More POF Bullsh!t

[Blackmm]

I got this response from a chick on plenty of fish after introducing myself.
Backstory, she is 41 years old, same as me. No kids.

here is the convo:

(me)
I guess we could start by introducing ourselves. My name is ****. Yours?

(her)
My name is K.C.

BTW, I don't meet anyone in person until I've e-mailed them several times, and then talked on the phone. Even online, I think it can be determined if it is worthwhile to meet. I don't like to waste time--mine or anyone else's.

I appreciate you writing; thanks.

And my response:

OR...

We could agree to meet in a public place and spend about 10-15
minutes talking and determine if we want to take it further or
just part ways. I don't want to waste time, yours or mine either. That's just how I roll.

But I can respect your apprehension. I just don't like building
up false hopes and only so much can be relayed in an email or
even voice.

If I didn't offend, my offer is on the table. Otherwise best
regards.

 

[st_99]

Why does your message sound like a business proposition? Dates are meant to be fun.

Start a new message, add a bit of humour and personality and you're golden.

First thing that I thought also. Sounded like a car buying negotiation was going on.

 

[Blackmm]

Actually this was only the 2nd message i sent. The first one I sent was a little more fun and I didn't hear back until almost 2 weeks later.
I felt that she was bullsh!tting about giving her name in the first letter, hence the formal reply.

The deal was pretty much dead-ed when she laid out her "rules" of contact and meeting, like some sort of graduated sanctions crap (I have to prove myself worthy over what looks like weeks or months to get the phone call and date).

 

[powpow]

thats just how I roll - baller man I dig that.

sounds like shes a seasoned vet and maybe hasnt had much luck. maybe the games different at 41, when girls are maybe more in a hurry to get married.

personally I would play along with her. the slow gradation might make her feel more comfortable, and doesnt take much effort on your part. trying to force a meeting too early may seem like a good idea, showing you can take charge, but allowing her her space initially shows a lot of self control and intuition, qualities that she is most likely looking for this late in the game (again, not ripping on your age, but shes 41, which is a little behind the curve).

the overall message conveys a feeling of take charge, no bull**** kind of feeling. she may like that. keep us posted on your raparte

 

[NoCommitments]

(I have to prove myself worthy over what looks like weeks or months to get the phone call and date).

So what. All ur doin is loggin in & writing a msg. Ur not proving urself, ur building comfort on eachothers level/time constraints etc

I've been pretty successful with pof & match. Meaning every girl I email back & forth with I end up goin a date with.always F close or kiss close on 1st date

My concrete advice for online dating:

-No needy, unfunny or dismissal type of msgs. These girls don't knw u from jack! so if ur words seem unfriendly chances are they're not gonna allow further connections.
-I always allow at least 2 or 3 emails to number close
-I ask for their number after describing how annoying it is to email or just non challantly write "hey let's talk outside the pof world"
-build rapport on the phone. But don't spend more than like 7 min.it gets mundane.I learned this the hard way. My 1st date on match I clocked in like 5hrs of phone convo. We went out on a date, we made out but it was awkward. it was a dissapointment when we didn't hit it off cause we were sure we wld.
-remember this isn't a nightclub! In fact so many profiles I read say "I'm sick of going to bars/clubs" , so be patient. Its a slower environment. Put in some extra time to build comfort. Its worth it at the end.

-shine on the date like a true DJ!

 

[Blackmm]

Good advice guys. Like my message to her says, its pretty much open ended. If she responds, great, if not I have other things going on and she's no great loss.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

It was also an opportunity to pull some C&F and DHV.

You could have been like "hey slow down, I don't know if I want to keep exchanging e-mails yet, let alone ask you to meet up with me!" or something like that.

 

[omkara]

-No needy, unfunny or dismissal type of msgs. These girls don't knw u from jack! so if ur words seem unfriendly chances are they're not gonna allow further connections.
-I always allow at least 2 or 3 emails to number close
-I ask for their number after describing how annoying it is to email or just non challantly write "hey let's talk outside the pof world"
-build rapport on the phone. But don't spend more than like 7 min.it gets mundane.I learned this the hard way. My 1st date on match I clocked in like 5hrs of phone convo. We went out on a date, we made out but it was awkward. it was a dissapointment when we didn't hit it off cause we were sure we wld.
-remember this isn't a nightclub! In fact so many profiles I read say "I'm sick of going to bars/clubs" , so be patient. Its a slower environment. Put in some extra time to build comfort. Its worth it at the end.

Thanks for your advice. Since it seems like you've got a good system down, how do you handle the first date? What kind of stuff do you talk about? How do you go about creating rapport/attraction?

thx

 

[NoCommitments]

Thanks for your advice. Since it seems like you've got a good system down, how do you handle the first date? What kind of stuff do you talk about? How do you go about creating rapport/attraction?

thx

I'm glad you ask.

The first date is always relaxed, fun talk! Whether we go for coffee at dunkin donuts or lunch at a cafe I am always leaned back in my chair with confidence & a smile. The only times I'm lit up with energy is when I tell a funny or exciting story. Otherwise I'm cool & collected. I'm not thinking about her interest because I KNOW SHE'S INTERESTED!!! That's key! You want to act like 'hey if she wants me or not I don't really give a f*ck!!' I'm fun & if she doesnt know it then she's a bore!

...so we've talked about her childhood, dreams, accomplishments,, how much I relate ..blah blah blah ... I've built comfort...prob about 10-15min into the date

NEXT...

time for some touching (kino) ...this all depends on the circumstance and the chick...Here's what I've done that has worked.
Both these girls are from match. I've gone on many online dates.

Cafe Date:
about 25min into the date, we've already eaten. I compliment her on her hand jewelry(rings & bracelets) & of course I hold her hand as I do this. NON INTRUSIVE & I don't hold it for long.
I'm sitting on a chair, she's sitting in a booth...I say "it looks so much more comfortable where you are" so I get up and sit right next to her. I dont ask, i dont say "hey you think you have room over ther..duh?" She moves her jacket & purse & I sit! Like a Man!!!
I say "ah much better" then we're talking some more..more comfort. as shes talking I lean over, put my face in her hair/neck & say "wow you smell really good..go on" she keeps talking... I cut her off & say, "do you want to kiss me?" (mystery method) ....I've gotten a bunch of diff responses to this..She turned a little red(most of them do) & said "what, huh?" .."It just looks like you want to kiss me thats all" ... she says "maybe" ...I go in, we start making out in the restaurant... I stop it short & say "you are a naughty girl! you've distracted me into submission with that shirt you're wearing lol" all smiles.
Then i say "i wanna try something with you" ...I pull out the "lets almost kiss"(another mystery method) ....Here I'm trying to rebuild some sexual tension. cause once you kiss the excitement can fade...
Oh ...when the check comes I leave it there for like 15min to see what she'll do...shes obviously lookin for me to pay. I asked her out so its ok. I pick it up (not expensive like $25) I say, "since you were interesting I'll pick up the bill" she says "wow I didnt even have to dance for you, thank you lol" ...always make sure you let them know you're paying because they're being rewarded for good behavior

Anyway i don't wanna make this a monster post so thats the bottome line of a date/rapport building etc....

Coffee Date (ONS): I'll make this short
sitting enjoying coffee...she's giving IOI's like crazy. laughing at jokes when I'm not even trying to be funny. She says she has a great body that she's been working on. I say really whats you're best attribute? she says abs. I say show me.. she gets up, walks to me...pulls up her shirt(she had a bellybutton diamond..that drives me bonkers!!!) i didnt even see the abs lol...anyway I get up & say I can beat that (btw I dont have a 6pack but i do have a nice body...do not try this if you have a beer belly lol it wont be funny)... I pull up my shirt & I move in to rub abs..I grab her from behind pull her into my stomach & we start making out...The rest is history....I got home at 830am the next day

Be yourself!!
If 'yourself' is boring...then get interesting!
Girls are bored! you should be taking them into an exciting world of 'WHO GIVES A F*CK'!!
good luck!!!

 

[Blackmm]

Follow up report:

She finally responds;

(her)
OK; I will take you up on this. Fridays or Saturdays would be best for me, obviously in a public place and during the day. Let me know what works for you.

(me)
Sounds like a plan. How about Borders books on ***** this Friday about 5:30-6pm this Friday? Plenty of people there and a cop usually walks his beat around that time there.

 

[NoCommitments]

Alright cool. But this chick sounds annoying..ur gonna hve to put in some work...
but ur not a puppet!! U sound like ur agreeing with her..no need to say there's a cop there & stop with the "how abouts".. take charge & also make a joke about the ppl thing...ur treating it like she has a reason to be nervous.