Yesterday I was on the bus with a friend, we were the only ones on it, and at the next stop these two HB 8.5s get on. For the whole time I was telling myself that i was about to approach but just couldn't bring myself to do it. The same day some cute girl passed me and I smiled and she smiled back but I just couldn't approach here. I need some advice on how to lose this AA.
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My AA is preventing me from progressing
- Thread starter nesblu
- Start date
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
The bold is the problem. You are thinking too much, which is psyching you out. You need to approach as a natural reaction. I know it's easier said than done, but it still holds true.nesblu said:Yesterday I was on the bus with a friend, we were the only ones on it, and at the next stop these two HB 8.5s get on. For the whole time I was telling myself that i was about to approach but just couldn't bring myself to do it. The same day some cute girl passed me and I smiled and she smiled back but I just couldn't approach here. I need some advice on how to lose this AA.
Most of the time AA stems from a fear of rejection. You wouldn't be nervous to approach someone if you didn't care about the outcome. So, you need to do 1 of 2 things: 1) Get rejected enough times it no longer bothers you, or 2) Change your thoughts on rejection in the first place.
Realize that getting rejected does nothing to you, unless you make it bother you. If you asked a stranger for $5 and they said 'no', would you spend the next 2 days crying about it? So if you ask a stranger for a phone number and they said 'no', big deal? You move on and find someone else to ask. Rejection has no intrinsic pain to it. The only way it hurts is if you let it. Try to become numb to it, or realize it's just part of the game.
Another thing is, when you see a girl, realize that in most cases, you've already seen her best side. Many times a very attractive girl will drop in value once you learn more about her. Whether it's because shes dumb as rocks, bad kisser, bad in bed, has a boyfriend she won't leave, or simply isn't your type.
So, instead of approaching a girl as "wow, she's beautiful! I would love a chance to take her out!"... think of it as "she's pretty cute, let's see if she fits what I'm look for". That way, you aren't putting her on a higher level than yourself. You are going into the situation as you should: looking for what YOU want. Not trying to give her what she wants.
sexysuave
Senior Don Juan
Listen to the two above... solid advice...
Bottom line is, you really have nothing to lose.
You can also realize how you feel now.... you feel like crap.. and you're kicking your self in the head for not talking to those girls... you were with them on a buss and who knows if you'll ever see 'em again... you should have just approached and went for it... now you get to spend a few days thinking about it..
Solution: Think to your self "do I EVER wanna feel like this again?" If the answer is no, well guess what, there's good news: YOu don't have to! Next time just approach RIGHT AWAY.. I think the 3 second rule is pretty good because it just gets you away from overthinking the situation... as soon as you see her/them, go up RIGHT AWAY.. don't wait at all man, just go up..
So as already stated, the more you do it, the less you will care about it.. Think about it, if you only approach one girl per week, and that girl says no, then you're kinda stuck thinking about her a bit... however.. if you approach 20 girls, and you get only 4 numbers... are you gonna give a damn about the other 16 girls? Hell no! LOL you just got 4 numbers!!
Now do that 4 times a month, that's 16 numbers a month... if you follow up on these, be confident, and take the LEAD, you will soon be spinning multiple plates! :rockon:
Bottom line is, you really have nothing to lose.
You can also realize how you feel now.... you feel like crap.. and you're kicking your self in the head for not talking to those girls... you were with them on a buss and who knows if you'll ever see 'em again... you should have just approached and went for it... now you get to spend a few days thinking about it..
Solution: Think to your self "do I EVER wanna feel like this again?" If the answer is no, well guess what, there's good news: YOu don't have to! Next time just approach RIGHT AWAY.. I think the 3 second rule is pretty good because it just gets you away from overthinking the situation... as soon as you see her/them, go up RIGHT AWAY.. don't wait at all man, just go up..
So as already stated, the more you do it, the less you will care about it.. Think about it, if you only approach one girl per week, and that girl says no, then you're kinda stuck thinking about her a bit... however.. if you approach 20 girls, and you get only 4 numbers... are you gonna give a damn about the other 16 girls? Hell no! LOL you just got 4 numbers!!
Now do that 4 times a month, that's 16 numbers a month... if you follow up on these, be confident, and take the LEAD, you will soon be spinning multiple plates! :rockon:
^THIS.PDubb75 said:The bold is the problem. You are thinking too much, which is psyching you out. You need to approach as a natural reaction. I know it's easier said than done, but it still holds true.
Most of the time AA stems from a fear of rejection. You wouldn't be nervous to approach someone if you didn't care about the outcome. So, you need to do 1 of 2 things: 1) Get rejected enough times it no longer bothers you, or 2) Change your thoughts on rejection in the first place.
Realize that getting rejected does nothing to you, unless you make it bother you. If you asked a stranger for $5 and they said 'no', would you spend the next 2 days crying about it? So if you ask a stranger for a phone number and they said 'no', big deal? You move on and find someone else to ask. Rejection has no intrinsic pain to it. The only way it hurts is if you let it. Try to become numb to it, or realize it's just part of the game.
Another thing is, when you see a girl, realize that in most cases, you've already seen her best side. Many times a very attractive girl will drop in value once you learn more about her. Whether it's because shes dumb as rocks, bad kisser, bad in bed, has a boyfriend she won't leave, or simply isn't your type.
So, instead of approaching a girl as "wow, she's beautiful! I would love a chance to take her out!"... think of it as "she's pretty cute, let's see if she fits what I'm look for". That way, you aren't putting her on a higher level than yourself. You are going into the situation as you should: looking for what YOU want. Not trying to give her what she wants.
Absolutely the mindset you have to adopt. Go into all situations believing no girl is above your own value.