My Advice- Never Take it Personally

[6stringer]

That you took something I wrote personally and now feel the need to come to another thread and troll.

You are free to take or reject advice given.

* just read some of your old threads.. lol. I get it now

 

[sylvester the cat]

That you took something I wrote personally and now feel the need to come to another thread and troll.

You are free to take or reject advice given.

* just read some of your old threads.. lol. I get it now

Thanks, but I don't take advice from charlatans who can talk the talk but can't walk the walk.

 

[TARKUS]

Some of what you say is true because it sounds logical for a guy, but a lot of men are doing it wrong.

 

[Pandora]

This actually a really good thread. Something that is not talked about enough. We often think that girls pick dudes based on some check list of alpha qualities. These chicks cant pick what they want on a menu, what makes you think they will make super rational decisions when it comes to dating. The truth is a chick will sc**w a dude based on many different reasons. A lot of low self esteem hot girls go through a phase where they only date down. They will even tell you that they are dating down on purpose. That goes against everything the manosphere teaches but it does happen. I have seen it.

The more psychologically damaged the girl is the more irrational her choices are. The truth is that there are innumerable reasons why girls pick certain guys, and its not always becuz one guy was more manly or alpha than the other. Female attraction is deeply idiosyncratic. Except maybe when it comes to looks. Dont believe me? Ask a girls female friends if they think that her bf is attractive? They will often say no...i dont see what she see in him, but whatever. That proves that attraction is a very personal thing. This does not apply to looks though. Looks is an exception. A good looking guy is pretty much universally attractive to women. But when it comes to personality, all bets are off.

 

[Pandora]

Not exactly. He may or may not be a higher quality man. There could be a number of factors:

1) Where she is in life and what type of relationship she's seeking (short term sex or long term stability, etc.)
2) Logistical reasons, such as location, availability of you or the other man, etc.
3) Something as random as hormonal shifts or a flare of emotions caused by....God knows what? Her friend's advice? Some fvcking movie that got her all emotional? Some book she read suggesting she needs to leave you
4) A sudden shift in your attitude, including you slippping up temporarily and becoming needy or boring or providing her with average sex
5) She simply got tired of you as she gets tired of all men after a certain period of time and convinces herself that she needs to change it up..
6) while you may offer physical attractiveness, great sex, humor, strength, physique, and all the other "Alpha" characteristics...she may just want to move on to someone with more money or more of a "nice" guy she can settle down with. Someone that will buy her sh!t


It's not usually just that shes upgrading straight from A to B. Not like shes changing in her car for model B because model A is outdated. I mean it can happen, but rarely. Best to not take it personal like everyone has been saying. You will drive yourself mentally insane trying to compare yourself to the "new guy" she's seeing. Just accept it and move on.

I agree 100%. Just actually have female friends and talk to them. You get a glimpse of how they operate. They reject guys and accept guys based on the most ridiculous reasons. That is if they can even articulate why they made that decision in the first place. There are soo many factors that go into it.

 

[Pandora]

being involuntarily celibate or consistently rejected is it's own downward spiral.

If a guy is getting constantly rejected from EVERY woman then yes, the problem is him. That means he is not following basic DJ principles and he is very ugly. But thats not the case for most guys who have a little bit of game. Have you ever been rejected by 9 hot chicks and on the 10th scored big. That 10th hot chick loves all your great qualities. This is what the OP is talking about. Just becuz the other 9 girls didnt recognize your value doesn't mean you are not valuable. The 10th hot girl did. You were what she was looking for. Girls these days reject valuable cool guys all the time for no good reason.

Dont take it personal. This is easier said than done. It takes years to finally not take it personally. But the more experience i get with women, the less personal i take it. I still have a long way to go.

 

[6stringer]

There seems to be a few neative reactions to this post. First off, I am not trying to reinvent the wheel or act like some huge DJ, I am simply trying add something I ahve learned along the way.

Many are saying I am basically talking about indeifference- and I will admit, there is alot alike between the two things.. But indifference is a catch 22. If you show too much indifference you will lose women by basically pushing away too much. Secondly how exactly do you develope indifference?
The thing about not taking things personally is, at least for me, a way to resolve that find a way to actually implement the good things about indifference without the negative aspects. Practicing not taking things personally has been much more successful for me.. and maybe I am in the minority, but if it helps some other guy get it, then cool.

So if you think my writing about it means I'ma narcissist and a know it all who is trying to pretend to be some DJ innovator- thats on you... but its not my intention. I am merely trying to understand what has worked for me and why.. like everyone else here. Hoping to share it and learn from others by seeing what they think.

What I find about NTIP as opposed to indifference, is that whenever I try indifference I end up really just burying what I really feel and oddly feeling like I failed at something. NTIP kind of releases that anger or bitterness- its her problem/choices/issue etc not mine. I, personally, find it easier to let it all go and not care, yet I am able to re-engage honestly and openly without feeling like I have to figure her out. Its like an inner game version of indifference, it focuses on the inner aspect of it, as opposed to focusing on how to come across as indifferent etc.

Thinking about it this way cleared alot up for me and makes sense to me. And it has really been, looking back, what made the greatest difference in my ame ever since I reentered the single life a few years ago.

 

[Peterpack]

IF a girl you approach on the street responds negatively

if a girl you went on one date with flakes on a second date

if a girl you **** once doesn't want any more

I think they are scenarios you could not take personally because the girl doesn't really know you deeply

BUT if you have a girlfriend for several months or longer and she leaves you for another man, how could you not take it a bit personal because she did know you well and left you

 

[EbbsAndFlows]

IF a girl you approach on the street responds negatively

if a girl you went on one date with flakes on a second date

if a girl you **** once doesn't want any more

I think they are scenarios you could not take personally because the girl doesn't really know you deeply

BUT if you have a girlfriend for several months or longer and she leaves you for another man, how could you not take it a bit personal because she did know you well and left you

I agree for the most part. But there's certainly scenarios where the girl does like her bf, but is getting "grass is greener" syndrome", and could end up going for a guy of equal or lesser value for the thrill of it.

In those situations, it's certainly better to just cut your losses, but point being: don't take things too personally, although we should still be looking for ways to better ourselves.

 

[6stringer]

IF a girl you approach on the street responds negatively

if a girl you went on one date with flakes on a second date

if a girl you **** once doesn't want any more

I think they are scenarios you could not take personally because the girl doesn't really know you deeply

BUT if you have a girlfriend for several months or longer and she leaves you for another man, how could you not take it a bit personal because she did know you well and left you

Well there will definitely be much more pain and difficulty in that situation. Neither indifference or NTIP will really erase that because you are dealing with a true loss- no matter how crappy the situation was, your brain will react as if it has lost something essential.

But.... Not taking it personally will help a bit. Lets say you screwed up and became too beta, or needy or whatever. This doesn't make you less of a person, it just means that for that relationship, with that girl, it was too mch. By contrast someone like my brother who is a wishy washy true blue beta has a wife that eats it up and kinda loves him for it. It may not be what we want, but they have been married for 20 years now and very happy together. By the same token you could have been too alpha and she could have left.. so it seems to me that the best way to go forward is to act in a way that you can live with, try and be the best man you can be- by your own accounting.. and realize that if someone loses interest or doesnt like it, thats their problem.

Lets say a guy drops his game and his gf cheats- does that justify her deception? her lies? her behavior? Of course not. In short, what YOU do is on you, but what they do is on THEM. There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all to this life.

I think we let women off the hook way too much. A uy buys flowers or texts one time too many and when he ets screwed we're all like "its your fault!" I say no, its no cardinal sin to do these things and the fact that women today are so feral as to jump branches for stupid things is on them and them only. Now, it pays to deal with the reality of life today and see a pattern and react accordingly- so no flowers and no excessive texts.. But don't internalize these womens actions and let it drag you down by taking it personally.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Women look for confidence in a man. <==that's a period.

There are two reasons why you should ignore basically anything a woman does that might set you off.

1 Women will typically come around again.
2 You might just be getting tested.

Sometimes women don't even know they are testing you, they are just being idiots then looking back at what happened and appreciating how you handled it.

It's not as easy as some would think either. You can't ever put yourself out there. You always have to be able to not give a fuuck and for it to be obvious you are completely satisfied the whole time. Early declarations of affection ruin this.

I'm seeing a girl now that sent completely mixed signals. I gave no fuucks to her and now she's crazy over me.

You just gotta set your goals. Are you out there to teach some HO respect or get in her pants?

Further your goals, don't get sucked into hers.

Stop fighting and getting mad with girls, learn to be a real man and game begins to fall in place by itself.

 

[6stringer]

IF a girl you approach on the street responds negatively

if a girl you went on one date with flakes on a second date

if a girl you **** once doesn't want any more

I think they are scenarios you could not take personally because the girl doesn't really know you deeply

BUT if you have a girlfriend for several months or longer and she leaves you for another man, how could you not take it a bit personal because she did know you well and left you

Well there will definitely be much more pain and difficulty in that situation. Neither indifference or NTIP will really erase that because you are dealing with a true loss- no matter how crappy the situation was, your brain will react as if it has lost something essential.

But.... Not taking it personally will help a bit. Lets say you screwed up and became too beta, or needy or whatever. This doesn't make you less of a person, it just means that for that relationship, with that girl, it was too mch. By contrast someone like my brother who is a wishy washy true blue beta has a wife that eats it up and loves him for it. It may not be what we want, but they have been married for 20 years now and very happy together. By the same token you could have been too alpha and she could have left.. so it seems to me that the best way to go forward is to act in a way that you can live with, try and be the best man you can be- by your own accounting.. and realize that if someone loses interest or doesnt like it, thats their problem.

Lets say a guy drops his game and his gf cheats- does that justify her deception? her lies? her behavior? Of course not. In short, what YOU do is on you, but what they do is on THEM. There is no cookie cutter, one size fits all to this life.

I think we let women off the hook way too much. A uy buys flowers or texts one time too many and when he ets screwed we're all like "its your fault!" I say no, its no cardinal sin to do these things and the fact that women today are so feral as to jump branches for stupid things is on them and them only. Now, it pays to deal with the reality of life today and see a pattern and react accordingly- so no flowers and no excessive texts.. But don't internalize these womens actions and let it drag you down by taking it personally.

 

[sylvester the cat]

telling someone to not take it personally is as helpful as telling someone to go out and be a millionaire.

it's not something you turn on and off like a switch. it is an internal process and mind-set that starts from the inside out.

not taking things personally, indifference, inner game or having a successful mind-set are all aspects of something far deeper and more important - self knowledge.

when you know yourself and the true power you hold you need never be dependent on anyone else or their opinions again.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm late to this thread, but I agree with the OP completely.

Part of the problem is the PUA mindset that, "You could have had that girl if you had done xyz instead."

Certainty, one should learn from mistakes and fine tune their game. But to take rejections personally and keep blaming yourself is not helpful.

Many times, the guy has not done anything (significantly) wrong. She either lost interest or wasn't (that) interested to begin with.

 

[JohnChops]

I've been trying to convey this for so long, no one here understands that not giving a **** is the best way to go. A+ post. Makes no sense to care what women think or do.