More Text Game: Calibrating it

[nicksaiz65]

I never really agreed with only texting for logistics, that never really worked for me. I’ve been working on texting more Sexually and flirting even before the first date on text so that I’m not seen as a Sexually null being. However, this isn’t a one size fits all thing. You can’t be as sexual with the girl from church as the club sluts, obviously.

So how do you calibrate it? How do you know how sexual a message you can send without blowing yourself out? I’m still getting used to this calibration stuff.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I never really agreed with only texting for logistics, that never really worked for me.

Why didn't it work for you? How are you sure? How do you know that the issue wasn't your not being sexual enough in-person instead?

I don't get sexual over text until we have already hooked up. Text messages can be misinterpreted and it can come off creepy if you don't do it just right and you aren't an expert at reading how attracted a woman is to you at that exact moment in time. Also, I feel it comes off as weak and shy - it shows you don't have the confidence to approach that subject face to face so you have to resort to tip-toeing around it over text instead - sort of like dipping your toe in the pool. Instead of getting sexual over text before hooking up, I will tease them a little instead. But I do keep text exchanges limited overall. I'm busy and I don't want to invest large amounts of time texting a girl before I know things will work out with her.

Bottom line, if you haven't slept with a girl yet, and she is in the phase of getting to know you in order to figure out whether or not she is attracted to you, your chances of turning her on over text are extremely thin, vs doing it in person. In person, you have the opportunity to be masculine, to hold eye contact, to touch her, to interact, to show her a good time and make her laugh. That's what's going to turn her on. Not some sexual words over text. If sexual words over text turns her on, then she was already turned on by what you did in person.

I calibrate my sexual escalation based on eye-contact and touching. There are many ways to touch a woman. Some are platonic, and some are extremely sensual. You start out with the more platonic touches, even "accidental" touches like bumping into eachother when walking or having the back of your hand graze the back of hers while you lean in to say something to her, then you gauge her response, and escalate from there accordingly. Touch is extremely powerful. The back of the arm or elbow, the shoulder, the small of her back, her hand, her hips, her butt, her thigh, her neck. I rather look and touch than use words to escalate sexually. But once we've hooked up, it's easy to drive a girl crazy by randomly texting her something sexual, which builds sexual tension for the next in-person encounter.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Why didn't it work for you? How are you sure? How do you know that the issue wasn't your not being sexual enough in-person instead?

I don't get sexual over text until we have already hooked up. Text messages can be misinterpreted and it can come off creepy if you don't do it just right and you aren't an expert at reading how attracted a woman is to you at that exact moment in time. Also, I feel it comes off as weak and shy - it shows you don't have the confidence to approach that subject face to face so you have to resort to tip-toeing around it over text instead - sort of like dipping your toe in the pool. Instead of getting sexual over text before hooking up, I will tease them a little instead. But I do keep text exchanges limited overall. I'm busy and I don't want to invest large amounts of time texting a girl before I know things will work out with her.

Bottom line, if you haven't slept with a girl yet, and she is in the phase of getting to know you in order to figure out whether or not she is attracted to you, your chances of turning her on over text are extremely thin, vs doing it in person. In person, you have the opportunity to be masculine, to hold eye contact, to touch her, to interact, to show her a good time and make her laugh. That's what's going to turn her on. Not some sexual words over text. If sexual words over text turns her on, then she was already turned on by what you did in person.

I calibrate my sexual escalation based on eye-contact and touching. There are many ways to touch a woman. Some are platonic, and some are extremely sensual. You start out with the more platonic touches, even "accidental" touches like bumping into eachother when walking or having the back of your hand graze the back of hers while you lean in to say something to her, then you gauge her response, and escalate from there accordingly. Touch is extremely powerful. The back of the arm or elbow, the shoulder, the small of her back, her hand, her hips, her butt, her thigh, her neck. I rather look and touch than use words to escalate sexually. But once we've hooked up, it's easy to drive a girl crazy by randomly texting her something sexual, which builds sexual tension for the next in-person encounter.

You make some very valid points. Thanks for the perspective