Modern dating, texting and dishonesty

[Cejay]

For the past year, I've been using online dating because I really don't have a lot of time (with my career) to invest in meeting women. I've learned some things but also have a lot to learn. I'm hoping for your advice.

So first thing, you hit it off with someone on [your site of choice] and after a couple of emails she wants to text. Fine, numbers exchange. I find it tends to very quickly escalate, lots of texts all day, every day. I have no time for this, nor do I actually have much interest in getting to know a woman that way. Rather do it in person.
How do you guys handle this? What's with all the f'ing texing??

Pictures Online and profiles. I have learned, through experience that if a woman has pictures taken above her head, and no full body pics she is probably chunky possibly fat. Especially if she is contacting YOU. It means her SMV is low. My personal philosophy is not to respond to these women, having been burned a few times now. Just a tip.

I recently broke my rule, and we migrated from the online site to texting, who revealed enough information for me to use Google to figure out who she was, find full body pics of her on the web and guess what? Yup, she's pretty overweight. I feel that this is dishonest behavior. We had set up a possible date but now I don't want to meet.
She's a decently nice person. Do any of you have any non-a55hole suggestions on how not to meet/date/whatever? I'm just not into fat chicks.

I've found dating in 30/40s to be pretty discouraging and largely a waste of time, well, online dating anyway. Seems like there are a lot of dishonest women out there.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

CJ.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear CeeJay,
A friend put it all in a nutshell for me,he said "On line dating is just the modern way for Men to be rejected"...But it must be said that hidden in the Dross are the odd precious stones!

 

[Cejay]

Thanks. I'm not really having a rejection problem. I've actually met quite a few women and we've had a lot of fun together, those relationships ended for various reasons.

I guess I'm looking for assistance in navigating the whole thing more than anything.

CJ

 

[jimmy18]

Even good looking guys who get approached by girls in real life get ruthlessly shunned in online dating.

 

[GS750]

The last girl I dated that I met online turned out to be a branch swinging nutjob on the rebound. But I learned a few things. One of them is that online dating is a clusterfvck. Once you learn not to take it seriously it gets easier.

 

[VladPatton]

I met too many nutjob biznitches on there as well. Never again. I can't even imagine finding someone sane. It really is a clusterfücked haven for the crazy and the dishonest.

 

[BMX]

I must be the only one left who can't bring myself to try online dating. I've done too many cold approaches mostly day, some by night. I just can't seem to think I'd be as successful at weeding out the garbage online like I do in person.

 

[Cejay]

I've actually had decent luck with online dating. There are telltale signs to look out for like the one I mentioned above.

A lot of times it goes right to texting, my new tactic that I'm trying is not too many texts, and a good old fashioned phone call. That way I can get a better "feel" for what she's like without buying dinner, or being stuck with her for a bit.

Women (our age) used to be asked for their number and called. So far they seem to appreciate the "old school" tactic of it all.


Regarding the feedback of "Don't do online dating" I get - but not everyone's lifestyle puts them in contact with women, often. I work in a male dominated field, from home or on the road and I have been moving around trying to find where I want to set down roots. So, I don't have the chance to easily meet new women. I need to be able to queue them up without being physically present.

CJ.

 

[The_411]

Been there done that and the conclusion is that online dating tends to be about people who have something to hide.

You really should ask yourself if a woman is fairly attractive why isn't she able to get a date out in the real world especially when you consider men are conditioned to ask.

Chances are she's nuts and/or socially inept.

I think the novelty has worn off and more and more it becomes a refuge for the nutjobs.

Carve out time for socializing as it is important for your personal well being.

 

[MOTU]

Cejay, what are you after? The reason I ask is that for me, online was a good source of weekend entertainment with reasonably attractive chicks that were relatively easy to get in the sack. But in terms of looking for a LTR, I found some disadvantages:
1) the competition is fierce so women overestimate their SMV
2) they have lots and lots of options so can afford to be flakey
3) even if you do hit it off, the woman is already in "screening mode" and will be watching your every move and judging it

I met my current GF at an acoustic open mic night I was playing. The early stages of our relationship were much easier because there was no assumption that either of us were "looking for" anything. So no 20 questions about your past relationships, compatibility, intentions, etc. really allowed us to get to know each other more slowly and naturally.

I am like you that I don't run into women in my day to day life. The answer is to get involved with things you enjoy doing and have mixed crowds. Broaden your social circle, including married couples - they'll have single friends. Get out in circulation.

Oh, and hit the gym!

 

[Cejay]

Hey Motu,

Good question. Sounds like our experiences have been pretty similar. I've had fun with the online find n shag but I'm starting to want an LTR.

Gotta love deflecting the interrogation.

Those are solid. suggestions.

I'm going to be on the road for several wks and then after that am going to cut back on the travel so I can be more physically present and work on meeting people.

CJ.