my bpd story - help

[cbbpd]

2 months out of a BPD relationship.

Screwed me up to be honest.

I'm 40 and hired this hot 23 year old to work for me in my new business.

I was married for 7 years and struggling in that relationship.

We had an immediate connection. She was incredibly seductive, dressed incredibly well and I fancied her a great deal.
In about 3 meetings people asked if we were married! This has never happened before or since.
She had this vulnerable wounded bird thing going on which I found incredibly attractive as I am a bit of a rescuer.
She would flirt a lot and dress seductively. Eventually she told me she had fallen for me and we started a relationship. I separated from my wife.
After about 12 weeks I started to see her flaws - as the honeymoon period ended. Her insecurity, neediness and damaged personality - she'd been raped, abandoned by her alcoholic father who had beaten her mother and brother, bullied and abused by her brother, neglected by her mother and brought up by her grandparents, abandoned by her friends.
The sex was incredible though and it felt like we had a unique connection.
She became increasingly selfish and lacked empathy for what i was going through having left my wife.
I asked for space in the relationship on account of the guilt and the fact it was moving so fast - she totally freaked out. Started to make endless phone calls, be abusive and stalkerish, threatened that she was pregnant and that she would tell my wife about us.
Despite this I still felt the connection and we started to see each other again. She used the fact that someone else was chasing her as a means to make me
jealous.
Eventually before I was due to go away for 2 weeks we had a formal make-up dinner and agreed to get back together. Her mood at this stage had become incredibly volatile and angry and she increasingly mentioned the new guy chasing her. She had bought me a load of gifts and a card.
Within 3 days of me being on holiday she told me she wanted to be single and start dating someone else.
I said i totally understood and although I was jealous (wanting what i could not have) I was initially a little relieved.

She did however continue to email me every day reminiscing about our relationship and how great we and the sex had been. I guess this was her healing and trying to mess me up and make me beg for her back - which I never did.
She even said stuff like I was the only guy she had ever
"physically felt her love for"
"that she thought i was the one"
"that our sex had been incredible"
"that the day we met was the start of the life she'd always wanted"
"that I should read her journal about us"
When I told her I was ok "setting her free" she got angry and said that was selfish of me!!

She even called me the minute I landed back in the country from the trip and we had an intimate conversation.

The next day I called her and asked whether I should break contact she told me she was seeing the new guy - and angrily blamed me for asking - "I really don't want to have this conversation now! but I am seeing someone else and he is here with me"
This left me totally devastated.
In short she kept me dangling on a string and sucked me in until she could dump me in the most painful way - the opposite of what I did to her.
I went NC and she continued to email and text me - asking my advice and help.
She then asked me out for a drink as she had temporarily split from the new-bf. When I said why and that she was with someone on it she cancelled the drink.
She now carries on emailing me show casing the new relationship and being dismissive if I ask for anything.
The BPD red flags I saw that lead me to dump her were:
1. very seductive and vulnerable
2. stories of how men mistreated her
3. her traumatic childhood
4. very selfish and bullying
5. needing to be high status and the queen bee
6. being rude about all her ex's
7. getting angry quickly and mood swings
8. no ability to really empathise with me
9. no concern for my ex wifes feelings
10. unpleasant to ex-friends
11. highly sexual - at times like being with a child (weird I know)
12. wanted me to move in quickly
13. constantly asking for a pets, clothes and gifts
14. had fallen out with close friends

It's a total freak show how she behaved and how she got into my head. The early stage relationship was amazing and she totally had me besotted before I was with her. I still hark back to the falling love stage which was incredibly powerful and made me feel amazing.

It's also amazing how I find it hard to shake her out of my head.

Would appreciate comments telling me how lucky I am to have ducked this relationship and escaped this psycho *****.

 

[Kbomb]

Its not BPD. She just has no morals. You want it to be BPD so you don't feel like a giant pu$$y.

 

[j0504s]

2 months out of a BPD relationship.

Screwed me up to be honest.

I'm 40 and hired this hot 23 year old to work for me in my new business.

I was married for 7 years and struggling in that relationship.

We had an immediate connection. She was incredibly seductive, dressed incredibly well and I fancied her a great deal.
In about 3 meetings people asked if we were married! This has never happened before or since.
She had this vulnerable wounded bird thing going on which I found incredibly attractive as I am a bit of a rescuer.
She would flirt a lot and dress seductively. Eventually she told me she had fallen for me and we started a relationship. I separated from my wife.
After about 12 weeks I started to see her flaws - as the honeymoon period ended. Her insecurity, neediness and damaged personality - she'd been raped, abandoned by her alcoholic father who had beaten her mother and brother, bullied and abused by her brother, neglected by her mother and brought up by her grandparents, abandoned by her friends.
The sex was incredible though and it felt like we had a unique connection.
She became increasingly selfish and lacked empathy for what i was going through having left my wife.
I asked for space in the relationship on account of the guilt and the fact it was moving so fast - she totally freaked out. Started to make endless phone calls, be abusive and stalkerish, threatened that she was pregnant and that she would tell my wife about us.
Despite this I still felt the connection and we started to see each other again. She used the fact that someone else was chasing her as a means to make me
jealous.
Eventually before I was due to go away for 2 weeks we had a formal make-up dinner and agreed to get back together. Her mood at this stage had become incredibly volatile and angry and she increasingly mentioned the new guy chasing her. She had bought me a load of gifts and a card.
Within 3 days of me being on holiday she told me she wanted to be single and start dating someone else.
I said i totally understood and although I was jealous (wanting what i could not have) I was initially a little relieved.

She did however continue to email me every day reminiscing about our relationship and how great we and the sex had been. I guess this was her healing and trying to mess me up and make me beg for her back - which I never did.
She even said stuff like I was the only guy she had ever
"physically felt her love for"
"that she thought i was the one"
"that our sex had been incredible"
"that the day we met was the start of the life she'd always wanted"
"that I should read her journal about us"
When I told her I was ok "setting her free" she got angry and said that was selfish of me!!

She even called me the minute I landed back in the country from the trip and we had an intimate conversation.

The next day I called her and asked whether I should break contact she told me she was seeing the new guy - and angrily blamed me for asking - "I really don't want to have this conversation now! but I am seeing someone else and he is here with me"
This left me totally devastated.
In short she kept me dangling on a string and sucked me in until she could dump me in the most painful way - the opposite of what I did to her.
I went NC and she continued to email and text me - asking my advice and help.
She then asked me out for a drink as she had temporarily split from the new-bf. When I said why and that she was with someone on it she cancelled the drink.
She now carries on emailing me show casing the new relationship and being dismissive if I ask for anything.
The BPD red flags I saw that lead me to dump her were:
1. very seductive and vulnerable
2. stories of how men mistreated her
3. her traumatic childhood
4. very selfish and bullying
5. needing to be high status and the queen bee
6. being rude about all her ex's
7. getting angry quickly and mood swings
8. no ability to really empathise with me
9. no concern for my ex wifes feelings
10. unpleasant to ex-friends
11. highly sexual - at times like being with a child (weird I know)
12. wanted me to move in quickly
13. constantly asking for a pets, clothes and gifts
14. had fallen out with close friends

It's a total freak show how she behaved and how she got into my head. The early stage relationship was amazing and she totally had me besotted before I was with her. I still hark back to the falling love stage which was incredibly powerful and made me feel amazing.

It's also amazing how I find it hard to shake her out of my head.

Would appreciate comments telling me how lucky I am to have ducked this relationship and escaped this psycho *****.

wow dude this is all to familiar... I am 2 and half months out of mine. Ill be honest it hurts still a bit, but it rly is for the best. She is dating someone else and it happened like 3 days out of the relationship to be honest, its a very sick. U need to understand you cant be with someone who is capable of doing these things and acting this way. Have some self whorth. why waste your time on something that will cause you anxiety. I know its tough as I am in the sittuation as well. but time will heal and there r alot better women out there that wont treat you this way. my ex tatooed my initials on her body, for some reason it effected me alot. but its the little things with these girls how they stroked your ego etc etc but this is not normal nor healthy b/c what happened she turned on you, black and white. be safe take care we are here for support.

 

[casaanova]

What more can you expect from dating a 23 year old? Selfishness, indecisiveness and unempatheticness basically come with the territory. You had a wife (preselection), an established business (something other guys her age didn't have) so she became clingy and wanted you to herself. When another guy came along she started comparing you two, and when you started showing too much interest (which was AFC to her) she threw herself into the other guys arms, and you got lost in her rotation of guys (you two probably aren't the only ones she's dealing with).

She had this vulnerable wounded bird thing going on which I found incredibly attractive as I am a bit of a rescuer.

At 40 you should know better than that, dude.

 

[GotED?]

I see some valid behaviors of 'BPD' likeness.

But unless she's been officially diagnosed with 'BPD' - you are better to not cry wolf about 'BPD' just to help heal your own wounded ego and experience. Man-up and accept the reality that some women are just low down dirt and slutt like, no matter how hot they look.

You fell for the superficial hotness and great sex. You bought the roundtrip ticket to hell and back now, move on and apply what you have learned and carry on.

Exodus

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds like bpd to me.

..incredibly powerful and made me feel amazing.
It's also amazing how I find it hard to shake her out of my head.

I know exactly what you mean. And that's just what she wants. All of her relationships will be subconsciously structured to create feelings of abandonment; she doesn't have any choice, it's the nature of the disorder. That's why she's so great on a good day - it makes the inevitable oncoming bad day that much worse. BPD girls are like a race car with too much nitrous - they're the fastest on the track, but the engine is destined to blow up before the race is over.