This is my story about my ex-girlfriend who has just recently been diagnosed with BPD. It's very long, but I really hope at least somebody will read it. I could really use the support as I am very depressed.
I met my now ex-girlfriend back in August 2011 off of a dating website. The first time we met, I actually went over to her place (she lives with her dad) to hang out. We played video games, talked, watched YouTube videos, she even showed me pictures of her ex-boyfriends which I thought was kind of weird, but I was 21 and had never had a girlfriend before so I didn't see it as a red flag or anything like that.
The second date we took my dog out for a walk, went to the beach, took her to the driving range (I work at a golf course), then dinner. It was during dinner when she told me about her anxiety. I told her I suffered from anxiety too, but her's was on an entirely different level than mine; she was agoraphobic and never went out on her own. She also let me knew on this date near the end of it she was interested in me when she grabbed my arm and said, "I really like you." That made me feel really excited and happy.
The third time we met, she invited me over to her place for dinner, and... I ended up losing my virginity, lol.
I think by the forth or fifth time we got together she told me she loved me, which didn't surprise me. I could see with my own eyes already that she was really infatuated with me. I thought I had found the perfect girl.
Then, she started opening up to me more about her past. Before that though, she came clean with me and told me didn't have a job (she told me she did), in truth she was on welfare and got like $700 every month. She said she lied because she thought I would've thought less of her. Why she was on welfare? Because she suffered from anxiety/agoraphobia. She did tell me she had a job working at a grocery store for like a month when she was 15; that's it for her work experience. Again, maybe a red flag, but I brushed it off and told her it was all right. But back to her past... Her parents divorced when she was really young and then she and her sister went to go live with their mom who eventually got into drugs and alcohol. She and her sister were then put into a foster home for two years and until the father was able to get custody. The reason why they had to go into a foster home instead of living with their father was because the mother had accused him of molesting my ex's older sister.
So now she and her sister are living with their dad. My ex told me she moved like 18 times in totally. But growing up, she told me never really felt loved. Her father would put her down, not show any affection... It was like she didn't even have a mom and dad basically. She dropped out of high school near the end of Grade 8 and her dad didn't even care or bother to involve himself in getting her back on track. So she spent most of her teenage years isolated, and that is when she started cutting and became anorexic. Again, the father never stepped up to the plate to get her help.
She met all of her ex-boyfriends online, actually. The first one she said treated her badly, the second actually ditched her out of the blue three months in, and the third one she said was just a rebound and he too didn't treat her well.
As for her education, she actually ended up graduating right before I met her by doing home schooling. So that was very good of her, to do that on her own because she wanted to.
Despite all this, I reassured her that I loved her, wanted to be with her, and told her how I was going to help her get better. Well... she never really did, despite my best efforts. And believe me, I tried. I tried so damn hard with this girl.
She'd make me come over after work at 11 at night and pick up food for her because she wouldn't feed herself. Then I'd have to get up in the morning and go to school. What did she have to do? Nothing. She'd constantly ask for me and whenever I tried to tell her I needed some alone time she would get mad at me and say I didn't care about her and that I was abandoning.
Because of her anxiety/agoraphobia, she couldn't leave her dad's place. She was basically always in her room unless I came over to take her out. Even then, she needed to be medicated with clonazepam. I'd drive her everywhere, did whatever she asked. Took her on nice outings, ect. But it was a real struggle for her. And I'm not going to lie, over time she did start to bother me.
She was always depressed about her life, no matter how hard I tried to make her happy. Always anxious; it became such a hassle to get her to come out with me. I took her to doctors so she could try some medication; she didn't like how they made her feel. And i also took her to see a psychologist, but she stopped 3 sessions in because at the time she couldn't afford it.
Then, it happened. She asked me if she could try cam modeling because she was sick of living off welfare and my money. For the record, her older sister does this cam modeling thing too, that's how she got the idea. If you don't know what cam modeling is, it's where you get naked on cam and pleasure yourself in front of hundreds of men and they give you money. I let her do it because I'm wasn't a jealous person and knew that what she'd be doing on there was just business and that she loved me. Well...
She ends up meeting this 40-year-old man from England (she and I live in Canada) off the site she works for and they began chatting over Skype. I allowed this because besides me, she literally has no one. No friends, no social life, doesn't leave her room. So I thought having a friend she could talk to would be good for her. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
So they continued to talk as we dated and it never was a problem until she told me that this guy said to her one day that he loved her and wanted to have sex with her. She reassured me she didn't feel the same way and that she wasn't even attracted to him, which I believed because he wasn't attractive at all.
It wasn't until after I helped her move out of her dad's place and into a condo during the first week of October that she started to develop feelings for him. As for this place she is now living in... the only reason she was able to move there in the first place was because of me. We lied to the landlord, saying we were going to be living together. It was the only way she was ever going to be able to move out on her own because she had no real credit or work history. She also lied to the landlord about her job and said she was a graphic designer.
Near the end of October was her birthday, and guess what? The guy from England sent her 20 birthday presents in the mail and she opened them in front of him on Skype (I was at school, but she told me). And you know what she did for him? She masturbated with him on cam as some sort of "thank you". When she told me about that one night when we were in bed, I got really angry at her and she ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and cut herself.
Early November 2012 she broke it off with me because she said she no longer felt like we could connect/relate and that we were just too different and how she wanted to meet this guy. I, of course, flip out, pack my stuff, and go home. Two days later she calls me, crying, while I'm at school saying she needs to talk to me at her place and how I need to be an adult about it.
That wasn't the first time she broke up with me either. One time, maybe four months into the relationship, she randomly sends me a text one evening to tell me it's over. This was completely out of nowhere as we were getting along great. I was devastated and confused as her reasons for doing it made no sense. Well, the next day she calls me up and we're back together again. This whole her breaking up with me thing happens again maybe a month or two later; her reasons were that she didn't "feel a spark anymore" and that we were "too different". She always felt that because I had a good life growing up and she didn't that we couldn't relate. But yeah, she calls me up the next day and we get back together... again.
But back to the most recent break up. Turns out, the night she broke up with me, her ex called and she invited him over because she was "messed up" and "needed someone to talk to". Turns out she and her ex had sex that night. So she goes from breaking up with me to be the 40-year-old English guy, to sleeping with her ex. Wow.
So she goes on about how she needs help and stuff, so I make the mistake of continuing to help her. At this point she is convinced there is something seriously wrong with her mentally because she told me she couldn't understand why did what she did, how it was so illogical.
I end up forgiving her, take her back, but this discussion about still wanting to meet this guy persists. I say no again and that it's either me or him. She breaks it off with me again because she says she still wants to meet him. One night I had to take her to the hospital upon her request and she got an appointment set up to see a psychiatrist one morning but she ended up flaking on the day of it because she was "too tired to go".
THEN she calls me later and tells me we need to talk. I see her and she tells me she won't meet him, but that it will sadden her she'll never be able to meet him as long as we're together. She says what's the big deal if nothing sexual comes out of it, but I'm sorry... I don't trust you, lol. Especially after what you said; you love him and he loves you.
I met my now ex-girlfriend back in August 2011 off of a dating website. The first time we met, I actually went over to her place (she lives with her dad) to hang out. We played video games, talked, watched YouTube videos, she even showed me pictures of her ex-boyfriends which I thought was kind of weird, but I was 21 and had never had a girlfriend before so I didn't see it as a red flag or anything like that.
The second date we took my dog out for a walk, went to the beach, took her to the driving range (I work at a golf course), then dinner. It was during dinner when she told me about her anxiety. I told her I suffered from anxiety too, but her's was on an entirely different level than mine; she was agoraphobic and never went out on her own. She also let me knew on this date near the end of it she was interested in me when she grabbed my arm and said, "I really like you." That made me feel really excited and happy.
The third time we met, she invited me over to her place for dinner, and... I ended up losing my virginity, lol.
I think by the forth or fifth time we got together she told me she loved me, which didn't surprise me. I could see with my own eyes already that she was really infatuated with me. I thought I had found the perfect girl.
Then, she started opening up to me more about her past. Before that though, she came clean with me and told me didn't have a job (she told me she did), in truth she was on welfare and got like $700 every month. She said she lied because she thought I would've thought less of her. Why she was on welfare? Because she suffered from anxiety/agoraphobia. She did tell me she had a job working at a grocery store for like a month when she was 15; that's it for her work experience. Again, maybe a red flag, but I brushed it off and told her it was all right. But back to her past... Her parents divorced when she was really young and then she and her sister went to go live with their mom who eventually got into drugs and alcohol. She and her sister were then put into a foster home for two years and until the father was able to get custody. The reason why they had to go into a foster home instead of living with their father was because the mother had accused him of molesting my ex's older sister.
So now she and her sister are living with their dad. My ex told me she moved like 18 times in totally. But growing up, she told me never really felt loved. Her father would put her down, not show any affection... It was like she didn't even have a mom and dad basically. She dropped out of high school near the end of Grade 8 and her dad didn't even care or bother to involve himself in getting her back on track. So she spent most of her teenage years isolated, and that is when she started cutting and became anorexic. Again, the father never stepped up to the plate to get her help.
She met all of her ex-boyfriends online, actually. The first one she said treated her badly, the second actually ditched her out of the blue three months in, and the third one she said was just a rebound and he too didn't treat her well.
As for her education, she actually ended up graduating right before I met her by doing home schooling. So that was very good of her, to do that on her own because she wanted to.
Despite all this, I reassured her that I loved her, wanted to be with her, and told her how I was going to help her get better. Well... she never really did, despite my best efforts. And believe me, I tried. I tried so damn hard with this girl.
She'd make me come over after work at 11 at night and pick up food for her because she wouldn't feed herself. Then I'd have to get up in the morning and go to school. What did she have to do? Nothing. She'd constantly ask for me and whenever I tried to tell her I needed some alone time she would get mad at me and say I didn't care about her and that I was abandoning.
Because of her anxiety/agoraphobia, she couldn't leave her dad's place. She was basically always in her room unless I came over to take her out. Even then, she needed to be medicated with clonazepam. I'd drive her everywhere, did whatever she asked. Took her on nice outings, ect. But it was a real struggle for her. And I'm not going to lie, over time she did start to bother me.
She was always depressed about her life, no matter how hard I tried to make her happy. Always anxious; it became such a hassle to get her to come out with me. I took her to doctors so she could try some medication; she didn't like how they made her feel. And i also took her to see a psychologist, but she stopped 3 sessions in because at the time she couldn't afford it.
Then, it happened. She asked me if she could try cam modeling because she was sick of living off welfare and my money. For the record, her older sister does this cam modeling thing too, that's how she got the idea. If you don't know what cam modeling is, it's where you get naked on cam and pleasure yourself in front of hundreds of men and they give you money. I let her do it because I'm wasn't a jealous person and knew that what she'd be doing on there was just business and that she loved me. Well...
She ends up meeting this 40-year-old man from England (she and I live in Canada) off the site she works for and they began chatting over Skype. I allowed this because besides me, she literally has no one. No friends, no social life, doesn't leave her room. So I thought having a friend she could talk to would be good for her. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
So they continued to talk as we dated and it never was a problem until she told me that this guy said to her one day that he loved her and wanted to have sex with her. She reassured me she didn't feel the same way and that she wasn't even attracted to him, which I believed because he wasn't attractive at all.
It wasn't until after I helped her move out of her dad's place and into a condo during the first week of October that she started to develop feelings for him. As for this place she is now living in... the only reason she was able to move there in the first place was because of me. We lied to the landlord, saying we were going to be living together. It was the only way she was ever going to be able to move out on her own because she had no real credit or work history. She also lied to the landlord about her job and said she was a graphic designer.
Near the end of October was her birthday, and guess what? The guy from England sent her 20 birthday presents in the mail and she opened them in front of him on Skype (I was at school, but she told me). And you know what she did for him? She masturbated with him on cam as some sort of "thank you". When she told me about that one night when we were in bed, I got really angry at her and she ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and cut herself.
Early November 2012 she broke it off with me because she said she no longer felt like we could connect/relate and that we were just too different and how she wanted to meet this guy. I, of course, flip out, pack my stuff, and go home. Two days later she calls me, crying, while I'm at school saying she needs to talk to me at her place and how I need to be an adult about it.
That wasn't the first time she broke up with me either. One time, maybe four months into the relationship, she randomly sends me a text one evening to tell me it's over. This was completely out of nowhere as we were getting along great. I was devastated and confused as her reasons for doing it made no sense. Well, the next day she calls me up and we're back together again. This whole her breaking up with me thing happens again maybe a month or two later; her reasons were that she didn't "feel a spark anymore" and that we were "too different". She always felt that because I had a good life growing up and she didn't that we couldn't relate. But yeah, she calls me up the next day and we get back together... again.
But back to the most recent break up. Turns out, the night she broke up with me, her ex called and she invited him over because she was "messed up" and "needed someone to talk to". Turns out she and her ex had sex that night. So she goes from breaking up with me to be the 40-year-old English guy, to sleeping with her ex. Wow.
So she goes on about how she needs help and stuff, so I make the mistake of continuing to help her. At this point she is convinced there is something seriously wrong with her mentally because she told me she couldn't understand why did what she did, how it was so illogical.
I end up forgiving her, take her back, but this discussion about still wanting to meet this guy persists. I say no again and that it's either me or him. She breaks it off with me again because she says she still wants to meet him. One night I had to take her to the hospital upon her request and she got an appointment set up to see a psychiatrist one morning but she ended up flaking on the day of it because she was "too tired to go".
THEN she calls me later and tells me we need to talk. I see her and she tells me she won't meet him, but that it will sadden her she'll never be able to meet him as long as we're together. She says what's the big deal if nothing sexual comes out of it, but I'm sorry... I don't trust you, lol. Especially after what you said; you love him and he loves you.
