through a similar experience, i would like to hear your stories, or if anyone has comments or suggestions about my story, please go ahead. Thanks for reading guys!