My bodylanguage problem

[Magnatolia]

Hi All,

At the moment, I find it difficult to smile or open a woman in public. I have no problem grabbing a seat next to her on the bus/train, whatever but cannot smile or open. I'll occasionally steal a glance at her, but I realised the other day that I usually sit facing away from her. I have no idea why I do it, but I tend to sit facing away from her. This would come across as disinterest on my part wouldnt it?

Should I sit so I'm leaning in to her slightly and smile and open? What sort of opener should I use? Also, is there any point opening someone who's doing something, studying, reading, listening to music?

 

[Trapper]

ask her in a funny way..

excuse me miss.. i need to feel really hot now.. do you mind if sit next to you? it always works..

 

[reallyfreakinlost]

Dude, next time you're next to a girl, take a deep breath. If you're trying to completely destroy your feelings of nervousness, you won't succeed. The better option would be to ride on your nervousness as if you were surfing on them. I know, this is a weird way to put it, but really think about this, don't fight against your nervousness, but surf on it like a surfboard

 

[rocky_mtn]

When you go up to approach and open a convo, imagine that you already know her.

Not in a weird way, like you have her info, but imagine that she could be a longtime friend and go up and introduce yourself and ask how she's been and what she's up to lately. Like you haven't seen each other in a while (and you don't even know her)

This is another coversation technique, when you meet someone and wish to make a connection, act like you're long time friends, not overbearing, just confortable and friendly.


Also when I see a woman that I want to approach, (and I'm picky and don't do alot of approaches) is to think that "she is someone I have to meet", then that's step one. Get my drink, my table and then realize that I have to go up and introduce myself, because I've already determined that "she someone that I have to meet". just another stupid trick I use to not wimp out.

 

[d2j]

Hi All,

At the moment, I find it difficult to smile or open a woman in public. I have no problem grabbing a seat next to her on the bus/train, whatever but cannot smile or open. I'll occasionally steal a glance at her, but I realised the other day that I usually sit facing away from her. I have no idea why I do it, but I tend to sit facing away from her. This would come across as disinterest on my part wouldnt it?

Should I sit so I'm leaning in to her slightly and smile and open? What sort of opener should I use? Also, is there any point opening someone who's doing something, studying, reading, listening to music?

lol ive felt your pain its really really hard at first and that feeling wont go away until youve approached lots of women

dont lean into her. when you talk just face her a little and then when your finishing your sentance start moving back.

i know alot of people say smile but i use a different look. its hard to explain but its kind of like a cheeky glance kind of thing..arghh hard to explain

 

[WC2]

Problems in approach or body language usually come from a lack of confidence.

 

[organizedconfusion]

body langauge reading is sooooo obvious..it's NOT as hard as it seems,really.All BL is an external expression of whatever internal response you have inside and is a direct reflection of all your internal feelings overall.
Work on just feeling comfortable,especially with your sexuality and everything is smooth sailing in terms of meeting attractive young ladies.It's pretty much easy to spot someone whom is sexually aware/confident as opposed to someone who isn't.You can also spot whos faking it.How do you approach an attractive girl? first you must examine your feelings,how do you feel- if it's nervous,anxiousness and self-conciousness...don't worry,those feelings will subside and genuine feelings of confidence,arousal and desire will surface eventually once you past the initial fears of nervousness.Remember,whatever emotion or feeling you are feeling at the time of the interaction or prior to it will AUTOMATICLY most often times then not-directly reflected back onto you,like she's naturally mirroring you...i say , go for it- everytime.eventually all those awkward geeky feelings will disappear on it's own and once you feel comfortable with having regular ,casual interactions with girls- all kinds. you will see for yourself that the attraction takes care of itself without trying most of the time..how do i know? i been there before and i know how it feels like..tough it out, go through it..it only feels uncomfortable intitially...the reward is confidence and sexual awareness.attraction isn't all that different than a tennis game- passing back and forth of cues sexual interest ,arousal and emotions...

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You are not psyched up enough to open or approach. You need to pshyche up.

Do a bootcamp or try the Svangeli Newbie mission. Go on a rampage and say hi or talk to every woman you find attractive for a limited period of time and with a dedicated amount of time per day. I find this stuff is helpful when you start going on a 'campaign' of some sort, because when you are in a 'campaign' you are building momentum, and that psyches you up big time, and each interaction is seen as being 'part of the campaign' rather than a big deal.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Stop approaching immediately and start working on your self esteem.

 

[Distant Light]

The bodylanguage thing I know what your talking about, i realized it from this one girl I used to just attract over and over each day. But one day she told me to move my chair because I was to close. An what I realize its like a Boundary space between each person. Like the more direct you are Bodylanguage wise the more uncomfortable you get.

Like say if you was right next to a girl but leaned back, you/her/both will be more comfortable because your not making each other uncomfortable. Same if your to her side and have her head str8 and talking and once in awhile just looking to the side.

I did that the next day to the same girl and she had no problem with me being so close and then she was more comfortable. (Note when i say lean back it doesn't have to be no lean back to the point its uncomfortable)

-------------------
As for approaching there is only 1 way that I found you will be able to approach. This used to be my biggest sticking point, I tried

Psyching up (Helps before your there but when your right there in the field that psyche is gone)
Building confidence
Finding motovation

But then I realized, the easiest way is to just walk up without thinking and say something. At that point your stuck in the interaction, so your now forced to continue. After that 1 approach your thinking "This is what I couldn't do" and then go off and approach the 2nd and you will be fine. You have to just see her and walk over and approach don't think WTF your doing or anything just do it.

The first set I ever approached was a 3set, when a friend wanted me to approach and he said I was scared, I just fuvk this and went across the street and said "hey quick question" I did'nt know wtf I was doing I just knew a opinion opener started like that and I knew it would get them to stop. Got the UG and 1 of the hbs to stop and the 3rd girl tried to keep walking but realized her two friends had already stopped.

After the opener which I guess was "Hey quick question" because my followup was something retarded about one of my friends liking her, I didn't make no sense lol, the girl even pointed it out. But it worked the stopped and I opened. (Keep in mind my bodylanguage was real good when I opened and I wasn't even nervous I didn't even have time too, unlike before I was in the community and I approached a girl and I ended up shaking so much that she noticed)


So just go and do it trust me doesn't matter how stupid your approach was cause I didn't feel bad at all, because the girls were still opened nicely with a half ass opener, which had no purpose because I didn't have no question to really ask. But after I felt like "WTF I just opened a 3set I said I would never approach a group because its hard, but it was rather easy, way easier than I had thought" I think Building rapport could be hardier than Opening, opening feels like the hardest thing but is by far the easiest.