Moved in... everything changed

[Initiatedindenial]

Hello All

I moved in with my gf slightly over a month ago. I moved with her because I see her (Now I'm not sure anymore), about someone who I could settle up.

Since we have moved things changed drastically, it has been a very stressful month due to the the moving, and on top of that we had a holiday in between, so I aknowledge that it has been a stressful month.

First of all, sex decreased from almost daily to 1-3 times per week. I understand that this is still a fair number, but I was not used to getting rejected and now is happening which freaks me out. What kind of trap is this?

She is still very caring most of the time, and when we are alone there is always an intimate time, but not sexually. Very frequently I hear the words "I'm very happy with you" and everything else was pretty much unchanged.

Now, this week a work opportunity arose for her, but it requires for her to have something ready in very short notice and she is extremely stressed.

We are barely talking besides at bed time and breakfast, and she just looks off.

It honestly feels more like she thinks things are settled, and that she is 100% safe.

I understand that in order to revert her behaviour I have to start making her feel that things are not settled, and injecting some insecurity. But on the other side doing this on such an important part of her career seems like a ***** move.

I feel tempted to talk it with her, to see what's her perspective. But my experience has taught me that talking make things only worse.

I have a tendency to go from zero to nuke bottom when I feel confused, but in the past doing things with girls that were worth it I've looked back in regret.

Any advice?

 

[homie]

Any advice?

Move out.
Living with a woman kills your mojo, I've gone through that.
And you say things went sh!tty in a month. That's very short period of time, run, dude.

 

[Infern0]

Immediately going south after moving in is a major red flag.

Do you, see how it plays out but if it doesnt improve, move out. The further it goes the worse itll get.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

Immediately going south after moving in is a major red flag.

Do you, see how it plays out but if it doesnt improve, move out. The further it goes the worse itll get.

Thanks for your reply. I guess the logical move would be to withdraw meanwhile.

 

[Infern0]

Thanks for your reply. I guess the logical move would be to withdraw meanwhile.

Yup.

Whatever you do, dont get into the "i cant leave" mindset.

 

[Reykhel]

I give you permission to persue and fvck other women.

You agreed to exclusivity under certain conditions, a verbal contract if you will, now missy wants to change the terms of the agreement. You've got to say "no, that's not good enough. I demand more"

You may unburden her as the broker for your sex life. She's not following through. Make yourself the broker once again.

Start disengaging naturally: make sure you're working out and busy with your own persuits. Plan your escape mentally and keep your intentions to yourself.

The competition anxiety has gone. Put it back naturally by instilling dread game. Stay out at night, leave phone off.

She takes you for granted. Wake her up.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

She takes you for granted. Wake her up.

You know, that's exactly what I think it is. That's only by moving in together, I can only imagine how she would behave in a marriage.

Maybe I should be planning my escape.

 

[AlphaNate]

It honestly feels more like she thinks things are settled, and that she is 100% safe.

This is the key to your post, right here. She thinks she's safe and you can't leave, so she has no standards to follow. Women want to be led.

Your only option at this point is to force her back to a follower mentality by giving her some insecurity. You're likely in deep enough at this point that the only way you can effectively do this is to actually leave.

 

[djthiago1]

You're not supposed to move in before marriage you doofus.

Moving in before the appropriate time KILLS relationships.

 

[PatientOne]

I can't stand women who do this. This is why I bailed on my marriage. Selfish women who think that they can pull this and take men for granted, really tick me off.

You can't communicate this with them. They don't care. They will try to guilt you into staying. Bail.

 

[highSpeed]

I can't stand women who do this. This is why I bailed on my marriage. Selfish women who think that they can pull this and take men for granted, really tick me off.

You can't communicate this with them. They don't care. They will try to guilt you into staying. Bail.

Apparently, you were smarter than the rest of us. No kids, walk out when the sex drys up. Good man, I wish I'd been that smart.

 

[PatientOne]

I have kids. I just am able to see them as often as I want, and avoided court ordered child support. I support them, but I know where resources are going. I decided not to be trapped.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You need to recognise and understand the psychology of the situation and act upon it before you get too far down the rabbit hole.

The issue itself is laid out in the OP.....

it has been a very stressful month

I have a tendency to go from zero to nuke bottom when I feel confused

1. You are an emotional wreck. Why the fck are you so stressed? You're a man aren't you? Moving house and going on holiday is hardly the end of world. Time to start being a bit more solid and courageous. Your 'stress' is probably coming out in your behaviour towards you woman and that is the primary thing that will be putting her off. You really have very little to be stressed about, from what you tell us. Men don't get 'stressed'. Men deal with sh!t and get the job done.

2. She is going about her life. You have to do the same. It sounds like you are hanging like a bad smell, waiting for her to give you attention. A valuable commodity is scarce and or rare. You are being neither of these things. Just because you live together, doesn't mean the game changes drastically. You still have to live your life outside of the house and relationship.

Hobbies, work, friends, whatever. Give her time away from you on a regular basis, and see how she changes. You're expecting too much. You're expecting a fairytale. You need to start reading up on some more game.

 

[wifehunter]

There goes the man cave!!!

 

[djthiago1]

it has been a stressful month.

You're supposed to be like a duck paddling on water, you can paddle like hell, but you HAVE to look calm on the surface.

 

[dude99]

Hello All

I moved in with my gf slightly over a month ago. I moved with her because I see her (Now I'm not sure anymore), about someone who I could settle up.

Since we have moved things changed drastically, it has been a very stressful month due to the the moving, and on top of that we had a holiday in between, so I aknowledge that it has been a stressful month.

First of all, sex decreased from almost daily to 1-3 times per week. I understand that this is still a fair number, but I was not used to getting rejected and now is happening which freaks me out. What kind of trap is this?

She is still very caring most of the time, and when we are alone there is always an intimate time, but not sexually. Very frequently I hear the words "I'm very happy with you" and everything else was pretty much unchanged.

Now, this week a work opportunity arose for her, but it requires for her to have something ready in very short notice and she is extremely stressed.

We are barely talking besides at bed time and breakfast, and she just looks off.

It honestly feels more like she thinks things are settled, and that she is 100% safe.

I understand that in order to revert her behaviour I have to start making her feel that things are not settled, and injecting some insecurity. But on the other side doing this on such an important part of her career seems like a ***** move.

I feel tempted to talk it with her, to see what's her perspective. But my experience has taught me that talking make things only worse.

I have a tendency to go from zero to nuke bottom when I feel confused, but in the past doing things with girls that were worth it I've looked back in regret.

Any advice?

She is very happy with you right now........


Ask yourself this. Are you happy? If she isn't following your lead, and isn't a flexable caring giver, dude it won't matter how happy she is if you arent.

This is why you don't live with them. Before things become common law i would suggest you two live seperately

 

[Glassguy]

It's one if several things:

1.) She has you where she wants you and the fun is over. No more challenge or chase and she doesn't like it .

2.) Sleight of hand trick- she was deceptive in leading you to believe you were getting one thing while having something else waiting for you.

Have a brief talk about it and let her know that your not happy with how things have went in less than a month. DO NOT bring up sex. This will backfire on you. Only bring up the other things and tell her that you feel as if you got along better living apart.

See what she says. If she gives you any resistance, find a place to stay for a few days and tell her you need to figure out what is best. Hopefully you still have a plate or two on hand.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

Thank you all for your replies. I believe is going to be very difficult to maintain insecurity by living together. Yesterday I went out without notice and got back home late and she was super pissed and barely spoke to me. I just ignored her tantrum.
This morning she woke up made me breakfast and apologized for "being horrible gf". Told her that I understood that she was stressed but it was not acceptable. Either way I don't see this trick working in the long run...

 

[Initiatedindenial]

You're supposed to be like a duck paddling on water, you can paddle like hell, but you HAVE to look calm on the surface.

I meant for her...

 

[Initiatedindenial]

She is very happy with you right now........


Ask yourself this. Are you happy?

That's a good point. Thanks for the insight...