My 1-2 month problem with girls

[MadeInTheUK]

hi guys,

had a pretty good chat with my mate last night coming home from new years festivities.

basically he is a natural dj, and i was talking about this girl that ive been seeing a bit for the last month or 2... and was telling him how she started to act weird around the 1 month mark, just like most of my other girls i have seen..

it normally goes amazing for the first 3-5weeks, they completely fall for me/love hanging out with me/we have great chats when were together/ on the phone etc..

but after that it starts to become awkward, conversation starts to lag and i cant really chat with them the same, then obviously theyre IL drops, and it either fizzles out, or they finish it...

now i was telling him its because i cant actually come up with stuff to talk about after this point...i feel like ive told them everything, and that its my fault, because maybe i become unconfident or uncomfortable around them...

but he thinks its acutally me that gets bored with them...and i dont realise it. so instead of nexting them, i carry on until they dump me, obviously this leaves me feeling ****, and more unconfident.

i dont really know how i can keep the spark there after the couple month mark, should i be doing different stuff with them at this point?/seeing them more?/seeing them less?

i can get that spark at the beginning with most girls and really connect, but after a while...bang nothing, im bored (or have nothing to say to them) or theyre bored with me (cuz i have nothing to say)

little help?

Cheers!

 

[Craig Reeves]

Ah yes, finally I get to give advice FIRST! Whoohoo!

OK, anyway, let's analyze here....

You say that things start off great, but after about a month, things don't necessarily end so great.

I think you have a problem I like to call "Stiff-itis". Heh, yeah a new word, I know...

You may think that you're just getting bored with the girls and therefor the relationship turns into a dud, but the actual truth is that you are both getting bored at the exact same time, but it's kind of YOUR fault....

The problem you're running in to is that you are not crossing any new boundaries with these women that you are seeing. You meet them, get their phone number etc. and go out on dates with them, but you don't ever turn up the dial and make a move (go for the kiss, hold hands, etc.).

The Law of Pursuit: When a man is no longer able to pursue a woman, he will eventually become bored and give up.

You talk to them, get their digits, and date them but you do nothing else, so therefore you get bored and because of YOUR boredom, she will get bored too.

So when you feel as if things need to be more interesting, plan to make a move.

 

[rankn00b]

bible reference

Let the scripture show you the way
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16923

Wyldfire's post on LTRS.

(other posts int the LTR section are good too)

 

[MadeInTheUK]

Originally posted by Craig Reeves
but you don't ever turn up the dial and make a move (go for the kiss, hold hands, etc.).

nah, thats deffinately not the problem... the first month of going out with a girl, theyre all over me, we kiss all the time, have lots of sex...(its not that im crap in bed either, before anyone goes there. lol)


rankn00b : thanks for that man..... sounds like theyre bailing in the comfort zone then, but probably because i dont know how to keep them interested while being in the comfort zone...hmmm.....
I will have a read through the LTR section and search for comfort zone, to see if there is anything discussed before...

anyone else got any input?

Thanks

 

[dearsappho]

Yeah...dont do anything for them they cant do themselves. Dont pay for them and definitely dont lend them money...you'll come a cropper f'sure...happened to me on numerous occasions before I found this site...

 

[PalmerTheCharmer]

Originally posted by MadeInTheUK
now i was telling him its because i cant actually come up with stuff to talk about after this point...i feel like ive told them everything, and that its my fault, because maybe i become unconfident or uncomfortable around them...

OK well admittedly I'm no expert DJ yet, but this is what I think is the problem.

You say you feel like you've told them everything. But one of the most important themes in the DJB (and best weapons in a true DJ's arsenal) is mystery.

It sounds to me that in these situations both of you have become bored. You become bored as you have told the girl everything (so there is nothing much left to say). The girl then becomes bored because she now knows everything about you because you have told her too much (and then no mystery/excitement = predictability = boredom)

Add this to the uneasy/uncomfortable sensations you are feeling and its little wonder the IL plummets. (But don't worry I'm not having a pop, we all get nervous at times)

I believe the solution is to take things much slower.. add more mystery and definitely don't reveal too much about yourself. Let them find out for themselves! I read somewhere on this site that women love to find out things about you piece by piece (like peeling the layers of an onion).

They love this stuff! By being mysterious you are simultaneously making yourself a challenge, not being predictable, and in a sense forcing the girl to be curious about you (and thus interesting). Plus revealing too much comes across as AFC (ie the supplicating nice guy who tries everything to 'impress' the girl)

So basically take things slower, relax, and don't reveal so much. Let them find out for themselves slowly. They say you can never go too slowly in a relationship. Also if you feel the conversation slipping, ask the girl some questions about herself. That will take the pressure of you, plus girls love a good listener!

Finally I strongly advise reading Anti-Dump's relationship section in the DJB for some great tips. Just my $0.02.

Good luck!