moved, now am more depressed and anxious than ever

[The_Shnitz]

I am getting really anxious now because I cannot interact with the people here in my new dorm/hall, i cant sleep and i cant eat, my friends at the other dorm/hall seem to not like me now and my social standing would be ruined if i went back (which is what i feel i need to do) because my social circle consisted of mostly dungeons n dragons/warhammer nerds and the ones that wernt, which i tended to hang with even more were shy and introverted people that never got any girls...They realise that the reason i moved out was because they were all geeks and i have been back a few times to have lunch there and they now feel like im trying to move back (which i want to do) but i dont think that they want to know me, the good humour is gone.

here in my new hall they are a bit more adventurous and a bit more lively but i cant get with the groove...They have all known eachother for a whole term and they are fixed in their groups, i cannot interact with them, (well i can say hello etc) but i feel no connection and cannot converse properly because most of the convo is very cliquey.

I feel sick. I cant deal with life.

 

[squirrels]

Alter your perceptions.

The conversation is probably "cliquey" because you haven't identified yourself as a social prospect, so you're just background noise.

I'm sure you have stuff that you could use to identify with them. If not, try to learn something new. Try getting in their faces a little bit...not in a belligerent way, but make your presence known.

If it's anything like my college dorm was, people just leave their doors open. Drift in and out of people' rooms, see what they're up to...sit to play some Playstation or have a drink. Talk some ****...tell a story once in a while. B*tch about class, talk about the hot girl down the hall, etc...

F**k that "fixed in their groups" stuff. I used to believe that. Then you always see the new guy who comes out of nowhere and almost immediately becomes part of the group and you think, "well he must be exceptionally good with people." No. You just need to make an effort.

And if you get shot down, you learn from it...either how to refine your social skills or how to filter out "unwanted friends." College isn't like high school, though. Everyone's pretty quick to accept everyone else.

 

[OddTech]

One of your problem is that you are judging/labeling people before you even talk to them (link).

Start with one person in your new place, get to know him/her and hopes he introduce you to his circle. That is the easiest way.

But seriously, you disrespected your old friends by moving out (and labeling them geeks). They should be upset with you. Every actions you take has its consequences, and you weren't prepared for it. Learn from that.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

This sounds like a scene from the movie, "revenge of the nerds"!

You are becoming too anxious and are getting stressed over nothing..relax...relationships take time...take baby steps. Also don't limit yourself to meeting people only in your dorm on your floor....there is a whole university out there..meet people in class and visit other dorms and eat in different cafeterias..go to library and student union...join campus organizations..

 

[Trance]

Good places to make friends are in activities spots. Join a gym, some sport (that has girls if possible), hip hop dancing, something like that. Like Puerto_Rican said, dont limit yourself to that tiny spot. Go everywhere! Know the world! Start making 2 or 3 best friends that you really like, and expand that group!
Also, your atitude towards your old friends was awfull. You can still be their friend and just tell them that now you're into other activities that not board games.

About girls, never reject a girl friend, they will introduce you to new ones, and those to new ones, and so on.. If you really try hard, when you realize your social life circle will be so big.

 

[The_Shnitz]

Im seriously considering moving back to my old hall, what do you think?

 

[Trapspringer]

Originally posted by The_Shnitz
Im seriously considering moving back to my old hall, what do you think?

It seems as if you are afraid of change and making new friends. Your move was probably good for you and your social life. Just give it time. Avoid running back to your friends in defeat of a positive change you are attempting to make in your life. Don't neglect your old buddies but it is good to have a variety of pals from all walks of life. If the move is hellping you to achieve this, it can't be too bad.

 

[Panther]

Also:

There's nothing wrong with your old friends being geeks.

I used to be very geeky in my teen years. Playing computer games all day, D&D, reading fantasy/science fiction, having glasses, bad body language, top grades, no social/love life etc. etc.
But I felt good about myself, and was happy with my life

After a long military service though, when I tried to go back to my old lifestyle I felt it was all wrong. It didn't satisfy me anymore. I fumbled my way into a couple of really bad love experiences, found this site, started to change.

Now I'm bodybuilding, have dozens of friends and huge amounts of acquantainces, a satisfying social life, look and carry myself like an alpha male, and my love life has lately started improving.

BUT, I still occasionally play computer games and Roleplaying games. Why not? Does that make me a geek? I enjoy doing that, and so I do it. I respect people from my roleplaying groups, even though they are geeks. I know what they've been through.

So my point is, even though you want to be cool, it doesn't mean that you have to be unfriendly to people that are as you once were.

ThePanther

PS: Do NOT go back to your old hall! If anything, changing hall should have given you a chance to start all over again. Get the people think you are a damn cool guy!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Is SoSuave full of existing or recovering geeks, computer nerds, D&D enthusiasts, and the like? Mostly everybody here seems to have the same background/interests. It sure seems to be that way.

 

[Panther]

Puertorican Lover:

The reason I'm on this site is exactly because I'm a recovered geek. If I had a normal adolescence, I would have enough experience with women to have a normal love life!

I'm sure it's the same for lots of people here!

 

[coldcoal]

You're moving, burning bridges and asking people on the internet how to make friends...while all around you people are having fun.

Tonight, log off, step outside your dorm room door, scream "AHHHHH!!!!" in the hallway, and when everyone looks at you say, "I'm bored. What's going on tonight?"

I'm dead serious. Do it.
Stop thinking, just do something.

If a guy says I don't know, offer to get a few beers.

If a girl says I don't know, ask her if she wants to play twister.

If someone tells you of something going on, go.

If someone tells you to go F yourself, tell them you're bored of that too.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Excellent post coldcall! You caused me to chucklle!

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by coldcoal
You're moving, burning bridges and asking people on the internet how to make friends...while all around you people are having fun.

Tonight, log off, step outside your dorm room door, scream "AHHHHH!!!!" in the hallway, and when everyone looks at you say, "I'm bored. What's going on tonight?"

I'm dead serious. Do it.
Stop thinking, just do something.

If a guy says I don't know, offer to get a few beers.

If a girl says I don't know, ask her if she wants to play twister.

If someone tells you of something going on, go.

If someone tells you to go F yourself, tell them you're bored of that too.

I wanna see how this turns out.

 

[Slickster]

Coldcoal is right.

Quit being afraid of change.

Go make some new friends.

Your old friends will come around eventually.

 

[coldcoal]

Shnitz....if we don't get a hung over FR, I'm going to be very dissapointed in you!

But seriously, you need to do this. The advice I gave you wasn't a figurative lesson on taking action. I want you to scream. Literally. Get that anxiety and frustration out. Let it all out in that hollar. 4 seconds. That's it. 4 seconds and one sentence later everyone in earshot range will know you're no longer an introvert. Can you handle it? I take more time than that blowing my nose.

It's no big deal. I use to rip when I was bored out of my skull. "AHHHHH!!! I'M SO F*CKIN BORED!!!!!" I've seen much more bizzare behavior than that in college. Trust me, this is pretty tame.

It would be pretty damn funny seeing this powerful 180 degree turn comming from a shy, quiet guy like that.

You can read all you want. Take all the time you want to sort it out in your head. You can come up with a game plan, a line, a time, a place. But NOTHING will change until you step outside of your shell for a few seconds here and there and start doing things you've never done before. Things you're afraid to do.