More Time Being a Dad

[Desdinova]

My kid's been lashing out in school over the past couple of weeks. I've been tied up with a health issue and working out of town during this period, so he's been under her care for the last little while. Whenever that happens, the results show up when he's at school. He's usually good when he's in my care.

Today we had a meeting at the school. She was complaining about how he's acting at home again; lashing out, being violent, loud, etc etc. So I spoke up and offered to take him during the week. My ex couldn't have been happier.

After the meeting, we hammered out the details a bit more. I told her that I would take him for the week to help him go to school from a less stimulating environment, and she could have him on the weekend. Her response? "I can't take him EVERY weekend!" I almost fell over!

When we were married, she was NEVER around. I raised that kid single-handedly from 9 months until he was 3 1/2. She was too busy with her own life. Over the last 3 years, she's wanted him for at least half the time (I'm suspecting so she wouldn't have to pay me child support). Now, we've come back to square one: she doesn't want him around anymore again.

I've lost a bit more of my spare time, but It's worth it because now I can make sure he turns out RIGHT.

 

[Stort_Brød]

the one person out of every one a boy looks up to most more than Arnold Schwarzenegger, the president or any hero is his father. you deserve a fvcken medal man not many blokes these days could care less about their kids and as long as they don't have to see them or deal with them they are happy. The way the world is going with all these broken home sort of situation and neither parent cares for the kid only themselves no wonder kids are ending up messed up for without a stable foundation how can you have a stable structure. so I take my hat off to you good sir.

 

[Married Buried]

I wonder if your ex-b!tch is letting the kid meet the c0cks she brings home. Maybe that's why the kid is upset?

 

[( . )( . )]

you deserve a fvcken medal man not many blokes these days could care less about their kids

A 4 decade long subtle but constant push to have fathers seen as yesterdays news, unfashionable and not really needed, combined with single motherhood glorified and incentivised, misandric custodial laws, and the moniker "deadbeat dad" thrown about as easily as candy at a kids party might also have something to do with it. Big daddy alpha government does not need nor want competition.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
Yes I echo the sentiments expressed above.....Your reward will be in Paradise....I have raised five Kids,with mixed success....Basically Apples never fall far from the tree,a childs personality seems born in them after twelve you can only direct and refine....Your ex sounds a regular Harrerdin...How on Earth could you have wound up with her?....A word from a fool,whatever it takes,do what you can for your Son,it will all come back to you one Day....One of my Boys was a regular tearaway.....At 22,while under suspension of his drivers licence he wrote off a Police Speed trap Vehicle....When the Gendarmes arrived,they roughed him up,he belted two of them up,the remaining one locked himself in the Police Car,when reinforcements arrived,they really knocked the Pviss and pick handles out of him....He was taken to Hospital where his luck changed....The Police were rude to the Indian Doctor on duty,he resented the way they talked to him,and so on the accident report,he wrote that the Boys injuries were consistent with being beaten,not to accident injuries....Had he not done this my Son would have gone to jail and lost his job...This weekend he moves into a house I am helping him buy,he has settled down and is a model of Domestic virtue,one of the reasons is that he has taken up with a Vietnamese Girl...The moral,never give up on them.

 

[SecondHalf]

How old is your son Des?

More than a couple points hit home when I read your situation.
I've mentioned a couple times before on different threads that I'm a single father. I was Mr. Mom all of his life except one where she lied and took a job 350K from home (Tenured professor), she knew the locks would change on the second house I just bought us (her). Sorry, little self indulgence there...

Should you end up the legal primary parent, my advice is just keep talking to him. No matter how angry / frustrated you get, keep talking. Never, never make him choose isolation over you. Perhaps this seems obvious, but teenagers are a royal pain in the a55!

You sound like you have a similar ... ethic to life as I do. Never worry too much what you can/can't should/shouldn't do when it comes to your son. You do what you do because you have to. Don't stress the fairness of tag team parenting when the other is a skank, it just adds to the burden.

I'm sorry about your ex. She sounds worse than mine ... a little anyway. Hard to believe someone can be so heartless and irresponsible!

You're doing the right thing.
I applaud you!

SH

 

[backbreaker]

i give my dad a lot of **** but one thing i will always give him credit for to a man, as a child let me call my dad and say dad i want to come stay with you/ i want to spend the night / i want to spend the week over there. no questions asked, didn't matter what or who he was doing, bam. dad did not play around with that. in retrospect i know i was cramping his style to some extent (i knew every on that when the bedroom door was closed to not come in lol and i learned how to unplug my nintendo and plug it up to different TV's on the account of all the women's house i would go spend the night over with him) but still.


The only difference is that my mom actually wanted me at home. IF not there is no doubt i could have stayed with my dad. My parents were never that petty though. My mom took her job as a mom pretty seriously.

I wonder if your ex-b!tch is letting the kid meet the c0cks she brings home. Maybe that's why the kid is upset?

This is a big rant of mine. My mom dated when i was a child. she is very religious when i say date I mean, maybe 3-4 guys in 10 years. And not bums either, one was an engineer, one was a school principal, etc. But still. And my dad literally would have women over all the time. And none of this **** affected me whatsoever.

I mean, how exactly is my mohter getting laid supposed to stunt my growth as a child? I could understand if the guys were bringing drugs around or if the mother stopped nelgetcing the child.

See that's the thing. it doesn't affect the child it affectes the baby daddy. it bothers YOU that she is getting laid not the kid. Beucase being that kid before i assure you zero fvcks are given. in fact i loved when my mom would have her boyfriend over because it mean 1. we were probaly going out to eat which was kick ass 2. she wouldn't ***** at me about my homework most likely and 3. i got to stay up all night (lol like midnight) playing video games instead of being in bed at 10:30. And they usually has a kid as well and that meant more friends to play games with. All in all mom getting laid was a pretty good thing i wish she did it more often. Until she got pregnant when i was 17 and then we almost killed each other.


**** one of them taught me how to drive a stick.

After the meeting, we hammered out the details a bit more. I told her that I would take him for the week to help him go to school from a less stimulating environment, and she could have him on the weekend. Her response? "I can't take him EVERY weekend!" I almost fell over!

I have a 13 year old sister on the account of my mother getting pregnant when I was 17. This is what my mother does with Bri (my sister) and I think it's perfect. Beucase she's a lot like you in a lot of sesnes, she's single, she works, and she has a life. But she also has a child and wants the best for the child.

This is what she does. Bri goes to church with mom, the same church the dad goes to, he's actually a decaon there, anyway then she goes home with dad on Sunday from church. she has her own room at his house and evertyhing. she LIVES there from Sunday until Wednesday. She goes to school wednesday and my mom picks her up from school on Wednesday.

So from Sunday after church until Wednesday afternoon my mom can be the single woman. She has a boyfriend, they go out, she spends the night over his house, she kicks it with her girlfriends, sits back at home and chills and watches TV. Unless my sister has a sporting event which she does hae a lot of, this is what she does Sunday- Wednesday.

But on Wednesday afternoon, the mom cap comes back on, she picks her up from school, makes sure the homework is done, no party, no any of that. It's all about bri from Wednesday-sunday morning.

it works out perfectly for both of them. Emmitt (the dad) can go on dates and stuff on saturdays and stuff and my mom is a homebody she never goes out so she doesn't GAF about going out on weekends. She works out of town a lot and she can schedule her our of town stuff on Monday-Wednesdays and keep it closer to town Thursday-Fridays.

If anything ever happened with me and millie this is how our living situation would be with Joe. I can condense my social life to 3-4 nights a week easily.

 

[Desdinova]

I wonder if your ex-b!tch is letting the kid meet the c0cks she brings home. Maybe that's why the kid is upset?

Here's the situation... She's living with the guy she cheated with; Her (ex)best friend's husband. They had a kid together. She has NEVER had a structured life, even when we lived together. She went out and did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. After the wedding, I was in disbelief over how she treated the relationship. Hell, the girl who drove me to this site had a better sense of family responsibility.

I guarantee this "doing whatever I want, whenever I want" attitude is still going on, and her life most likely doesn't include him. He's probably as frustrated as I was when I was married to the bytch.

A 4 decade long subtle but constant push to have fathers seen as yesterdays news, unfashionable and not really needed, combined with single motherhood glorified and incentivised, misandric custodial laws, and the moniker "deadbeat dad" thrown about as easily as candy at a kids party might also have something to do with it.

This is a HUGE part of society. It still exists and I've been victim of it when my ex was pushing to have my kid diagnosed with disabilities. I was adamant that his behavior was a result of bad parenting, but the female doctors didn't give a fvck. They just figured that I didn't see these behaviors because I'm the dad, and the dad doesn't ever play a big part in the child's life. So, he got a successful diagnosis. Now that he's going to be under my care more, I guarantee there's going to be a major improvement.

How old is your son Des?

He's seven years old.

 

[Married Buried]

This is a big rant of mine. My mom dated when i was a child. she is very religious when i say date I mean, maybe 3-4 guys in 10 years. And not bums either, one was an engineer, one was a school principal, etc. But still. And my dad literally would have women over all the time. And none of this **** affected me whatsoever.

I mean, how exactly is my mohter getting laid supposed to stunt my growth as a child? I could understand if the guys were bringing drugs around or if the mother stopped nelgetcing the child.

See that's the thing. it doesn't affect the child it affectes the baby daddy. it bothers YOU that she is getting laid not the kid. Beucase being that kid before i assure you zero fvcks are given. in fact i loved when my mom would have her boyfriend over because it mean 1. we were probaly going out to eat which was kick ass 2. she wouldn't ***** at me about my homework most likely and 3. i got to stay up all night (lol like midnight) playing video games instead of being in bed at 10:30. And they usually has a kid as well and that meant more friends to play games with. All in all mom getting laid was a pretty good thing i wish she did it more often. Until she got pregnant when i was 17 and then we almost killed each other.

Sure, it affects the baby daddy, but usually there is NO baby daddy. Forget this particular situation. My ex slut has a kid with no daddy. When I dated her, just from what she told me, and what I saw on facebook her little daughter has met and hanged out with at least 20 men she brought home, probably more. The kid met them regularly, and ofcourse these men end up out of the kids life for good. Don't tell me that kid is not going to be ****ed up.

 

[backbreaker]

I see where you're comming from malice. But in this case there is a baby daddy. I would presume a pretty good one.

I could see a situation if my mom was just a slut and I didn't know who my dad was. But I did. The issue isn't so much the mom getting laid as much as it is confusion on the child's behalf. This doesn't strike me as one of those situtations


but des I would seriously try to get more time with the kid

 

[Bible_Belt]

After you have established a new schedule, you can file a 'petition to modify custody agreement.' It's extra easy if she will sign the new agreement and not fight it. Get primary custody for yourself. Leave the support issue out of the new agreement. After you have primary custody, then you have the option of later suing for child support.