My baby girl is 3 months old

[Murk]

I love her to bits. The mother has done an amazing job to purely breastfeed and continues to do so. They've both invaded my space. What seemed sometimes claustrophobic to me as a single male for 10 years actually feels quite homely. She's added her touches, my spare room is now a nursery, I haven't worked out in close to a year but surprisingly I've retained a lot of muscle mass (I need to hit gym asap). I think it's because I built it cleanly and slowly over years so even though I'm a bit soft I still have big arms and shoulders.

Anyway, I keep looking at other women and wishing, thinking of a different life, planning out my new family (don't judge). I legit feel like I could start a new family in 5 years but keep my daughter close to me and even spoil her more to off set not being with me daily. It's a horrible thing to discuss or imagine, but I'm a realist. I'm not intrinsically happy with our "family unit" but I love my daughter more than anything.

I'm currently throwing myself into my work/business, but with a view to providing for my daughter and future family. It's a horrible, nasty thing to even say or type out loud, but from day one I knew this wasn't my end. I feel I'm destined for more, money is really the only hindrance to any of us seeking our dreams. I own a business where what I put in I will get out.

SO... my question to the fathers out there... did you feel like this wasn't your lot? As bad as co-parenting and not waking up to your kids feels like, isn't it better to be happy and therefore make everyone else happy around you?

I'm 36, I've not made a mistake, I picked a good mother, but she's not my "happily ever after" so to speak.

 

[CoolWave1331]

I'm not really your target as I don't have children of my own but I'd like to be a father someday (perhaps in a couple of years).

I replied largely to say congratulations!

 

[justaroundthecorner]

(....) Anyway, I keep looking at other women and wishing, thinking of a different life, planning out my new family (don't judge). I legit feel like I could start a new family in 5 years but keep my daughter close to me and even spoil her more to off set not being with me daily. It's a horrible thing to discuss or imagine, but I'm a realist. I'm not intrinsically happy with our "family unit" but I love my daughter more than anything.

I'm currently throwing myself into my work/business, but with a view to providing for my daughter and future family. It's a horrible, nasty thing to even say or type out loud, but from day one I knew this wasn't my end. I feel I'm destined for more, money is really the only hindrance to any of us seeking our dreams. I own a business where what I put in I will get out.

SO... my question to the fathers out there... did you feel like this wasn't your lot? As bad as co-parenting and not waking up to your kids feels like, isn't it better to be happy and therefore make everyone else happy around you?

I'm 36, I've not made a mistake, I picked a good mother, but she's not my "happily ever after" so to speak.

My child is several months old now. Do not get me wrong but what I read between the lines is that you feel disillusioned - this is partially the effect of post partum period which affects female which in fact also affects the stability of your relationship (sex is happening less often, to the point of rarely as you are both tired and she is really tired of taking care of child, also child is no.1/priority for both of you - you are not her priority anymore - which is sadly a normal thing in being parent), this makes your thoughts go long distances, wondering how it would be elsewhere, again single. But here you are - with much more responsibilities, with a child. Keep your hands on steering wheel in reality, as dreaming too much now may lead you on a crash course...

 

[Free_Agent]

You’re insane .

I was married 14 years. Two beautiful kids were the result of that failed marriage and I love them dearly and I’ve always been open to having more kids, but the fear of losing time with them like I did with my current children scares the living daylights out of me.

If you wanna walk away and make some more kids you better educate yourself to the family court system and that time money and stress that it can inflict upon your life

 

[BaronOfHair]

....she's not my "happily ever after" so to speak.

You may biologically be a 36 year old male, but psychologically, you're a 15 year old girl. I don't say this to hurt your feelings, but to jolt you into reality, hoss... You've got a child now, and can't afford to maintain a life philosophy this juvenile

 

[Travel memoir21]

You may biologically be a 36 year old male, but psychologically, you're a 15 year old girl. I don't say this to hurt your feelings, but to jolt you into reality, hoss... You've got a child now, and can't afford to maintain a life philosophy this juvenile

Follow this dude's advise man....I know plenty of single dads rarely seeing their kids anymore because of their mom's bitterness towards them. Think of your children and think wisely, because the court system might screw your @ss over.

 

[BeExcellent]

Congratulations on your little one @Murk.

Always remember that the grass is greener where you water it.

It is easy to reminiss and fantasize about other possibilities, especially when you are exhausted and stressed. Life gets out of balance at times and this is one of those times. You were a wild March hare and you feel tied down by domesticity.

I remember when my son (my eldest) was a newborn, I was breastfeeding exclusively and all the ease & spontaniety which my first husband & I loved, well that went out the window for a while. We could not just go grab a drink on a whim at the last second anymore. It was an adjustment.

Be patient with the situation. Be loving to your family. We held off sex for a month after each child on doctor's orders & then went back to a healthy sex life.

Those respective 3 one month post partum periods were the only interruption in out just about daily sex life. Intimacy between you too is important. You both must water the grass so to speak but this is an adjustment period, so give yourself some grace. I think its normal to wonder what if to some degree if you are stressed and this is a highly stressful time.

You have always used this forum as a mental dump when you are thinking out loud. Its a healthy thing to do. Get adjusted and give things time.

Welcome to fatherhood .

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is precious time, you may go a different way with mom but by no means for the time being do you step out on them. Your daughter needs and deserves you. Congratulations again. Feel free to DM me to chat any time. Absolutely wonderful.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I know plenty of single dads rarely seeing their kids anymore because of their mom's bitterness towards them

And missing the most engrossing aspects of fatherhood https://youtube.com/shorts/3ThGGlO24bo?si=pVSqGQlVBxqJfHlR

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I love her to bits. The mother has done an amazing job to purely breastfeed and continues to do so. They've both invaded my space. What seemed sometimes claustrophobic to me as a single male for 10 years actually feels quite homely. She's added her touches, my spare room is now a nursery, I haven't worked out in close to a year but surprisingly I've retained a lot of muscle mass (I need to hit gym asap). I think it's because I built it cleanly and slowly over years so even though I'm a bit soft I still have big arms and shoulders.

Anyway, I keep looking at other women and wishing, thinking of a different life, planning out my new family (don't judge). I legit feel like I could start a new family in 5 years but keep my daughter close to me and even spoil her more to off set not being with me daily. It's a horrible thing to discuss or imagine, but I'm a realist. I'm not intrinsically happy with our "family unit" but I love my daughter more than anything.

I'm currently throwing myself into my work/business, but with a view to providing for my daughter and future family. It's a horrible, nasty thing to even say or type out loud, but from day one I knew this wasn't my end. I feel I'm destined for more, money is really the only hindrance to any of us seeking our dreams. I own a business where what I put in I will get out.

SO... my question to the fathers out there... did you feel like this wasn't your lot? As bad as co-parenting and not waking up to your kids feels like, isn't it better to be happy and therefore make everyone else happy around you?

I'm 36, I've not made a mistake, I picked a good mother, but she's not my "happily ever after" so to speak.

If you think you love your kid NOW, wait until it starts interacting with you/talking to you.

For now this is all chemicals, real bonding happens in the years to come.

If you think you will be done in 5 years you will soon find out about the error of your ways.
Your future exGF/baby momma can fvck your relationship with your kid up you cant even begin to imagine.

Unless kids are becoming independet of their mommy, they can easy be alienated and set against you for good.

And make no mistake, whatever you think your baby momma is capable of now, might change dramaticaly if you abandon her to have a new family.

You might find out that the next pvssy was not worth fvcking up your relationship with your kid.

Choose wisely!

 

[Divorced w 3]

If you think you love your kid NOW, wait until it starts interacting with you/talking to you.

For now this is all chemicals, real bonding happens in the years to come.

If you think you will be done in 5 years you will soon find out about the error of your ways.
Your future exGF/baby momma can fvck your relationship with your kid up you cant even begin to imagine.

Unless kids are becoming independet of their mommy, they can easy be alienated and set against you for good.

And make no mistake, whatever you think your baby momma is capable of now, might change dramaticaly if you abandon her to have a new family.

You might find out that the next pvssy was not worth fvcking up your relationship with your kid.

Choose wisely!

As long as he’s keeping his nose clean, the court system truly values 50/50, in the states at least. However, have fun actually waiting to get in front of a judge.

I agree with this. My little girl is 4.5, is enrolling this fall in kindergarten with her two brothers. She was at their end of year school fair last week in hot pink, a long braid and ran over, through mud, and practically jumped in my arms when she saw me. Neither of us saw anyone else on that playground besides each other. then we spent two hours running around the playground playing what we call bobcat. I’m telling you there is nothing better.

Stay on your best with mom. Even if you can’t work it out, always, always take the high road. Don’t give her any reason at all to document anything to fck you over. You will regret it