Most baffling aspect of dating for me

[bigdave17]

So many guys on sites like this who are excellent in almost all areas - looks, body, decent height, dress very nice, good job, make money, good social circle, intelligent and well spoken - so many of them say approaching women in real life is incredibly hard and that they have a very low success rate.


yet I see couples with 5/10 guys with no money with 7 or 8/10 women. How the hell do those avg guys do it? Are they interacting with them for a long time before they ask them out?

 

[Music_czar]

So many guys on sites like this who are excellent in almost all areas - looks, body, decent height, dress very nice, good job, make money, good social circle, intelligent and well spoken - so many of them say approaching women in real life is incredibly hard and that they have a very low success rate.


yet I see couples with 5/10 guys with 7 or 8/10 women. How the hell do those avg guys do it? Are they interacting with them for a long time before they ask them out?

Social networks, work, friends, familiarity

 

[flowtheory]

So many guys on sites like this who are excellent in almost all areas - looks, body, decent height, dress very nice, good job, make money, good social circle, intelligent and well spoken - so many of them say approaching women in real life is incredibly hard and that they have a very low success rate.


yet I see couples with 5/10 guys with 7 or 8/10 women. How the hell do those avg guys do it? Are they interacting with them for a long time before they ask them out?

Social circle would be my guess. I imagine most women don’t want to be cold approached for a plethora of reasons. One mainly being comfort. So when seeing a face a bunch of times that new person slowly becomes familiar; and if the guy approached and introduced himself on the first occasion he’s already planted a seed. And if the woman is attracted a little and other social proof is available.. BOOM! You now have a new match.

This is generally what I see. Women choose people who they have vetted for a bit.

Most cold approaches may go for dates, have sex, etc. However the likelihood of shared interests aside from just physical attraction is low where the deeper levels of connection take place.

Tinder or online is the same. It’s based solely on physical attraction. A man can have great success alluring the women for a string of dates, and the flame be rip roaring, but it is a much smaller percent of it actually leading somewhere.

And when in person and social or work circles are involved. There’s more at stake or it becomes more real. Tinder dates are never ending and people are very expendable in that world. So subconsciously we know they are just a dime a dozen. People want specialty and rarity. Online or in the club doesn’t offer that idea.

My 2 cents

 

[sazc]

Cue the depression
Mania in 5.....4.....3.....2....

 

[bigdave17]

Social circle would be my guess. I imagine most women don’t want to be cold approached for a plethora of reasons. One mainly being comfort. So when seeing a face a bunch of times that new person slowly becomes familiar; and if the guy approached and introduced himself on the first occasion he’s already planted a seed. And if the woman is attracted a little and other social proof is available.. BOOM! You now have a new match.

This is generally what I see. Women choose people who they have vetted for a bit.

Most cold approaches may go for dates, have sex, etc. However the likelihood of shared interests aside from just physical attraction is low where the deeper levels of connection take place.

Tinder or online is the same. It’s based solely on physical attraction. A man can have great success alluring the women for a string of dates, and the flame be rip roaring, but it is a much smaller percent of it actually leading somewhere.

And when in person and social or work circles are involved. There’s more at stake or it becomes more real. Tinder dates are never ending and people are very expendable in that world. So subconsciously we know they are just a dime a dozen. People want specialty and rarity. Online or in the club doesn’t offer that idea.

My 2 cents

So guys like me who have a very specific type are basically screwed?

What the hell are my odds of finding a 23-30 year old Italian/Middle Eastern/Greek/Spanish cutie who fits all my wants naturally through social circle? I have to cold approach

 

[zekko]

so many of them say approaching women in real life is incredibly hard and that they have a very low success rate.

Of course cold approach is going to have a very low success rate, it's one of my main problems with it. For one thing, most attractive women are going to be taken to begin with, so you've got that to overcome right off the bat. Beyond that, you have no idea what the girl is about, if she's compatible with you, if she has children, if she's a psycho, if she has a crazy ex, 50 orbiters, if she's a lesbian, etc etc. Cold approach works best for guys who are mainly interested in ONS, and who troll areas where there is a relatively high percentage of single women. like clubs.

 

[bigdave17]

Of course cold approach is going to have a very low success rate, it's one of my main problems with it. For one thing, most attractive women are going to be taken to begin with, so you've got that to overcome right off the bat. Beyond that, you have no idea what the girl is about, if she's compatible with you, if she has children, if she's a psycho, if she has a crazy ex, 50 orbiters, if she's a lesbian, etc etc. Cold approach works best for guys who are mainly interested in ONS, and who troll areas where there is a relatively high percentage of single women. like clubs.

so what are the other options dude?

I'm not going to meet a 27 year old Latina or Italian hottie with no kids and the right personality type randomly through friends or work

 

[flowtheory]

So guys like me who have a very specific type are basically screwed?

What the hell are my odds of finding a 23-30 year old Italian/Middle Eastern/Greek/Spanish cutie who fits all my wants naturally through social circle? I have to cold approach

The more specific anything in life, the more difficult it becomes to obtain. It’s not just isolated to you or relations.

Many people have to sacrifice their ‘ideal’ for something else; not less valuable, simply something else. A dream person we’ve concocted in our head is simply that. A dream. You could surely meet a woman you’ve described but your personalities may not match and therefore it is not a rewarding or worthwhile relationship to pursue.

People look at what really matters at the end of the day and choose accordingly.

There’s nothing wrong with cold approaches, but it’s simply been stated that it’s generally an uncomfortable circumstance for a woman, so the odds are decreased in your favour of getting what you want because you have no given information about her situation atvthat time.

 

[bigdave17]

The more specific anything in life, the more difficult it becomes to obtain. It’s not just isolated to you or relations.

Many people have to sacrifice their ‘ideal’ for something else; not less valuable, simply something else. A dream person we’ve concocted in our head is simply that. A dream. You could surely meet a woman you’ve described but your personalities may not match and therefore it is not a rewarding or worthwhile relationship to pursue.

People look at what really matters at the end of the day and choose accordingly.

There’s nothing wrong with cold approaches, but it’s simply been stated that it’s generally an uncomfortable circumstance for a woman, so the odds are decreased in your favour of getting what you want because you have no given information about her situation atvthat time.

those ethnicities are similar ethnicities to mine (I'm Armenian) so we generally have similar values in addition to me being VERY attracted to them. Italian women for example are huge into family values and loyalty

 

[zekko]

so what are the other options dude?
I'm not going to meet a 27 year old Latina or Italian hottie with no kids and the right personality type randomly through friends or work

You could become a cad, you could meet a lot of women that way...

Did you know there are more spanish speaking people in the US than in any other country in the world? They're out there. Lots of girls of Italian descent also.

I think most guys meet girls through social circle, work, and friends. There's a kind of semi-cold approach type of thing where the girl is part of a friends social circle, so maybe you meet her on the fringes of different social circles getting together. That's how I met my current girlfriend, at a friend's dinner party. We didn't get together then, but we kept running into each other. Got to keep your eyes open.

 

[Mike32ct]

The other thing about social circles that isn’t talked about much is “reputation.”

A guy that has hooked up with and/or dated at least one girl within a given social circle is in a strong position to date (or hook up with) someone else in that social circle.

His first gf in the circle doesn’t even have to be hot. But it gives him mad social proof. Then he can upgrade and even potentially punch above his weight with his next gf in that circle.

 

[bigdave17]

You could become a cad, you could meet a lot of women that way...

Did you know there are more spanish speaking people in the US than in any other country in the world? They're out there. Lots of girls of Italian descent also.

I think most guys meet girls through social circle, work, and friends. There's a kind of semi-cold approach type of thing where the girl is part of a friends social circle, so maybe you meet her on the fringes of different social circles getting together. That's how I met my current girlfriend, at a friend's dinner party. We didn't get together then, but we kept running into each other. Got to keep your eyes open.

Social circle - none of my friends know any women who fit my standards
Work - never


I pretty much have to do cold approaching at gyms/bars and online dating

 

[zekko]

Social circle - none of my friends know any women who fit my standards
Work - never

Yeah, but maybe a friend knows a friend who knows someone. It's good to encourage big get togethers where you can meet people.

I'm not saying you should date a customer, it's probably against policy even, but I find it hard to believe that no attractive woman has ever come in to buy a car. Although a lot of them prefer to use a brother, father, or spouse to avoid getting taken advantage of.

 

[bigdave17]

Yeah, but maybe a friend knows a friend who knows someone. It's good to encourage big get togethers where you can meet people.

I'm not saying you should date a customer, it's probably against policy even, but I find it hard to believe that no attractive woman has ever come in to buy a car. Although a lot of them prefer to use a brother, father, or spouse to avoid getting taken advantage of.

a lot of them? try 98%, which makes it nearly impossible

I have a big social circle of people, nobody knows anybody who fits my wants

 

[spinich]

Dave, your being Dave. You keep playing the same song and expect a different ending You need to break out of this entitlement mentality you seem to harbor. Spending hours on this or any other forum will not do the grunt work for you. Besides, you do not listen to those of us attempting to tell you what is real and what is what you want to be real. There is a significant difference! I suspect you will ruminate and grind on this latest rejection for pages on end, wanting someone to tell you it will be ok and it wasn't your fault that she flaked. I suggest you do a reality check. You are NOT in the top 30% of all your key features. And your financial balance sheet will not make her desire you. Sorry, but there is a tremendous amount of competition for the women you think you deserve. And if you keep doing what your doing, you will get just what you got this go around. Realize it, live it, deal with it, and readjust your expectations. Carry on.....

 

[longtail]

Did littledave17yearsold mention he was arab or turkish in a previous post?

I dated quite a few middle eastern girls when I was in school. A lot of them were hot, but they were also among the most spoiled, neurotic, selfish, immature, dishonest, and despicable people I've ever met.

For example, the middle eastern males (and females) were notorious cheaters in school. If you're wondering why there are so many rich, professional middle easterners, you can be 100% certain they cheated all the way through: not only in classes but on major tests like the LSAT, GRE, GMAT, etc. Their parents were also extremely dishonest: they cheated their customers, each other, and the IRS whenever possible, and then lied through their teeth about it whenever possible.

The point is, littledave17 has all of the classic symptoms of middle eastern neuroticism (depression, anxiety, narcissism, bipolar disorder), selfishness, arrogance, and entitlement. You can't relate to him as a human being because he is fundamentally dishonest and manipulative.

 

[bigdave17]

Did littledave17yearsold mention he was arab or turkish in a previous post?

I dated quite a few middle eastern girls when I was in school. A lot of them were hot, but they were also among the most spoiled, neurotic, selfish, immature, dishonest, and despicable people I've ever met.

For example, the middle eastern males (and females) were notorious cheaters in school. If you're wondering why there are so many rich, professional middle easterners, you can be 100% certain they cheated all the way through: not only in classes but on major tests like the LSAT, GRE, GMAT, etc. Their parents were also extremely dishonest: they cheated their customers, each other, and the IRS whenever possible, and then lied through their teeth about it whenever possible.

The point is, littledave17 has all of the classic symptoms of middle eastern neuroticism (depression, anxiety, narcissism, bipolar disorder), selfishness, arrogance, and entitlement. You can't relate to him as a human being because he is fundamentally dishonest and manipulative.

I'm Armenian, culturally we're not that similar to Arabs and Turks. We're a lot more similar to Greeks and Italians

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So guys like me who have a very specific type are basically screwed?

What the hell are my odds of finding a 23-30 year old Italian/Middle Eastern/Greek/Spanish cutie who fits all my wants naturally through social circle? I have to cold approach

Yea. As long as you shopping list it like a girl your fvcked. How about following the rules of the game? Fvck one who will godmode you. Never deal with another female who treat you less than gold.

 

[zekko]

a lot of them? try 98%, which makes it nearly impossible

Well, you're the car salesman, you should know. Interesting that with all the feminism and equality stuff, women still won't go buy a car without a man.

I think @backbreaker used to be a car salesman, I wonder what he would tell you. He only shows up sporadically these days though.