My back is against the wall now.

[SharinganUser]

I hate giving background information, cause I feel that a lot of the times blurs the actual question that is being asked, so I'll try and keep this down to the meat and potatos.

Basically, I have managed to all but completely fvck up everything I attempt in my life. Compounding this problem of cronic incompetancy is that I have a head start in life, I am from an upper middle class family. I have a head start and I always find a way to fvcking fall flat on my face and finish last.

I am scarred to try new things because of fear of failure. My parents, god bless them, managed some how to fill me with guilt and fear. Instead of getting talks about protection and stuff, I got the "oh, if you ever got a girl pregnant, I don't know what we'd do." GUILT TRIP.

Another thing that makes me dead in the water is that I when I disscuss with them and other people in my life, that I want to TRY something, they completely write it off, and say it's going to be to tough for me. Then after the fact, they ask me why I hesitate so much.

Also, I have to over come the fact that the two strongest ways for me to get a reaction from people is from being funny(which is good) and being a failure(not good).

Now these things would be enough for me on their own, but they've woven together and bred afc traits in me that I have gone to great lengths to overcome.

I procrastinate, I am lazy, I am affraid, shy, feeling lower/behind everyone.

I have an idea about how I can improve my inner game, but I would like some more idea's. I love the idea of inner game, because I honestly don't think routines and techniques will take you as far.

I think I need to start taking crap with a grain of salt, stop seeking approval and start taking initiative, even if that leads to more crap, that's just more crap to practice taking a grain of salt with. As well I need to relax and focus more. That last part is what one of my teachers said today.

All the guilt trips and be a good boy afc stuff I was raised as is fvcking hard to get over.

 

[blinkwatt]

I am scarred to try new things because of fear of failure.
It's good that you acknowledge it,that the start of fixing it.

Another thing that makes me dead in the water is that I when I disscuss with them and other people in my life, that I want to TRY something, they completely write it off, and say it's going to be to tough for me. Then after the fact, they ask me why I hesitate so much.
Always remember in life,do what you want,not what someone else wants.

Also, I have to over come the fact that the two strongest ways for me to get a reaction from people is from being funny(which is good) and being a failure(not good).
Why do you look for a reaction from others?

I procrastinate, I am lazy, I am affraid, shy, feeling lower/behind everyone.
Theres a cure for that,it's called taking care of yourself. Get out,buy some new clothes,get a haircut,shave,buy some colognes & get a gym membership & maybe a new job.

I have an idea about how I can improve my inner game, but I would like some more idea's. I love the idea of inner game, because I honestly don't think routines and techniques will take you as far.
Start in the gym. Use your body as a "toy" and mold it as you want. Your confidence will rise as make yourself better.

I think I need to start taking crap with a grain of salt, stop seeking approval and start taking initiative, even if that leads to more crap, that's just more crap to practice taking a grain of salt with. As well I need to relax and focus more. That last part is what one of my teachers said today.
Now your on the right track! Good luck!

 

[SharinganUser]

Why do you look for a reaction from others?

That my friend is a good question. I think has to do with the fact that anytime I bring up an accomplishment, people, including my sister, have to tell me something better that they did, and try to steal the lyme light or just keep me down for reasons I don't know.

Like today at work, peeps were asking why our head cheff was plating food at my station. I said I don't know, I could've done it, it was not my choice. But then one of em said it was probably for a reason. This type of crap is what I had to deal with since I was a kid. Everytime I said something good that I did, my sis would bring up something good that she did and steal my lyme light.

I have little pride in anything that I do.

 

[blinkwatt]

I have little pride in anything that I do.

Stop there! Have pride in everything you do! Anything you do reflects on you yourself and how you think of yourself.

 

[SharinganUser]

Well how can I do that if I am not very good at what I am doing???

 

[blinkwatt]

Well how can I do that if I am not very good at what I am doing???

It's your mindset,I can tell from your responses. Remember everything is good,some are just better then others. Unless you are living in the streets you have nothing to complain about,THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHERS THAT ARE WORSE OFF THEN YOU! Let me ask you this,is your family very argumentive/competitive? I'm asking because I used to be anal about alot of stuff and so has my family and I learned that instead of trying to one-up each other why not learn from each other and build off of that? All the competitiveness lead to argumenting all the time.