This was originally posted in puzzled's post.. but I thought it was pretty universal
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Puzzled,
i would take pulse's advice. i have known him for about 6 years, and i can say that this kid knows what he is talking about. he is more or less my protege. i coached him through some rough times and he has since learned a lot, and even started teaching me things. i would forget about all the bull**** everybody else has been telling you, not necessarily because it's all wrong, but because if you follow pulse's advice, you won't need much else. i can only emphasize a couple things.
i agree with him on "open questions"
an open question is one in which the answer is not simply yes or no. a closed question can be answered yes or no. like, "how do you feel today?", you can't answer yes or no. if you ask these questions, it forces the person to more or less open up to you, whether they want to or not. use this to your advantage. also, be sure to maintain a reasonable distance between you and the girl. if you are too close to her, this might initially make her uncomfortable. play it smooth, do not be too energetic, this might freak girls out. do not be too quiet either, they might think you are weird or depressed. i know this sounds stupid, but girls think weird **** like that. after you meet them and are officially "friends", you can start breaking all of these rules. energy means fun. being sullen means you are deep and thoughtful. and getting close makes them get used to you physically. if you can, hug them on hello and goodbye, but only if you KNOW they are comfortable with it.
the most universally attractive qualities a guy can have are
a good sense of humor
confidence
niceness and
intelligence
i don't give a **** what you hear....if you can make a girl laugh, laugh at her jokes, show that you can hold your own and that you are self-secure, and above all, treat her good, that alone is almost enough to get and keep any girl.
making connections in conversation is important as well. it's true that people like people more who are like themselves. also, mirroring can do a lot of good. mirroring is basically mimicking the other person's body language. if she crosses her legs, you do it too. if she folds her arms across her chest, you follow. this builds rapport. i did this with a girl, and by the end of the conversation, she was reaching out and tapping me on the shoulder, and smacking my arm. and she gave me a squeeze goodbye. we eventually took our relationship all the way to the bedroom, and i owe it all to my first impression.
granted, i just graduated high school, so she was a lot more ready than your girl probably is. however.....she was not even close to being a slut. she said she "just felt comfortable around me." she felt comfortable around me and comfortable with what we did because I WAS COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF AND MY OWN BODY. this links to the confidence thing i was telling you earlier.
to illustrate the different factors i went over, here are some examples:
girl 1: i did not know this girl AT ALL i simply used a common thread between us to start a convo. we both went to the library on the same day every now and then. i waited until one day she was writing in her notebook. i simply asked her if she wrote poetry. she said yes, and i happen to write poetry too. guess where that went. so gradually, i just joked with her, and asked so many open questions that eventually i knew enough about her to really get deep down.
if there is one thing that will totally draw a girl into you, it is the belief that you know things about them deep down and understand them. most of the time this leads to friendship, but if you have the time, and you really want this person, this is the safest route to play it. just don't get tooo close or be friends tooo long before you move in, or else it will be weird for you, her, or both of you. but probably her. the best way to transition from friends to more is by gradually introducing the parts of you that are "more than friend". offering to take her out. spend time doing romantic things, like taking long walks and watching sunsets....i know it sounds cheesy, but come on. it will warm a girl up to you. if the time and mood are right, you can attempt to hold her hand and maybe kiss her. be sure to leave her with a good feeling about the time you spent. be sure to tell her that you liked the way she kissed, and emphasize that you liked what you guys did.
and really just make yourself into a great person for her to be around. if the girl is attracted to you at all physically, it will cross her mind at least once that maybe you would be right as a boyfriend.
do not by any means abuse your understanding of the girl's mind or emotions. it is a priviledge, not a right. and i am not a true don juan because i am a "player" or some bull**** like that, if anything, i am a true don juan because i know how to treat women and make them feel good about themselves, not how to make them think i'm the best guy in the world. that happens naturally if you do all these things i've told you. i mean, if a girl likes how you make her feel, and likes you, it's made.
if you've ever heard the saying "nothing makes a man feel better than a woman", it's because people like other people who they can identify with, and be happy with and around.
also:
feel your way out - half of being good at this **** is tapping into your sixth sense. you do not always have to have a protocol for everything. that is too rigid. it becomes easier and easier, and thus, comfortable. say it with me, "comfortable and confident". nervous is for people who want to **** it up.
i think it helps to approach it with the mindset of "best case scenario, we hit it off and things go well, if not, i can try again, if she doesn't like me at all, i can move on".
the best advice i gave pulse was, "if she is *****y enough to brush you off without even knowing you, she is not worth knowing herself."
i really don't know what else to put here. i hope this has helped you.
ill
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Puzzled,
i would take pulse's advice. i have known him for about 6 years, and i can say that this kid knows what he is talking about. he is more or less my protege. i coached him through some rough times and he has since learned a lot, and even started teaching me things. i would forget about all the bull**** everybody else has been telling you, not necessarily because it's all wrong, but because if you follow pulse's advice, you won't need much else. i can only emphasize a couple things.
i agree with him on "open questions"
an open question is one in which the answer is not simply yes or no. a closed question can be answered yes or no. like, "how do you feel today?", you can't answer yes or no. if you ask these questions, it forces the person to more or less open up to you, whether they want to or not. use this to your advantage. also, be sure to maintain a reasonable distance between you and the girl. if you are too close to her, this might initially make her uncomfortable. play it smooth, do not be too energetic, this might freak girls out. do not be too quiet either, they might think you are weird or depressed. i know this sounds stupid, but girls think weird **** like that. after you meet them and are officially "friends", you can start breaking all of these rules. energy means fun. being sullen means you are deep and thoughtful. and getting close makes them get used to you physically. if you can, hug them on hello and goodbye, but only if you KNOW they are comfortable with it.
the most universally attractive qualities a guy can have are
a good sense of humor
confidence
niceness and
intelligence
i don't give a **** what you hear....if you can make a girl laugh, laugh at her jokes, show that you can hold your own and that you are self-secure, and above all, treat her good, that alone is almost enough to get and keep any girl.
making connections in conversation is important as well. it's true that people like people more who are like themselves. also, mirroring can do a lot of good. mirroring is basically mimicking the other person's body language. if she crosses her legs, you do it too. if she folds her arms across her chest, you follow. this builds rapport. i did this with a girl, and by the end of the conversation, she was reaching out and tapping me on the shoulder, and smacking my arm. and she gave me a squeeze goodbye. we eventually took our relationship all the way to the bedroom, and i owe it all to my first impression.
granted, i just graduated high school, so she was a lot more ready than your girl probably is. however.....she was not even close to being a slut. she said she "just felt comfortable around me." she felt comfortable around me and comfortable with what we did because I WAS COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF AND MY OWN BODY. this links to the confidence thing i was telling you earlier.
to illustrate the different factors i went over, here are some examples:
girl 1: i did not know this girl AT ALL i simply used a common thread between us to start a convo. we both went to the library on the same day every now and then. i waited until one day she was writing in her notebook. i simply asked her if she wrote poetry. she said yes, and i happen to write poetry too. guess where that went. so gradually, i just joked with her, and asked so many open questions that eventually i knew enough about her to really get deep down.
if there is one thing that will totally draw a girl into you, it is the belief that you know things about them deep down and understand them. most of the time this leads to friendship, but if you have the time, and you really want this person, this is the safest route to play it. just don't get tooo close or be friends tooo long before you move in, or else it will be weird for you, her, or both of you. but probably her. the best way to transition from friends to more is by gradually introducing the parts of you that are "more than friend". offering to take her out. spend time doing romantic things, like taking long walks and watching sunsets....i know it sounds cheesy, but come on. it will warm a girl up to you. if the time and mood are right, you can attempt to hold her hand and maybe kiss her. be sure to leave her with a good feeling about the time you spent. be sure to tell her that you liked the way she kissed, and emphasize that you liked what you guys did.
and really just make yourself into a great person for her to be around. if the girl is attracted to you at all physically, it will cross her mind at least once that maybe you would be right as a boyfriend.
do not by any means abuse your understanding of the girl's mind or emotions. it is a priviledge, not a right. and i am not a true don juan because i am a "player" or some bull**** like that, if anything, i am a true don juan because i know how to treat women and make them feel good about themselves, not how to make them think i'm the best guy in the world. that happens naturally if you do all these things i've told you. i mean, if a girl likes how you make her feel, and likes you, it's made.
if you've ever heard the saying "nothing makes a man feel better than a woman", it's because people like other people who they can identify with, and be happy with and around.
also:
feel your way out - half of being good at this **** is tapping into your sixth sense. you do not always have to have a protocol for everything. that is too rigid. it becomes easier and easier, and thus, comfortable. say it with me, "comfortable and confident". nervous is for people who want to **** it up.
i think it helps to approach it with the mindset of "best case scenario, we hit it off and things go well, if not, i can try again, if she doesn't like me at all, i can move on".
the best advice i gave pulse was, "if she is *****y enough to brush you off without even knowing you, she is not worth knowing herself."
i really don't know what else to put here. i hope this has helped you.
ill
