More than just a crush on a tutor

[invergal]

I have had feelings for one of my tutors (in his early thirties) at my university all year. As he had recently resigned for another job in a different city I decided to ask him out to dinner before he leaves. When I asked him he seemed pleasantly surprised and said that he is trying to think of a time where we can have dinner before he leaves. He said he would get back to me the following day.

The next day he told me that his answer is no but yes, due to the small town we live in where everyone knows each other and him being a recognized tutor from university. He gave me his phone number and email address and said that we can have dinner next year in the city if I want to contact him (coincidentally I was planning to further my study next year in the same city he was going to). The last days before he left were awkward to say the least. He would no longer maintain eye contact with me in class and is tense whenever we interact.

I have lost all perspectives on this situation and am confused on whether he is interested in me or not. Was this his way of letting me down gently or is he genuinely interested? Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Phyzzle]

Aren't there any guys trying to get with you in your own city? If not, you probably need to loose some weight.

OUCH! Okay, this is a board for guys, and you can't expect to be treated nicely here. I'd try ivillage, or something.

 

[Alkali]

I gather that you're female? (I know, my perception amazes you. Go on!)

Well let me be the first to tell you. You are likely the sole female on this site.

For this reason, we can not sympathize, empathize, or help you in anyway.

It's not that we don't want to. But we can't. We are incapable of understanding your problem to its fullest extent.

Watch, this is me trying to help you. Are you pretty? By this I mean you must have atleast 9 of these 11 requirements.

1. But is not flat nor fat

2. Boobs are not fat nor flat

3. Eyes are not piercing nor are they dull

4. Teeth are both straight and white (not bleached, but hey, that's good too)

5. Hair is respectable

6. Skin is not pasty white nor charcoal black (I mean no offense, but this isn't attractive to the majority of men)

7. Voice is neither pitched or deep

8. You look good naked

9. You look good dressed

10. You shave

11. You're hygenic

If you do, then you can bet that at the very least, he will give you a chance and is truly interested. Men are different.

We judge on appearance rather than first impression.

If a hot girl spills coffee on our suit it's still better than an ugly girl pointing out a one hundred dollar bill under our shoe.

Do you see what I mean when I say we are incapable?

 

[ViciousDADogg]

lol @ geniouses.... My d1ck is bigger than your???? Tittie??? hahahaha



OP, original poster. Whatever your name is. I'm surprised you've asked him out.

You see women don't usually, but you did. I suppose in your situation it's possible, so I believe you.

It's normal for students have "feelings" or wanting to fvck their teachers. You can practicaly say that the guy is getting hit by young broads all the time.

For him his career is what matters. He's also probably one of the average dudes. He is not going to fvck his student. He wants to, but he won't. A) It's unethical and other bull sh1t like that, and B) He doesn't really know how.

NO. He did not letting you go easy. I think he wants to nail you, but like I said. He does not know how. He is intimidated by you.

You are looking for a MAN, the one that will stick his d1ck into you and make it rock. But, here you have a guy to whoom you practically gave yourself and he can't do anything with that. My question is: do you still want to fvck him?

If yes. All you gotta do is be more persistant. Kiss him. Rub him. You know, isolate and escalate. If you throw yourself at him like a wh0re, there isn't much he can do. Except maybe not being able to get it up because of all the excidement.

I think you're confused though. You want a real MAN. But you see something like that in a guy who don't know how to be one.




You know what his actions saying though. "I know you're into me, I'm flattered, but I think you're confused. Here, give it a year." That's his ethical teacher self speaking. He's also moving away most probably because of you. You can go right pass this if you press on. Isolate and escalate. Up to you if you want to fvck a guy like that, though. If I was your sister, I'd tell you not to fvck him. Bad for your self esteem.

 

[FoolsCause]

The next day he told me that his answer is no but yes, due to the small town we live in where everyone knows each other and him being a recognized tutor from university. He gave me his phone number and email address and said that we can have dinner next year in the city if I want to contact him (coincidentally I was planning to further my study next year in the same city he was going to). The last days before he left were awkward to say the least. He would no longer maintain eye contact with me in class and is tense whenever we interact.

LOL. I'm a tutor, so I know what's going through this guy's mind. He wants you, but he also wants to be professional and keep his job. The number one rule of a teacher or tutor is don't have sex with your students. The lack of eye contact in class is probably just to retain a professional distance. He doesn't want anyone to notice your mutual attraction. One thing most women fail to understand is the concept of "discreet". You're not going to be holding hands in class. I'm not sure what you mean by "tense" so my guess is keeping professional distance.

Simple solution: just contact him next year, when your tutor-student role is over, as planned, then you'll know for sure.

 

[NickBe]

Sounds like a brush off to me, if he was attracted to you he would have said "sure we can have dinner at my place" or devised a way to see you. He didn't so it sounds to me like he was just letting you down easily.

No baby I cant because I am known in the community's but I can sometime in 2008. By then he will probably tell you he is seeing somebody else. Men are bastards especially the ones with not enough balls to tell you 'NO' straight out or wait maybe they are *****es?

I am sure even if you are not attractive there are many men ready and willing to sleep with you. You can probably even find a few on this site so keep your hopes up hun.

 

[Bonhomme]

FoolsCause stole the words from my typing finger. Wait until the tutor/student relationship is over.

 

[invergal]

On the day I asked him I said to him I was surprised he didn't say no, to which he replied that he would have certainly said no if he wasn't leaving at the end of the week. What I don't understand is how come on the second day he is singing a different tune, why couldn't he just tell me no on the first day? (I gave him ample opportunties to)

I believe I had made the first and hardest move so I am quite reluctant to make yet another move by contacting him unless I'm sure he is interested.

Thanks everyone for the replies by the way, each post has helped me to see a different side to the situation.

 

[jtrain 289]

wtf why r u guys being so mean to a ****ing girl. What did she ever ****ing do to u thats what i hate about this place.

 

[FoolsCause]

On the day I asked him I said to him I was surprised he didn't say no, to which he replied that he would have certainly said no if he wasn't leaving at the end of the week. What I don't understand is how come on the second day he is singing a different tune, why couldn't he just tell me no on the first day? (I gave him ample opportunties to)

I believe I had made the first and hardest move so I am quite reluctant to make yet another move by contacting him unless I'm sure he is interested.

It's hard to believe that he would risk his career by giving you his phone number/email unless he's interested in you, but maybe he had second thoughts.

 

[DJVladdy]

Alkali - cant believe you actually took the time to write this rubbish.

and vicious - man you analyze way too much, and dont teach the lady what she wants... she knows better than you

You two wanna-be-macho nerds.

 

[Alkali]

Macho Nerd? I like it! I simply wanted to let her know that we couldn't help her. Simple and sweet.

But she needs a reason, right?

 

[invergal]

It's hard to believe that he would risk his career by giving you his phone number/email unless he's interested in you, but maybe he had second thoughts.

It's great to get a male tutor's prespective. I think I will contact him next year but won't dwell on it in the meantime.

Alkali - cant believe you actually took the time to write this rubbish.

and vicious - man you analyze way too much, and dont teach the lady what she wants... she knows better than you

You two wanna-be-macho nerds.

I realise it's a guy's forum, but smarter men know that there's more to a woman than observing whether her boobs or bum are sagging or not.

 

[Alkali]

I realise it's a guy's forum, but smarter men know that there's more to a woman than observing whether her boobs or bum are sagging or not.

Right. There's more. But we don't think about anything more when considering a girl to go out with (and that's what you were asking.)

The "more" comes in to play later. When we decide if we'd like to continue seeing that person.

You seem intelligent, I'm sure you're at least adequate in the looks department, go forget about him. Find someone new.

 

[ElStud]

They need to make a Sosuave for girls.

 

[Alkali]

There's no one better to answer her question on what a man is thinking than men.

Not that we're nearly as cryptic, ambiguous, or downright bipolar as our female counterparts...