My "AFC" Breakdown, It's End Result, and Re-Invention Time

[Jazzman19]

I am ready, I am done. I always questioned how bad my "AFC" nature still was, now I know. A lot of work is ahead, but I am ready for it. How do you make a long story short, I don't know, so I won't try. What provoked this? Ironically it was a girl who claimed we were "close friends."

I admit, I messed this one up BIG time from the start. I pulled the "let's be friends" move on her to begin with, because she had a serious boyfriend. Problem was, I never acted like a friend, until I realized about two months in how stuck I was in the "friendzone." Then I got serious about just being a close friend and told her I didn't want to date her. But early on it was bad. She messed around with other guys after she broke up with her boyfriend, no sex just make-out "hook-ups" as she called them, many times right in FRONT of me. How bad was my "one-itis" and "AFC" nature with this chick? I actually told her I would be cool with being in a relationship with her "down the line." Ugghhh, what was I thinking?

Anyway, some of you may have remembered that I posted a "note" I put on Facebook that caused an issue with my friend of 4 months. This is the same girl. She is the classic attention ***** who is out playing the field, swinging from guy to guy. Then she wonders why she can't get "lucky in love" because they would "ruin things" with her. She was the one to cheat first though, so can you say...crazy? Yeah, more reasons why she is crazy I can give, but I am going to save them due to the length this will be already. The best is when we were "friends" she started complaining about this guy she is dating, because he has trust and jealousy issues and didn't want me around her, yet she refused to tell him she wasn't looking to get "serious" with him. Come on, this guy wants to ONLY date her and told her this, of course his ass is going to not trust her! She couldn't comprehend this though. She also refused to admit when she was wrong, saying I had "excuses" for everything when I would be honest and say "yeah, you actually did hurt me with that comment."

My mistake was trying to be close friends with a girl who doesn't have her head on straight (26 years old, acts like she is 18), and CRAVES men throwing themselves at her. I just fed her ego even more. She used me, and she knows it. But back to the "breakthrough" I had. She didn't talk to me for a week after that note was posted, then she texted me one night asking if I felt better (I haven't been well since my cousin died suddenly who I was very, very close to, and also I got sick with the flu this week). I answered, and she said she was mad still. Should have cut the texts off there, but I didn't since we talked every night. What followed was a shredding of my ego, my self-worth, and everything our friendship stood for. Every time I tried to argue back, she would counter that everything she said was "true" and I “deserved it." To be truthful, she was half right. It exposed just how sad my tactics were with her, or at least who I am as a person in some ways. I am very sarcastic by nature, so I made a wise-crack once that I hoped the new guy she is "dating" that their date went bad. She made a point to throw the fact it went well back into my face, and then said "and you were home alone." I tried to play it cool and say I was happy for her, and she called me a liar. I actually was, this idiot now has to deal with her **** and I don't. THANK GOD.

I kept it going though, my "AFC" nature wouldn't let me quit. I actually told her that I "loved her" and didn't want to lose her as a friend. Truly sad. Since I am still very sick with the flu, I briefly checked into the hospital last night-early this morning because I had a fever of 103.5 degrees. I have to admit, I was scared a bit, I have never been this sick. So my dumb ass texted her telling her I was in the hospital, but I didn't know if she would care. She chewed me apart for that, but I was being honest- why would she care, she made it clear that our friendship was in question, that she didn't care for me, and she was willing to tear me down as far as she could to satisfy what I don't know. So as we are talking I put the idea of us taking a break in her head, saying that we don't talk for two weeks and then if she forgives me she texts me. If not, we go our seperate ways. Big mistake, even though she agreed. So before I finished texting she was asking what the doctors were doing for me, we talked, and I ended with "I hope I don't lose you as a friend, I care for you so much. Am I a bad person?" She said we wouldn't talk about it then, I needed to focus on getting better. This was my last "AFC" move, its embarrassing to even type it.

So as I am leaving the hospital this morning my Dad is driving slow. We have a close relationship, so I knew something was up. Since I am 22 years old, he stays out of my life. He said though while I was getting taken in for an chest x-ray, he read my texts. He couldn’t believe I was putting up with this girl, and the things she said. He chewed me apart for being so sad, and couldn’t understand why I would subject myself to this type of pain. This was my breakthrough, he was right. I wasn’t being who I was a year ago, the guy who wrote that original note. I had fallen back into being an “AFC” and I fell hard and fast. So I let her know when I was getting home from the hospital because I said I would. Around 1 PM, I decide this is it, I am done. Time to cut this psycho loose. So here is how it goes down, in text fashion (since she wasn’t picking up her phone):
“Me: Hey, so I had time to think about all that went on yesterday, and last night, and I think we need to take a break.
Her: No s*** Sherlock
Her: And second I was going to take a break regardless of what you thought
Me: I was thinking a break three weeks ago, so this works. Just didn’t pull the trigger.
Me: So goodbye and have fun.
Her: Oh please. Is that a threat from a punk like you? Hello?! I didn’t talk to you all week!! I mean seriously, this break was my thing not yours so go shove it.
Her: Go cry to mommy and daddy and tell how much I hurt you, which btw is a joke
Me: Goodbye J. Have fun
Her: A-hole.”

So, yeah pretty brutal, but necessary. I don’t text her, I don’t care. Next thing I know I get a text at 4:30 PM, saying this:

“Her: And delete any pictures you have of me. Oh and don’t try to get in touch with me. I blocked you from everything.”

Why did I put this up? As a fair warning to those who feel they may be slipping back into that “AFC” pattern like I regret doing, and as a warning in general- Avoid the women like this. As I think back about all the little things I did for her, the times I hung out with her wasting my gas because she can’t drive (did I say she was 26 again? Yeaaahhh), the little late night chats till early in the morning sharing everything we felt comfortable talking about, letting her tell me how “she felt like she knew me for years,” going to our senior year of college Formal a week ago because she couldn’t find a date, or any of the things I did with her that she had never experienced before (her first professional basketball game and tattoo) it makes me sick to my stomach how much time I wasted on this girl. My female cousin who was friends with her too said, even with her trying to date this other guy, she will end up missing and realizing how great I was for her and the truth is- I DON’T CARE. From this moment on, I am free…time to re-invent myself again, work to NEVER fall back into this pattern, and move the hell on. Feel free to comment, I enjoy your guy’s viewpoints!

 

[drak_ool]

wait a sec... so did you ever actually bang this chick, had a relationship with her or anything, or were you just friends?

 

[Jazzman19]

Had a one-week "relationship" if you even want to call it that, after the boyfriend ditched her, and I actually pulled the "let's just be friends" card for a second time because it didn't feel right. She agreed saying we worked better as friends, and she decided to "pretend" like that week never happened. It's a complicated mess, hence why I regret not cutting the strings quicker.

 

[Get-With-It]

Damn dude. I can't imagine how you were able to put up with a girl like that for so long. Good luck rehabilitating yourself now that you cut her off.

 

[mikel]

That sounds like it sucks, getting over relationships of any kind that involve women take some getting use to and really only going in and out of those relationships is the only thing that makes you "use" to them. So dont take it as a AFC thing, sounds like you hung around cause you liked her. No big deal, it didn't work and you found that out, albeit you took a little longer that you should've to realize this, but its all part of it..

Why did you send her a msg saying you were in the hospital and you didn't think she would care? However you want to put it. You sound like you want this girls pity, so obviously your not that "glad to be rid of the *****" as you sound. You want her attention...It sounds like you want her to feel sorry for you in a way...I just dont really know why.

There's no reason to belittle her, it sounds to me like you came off more confusing than she ever could have. Believe me, she can't see what you think and why you do, she can't see the reasoning behind anything that is going on in your head. She can really just go on what you say and it sounds like you went to wrong way with everything. When you said lets just be friends after that week long relationship. What did you expect her to do? Beg you not to do it for some sort of validation? Of course she is going to say it was a mistake because thats what you said it was, and she doesn't want to look like any idiot.

You know when some people say that the "ball is in their court now" in reference to how a broken relationship may be going? Well to me, it seems like you would put the ball in her court, then take it back just to see what she would say.

You didn't really do anything wrong, you sound like your not really expierenced with relationships of any degree with women, or any ones with some "serious" possibilities. You handled alot of things wrong, but thats not a knock. Everyone does it. It's the only way to really learn something, is by failing it. And believe me there will be more failures. But each time you learn something different. Dont go on some life/personality altering inner journey, these things happen and your going to have to learn how to deal with it. There's nothing AFC here, just young and hurt. It's cool man, we've all been there and this is not dogging you either.

Good luck.

 

[Hughman]

Damn that is some bad shiz right there. I do believe you royally pissed her off.

 

[Jazzman19]

Long Message Ahead, Just a Warning

I wanted to add an update as a thank you to those of you who left messages, all of them were welcomed and I took advice that was given to heart. It was very kind. The reason for this update is two-fold: 1) I made a mistake on the 27th of April by sending a VERY long e-mail to her since she was my friend, and 2) She threw me for a loop yesterday on Mother's Day. On to the first part.

My buddies on Sunday the 26th of April when the stuff in the first part of this went down, decided they wanted to hang out. Since one of them just got out of basic, this was a blast to do. Problem was, we all got drunk as hell. Why is this a problem? I went to college for literature, and I wrote a novel in my first year that is going to be published this year. I wrote most of it while drunk, it helps me think for some reason. Bad things happen when I am drunk, I tend to open up COMPLETELY about everything. So what did I do? I wrote this e-mail to her (ugggghhhh) on April 27th at 3:00 AM while drunk:

"*Her Name*,

I know the chances are long that you will read this, but I needed to send it anyway. If you never read it, I understand. I don't even know why I am sending it, but I am. I also expect no call or text if you do read this. What can I say other then, I am so so sorry.It's not enough, it never will be. I have made my peace with that. But I felt like I needed to tell you these things from the heart.

I am an still slightly immature, stubborn, opinionated person. Every friend I have ever had I pushed away for one reason, I can't keep my mouth shut. I always feel like I have to fix things, I have to make sure the people around me are happy. I never say the right thing, because I am always trying too hard. How did this develop? I am afraid of losing people, I can't accept that sometimes the people who are good for you just always won't be there. I also push the boundaries of comfort and humor, in an attempt to have a good time. It doesn't matter that my intentions are good and pure, that will make people uncomfortable. I also don't know when a joke, just isn't a joke, or the request of an opinion is not an opening for my full thoughts on the matter.

I need to fix these things, I have to fix these things, I WANT to fix these things. I just don't know how. My father once said when I lost all my friends after my OCD/Anxiety scared them away when I was 13 that the path to becoming a better person must "come from the inside." How do you find that path when you don't know how to start it? When you don't have that social experience to draw from because you pushed people away rather then risk getting hurt again? I don't know, perhaps the gentleman I talk to on the occasions about my disease will help me with this. Or perhaps I just need to "shock" myself into learning it. Either way, it must be done, no more excuses.

This is where you come in. You were the best thing I have ever had in my life in a long time for one reason- you told it like it is. You made me want to be better, you made me realize that where I am now, is not where I need to be yet. You would hurt me, but I wouldn't care. I knew you were just saying things in arguments that you didn't always mean, like I would. We were good together. We had a lot of fun, and yes we argued. I know many of the arguments were things I did, but sometimes you really surprised me. You hate the past being brought up a lot, so I won't give specific examples, but there were some things that I was left scratching my head going "why did THAT make her mad?" But I always accepted it, took the verbal beating, and we always bounced back. We always bounced back...

For the first time in a long time I felt like I could trust someone again. We shared a lot together, nothing ever seemed off the table. Maybe that is where things went wrong, we were too comfortable, didn't establish the correct boundaries? I don't know, but I wouldn't change it. One of the greatest compliments you ever gave me was when you told me it felt like you "knew me for a long time." It was true on my end, it felt like I have always known you. We did so many things together for the first time, it was amazing. Even when i was angry at you for little things you did that I didn't understand, we still had an amazing time. We could go do little things like walk the mall, and it was a blast. You drove me crazy, I am being honest, but I never wanted to get off the "ride."

Where I lost your trust, and the mutual happiness/attraction I will always wonder. I never betrayed you, never told anyone anything you ever told me. When you needed someone, I was there. When you wanted to not talk, I gave you your space. When you wanted to go after other guys, I never stood in the way. Does it hurt to know that the one person who I KNOW I would be good for, who I know I would be her "prince charming" she has always wanted doesn't want me? Yes, but that is life. We were never going to be together, I understood that, I accepted that, I actually came to value that. Because that meant I could be what I wanted to be, a good close friend to you. Should I have brought up the ideas of us kissing or maybe getting in an open relationship? No. I guess a part of me always wanted to know if that attraction you felt for me meant anything, that I wasn't "damaged goods" in your eyes, that I maybe I was worth it over the other men it your life. That, was my fault.

I want you to know that I am happy for you. I want you to be happy, I want you to find someone who will give you everything you ever deserve. I want you to find someone who will see what I saw in you- a wonderful friend, a fantastic future lover, an amazing person, and someday an amazing wife and mother. I believe love is a funny thing, you don't expect it to happen, but when it does you embrace it. I fell in love with you, and I wouldn't ever change that, even though you never felt the same.

When the things with those other girls started to go downhill, I felt worthless. Couldn't believe I got myself in those situations. When my Dad got sick and they were talking about cancer, I was scared. I still need him, no matter how much I don't want to admit that. When my baby cousin almost died, along with her mother, I started to wonder if maybe life wasn't entirely fair. When I had those issues with my prescription medications I was worried- I didn't want to scare you. When I lost my two cousins in that earthquake in Italy, and then almost lost my Uncle and his son at the same time, I couldn't comprehend it. When I lost my cousin so suddenly, a man I viewed as my brother when he was SUPPOSED to get better, I was shattered. I don't cry, I hate it, I feel weak. I still do, I miss him so much, and its only been three weeks. When we started fighting for reasons I couldn't always understand, and then I started to realize that you were going to be happier with other guys then me, I cracked.

I needed to take a break, I had to take a break, but I didn't do it. I was afraid to hurt you, to make you mad. So I trudged along for three weeks pretending I was fine, when in reality I am not. I got sarcastic, defensive, and my humor got worse. I said things and went "dear God, did I really just say that??!!" Am I a bad person? What does God want from me? Did I do things in my past that were so horrible that he can't forgive me? Why can't I just be completely happy, nor partly happy for once like everyone else is? What are the purpose of these tests..what??!! So we arrived at the moments we did, and all I did was push you away further without realizing it. I needed you, you made me smile, you pushed me to take that inner happiness and confidence I have and show it to the world, you made me forget about all the stress I had in life. That's not fair, it's never fair. Sure am I always happy and confident? Yes. But I shouldn't ask you to be the person to pick me up on my off-days, I should just do it. We get to the moments with my ex, and I lost it. How dare she, how dare she come to me in the guise of friendship and tell me she still "loves me," and "wants to leave her husband." On the day, exactly, four years ago she cheated on me, and make it point to apologize to me for that too. I had forgotten about it, the memories were buried, I didn't even care anymore! And yet, she dug them back up. So I acted out of anger. Was I too stupid at the time to realize much of what I wrote could apply to you and I? Honestly, yes. I didn't see how something from four years ago could mess things up so badly now, and now I know. I can't take it back, I can't take any of this back. I just can make damn sure it never happens again.

*Continued*

 

[Jazzman19]

*Continued*

So we come to yesterday, and the idea of a break. I genuinely meant it. I thought it was a good idea. You went off, and I just responded the way I thought I should have- very neutral with respect. I actually meant with my heart, for you to have fun during our break. And here we are. You ran off and blocked me from everything. and I know what's going to happen- we are never going to talk again. Am I angry? No. Confused? A lot. Accepting of it? Yes. If this is how it ends, then this is how it ends. I can't change it, can't ask you or make you want to give me a second chance. I believe I deserve it, after all we have been through, but I can't force it. So if you never decide to forgive me, know this- I wish you all the love and happiness in the world. I am going to work on myself and try and get better for the next person that comes along in my life. I valued your friendship, I respected you, and I will always be there for you if you ever want me to. Your parents were so very sweet to me, and they are wonderful, amazing people. The friends I got to met, some of them were good people too. I loved being able to give you little surprises and gifts because I was thinking of you that day, or just being thought of as important enough for you to want to be around me. I found this to be the best way to end this, and I mean it:

"You are what every guy looks for in a girl. Understand that. You are amazing.
You are willing to sacrifice everything for love. There will be so many other better guys who are going to come into your life
and fall for you in an instant. So do it. Move on. Wait for the guy who will do the same for you.
Wait for the one who will love you more than he can love himself. The one who will never let you wait
because he’s too afraid to lose you. The one who is always there for you, whether you need him or not because he
loves you so much. Wait for the guy who can look you straight in the eye to tell you that he wants to spend the rest of his life
with nobody else but you. Move on. Stop waiting. There is no point in waiting for somebody who doesn’t realize your value."

Goodbye,

*My Name*"

I woke up later on that day, hung over as holy hell. My computer was open, and so was my e-mail. I checked it like I normally do, and I saw this e-mail. It was in my "Drafts" section, so I was hoping against hope that I hadn't sent it. I wasn't that lucky, I checked the "Sent" section and it was sent to her. I called my Dad in to ask how bad it was...and he just cringed. He said what I was thinking "all you can do is just move on from here, forget about her."

So I did. The last week of the college semester started that day, and then Finals were last week. When I was done, I got full-time into my job, working on a new book I am writing, and hanging out with friends and family. To put the story short, I was happy. I needed some time to reflect and be alone, and I was getting it. Then yesterday happens, on Mother's Day of all times. I had blocked and deleted her from everything, the same she had did to me, except for MSN as I thought I had.

She decided for some reason to unblock me and send me these messages:

"Her: oh by the way..i did read your long email about two weeks ago..how dare you write that just as the semester is ending ?"

I didn't respond because I was watching a movie with my parents that my Mom wanted to rent, because it was Mother's Day. Her day of course. So ten minutes later she sends this:

"Her: not going to respond ? so typical-can't deal with a situation-so you run away instead of dealing that-good luck with that down the road...see if it gets you anywhere."

I did not respond to any of these things, and she blocked me again. The question I have is....what the hell is up with these messages? We argued on the 26th, she blocked me from everything on that day, I stupidly sent this e-mail the next day while drunk on the 27th, and then she sends me those messages on May 10th. I never contacted her after that messed up e-mail, and have not seen her since. So why un-block me just to confront me about these messages. I am thinking she is just a immature at 26, but the girl who was my "friend" was NOT like this when we were hanging out. I have moved on from her, this just threw me for a loop. Oh, and feel free to rip the e-mail apart as well if you want even though that isn't my qustion, I KNOW how bad it sounds and reads. I can't deny these feelings weren't mine at the time, even if she was just my "friend", I just never said anything like this without alcohol (hahaha).

 

[King Turi]

Man, she's trying her hardest to get you off her tit and it ain't sinkin' in for some reason.

Just give up on her completely, don't e-mail her none of that **** again or anything.

Just forget about her and move on.

 

[PimpOfTheSouth]

You got to move on, Im serious.

 

[Jazzman19]

Oh I am, trust me. I can see how it doesn't seem that way though, I really do because I keep talking about her. I am being honest though when I say this, in that the only reason why I posted this update was because I was utterly confused and wanted to vent.

Like I said in there, on the morning of the 27th of April which was the day after the "fight", I sent that e-mail I posted. After seeing what I had written, and talking to my Dad (since him and I are close), I realized I really really needed to move on from this girl completely.

What threw me off was her coming back 2 weeks+ later on May 10th and sending those messages over MSN. It confused the hell out of me, because I had actually begun to forget about her completely at the beginning of the week. I am a very "out of sight, out of mind" type person, so the fact that she had me blocked and deleted, and I did the same to her, meant that I didn't think once about her. The reason why I like this site is because we all talk about the little things that matter in becoming a better male in this world, and one of them is decoding the "games" women play.

That is why I was confused. If she wanted the last word...well she got it, no sweat off my back. Anything other then that, I wouldn't understand for one simple reason- all of her actions from the 27th of April on made it VERY clear our friendship was done, dead. So I have acted the way anyone would in that situation, did my own thing and moved on. For me the past two weeks it has been work, friends, and family. Family mostly because I am still grieving over my cousin a bit, and also because we have had a lot of family parties and birthday's recently. To pull that type of crap on Mother's Day, when I am trying to entertain my mother just.... I don't know torqued me a bit. So I figured I would post it, and get your guy's opinions. If this is part of the mental "game" it is a side I have NEVER seen, so it's news to me. But I can honestly swear, I have almost 100% moved on from this girl, despite the appearances. I consider this thread a bit of my own personal "journal" of how immaturity and AFC tendencies can really hurt you, sort of a "avoid this at ALL costs" gift to anyone who may be like me out there. I find it helpful to talk these things out, if that makes sense.

 

[Igetit!]

WOOOOOW DUDE.

I've never read anything like that on this forum before....EVER. Man,and I thought Maxtro had it bad. He ain't got nothin on you man. Dude,YOU TAKE the afc cake. I think this girls behavior towards you was a combination of both her being a bad person,and just how women in general are around afc-ish behavior. I believe that if from the beginning,from the getgo,a woman "feels" that you're AFC,then she'll simply move on,or turn attention WH0RE on you. However,it seems like in your situation that she learned of your "AFC-ness" not when she first met you,but a month or two later AFTER she became a little emotionally attached to you. Remember,hate is a emotion too. If someone hates you,are jealous/envious,that's still an emotional connection. I think this is why even after all the hate and venum she showed you,and the supposed break you threw in her face,she still contacted you. Sick,huh? And more than likely,she'll probably contact you again in the future.

I hope you are truly over this foolishness,because if not,this torture will probably just drag on and on. This "woman" doesn't have the maturity to put and end to this. She'll just keep it going to continue getting an emotional jolt out of it,while you continue to be hurt and degraded.

If you're out,then stay out.

 

[Jazzman19]

You will get no argument from me as to how bad my AFC tendencies are right now. I know this, that is why I am here, and why I am posting some of these things.

The thing is, I wasn't always like this as hard as that is to believe. I used to be great with women, never had an issue getting a girl (like I said with the post about what my younger brother did, he used to come for me for advice). When I got engaged to my ex, it was because I was ready for that. Sadly, she turned out to be a BPD with paranoid scizophrenia (something that was not diagnosed UNTIL after we were engaged). That ended not only when she cheated on me, but in response to me kicking her ass out of my life for doing so, she proceeded to attempt to harm me (stabbed me in the arm during a confrontation).

I don't know if that caused the AFC tendencies to develop, but it was a very fast downslide into it. When I read that e-mail, even if it was truly alcohol induced, I realized just how bad it had got. So I am here to re-invent myself, and to learn. Thank you for your comments, they were EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

 

[Dedication]

Going good. Next step: Become a man who values his own time. Delete everything you have from her, everything that reminds you of her, block her from everything. Make it like she never existed in your life. Make sure you cannot contact her when you are drunk again.

 

[drak_ool]

her message shows that she will try to get back at you. The thing is, only you can decide w/er you want to let that affect you or not. If you are serious about moving on, nothing that comes from her will ever touch you, she is dead to you and she cannot affect you in anyway.

Maybe you're not as bad of an "afc" as you think. Maybe you are depressed, or dealing with some other issues that hinder your relationships with women. Take a moment analyze where you are in your life, what your goals are (besides gettting girls) and what are the concrete steps you can take, based on all the advice you can get from this site (look at the "bible") and not only, in order to reach those goals. Maybe it will take you months or years to reach them, but every step you take in the right direction will make you feel so much better, give you so much confidence.

good luck!

 

[Captain Harlock]

Just make sure you NEVER ever pull off a stunt like that. Being drunk is not an excuse for typing a huge email like that. You should've completely cut contact as soon as you left the hospital and talked with your dad. I hope you learn from it because reading that was just painful.

 

[djinhell]

dude, ouch!

I had a similar scenario about a year ago with my major oneitis... she totally used me to get through her break-up and abortion AND even though I was doomed for the friend zone, I sent her an email in one last attempt for her to "see the light". obviously it ended with a not so great reply email lol.

Never approached her or contacted her since...thats the way it goes. The good thing is, when you cut off and give yourself time to get over it, you really see how horrible the girl is, and how you would never have worked in a relationship :yes:

 

[Jazzman19]

I want to thank all you guys for your advice and for your help. It is very kind, and one of the things I enjoy about this Forum. Even when you read harsh stuff you see the wisdom behind the words. For the one user who said I might be depressed; I have considered it.

Since my cousin died so suddenly 5 weeks ago, and I was so close to him I have been seeing a grief counselor about things, and it really has opened my eyes to the damage one can do to themselves if they let their mind get to them. I thought I was past all this mental health stuff after my own bout with OCD/Anxiety from 13-18, and then my ex-fiancee who was a BPD and paranoid schizo from 17-18, but it appears it can rear it's ugly head at any time.

Right now the rest of my life is in order. I am getting back into my old playing shape for an adult baseball league, my job is great, my hobbies are picking up, and my friends and family are the best people ever. For the last two years it seemed that the only area I was "downsloping" in was women, and it culminated with this girl who was a "friend." I am looking forward to taking the time to get my head on straight in this area, because I have had success in the past. Just got to keep fightin.

 

[Jazzman19]

So since I figured I would be using this as an updated "journal" during my time back into where I want to be (as long as that is not against site rules, and you guy's are cool with it), I will be posting updates. This one, is....if I can be ****y, interesting to say the least.

So I had to go to sleep early last night for work, but before I did that I made SURE to delete everything I had of my old "friend," and I mean EVERYTHING. I also told my buddies I decided to stop drinking for awhile, because it was becoming a crutch for me, and they all were excited to help out.

I head into work, and I have to admit I am feeling pretty good. The last couple of days my energy has been back, and like I said before things with work, friends, and family have been going great. I enter work, and stop to say hello to the usual friends before heading to my office (yeah, I am one of those annoying people who is the "youngest" management official in company history, not bragging just my buddies get good laughs out of that), and it appears to be a light day.

Around lunchtime, one of my co-workers secretaries asks if I want to come with her to smoke. I don't smoke (I am actually allergic to it), but considering I haven't talked to this girl in a long time I figured "why not?" and headed out. She is about a HB 7.5-8, Polish-Greek mix with a nice body and long flowing black hair. Hell of a personality too. So we grab our lunches and head outside to an area where no one really sits because it is a nice day. We are having lunch and a great conversation, but since I make it a policy to not mess around at work, I am not really flirting. Just playing it casual.

As the lunch progresses, I notice she is touching me more. She also is playing with her hair when I make a joke, and a couple of times I caught her staring and she looked away. I am realizing this girl wants me. So a couple of co-workers come over to the area where we are sitting and grab some seats. She decided she didn't like that, and asked me to the gazebo we have around the building so she can go smoke. We head over there, and she is during more touching while we are talking. At this point I am wrangling in my head, "do I risk it? It is work after all. But she is heavily into me...risk it!" I have an old back injury from high school/one year of college football, and I told her it was acting up. Without asking, she starts giving me a back massage.

While she is back there she whispers into my ear "so, how much trouble would you get into if you messed around at work?" I started laughing and said "nothing I can't handle." She pats me on the back and walks around front and with a big smile on her face goes "anyone in mind?" I just smile back and with a laugh say "nope." The look on her face was priceless. Absolute shock basically. She starts to walk away from the gazebo, and then stops. She looks back and says "No one?" At this point, I am laughing on the inside, I couldn't believe how obvious she was being. I told her to come back over here, and she doesn't hesitate. She asks the question again, and I hesitate, and then kiss her. She pulls back laughing and is like "you jackass! You had me convinced! I have wanted you to do that since your first day at work 8 months ago!" and then we proceed to make out for awhile at the gazebo.

So I set up a date for Saturday, she gives me her number and even adds me on Facebook later at her desk while I am standing there (odd I know). I am heading back into my office after stopping at her desk when my cell phone vibrates. Take a guess who the message was from? Not the girl I was just outside with, but my old supposed "friend" that these posts have been about." Here is what it says:

"Her: So I read your e-mail at least once and if u want my response text back."

I look at it, laugh (I remembered what IGetit! and djinhell said about her continuing to keep the games up) and deleted it. I have a date Saturday, no need to play the mind games with this chick.