More thoughts on "aging"

[reset]

This is a post from STR8-UP in a thread that's not longer post-able. I think a lot of guys can relate to this.

I think it would be great for the men on this board chime in about this uniquely male "dilemma", as I think the way women perceive this topic, and the way men perceive it, are different. We're different.

"One of the most common subjects on the MM board is the “I’m getting old, what now” type post.

And for the life of me, I can’t figure out WHY so many guys are so worried about getting older. That’s what WOMEN do. Their market value DECREASES with age, whereas a man’s market value INCREASES.

Lets look at two examples.

First, you have a 40 year old guy who “thinks” his potential is all but gone. He has just turned the big FOUR-O, and now any negative feedback from the opposite sex automatically has to do with his AGE. And often times it might be just that, but ONLY because his attitude projected INSECURITY over his age rather than PRIDE.

And it’s really as simple as that. If you think you are old, and act like you are old, other people will TREAT you like you are old.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum you have Hugh Heffner. The guy is what, 80 years old? And he lives in a mansion and has three girlfriends and still runs a successful business.

BUT BUT BUT! I hear you saying…..

But what?

If you say “but”, all you are doing is saying that YOU personally COULDN’T live the lifestyle Hef lives….that YOU personally don’t believe that you are good enough to achieve his level of success in life and with women.

BUT BUT BUT! “It’s all a lie!” “He probably can’t get it up anymore!” BUT BUT BUT!

I don’t wanna hear it.

Sure, not everyone even WANTS to be Hef, I doubt that I would want to be doing what he is doing when I’m 80, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t POSSIBLE.

Realistically most of us won’t be the next Hugh Hefner. But does that mean that as soon as we turn 40 we have to hang it up? Do we have to trade in our Diesel jeans for Perry Ellis slacks? Our sports car for a sedan? Our bad ass bachelor pad for a house in the suburbs?

I got news for everyone. The generation gap that existed 20 years ago…..it doesn’t exist anymore.

I’m sitting here listening to music that I’m sure a lot of 20 somethings enjoy. I can sit down and have dinner with a 22 yr old and talk about music, movies, art, travel, WHATEVER…..without so much as an awkward moment.

You don’t have to aspire to be an 80 year old gigolo, but NEVER, EVER, EVER, let our femi-centric society dictate to you how you should look and behave at a certain age.

Trust me, as a man, it is NOT in your best interest. A man NEVER has to grow old."

That thread really got me thinking about how much of our lives are based on patterns of behavior we think we have to fall into.

Many if not most of the guys I know, believe that by a certain age they are to be married, have children, and "act like a grown-up". Before I hit 30 I felt young but when that 30 came all of the sudden I really had to think about where my life was going. All of the sudden it's like "ok stop having fun, be serious, get old." lol. And so I find myself asking myself, just how much of my reactions to life are ME, and how much is just a REACTION to what society TELLS ME.

STR8-UP had suggested much of this comes from a feminized society, that women try to even the playing field, since their perceived value goes down as they age. Yet here we say, our value goes UP as we age.

Do you agree with this? Do you think there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older? And where do you think these pre-set patterns come from? I never questioned this stuff before.

 

[The Bat]

Do you agree with this? Do you think there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older? And where do you think these pre-set patterns come from? I never questioned this stuff before.

For me, it comes from my background. My background isn't a Western background. My family puts greater emphasis on...well, you guessed it, family than anything else. There's a schedule for how a man and a woman is supposed to advance through life in the background that I come from. A man is supposed to have a career by 24/25. Married and living in a house by 27. Kids by 30. I kid you not, these are strict requirements. Any deviations and you get a weird look from everyone in the community.

I'm not sure how many guys here come from a non-Western background, but I can tell you that the Matrix is extremely powerful from the background I come from. So powerful that everything is decided for you ahead of time. You're practically told what you're going to become because that is the only way to become a good person.

You want to do some real dirty work unplugging chumps from the Matrix? Come with me and I will show you a field of these monstrosities.

 

[reset]

A man is supposed to have a career by 24/25. Married and living in a house by 27. Kids by 30. I kid you not, these are strict requirements. Any deviations and you get a weird look from everyone in the community.

That's got to be tough. I suppose in the west our family's give us more leeway, meaning they may not SAY much, but you can sense those expectations under the surface. What you mentioned, is not really too far off of what we're "expected" to do out here.

 

[Alexander the Great]

STR8-UP had suggested much of this comes from a feminized society, that women try to even the playing field, since their perceived value goes down as they age. Yet here we say, our value goes UP as we age.

Do you agree with this? Do you think there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older? And where do you think these pre-set patterns come from? I never questioned this stuff before.

In my opinion, if there is a pre-set lifestyle, it's because it's somehow become the generally accepted norm that everyone's supposed to adhere to. Strays (men) will be labeled as "childish", "never grew up" and the works (by women and feminized men). Stray women are probably seen as you-know-what (again by women and feminzed men. no detached man wil chide a woman who lives on her own terms).

Your lifestyle is what you feel comfortable with. Screw marriage, children, career, acting your age, if you don't feel like it.

It's your life, isn't it? Your Universe. As you are its God, do with it as you will.


When I was younger, I bought into that whole pre-set lifestyle stuff. I hope you can tell I no longer do. Sometimes people wonder why I am so different. Sometimes I wonder why too. I'm outnumbered after all. Sometimes people chide me for not being what "society" expects.

I find it sad to conclude these are often women and men with children. No wonder it perpetuates. You breed what you live after all.

It will be a glorious day for humanity if they and rest of 'em stop doing this "society" game, and really make the time of day instead of marching on along with the act-your-age, do-as-is-expected-of-you band, creating unhappiness all around with their "expectations".

All those people settling for what they think is expected of them: No wonder there's drag...

Don't surrender if you don't want to. You don't have to.

 

[reset]

Great post Alexander.

It's your life, isn't it? Your Universe. As you are its God, do with it as you will.

For myself, even right now as I get more comfortable with women and can actually see myself being successful, I feel that I have lots of lost time to make up for. Lots of guys are out there living it up in their 20s, I did in my teens, but I missed out on my 20s.

So I come to so suave, learn about some things, and I want to start having some fun. Yet there's still that conditioning in the background for me. "you can party but in a couple years, you're going to have to settle down and raise a family."

It's only now that I question, is that really what I WANT? And WHO SAYS that I have to do that? Much of this comes from a life of basing your values and standards, on other people's expectations, seeking outside validation.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Much of this comes from a life of basing your values and standards, on other people's expectations, seeking outside validation.

Validation, yes. That is an important motivator to do things as you're expected to. A Deity knows, we're all guilty of that. I'm guilty of it too. It makes realizing the foolishness of it all so powerful, that you never want to go back but on your own choice.

Personally, I think all these expectations are a root of many of the wrongs in societies today. It's even at the root of AFCness. As AFCs tend to think what they do is what's expected of them.

Actually, it is. It's what's propagandized all around. But when the broadcasters are faced with the actuality of what they propagate, they freak out and vanish.

People don't take responsibility for the discrepancy between what they think they want and what they really want, because they don't realize what they want in the first place. AFCs take the beating for that unconsciousness.

But now I'm digressing, so /end rant

 

[reset]

People don't take responsibility for the discrepancy between what they think they want and what they really want, because they don't realize what they want in the first place. AFCs take the beating for that unconsciousness.

But now I'm digressing, so /end rant

And it's not only that they don't take responsibility for the discrepency, but I don't think they ever actually give themselves permission to want anything for themselves in the first place. As soon as they form an idea of what could be possible in their lives, all of the sudden they start thinking "yeah but, that wouldn't look right, guy my age doing that, what would they think" etc. Then your dreams DIE! lol. Speaking from personal experience of course.

I don't know where you came from Alexander but keep posting at ss!

 

[ketostix]

Well the day society has any right to tell you what clothes you should wear and when to marry and not marry etc. is the day society should first be paying for your clothes and offering you a wife. The matrix is really just a collection the tendency of jealousy and wanting to control a man. It's all an attempt to beta and make a poor AFC out of any guy it can.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Getting Old

here is truth:

you will get old, and die. OR, you might just die.

have fun

 

[reset]

have fun

Well that's the point isn't it. At least I realize, these are messed up beliefs, messed up paradigms. I'm just glad I started to question them before it was too late (dramatic film music).

 

[romangod]

Do you think there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older? And where do you think these pre-set patterns come from? I never questioned this stuff before.

Yes, there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older. There's two schools of thought on this and they are both at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The first is being consumed by the Matrix and letting external factors dictate who you are, how you should act and where you should be in life. AFCs study at this school and wonder why they keep failing in life while getting steady grades of A+ at Matrix University. Eventually they devolve into bitter, unhappy messed up men struggling to get out of the abyss they created for themselves by taking this path. Women, materialism and Ego are the main focus of this school of thought.


The second school of thought is the lifestyle of a Mature Man whose evolution has been a slow, steady discovery of who he is and what really matters in life. External factors can break his stride but cannot knock him off his path. This man finally finds true love staring at him in the mirror every day.Unfortunately, this school may close due to poor enrollment.


Cheers!

 

[guru1000]

Many if not most of the guys I know, believe that by a certain age they are to be married, have children, and "act like a grown-up". Before I hit 30 I felt young but when that 30 came all of the sudden I really had to think about where my life was going. All of the sudden it's like "ok stop having fun, be serious, get old." lol. And so I find myself asking myself, just how much of my reactions to life are ME, and how much is just a REACTION to what society TELLS ME.

STR8-UP had suggested much of this comes from a feminized society, that women try to even the playing field, since their perceived value goes down as they age. Yet here we say, our value goes UP as we age.

Do you agree with this? Do you think there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older? And where do you think these pre-set patterns come from? I never questioned this stuff before.

I agree a feminized society uses this as a shame tactic. But this as well is a shame tactic by AFCism. How many times do I get an AFC in his 50's asking "Why are you not married yet?"

How often would you hear this from a DJ in his 50's that has women crawling all over him (ie Power Brokers, Gurus of major industries)

This will always take us back to the Scarcity Mentality.

A woman in her 30's+ or an AFC holds no accountability for one's scarcity by adopting a "Must get married" idealogy. After all if one has a lack of prospects, than it is best get married right away. There is no pain associated with leaving the single life if one is scarce. One's marriage that stemmed from the original scarcity mentality becomes the new IDEAL. This AFC or feminist is rewarded with PLEASURE for their marriage. After all, marriage to an AFC is alot better than being scarcely single. This AFC then preaches his ideal of "MARRIAGE WILL SAVE YOU" to the "Not so Lucky" ones. This is the irony.

When I am appoached with the infamous "Why are you not married yet", I laugh. For one with an Abundance Mentality to settle down, he must meet an exceptional women that is many leagues ahead of his harem. In other words, I must associate an enormous amount of pleasure to marry ONE to surrender the pleasure I recieve from dating many.

Awareness of this fact is what separates the Naive AFC from the Genuine DJ.

 

[reset]

This man finally finds true love staring at him in the mirror every day.Unfortunately, this school may close due to poor enrollment.

lol. Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

 

[reset]

guru--thanks for bringing up scarcity. There are many topics in the world when it comes to women and what it means to be a man, but if you cut through it all, I think we're all talking about:

self love and abundance mentality.

I haven't dated much. I used to want to have a girlfriend, soul-mate. Nothing wrong with that, but it was coming from the wrong PLACE.

But as I sense my own super DJ powers coming to the surface, it's much different. I see women responding to me differently, and damn there are so many hotties out there. Maybe I DON'T want to tie myself down. Maybe variety IS the spice of life. MAybe it's OK to finally follow my NATURAL IMPULSES as a man and not be ashamed that I want to perhaps play around for as long as I feel. So that's the start of an abundance mentality which I didn't have before.

Then of course, you've got the guy who is so lonely that he figures, if he gets married, then BAM! all his problems solved. When you think about it, the only type of guy that would want that is someone who perceives no options in life, or perhaps a guy who's been with so many women that he is looking for something deeper.

But in a scarcity mindset, all attractive women are your soul-mate. That's scary stuff. And it wasn't too long ago I was just like that.

All this DJ stuff you guys take for granted I'm actually starting to see for myself, it's crazy.

 

[iqqi]

It's all about what one feels NATURALLY. I think everyone can make that distinction between acting out from natural feelings and just responding to social conditioning.

For example...at metal concerts, I see TONS of guys my age and older still dressing the same way I did when I was younger, complete with long hair, heavy metal band t-shirts, and sometimes even acting in ways similar to how I used to act. I still love the music and attend the shows (hell, I even travel out of state for some...and some people tell me I'm "too old" for that), but I know I would just be trying to fit into the shell of my younger image if I were to once again look and dress the way I did when I was younger. I would FEEL ridiculous.

At my age, there's no doubt I would sexually enjoy a 20-year-old female. But I would be kidding myself in thinking she and I are on the same page in terms of life experience, maturity, and intellect. I would be fooling myself by trying to immerse myself in her "world," hanging out at her hangout spots and hanging with her friends. Liking the same music, hanging at the same places, and dressing like her male friends wouldn't be enough. Ultimately, I would just be doing it for the a$$, but I would be short-changing myself in all other departments.

These days, I do think more about marriage and having kids, and it's not because "I'm supposed to" do that kind of thing by the age I am now. These are things I genuinely want for myself, and I do think of the next phase of my life. I know I could be single forever, and there is much more of that going on nowadays; but I'm just not interested in that anymore.

Getting stuck in one particular mode of living for too long breeds stagnation. Look no further than aging male porn stars. Have you read about these guys? After living a certain way for so long, it is the only life they know.

Great post, you said it so well.

 

[MrLuvr]

STR8-UP had suggested much of this comes from a feminized society, that women try to even the playing field, since their perceived value goes down as they age. Yet here we say, our value goes UP as we age.

Your value CAN go up as you age. It is not a universal truth. Your value will go up only if you GROW AS A MAN, i.e if you make something out of your life. Have success in your business or career, amass wealth, power or status. Basically, those things that signal to a woman that you are a provider. If a guy is stilling working waiting tables or flipping burgers at 40, do you think his value is going up? NO! But, if the man is making a decent living, owns a house etc.. etc.. he has higher value than a 20 year old muscle bound jock. Even if the 40 year old man is bald and overweight.

We don't have to look at aging through the same prism that women do. Men can reproduce through to their 70s, while women hit the wall at menopause and become reproductively irrelevant. Women find this very difficult to accept and thus you have the feminized society trying to "age" men.

Do you agree with this? Do you think there's a pre-set lifestyle you're supposed to fit into as you get older? And where do you think these pre-set patterns come from? I never questioned this stuff before.

Is there a pre-set lifestyle that one is supposed to fit into? Yes.

But, that pre-set lifestyle and those rules are only meant for the poor and for the ugly. If you are rich or goodlooking, you can pretty much get away with wearing what you want, acting how you want, and doing what ever the hell you want.

 

[STR8UP]

It is a fact, we are all growing oldER.

It is NOT a fact that we are all growing OLD.

Chronological age is a fact of life. There is no disputing the fact that the days are ticking by, and we are destined to die.

The problem lots of guys have is that they believe that since they are growing older, they MUST grow old. This is the part I have an issue with.

People have an obsession with categorizing. There MUST be order! Everything must have its place!

This is where us men get thrown off track.

And you know what? It's not even so much a product of the "matrix", as it is a product of human nature. We feel the need for things to be neat and orderly, so we assign "profiles" to certain age groups. So when you are in your late teens and early 20's, you are "allowed" to dress and act a certain way. When you hit your 30's you are expected to conform to a different standard. then you get to your FORTIES, and BAM! All of a sudden everything you do is subject to closer scrutiny, since there is now NO DOUBT that you are officially an adult, and therefore you MUST be grown up, and you must do grown up things and behave as other grown ups do.

I'm 36 going on 26.

Anyone got a problem with that????

 

[iqqi]

I'm 36 going on 26.

Anyone got a problem with that????

:wave:

What is so wrong and bad about 36?

What is so bad about being 36 going on... 37?

 

[Señor Fingers]

Age aint nothing but a number. You are only as old as you feel!

There are days when I wake up and I'm 18 again. I am physically on top of the world and the testosterone flows strong, making me want to do something slightly risky and foolish.. these are my "f*ck-it" days. There are also moments I feel like I'm 40, mostly on occasions when my acquaintances want to party and get wasted, I find myself longing for a quiet evening at home, cooking a great meal with a few close friends.

Having said that, there is a time and a season for everything in life. If you are trying to live like you are ten years younger, well to me that means that you didn't really take advantage and milk those years the way you should have. If you need to relive that era and make up for lost time, I say do it.. get it out of your system so you can move to the next level!

We all misspend our energy at some point and I'm certainly no exception. When I was 18 I got married, and during the time I should have been a total wh0re (college), I was faithful to a woman who ended up cheating on me. Boy was that stupid! Even worse was the funk I slipped into after the divorce.. I was stuck in AFC mode for many years before finding SS and unlocking my potential. So of course when this happened I was basically 28 going on 18.

Don't get me wrong here, this was a lot of fun for a while, but I grew out of it eventually. I scratched that itch enough to satisfy my needs, yet a lot of my friends from that era are still scratching away at the same sore and bloody spot, not willing to move on. Many will live the rest of their natural lives struggling to meet the needs they had decades ago and not facing the ones they have today.

And THAT, my friends, is very sad!

 

[DJ Noble]

For one with an Abundance Mentality to settle down, he must meet an exceptional women that is many leagues ahead of his harem. In other words, I must associate an enormous amount of pleasure to marry ONE to surrender the pleasure I recieve from dating many.

Awareness of this fact is what separates the Naive AFC from the Genuine DJ.

I agree 100%. Very well stated guru.