Most important aspect of relationships

[seabreeze]

Blues,

Trust me, never let a woman treat you like that. It will most definitely continue and get worse, I know from experience.
SB

 

[becker]

Originally posted by seabreeze
00Kevin, if the shoe fits where it. If you're a guy who wouldn't cheat of course I applaud you, but it does happen a lot you have to admit.

You guys have really helped me understand the emotional connection that men seek with women. But I still question why a lot of the guys here on this site seem motivated by sex. It seems to be the most important aspect per this site and MB. Are men primarily looking for a relationship with one special woman, or easy sex? If a relationship is what is desired, then why does it matter how many women you pick up in a bar on agiven night? Or how well you use the DJ Bible's maxim's? I'd think you'd not care if some AW won't give up the poon or any woman for that matter. Just wait for that special girl that will be your friend and companion and wait for sex (longer than a few dates without nexting her). You guys say that if a woman won't sex you, she should be nexted. What the hell is that about then?

I don't know...I'm not trying to be critical, but sometimes it seems like you guys speak with a forked tongue (and I know women do it too!). Why does being a DJ matter if all you really want is a female companion?

As a woman sex is VERY important to me in a relationship. If it's not there than I have a hard time being vulnerable and affectionate in the relationship. It's my primary expression of love. I've been in two long term relationships where the sex tapered off after a while and I was NOT happy. I don't believe that a man that I'm in a serious relationship with can really love me if they don't want to have sex.

Sorry for the ramble, but I'm really digging our conversation guys and your honesty!
SB

Sex is definitely to me 90% of the relationship, because as things start to become normal in a relationship, and all that novelty of the new relationship wears off, that is the one thing that will be pretty consistently desired, in my opinion, but only if it is good sex.

Last girl I was with, however, was super-compatible with me sexually, and our likes were right on par with each other, but she didn't want a relationship, and then she felt morally inhibited about being friends with benefits, so we're just hanging out as friends now, even though we both know that given the right situation we'd jump right back into the physical stuff. I was open to a relationship, and she didn't feel she was ready for one. To me, finding a girl who is sexually compatible is key, not just getting sex from any girl.

 

[whistler]

Originally posted by seabreeze
... You guys have really helped me understand the emotional connection that men seek with women. But I still question why a lot of the guys here on this site seem motivated by sex. It seems to be the most important aspect per this site and MB. Are men primarily looking for a relationship with one special woman, or easy sex? If a relationship is what is desired, then why does it matter how many women you pick up in a bar on agiven night? Or how well you use the DJ Bible's maxim's? I'd think you'd not care if some AW won't give up the poon or any woman for that matter. Just wait for that special girl that will be your friend and companion and wait for sex (longer than a few dates without nexting her). You guys say that if a woman won't sex you, she should be nexted. What the hell is that about then?
...
As a woman sex is VERY important to me in a relationship. If it's not there than I have a hard time being vulnerable and affectionate in the relationship. It's my primary expression of love. I've been in two long term relationships where the sex tapered off after a while and I was NOT happy. I don't believe that a man that I'm in a serious relationship with can really love me if they don't want to have sex. ...

Seabreeze,

You're forgetting that sex plays a different part in relationships for women and men. Feel free to correct me, but I think women view sex as a form of emotional communication first, with pleasure being important but secondary. Men, I'd say, have the two switched.

That's why sex is a motivator. That's why this board (other than for helping lost virgins) exists. That's why a similar board doesn't seem to exist for women.

For guys, the act of fukking--usually without any emotional context--occupies our minds all of the time.

And we know it's not the same for women... If it were, everyone would be having 10x more often than we do.

Guys wanting to fukk and have companionship on the side BUT girls needing the complication of an emotional relationship along with sex creates more stress in the world than... ... ...

 

[seabreeze]

Whistler,

Sex is only important to me when i am in a relationship. I don't go out looking to have sex as my primary motivation for meeting men. It's that kind of behavior in men that I question. Especially the type of men who say that it isn't their primary need in a relationship. Then, why is it your primary need outside of one? Seems backwards.
SB

 

[AlwaysExcel]

My opinion is that the sexual power of men and women is different.

It seems to me like women limit sex to top guys and the quality of guy she can get determines her sexual power. If she can attract large pools of potential suitors, she has access to better and better guys. Her ability to calmly limit and screen signifies that she has lots of quality guys to pick from (Confidence). Women have only a limited supply of eggs and pregnancy and child rearing is a huge investment for ya'll.

The male power doesn't lie in limiting sex, it's all about being able to overcome the female attempts to limit sex. It's related to validation because if the guy overcomes the female resistance, than that must mean he is a quality guy (remember female resistance is a quality control). He feels good about being a quality guy and she feels good about being fvcked by a quality guy who could adeptly overcome her resistance (pass her screening). A guys ability to calmly attempt to overcome resistance without being outcome dependent, signifies that he can get lots of sex and doesn't need to stress one particular girl (Confidence).

Guys have much sperm/genes to spread. The more female resistance we can overcome, the more sexually powerful we are (overcoming one or two girls' resistance might be a fluke but consistency indicates reality). It's even better when we can fvck extremely attractive girls because they have the largest pools of suitors and the best choices of guys, so our conquest of them must imply that we are REALLY valuable guys.

It all comes down to validation. How valuable are you?

 

[whistler]

Originally posted by seabreeze
Whistler,

Sex is only important to me when i am in a relationship. I don't go out looking to have sex as my primary motivation for meeting men. It's that kind of behavior in men that I question. Especially the type of men who say that it isn't their primary need in a relationship. Then, why is it your primary need outside of one? Seems backwards.
SB

I think what you're saying fits with what I'm saying. So I'll try this...


The catch is that men can seek women for a relationship.

OR

They can seek women for sex... and if she happens to be great, maybe a relationship will follow.


There may be subtlies to argue, but I'd say accepting this as the way men function will improve your understanding of us.

Because sex can be an end in itself for us, we can go for the latter. Remember that emotionless erotic stuff that occupies our minds. We don't want to be crass toward women. It's just a drive.

Women, obviously you included based on what you just said, aren't as comfortable with the latter as men are.

This isn't anything new. It fits with models of evolution. Men are agressive, women are selective.

We want that connection. The sex and our happiness are better within a relationship. But it's not part of the fantasies and non-rational thoughts that motivate us to approach and lay women.

The Don Juan is an ideal on this board. I know guys that have lots of sex with lots of women, but few stable relationships. There's one kind of fulfillment for men in that, and there's another kind of fulfillment in a monogamous gf/bf LTR.

If we could marry and keep a harem with a fresh circulation of girls, we'd probably be the most happy. We can't do that though because of well, the drive of women to keep as much of a man to herself as she can. So we compromise for the sake of regular sex and a happy companion.

Good convo.

 

[seabreeze]

Whistler,

I see your point, i just don't understand why sex would ever become less important in a relationship to men, especially if everything else is good in the relationship. It would seem to me that that would boost the libido even more.
SB

 

[StringShredder]

A relationship is a whole string of inconveniences and expenses to go through for the sake of a woman who is a sufficient status symbol to make it wortwhile. Every other "benefit" can be obtained without a relationship.

Some of you guys say food and other things like that. Well, you can always eat out, or pay someone to clean your house, use a drop-off service for laundry. Etc. Even sex you can pay for, and of course you can shag women outside of a relationship.

A relationship is what associates you with some particular woman. People know that she is with you, and so the benefit from that is is that it gives you status if she is a woman who has good qualities (image, yes, and other things). So the association itself is valuable.

If you aren't proud that a particular woman is interested in you, then it's pointless to contemplate a relationship with her (unless you are a desperate schmuck who has various "needs").

 

[whistler]

Originally posted by seabreeze
Whistler,

I see your point, i just don't understand why sex would ever become less important in a relationship to men, especially if everything else is good in the relationship. It would seem to me that that would boost the libido even more.
SB

The main reason a man would seek sex less often in a relationship is because she has become less attractive to him.

Some other reasons:

It's a subtle way of saying he wants out, even though you don't notice other signs.

He's become a stressed-out workaholic, and his libido is choked.

The sex has become repetitive and less worthy of the effort. Guys can get off quickly and easily, so it's really a lot of work on our part to please you, and not come as quickly as we'd often like to. The work is more appealing when it's a newer experience or we're really into you.

 

[seabreeze]

Whistler, bravo!

Your last reply makes total sense to me! Thanks for the food for thought.
SB

 

[Glenfiddich101]

Thanks seabreeze. Shes an alright girl but when she loses her temper she will start swearing at me and she uses break up quite carelessly. I'n no angel myself but i do my best to fight fair. I just feel very disrespected. Nvr before had any of my exes humiliated me in public.

Give me a girl with a gentle spirit anyday

 

[Bonhomme]

Funny you say this

But why go to the bar for a quick lay if you are looking for a girl with relationship potential? Just keep looking in the places where you might find her and don't next her just because she may not want to have sex for a while. I honestly don't know how some of you guys expect to find a good woman when you keep surrounding yourselves with the "less-than-girls."

And also when you find a great girl, your so programmed by being with the less-than-girls that you expect the great girl to behave like the less-than-girl (have sex early on) and when she doesn't you next her or call her an AW. Did that make sense! LOL

Funny you mention this, SB, because I in fact, am dating a gal who might just be like this. We make out very, very passionately, but that's as far as it's gone in 3 dates, so it hasn't really "progressed" physically since the day we exchanged info (we had met in passing before). Yet in some ways she's acting like we're a "couple." This before we've even gone beyond kissing.

I don't know if she's just pacing the realtionship or her heart is really elsewhere, but rest assured I'm not about to "next" her at this point.

*************

Men are also programmed to like novelty in sex. I suppose the natural function of that is for the domainant male to spread his good genes to the most fertile females at any given time.

So, however hot a woman may be and however much we may actually care for her more, she's working against biology to some extent. Perhaps it's good for a gal in a LTR to "re-invent" herself a bit every now and then to reintroduce some of the novelty that turns a man on.

Hmmm... this gal I'm seeing changes her hairstyle a lot. This could be a very good thing for a LTR.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by seabreeze
Whistler,

I see your point, i just don't understand why sex would ever become less important in a relationship to men, especially if everything else is good in the relationship. It would seem to me that that would boost the libido even more.
SB

There is truth to this.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by whistler
The main reason a man would seek sex less often in a relationship is because she has become less attractive to him.

Some other reasons:

It's a subtle way of saying he wants out, even though you don't notice other signs.

He's become a stressed-out workaholic, and his libido is choked.

The sex has become repetitive and less worthy of the effort. Guys can get off quickly and easily, so it's really a lot of work on our part to please you, and not come as quickly as we'd often like to. The work is more appealing when it's a newer experience or we're really into you.

Good point, this happens more times than most people could imagine.