Musings on Post-Wall women...

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About three-four weeks ago I had a date where I got bit by the Photoshopped-to-heaven-and-back profile pics. A whole bunch of perfect storms (sometimes literally) had us stuck in texting mode and not being able to actually get together for like two months. Lesson learned there: even though I know texting chemistry is nothing like physical chemistry, it's an uphill battle to not get emotionally invested if the texting goes on too long. But I digress...

I hung in there during the date anyway, as I'm finding just meeting different people to usually have some learning experience value. If I were looking for someone to hang with, we actually had a decent amount in common, but our personalities were just not fully clicking. Not to mention the buzzkill of pics vs reality. I did slide in some mild innuendo, which was neither escalated nor rebuffed. There was a slight escalation as we saw each other off in the parking lot, but by then I was just done. The brief texting after the date clearly showed decent IL on her part, but I also suspect she knew she blew it. (don't worry I'm getting there...)

So I've discovered the "Call Her Daddy" podcast. There's two episodes of note: one where they address girls who are a 6 or 7, and that "your only job is to get that ****, and ride it like the wind". I.e., if you want to be in the game, then pleasing the guy is your #1 priority. The second one was about BJ's, or what they call "Gluck Gluck 9000" (that one is really worth a listen, especially when you've had women who knew how to do it and women who just didn't get it). Again, the idea is if you give a mind-blowing BJ, then he's putty in your hands. Another point they make along the way is to just dispense with the "not on the first date" hangup---if the vibe is working, then there's no shame in going for it girl!

Which brings me back to my date fail. She was a 6 or 7 at best even if you account for 40-something mileage. And between the false advertising and the lack of sexual tension, my IL was low, and dropped to near zero as I processed the date after. Now, if she had escalated enough for me to bother pursuing getting her in bed on the first date (and done a decent 9000), who knows where things might have led? I might be willing to give her a shot, at least short term. We have enough in common that she'd be getting the companionship she wants, we'd both be getting laid, and maybe the personality differences would have worked themselves out.

But that sort of thinking is an anathema to the "no hookups, only looking for a relationship" crowd. I've personally had several occasions where the sex came first and the relationship grew later, it does happen.

But I'm probably just pissing into the wind here...
 

bacchus

Don Juan
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Broads like the one you describe have been pumped and dumped so many times over the years that getting pu$$y from them on a first date can sometimes be a challenge. Especially if you’re someone she sees as having boyfriend potential. If you’re a fvckboy Chad who she only wants for sex on the other hand, it can be super easy.

Two reasons for this:

1) Ego preservation: she senses that you have absolutely no interest in her beyond getting your knob wet by her that night, but she has some romantic interest in you, so she’s preemptively “rejecting you”, thereby taking back the power in her mind.

2) She sees you as a potential boyfriend, so she plays hard to get in an attempt to elevate her value in your eyes.
 
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Yeah, I get all that. The CHD podcast is describing the NYC scene through a millenial's lens, which is an entirely different mindset from a 40-something, both from a generation-gap and phase-of-life angle. So that thinking is entirely foreign for someone like this date.

And the mindset you describe probably isn't all that unjustified. The common ground we had was definitely offset by negatives like life-drama, not allowing for give-and-take in the conversation, a slight world-weary edge in her personality, etc. So hot sex being enough to sustain my IL for long is probably unrealistic thinking on my part.
 
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