My biggest roadblock to becoming a Don Juan

[donjuan87]

I have finally realized what my biggest roadblock is to becoming a major Don Juan. It is a fear of being accused by other guys of flirting with girls (bad experiences when I was younger of guys embarassing me in front of girls I liked).

Whenever any of my friends introduce me to their girlfriends, and I think the girl is hot, I can't help but flirt with them. Nothing too heavy, but my inner DJ persona starts to show. This almost always has the GF talking about me to their boyfriend (my friend) in a 'attracted to me' kind of way. This usually makes my friend jealous, and sometimes the relationship even breaks up. I've come to realize this is because I find it a million times easier to flirt with girls when, if asked by another guy if I am hitting on them, I can say 'why would I be doing that? She has a boyfriend.'

Also, it's easier because the girl thinks 'hey, this guy is friends with my boyfriend, he must be a good guy'.

The question is, how can this ease of flirting with girls carry over to girls without boyfriends? I have found that this is my major obsticle to becoming the Don Juan I want to be.

 

[FRëSHURE]

get a great wingman.

get him to begin dating the girl that you want.

but have it pre planned that you can steal him from her.

*****
don't do that
*****

the answer is actually alot simplier, more fun, and easier.

get in the field and practise.

build a little comfort before you begin flirting if you wish.

But I'm sure if you approach 10-15 girls, and hold each of those sets for 10-15 minutes, you'll soon find that your more comfortable then you are right now..

Thats only a few of hours of your life. Its worth it.

 

[donjuan87]

Good suggestion, freshure.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

 

[SlowBurn]

Hmmm, let me put on my pseudo psych cap here and make a pocket analysis. (And they say all my years of higher education were wasted... LIES! I say, LIES!)

Anyway it may just boil down to performance anxiety. These women that have boyfriends are what we call "safe".

You can have your inner PUA shine through with them because there is no real danger of you starting anything with them (actually this can be done, different topic though). This frees you to relax and start using your social tools.

Here's the thing...don't look at it as a bad thing or a "roadblock". Always see advantage in what seems like adversity. You flirting with these safe women is like learning to ride a bike with training wheels. For you and many others it is a comfortable environment. (Heck I myself flirted like crazy with married women when I first started out, trust me it's a lot of fun and a great confidence builder).

The women will also be more predisposed to flirt with you since they are "taken" and also on some level know they won't start anything serious with you so they can feel safe throwing sexual banter back and forth. This of course is flirting. Use this training ground and then, as freshure states practice in the field, but be aware that "taken, safe" women are also part of the field and you can take advantage of that fact to improve your game. But you MUST at some time bridge over.

When you start to see your first sucesses with women who are not "safe" however small, build on that. That is some of what the hundreds of cold approaches in the boot camps are designed to do. This will only work if you consolidate your knowledge by learning from every result you get. Hopefully this will get you over your fear of sucess with women (who just may want to really start something with you.) Who knows, go out on a limb an you may find yourself wildly sucessful with women.

Oh and another thing... forget what those other guys think. Hells Bells man, Why do you feel you have to make an excuse for flirting with a woman?
You say:
"If asked by another guy if I am hitting on them, I can say 'why would I be doing that? She has a boyfriend.'"

Heres a little tough love... WTF DO YOU CARE what he thinks?!? If he asks you, say "yeah I am hitting on her, get in damn line".

You think I'm being crass and boisterous, I'm actually not. What you have just done by doing the above is given yourself no exit or way out of the situation. This will force you to confront and hopefully accept your identity as a Man who will Flirt with a Woman. (BTW women love men like that). If you call yourself a PUA, a Don Juan, or just a red blooded guy, please do not shy away from the self identity that you really want.

.....Or you could spend thousands of dollars in therapy, (I could refer you to one of my colleagues)

(That was a joke)

Best of luck

 

[donjuan87]

Absolutely great post, SlowBurn. You even managed to covey some points that I wasn't even to put into words. Also, since I have turned 18 (the age where doing anything sexual with 16 & 17 yr old girls is illegal), my game and my confidence have increased around those ages, probably because of the age cutoff, and as you said

"The women will also be more predisposed to flirt with you since they are "taken" (underage) and also on some level know they won't start anything serious with you so they can feel safe throwing sexual banter back and forth."

Once again, great post!

 

[librito]

flirt with everybody the same way.
ugly girls, hot girls, single girls, taken girls, young girls, grandmother women.
after a while, youll be a natural with all the girls and
you wont notice even when you're flirting and your friends
wont acuse you of flirting with their girlfriends because thats
how you act all the time with all of them. in addition, you'l learn the "tricks of the trade" because all the women act the same way when you flirt with them. that way, you'l become a great
DJ before you realize.