More than a bootcamp, but a bootcamp anyway

[NotSoSuaveDave]

Hi all, this is my first post on this site and a big one :cheer:
I've been reading a lot of stuff lately here so I decided to post a thread. Sorry for my possibly bad english since I'm from Holland, but I think you will understand anyway.

The Story of my life (or a piece of it):
When I was younger, say between 16-22, I used to be popular. Lots of friends and enough ladies to choose from. That was until I needed to lose many old friends since they liked cocain a lot and I didn't like it that they liked it! I had my girlfriend living with me in my apartment so I didn't care, everything was cool, right? No.

I had to bail on her even though I loved her a lot, but I had a bad youth with my parents anyway.. and this girl .. it was more becoming of a father/daughter relationship and she started to put more drama in my life than fun. To make things more clear, she started to drink more and more, and started cutting herself with a knife to get more attention! (and believe me, I gave her a lot of attention) Sex also was amazing with her. I was 22 back then, we f*cked a few weeks for the last time when I was 24. She tricked me into believing she was ok and wanting to come back but she was not. Above all, I have many reasons to believe her kid was mine.

I got a depression from all that stuff. Meds etc. People around me and also the doctor were afraid of me that I'd do something bad to myself so thats why they gave heavy meds. In the meantime I made some new friends doing some IT-education. All nerds, but I became one too since I never went outside the house as a result of my depression. This became a lifestyle I'm now trying to get away from. I am close to 29 now. And don't get me wrong, these friends will stay friends. But different purpose I guess..

Last february I got a Burnout (you all know what it is right?)
I was getting tired of depressions and not this burnout again wtf? So I went to see a psychologist and not accepting meds from the doctor. Since then my life and how I see it changed. Well I lost my contract since it was temporary, but still getting money from the state. But yay, I'm going out again feeling good looking nice but here it comes..

I feel a bit ashamed telling this but since the last time with my ex I haven't got laid anymore. Lately when going out I get to kiss some girls but it never works out, same with getting digits. I'm too much out of the routine I used to be in.. I'm trying to get a job anyway but I have a little money, no car, so basically there isn't much in my favor at the moment. I look fine anyway

The friends I go out with also suck, theyre younger (23+/-) and more introvert than I am/used to be. More ****blockers than wingmen. I still feel somewhat insecure, but very positive.I used to be very negative about life and women in particular. I know I'm a great guy but I feel so boyish. I've been watching a lot of David DeAngelo's stuff, especially Deep Inner Game is what I found very useful.

Things to @ bootcamp
-I don't care about rejection, somehow it feels awkward trying to get to girls in normal life (when not going out) So it's obvious what I must do. I've read a bootcamp thread here and it was about saying 50 "hi's" etc.. Prove myself how much I REALLY dont care!
-Sexual insecurity (or what to call it) Since I havent got laid for a long period.
Obviously I need to get laid! But can I still pull it off? Input needed here.
-My friends are holding me back in my "reinventing myself" and getting the girls. I need new friends who are more like the "old" me. Which sounds g4y, since I need to hook up with guys now too lol. Finding new friends is maybe one of the hardest part here also.
-Finding a job is probably one of the most important parts. But working on it.
-I find it hard to get interested in girls and their life, and I'm somewhat blind to bodylanguage. So I need to get more observative.
-I'm rusty with communication when it comes to texting, MSN etc.. I'm old fashioned and I like to call to hear her voice. Somehow it isn't cutting it these days. Going to experiment with it.
-Need more females(attention) around me, so I get used to them (yeah, I know what you're thinking, but I almost have no single ladyfriends ) I'm too needy or how you call it. Overanalyzing, getting played like a fiddle, you name it-I've done it lately. Without getting laid. I need to get the relaxed attitude again!
-Places where I used to go out don't have the people I want to meet, but I tried too much to fit in that scene with the nerdy friends I found. So need to find some places where I DO fit in, with new friends maybe better

What DO I got?
-Friends who have more of my old style, but all are engaged/married/kids. Tho, they know some single ladies (with a carreer, which I don't have)
-Some 19 year old girl texting me (she's a friend of one of those friends) but she's now on vacation but when she's back we will have a date. At least that's what we agreed on so far. And she is HB7 so here we go.
-Some HB7 in the gym who is interested but more of a plan B after the girl above.
-Some chick from a datingsite, I never believed in that sh1t, but hey, if it's a chance to get laid.. why not try it anyway? She is interested, but I hope I can keep my high status attitude up when we will date. She's HB 8.5. Maybe a bit too hot for me now :crackup: If she agrees to date with me I'm just gonna do it. I don't assume anyway, but I think positive.
-A lot of theory I need to work out about women and dating.
-You.

I'll use this thread as some kind of journal, feel free to give advice or bash me while I do this In the meantime I watch and read a lot of selfhelp material and try to live ok?

Cya and thanks for reading!

 

[NotSoSuaveDave]

First update

This weekend my friend needed to move (so no time to go out), and I met this girl who texts me. Her FACE was hb7 yeah, but she quite fat and smokes. I can deal with smoking girls but not if theyre also fat.. she can lose 15 pounds easily. So I told my friend: dude wtf? You sent me a picture of her face not telling me she doesn't know how to find the gym? He said: well, she's a nice girl isn't she? And you always wanted to know how it is to have sex with a fat girl.

Later that day I had time to talk to this girl and she is actually quite fun to talk to. So I asked her a few questions about her vacation like "Did you seduce some Spanish guys there? -no- Brits? -haha no i don't like pale men- Ahhh youre a good girl eh?"

So as the conversation went on my friend and his girl were having a little fight (yeah really nice) but we agreed on not caring about it.
She: When it comes to arguements I'm the same as her.
Me: Well, our relationship won't work now, I feel bad about it already.
She: (laughing) awww too bad
Me: Ok, maybe we can still be saved from broken hearts. Let's see what we have in common.
She: Uhm.. you like the dog? (puppy pitbull, very cute animal)
Me: yeah I'd take him home if they don't want him anymore anytime.
And so we had a few laughs and I ended it with : Well, it seems we have almost nothing in common so it all ends here. -And she find its either funny or she likes stupid jokes.
So somehow we had some joke about an ethnic group where women wear these headscarfs. I said well if you want to hang around with me you are supposed to wear one too. If you do not I may have to slap you, because to me it means disrespect. And we joked a bit further about it (and I'm a typical Dutch guy)
So later she mentioned that on the other side of the street there was an apartment where the windows were covered with old papers.
Me: Well, that's probably where (ethnic group) lives. You know why these papers are on the windows? I have them too btw.. it's so they can't see me slapping you all day. Cuz that's what I do with the women!
She: (laughing) Ah yeah and they won't see our 18 children.
Me: And now make me some food you *****!
Anyway I liked her but still not interested. She had to go home later and we said goodbye. Late that evening I sent her a text: have you already started to collect old papers? I got a LOT of windows here to cover Xx
So this morning she sent back: Sorry that I react so late, I was in bed early! But I'm busy collecting papers haha xxx

So I will text her again today, but will keep it silent until Wednesday. I will call her for a date.

The girl from the internet
I'll just post the messages sent to keep it short. In order.

her: Hey there, looking sexy (can't really translate it 100%) xx
me: Your approach is very direct And... you look sweet too. Do you give compliments that often? And who's the girl behind the face... or behind the computer? You're making me shy now... Rawrrr! Xxx
her: Ofcourse! But the truth has to be told right? And thank you, good to know we like our appearances Haha. And no I dont give compliments that often, only when I mean it. Who I am? I'd say:Well, GET to know me! You don't have to be shy with me haha Xxx
me one day later: Good to know I don't have to be shy, Now I know I don't need my mom to hold my hand when I'm with you. Hey, this sunday I have some time, how about a drink in town? And it would be handy if you gave me your number. xXx
her 1 day later: I think you misunderstood I didn't mean it thát way. I want to know you via these mails or perhaps MSN? Ofcourse i'd like to have drink with you, sounds good. This sunday won't work cuz of my job and in your town there's some racing event so it's hard to enter it. Kissssss
So, me this saturday: haha indeed.. Your job and that event, 2 nice excuses to NOT see me ;-) Too bad, I'm not a person who e-mails or is on MSN, for me that way is not the way to get to know somebody. Yes I'm fun, cool, cute, nice etc... and you are probably too. I like to call, so I can hear your voice too ;-) That someone who approached me the way YOU did is actually this shy, and wants to use MSN/e-mail hahaha. That's cute. And no, I won't be spamming texts or stalk you. That will probably happen after a first date. X Dave
So last night, her: Hey Dave! Yeah, calling and texting is fine with me too. More pleasant. And you're right about how to get to know eachother. But I was thinking about taking our time with it.. But OK, if you're not into this msn/e-mail thing, you will have my number.... xxx-xxxxxxx Hear you soon! Xxx-es

She thinks she's got me doing what she wants now, but tomorrow I will call her for not too long, I just want to arrange a date with her. Getting to know me is what dates are for right? Trying to think of a way how to talk to her and arrange the date without making her lose interest. Not even gonna text her Well that was it. Hope to hear from you guys!

 

[NotSoSuaveDave]

Well, couldn't make myself like the chubby girl so I decided to let it die..
Last sunday I had a date with the internet-chick. I really liked this one. But I fukked it up I think. I let her talk about anything. This was not some girl, but an experienced woman. I didn't dare to try anything funny, except some C&F here and there to find a hole in her defense. Or maybe I let my insecurity speak now. She talked about some stuff in her life like her car and friends but I didn't get THAT feeling.. (In Holland it's called "the click")It was like being in some coma but still being awake lol The click just didn't happen for me, it was like she had some shield up. The way she talked was definately my style but.. Nope.
Maybe it was because I was a little sleepy/not talking much that she mentioned her exes. I really didn't want to hear those stories. I even joked about it. I said: hey did you know its really bad to talk about exes on a first date? She said: Oh, but isn't it nice being here talking to eachother? I felt LJBF coming up
She couldn't make me want her anyway, so I wanted to figure out if it was me or her the next day. I liked her as a person but couldn't see her becoming my GF. I'm just not sure of my own feelings or whatever. I know I'm very hard with feelings. But I thought maybe the magic happens on the 2nd date? I sent her a text that I liked being with her and that I'd like to see her again. She replied saying she would like to see me again but nothing will happen between us. And O yeah, I was a "nice guy" So she filled in my answer to the question to myself. Well, fukk it, I didn't feel anything and I learned a lesson with it. I probably just wasn't interested and she neither. All in all, I had a nice evening. In the future I will listen to my feelings

 

[NotSoSuaveDave]

Ok, first of all, I'm not going really fast but what the heck.
First part of the bootcamp has started today.

I went to the train and saw a cute chick. My brains told me WOW this is what u want man!!! - I chickened out, even though we really had a nice eye contact with a smile. :trouble:

I met my friend in the train as we were going to the centre of my hometown.
Walking from the trainstation we saw some collegechicks probably 18 year old (too young but who cares). Eyecontact and hey! My first "hi" with a nice smile from her.
A few moments later we walked next to some building with archives or something. There was this cute female securityguard inside who was on the phone. She watched me a bit too much so I mouthed HI and waved to her. She gave this warm smile and waved back playfully. If only she wasn't working inside.. But my social skills still suck anyway so I would've probably fecked it up.
There was some other chick in a store who I said hi to, but she was too young. Pretty though.
Later there were some chicks passing us by and one of them said HI loudly while she passed us by, laughing and not looking at us. So she was trying to make contact in a funny way. My friend said hi, she looked back, I said hi. They kept looking backwards, smiling. I said: Hey you're allowed to say more than just hi!
This changed the mood I think. My friend told me I actually frightened them. I'm somewhat big, like muscular (could lose 20 lbs but it's not something to cry about) and people always tell me I have a face that says "don't **** with me". He told me I have to do something with my voice and the choice of words because my looks are a reason for them to feel unsafe. I'm too direct and my voice is more like the bark of a dog. I bark things at people!

How I suck at convo's
Back in the train some old man wanted to open a convo with us. It was something about the 1st class wagon I wanted to sit in but couldn't cuz of some guard there. The convo was like 30 seconds and that was that. I just can't think of things to say!

Close to my home I saw a girl I know walking with her kid she has with a friend of mine. I always talk with her for about 1 minute until I somehow run out of words and come up with a lame excuse like: I gotta eat bye.

It's like I can only talk with people I see frequently or who I know really long/well. Or when I've been drinking some alcohol. Especially with alcohol I'm where I want to be with social skills. I'm actually really good with alcohol in my system :crazy: Why not sober?

Had some other hi-moment with chicks without the eyecontact, which obviously doesn't work but I wanted to try it.

Gonna practice more on social skills, and learned that eyecontact is very necessary. What I also noticed was, that people are mostly busy doing their own things. How to break them out of it? I don't know if it's harder in Holland (especially my town, Rotterdam) to approach people, but people here look really stressed and unapproachable.

Until next time!