Moral dilemma....opinions.

[ZTIME]

Friend of mine asked if he could hang at my place, have a couple beers, shoot pool,etc.
I say sure I'll be home by 8:30.

He stops by a little intoxicated with this bartender chick. (High 7, nice rack). I go to grab some drinks and they start looking through movies to watch (thought we were shooting pool, but whatever). Chick decides to watch "my best friends girl" (Dane Cook).

During the movie the chick is telling me that my personality reminds her of the arrogant character. Didn't really think much of it, but she seems to keep checking me out and talking a lot.

Movie ends, and we go shoot some pool. My buddy (now super intoxicated) asks to crash in a guest room. He leaves and passes out.

Finish 2 games of pool, and I tell her I need to get some rest, busy day tomorrow. She starts with the "I don't want to drive", I offer a guest room, she wants to stay in my room,etc.

Deals closed, girl leaves at 5am. I tell my buddy I'll give him a lift home as his ride left him. (He thinks last night).

An hour ago my buddy texts this:

" Thanks for letting me crash at your place, I was s**t faced. Called CHICK and apologized for passing out and leaving her stranded, She said you were really cool. Gonna take her out Saturday"

My response was "Cool, no problem"

So according to "man law" am I supposed to tell him what happened or let it ride. They're not dating and he met her at the bar.

 

[Tictac]

Friend of mine asked if he could hang at my place, have a couple beers, shoot pool,etc.
I say sure I'll be home by 8:30.

He stops by a little intoxicated with this bartender chick. (High 7, nice rack). I go to grab some drinks and they start looking through movies to watch (thought we were shooting pool, but whatever). Chick decides to watch "my best friends girl" (Dane Cook).

During the movie the chick is telling me that my personality reminds her of the arrogant character. Didn't really think much of it, but she seems to keep checking me out and talking a lot.

Movie ends, and we go shoot some pool. My buddy (now super intoxicated) asks to crash in a guest room. He leaves and passes out.

Finish 2 games of pool, and I tell her I need to get some rest, busy day tomorrow. She starts with the "I don't want to drive", I offer a guest room, she wants to stay in my room,etc.

Deals closed, girl leaves at 5am. I tell my buddy I'll give him a lift home as his ride left him. (He thinks last night).

An hour ago my buddy texts this:

" Thanks for letting me crash at your place, I was s**t faced. Called CHICK and apologized for passing out and leaving her stranded, She said you were really cool. Gonna take her out Saturday"

My response was "Cool, no problem"

So according to "man law" am I supposed to tell him what happened or let it ride. They're not dating and he met her at the bar.

If they weren't dating, best to clear it up. Not that it won't be a bit uncomfortable for you.

I don't see what waiting gets you here.

 

[ZTIME]

If they weren't dating, best to clear it up. Not that it won't be a bit uncomfortable for you.

I don't see what waiting gets you here.

I was looking at it like maybe it will never come up.

 

[guru1000]

The deeper issue is your intent: Is your question based on guilt that you feel by the act--or--just simply that your fvcking her is not relevant to disclose--or?

 

[Tictac]

I was looking at it like maybe it will never come up.

Your call.

He took himself out of the action when he got trashed.

If it comes up down the road and causes a sh*t storm, don't be surprised.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

If it comes up down the road and causes a sh*t storm, don't be surprised.

Most likely situation, assuming his friend is not a redpilled guy.

Tricky situation ZTIME, you know your bro better than us. If he's a blue, be machivellian about this...try to bury the whole affair deep. If he's red, he should know this **** happen, he should have taken action before, and that it's not a big deal after all.

 

[ZTIME]

The deeper issue is your intent: Is your question based on guilt that you feel by the act--or--just simply that your fvcking her is not relevant to disclose--or?

Honestly, after the fact I felt a bit guilty, however, I don't know if I should say anything. I'm not in a relationship with her and neither is he.

 

[KingBeef]

I would tell him what happened. Get it off your chest. Your relationship with a good male friend is more important with some bar floozey.

 

[Alvafe]

well better tell him, if not she canl tell him to hurt him, and then after he will just storm on you, problem was he don't know how to hold himself and let the girl alone with you, but also by being his friend you know he bring the girl over because he wanted something with her, so you feeling guilty now for you take the delivery and used it.

pretty sure he is not a guy who knows what, you know this, and you feel you used the situation, so no other way or you tell him what did happen, or hope they don't go off and she don't feel like telling him about it

 

[LiveYourDream]

If he hears it from her first, it will look like you were trying to hide it from him, rather than just being upfront and owning your choice. Even if there is nothing to hide, if he hears it from her first (especially her version of events), he will perceive you were trying to hide it and you'll automatically be less trustworthy in his eyes. That by itself will most likely ding your friendship a bit.

It is not about whether the act was acceptable. It is about your friend's perception that you were specifically trying to hide it from him. How's he suppose connect with you, as a good friend, moving forward once he knows that you won't hesitate to hide things from him?

More than just his perception, let him know for yourself. Regardless of his reaction, telling him will allow you to let it all go. Holding something like that, even if you don't think it is a big deal can feel constricting inside. Free yourself of that constriction, for yourself, and to relieve any on-going concern of her telling him. Just own it with him. Show your friendship that respect.

Consider how you own it can also drive how he responds. If you come across as if you were hiding it, he will likely ramp up any anger even more, as if there was some betrayal. If you just own it, and tell him, she made it clear she wanted you so under the circumstances (she was only hours into getting to know you two), you said yes, what can he say? He wasn't there seducing her. You didn't seduce her. She seduced you. You accepted and obliged. Own it and move on.

Do it for yourself. Do it for your friendship. Then move on. IMHO

 

[Billtx49]

I knew a guy once that had a girl that gave him a list of all the other guys she had banged while she was with him when she finally gave him the "talk".
With some women there is no limit on crazy, so tread carefully and do what you think is right for both you and your friend. At this time she is the unknown factor.…

 

[Bible_Belt]

The biggest problem I see right now is that he might not realize she's a ho, and fall in love with her. That would be how I would frame it when I told him. "Look, she's fun, but I don't want you to think she's relationship material. How do I know that? Well, you see, the other night...."

You're the one who knows him. If he has a tendency to pedestalize, you need to head that off. That's what a friend would do. That's more important than who fvcked whom.

 

[ZTIME]

Allright! Messaged him to meet me out for a few rounds after my meditation class.

You're the one who knows him. If he has a tendency to pedestalize, you need to head that off. That's what a friend would do. That's more important than who fvcked whom.

He's exactly this guy!! He'll take a girl out, then post pictures of the two of them with captions like "best day ever" or "soul mate". Then he'll text them endlessly till they run away. I actually kind of feel bad for the guy. Myself and some friends have actually tried to talk to him but he responds with "I just can't be an a**hole to girls like you guys".

This makes it so much more of a fun endeavor.

 

[LiveYourDream]

The biggest problem I see right now is that he might not realize she's a ho, and fall in love with her. That would be how I would frame it when I told him. "Look, she's fun, but I don't want you to think she's relationship material. How do I know that? Well, you see, the other night...."

You're the one who knows him. If he has a tendency to pedestalize, you need to head that off. That's what a friend would do. That's more important than who fvcked whom.

@Bible_Belt, Great recommendation!

@ZTIME, Good for you for reaching out to your friend. It is a choice I respect.

 

[samspade]

I agree with those that say tell him and it looks like that's what you're going to do.

Even if he's blue-pill it might be a wake up call for him. Heck even a red pill guy might need to learn not to get so trashed. That used to do me in all the time when I was younger.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, fvck you for banging your friend's date. You're a 5hitty friend. If she comes on to you, you push her off. If she tries to kiss you, push her away. Your bond with your friends is more important than some cheap slvt. If your friend is remotely an AFC, he probably already sees a future with her.

IMO it would be best to maybe tell him years later. She's not going to tell him that she fvcked you because she doesn't want to be labelled as a slvt. If your friendship with him is remotely important, then telling him is just going to ruin the whole thing.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Given that he's an incurable AFC, he's just going to chase this girl away, anyway. You might as well let nature run its course. Des made some good points.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

The guy got so drunk he couldn't seal the deal. What a moron. He had not had a relationship with her and you were around and did what he couldn't. Are we gonna start playing bagsies or dibs? " I saw her first. I bags her" WTF.

More power to ya. As for telling him, seems like the best option, rather than months down the track. Or she tells him. Maybe she is a slut, or maybe she likes men who are not drunken idiots.

 

[guru1000]

Though morality is a social construct and subjective, I was just waiting for the morality shaming in this thread.

Z-Time, no biggie. Tell him, "She was great last Friday! How dare you not invite me to Saturday's three-some!"

 

[samspade]

Though morality is a social construct and subjective, I was just waiting for the morality shaming in this thread.

I think of it as a choice with a cost and a benefit to the individual. In this case if it were me, telling him sooner than later would incur a lower cost (risk of losing friendship - which may rise the longer he waits). Guilt is also an emotion we can't always control so a benefit would be to reduce it. In a nutshell, whatever choice makes the OP "happier."