Months of contact then suddenly she won’t return my calls-How to have non-attachment?

[otr4]

I’ve been seeing this girl for a while–about three months now.
We’ve had our ups and downs and lately we’ve been working through some issues.
We both have things we really like and really DON’T like about each other, but lately we’ve been communicating more about these things.
This past weekend we went out of town to hang out with friends and overall it was a decent trip, even though we had a few “tiffs” along the way.
We came back into town on Sunday and I dropped her off at her house. Our parting was somewhat uneasy and something seemed wrong.
I haven’t talked to this girl for two days now. I’ve called her three times now, left a few messages, and she has not returned my phone calls.
REMEMBER: I’ve had daily contact with this girl for over three months. Only a few, sporadic days have gone by when we haven’t spoken at least once in a day to each other. Its really odd.
What do you guys think? Should I keep trying to contact her? I realize if this was a girl I was just starting to date, I OF COURSE wouldn’t keep trying to call her, but I’ve had contact with my girl everyday for months now. What should I do and think about this situation?
Also, I believe in non-attachment to any situation and I’m tying to not think about this situation or let it get to me, but I can tell it’s already starting to affect me. I have little appetite, and I can’t stop thinking about what is going on and why I haven’t heard from my girl.
What should I do about my non-attachment issue and dealing with my girl not calling me?

 

[Hollowpoint]

Best Tip ever.

 

[hardwork]

Discussion

Originally posted by Hollowpoint
Best Tip ever.

It's surprisingly not that bad.

 

[biker_gixxer]

I wouldn't call her anymore. You come off as being needy when you constantly try to contact her. From what I understand, this is a total turn off to women. Keep yourself busy, do things to keep her off your mind. It's easier said than done, but it's not impossible.

When u do finally talk to her, act as if it wasn't a big deal that you guys hadn't talked. If she wants to know why, say 'hey, I tried to call you, but you never called back, I wasn't about to chase you down, so whatever'. At this point, I would change the subject, talk about something else. This puts 'you' in control of the situation.

That's how I would handle it.

 

[Dirtheart]

A very familiar situation to me. Sure, the best advice is not to call her, but I also know you're thinking that if you don't call her you'll never hear from her again, never get chance to sort things out or to make your point.

Not calling is a long and hard road. You start out thinking she'll contact you after a few days of not hearing from you. Then it turns to a few weeks and you start to lose hope of ever hearing from her again and start thinking she has moved on. Every day you think "will she call me today?" or you'll get random ideas about what you want to say to her and you'll get the urge to call her, even if it's just to show her how p*ssed off you are...but don't!

But every time you try with her, you are boosting her self-esteem and sacrificing your own. Think of a point system and imagine your self-esteem on a scale of 1-10. You both start out at 5. You call her, she gains a point and you lose a point. You call her again, you drop to 3 and she rises to 7. Eventually she'll have total control, while you'll feel like a complete lost cause.

Trust me, I've tried every possible angle to try and win back my ex-, ended up losing my dignity and gaining nothing. I did the same thing with a girlfriend last year and while I was sitting at home, waiting for her to call, wallowing in self-pity, reviewing my mistakes and hating myself, she was out flirting with guys and acting like some irresistable goddess.

 

[drmeathead]

I did the same with last girl I was with. She was calling and then nothing. Well I stood my ground for about 4 days then I emailed her telling what was up. I was sure that would have got her attention. It didnt. After no response to that 3 days later I just tunred AFC calling her a few more times and what not. My dad always told me...when you are in a hole it is best to stop digging.

I know I have said this atleast a dozen times but I feel very strongly about this. At any point after the first date a person calls the other indicating interest, then after such a point they owe them a reason why they arent interested anymore. Do so otherwise is gutless, classless, and just unkind. You feel bad either way when you get rejected so there is no reason to prolong it. So dude I feel for ya. Go find another girl in the mean time. Better yet go find her friend.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by otr4
Our parting was somewhat uneasy and something seemed wrong.

Listen to this. If something 'seemed' wrong, then it probably was.

Her not calling you back for a few days is obviously a very bad sign. I imagine that right now she is probably talking/crying to her mother/sister/friends about "what is happening between you two and she doesn't know if she should break it off". Even if she gets back to you in the next few days, unless she was in a coma, your response should be along the lines of "Where the hell have you been?!?"

Is she really the kind of girl you want? My question is, how, in the first three months can you have any 'downs'? It should all be 'ups' and sure as hell no issues to work through. In fact you shouldn't be leaving the bedroom for days on end. Either you got too comfortable with each other too quickly, or you are just not compatible. Personally I think about the first 6 months in any sort of relationship should be fairly rose-coloured. If you start having any serious dramas within that first six months, I would look at that as a HUGE red flag to any LTR.

I would not expect to get any closure on this one from her, just do as drmeathead says and get back out there and find another girl.

 

[Krassus]

IT DOESN'T MATTER how long you've known her! You shouldn't call a girl multiple times every day and leave messages even if you're fvcking married to her

 

[WaterTiger]

The rest of the guys are right, this is a BAAAAAAAD sign!

I'd consider myself dumped and get back out there. If she does contact you, I'd be like. "Oh...it's you? I'm kind of busy with some other things right now, What did you want?"

Don't yell, don't demand to know where she's been or what she's been up to. You are cool and totally in control. You don't have to put up with her silly, infantile games and not returning your calls. That's just RUDE. I have a real low tolerance for rudeness.

I agree with Cremasta though, the first couple months should be all sunshine & rainbows. You shouldn't have to WORK at a brand new relationship. You might be better off with out her any way.

Peace~~~

 

[maranathaman]

I used to have a gf, that whever we had a disgreement on the phone, she would hang-up on me. My attitude was, "I'm NOT gonna play this game by calling her back, and giving her control." So I just kept busy, went about my business, and she would always call-back and apologize a few days later.
If she had not called-back, I would have reckoned that she has proven that she is not worthy of my efforts. like Tiger said, I too have no tolerance for rudeness, games or drama. There are plenty of other fish out-there that I don't have to put-up with some be-atch's drama. If she wants to play spoiled little school-girl games, she can go make some other AFC's life miserable, not-mine!