Mixed signals?

[Single4Life]

So this college girl I know for about a year, we are friends, and I always felt she had a thing for me. She copies me, goes out of her way to do nice things for me, flirts, etc... I just took it as friendship/respect for who I am though and left it at that. Saving herself for marriage, christian, sweet, loving but low life experience with men.

well, recently she just came out and gained some courage because she started telling me that I am amazing, that I am the sweetest man she knows, and she began to ask me if I needed anything, and finding excuses to come get me to come hang out with her. I was just myself, acted normally... be cool, etc...no big deal.

Then we had a very sexual conversation, sharing our secret fantasies etc.. and I guess my attraction/desire for her sort of went to the next level. I was always interested in her as a person, but yeah.

So I go to her and tell her straight up, I am only expressing how I feel, I feel attracted to you, etc...

and she goes "I don't want anyone getting attached to me right now"

Since then, I've just continued being myself, I talk to her and let her know I am completely comfortable with sharing how I feel and not have it be weird or affect anything...

Obviously, I have just moved on and won't give her any attention, but why would she send all these signals and then reject me when I make a move? Maybe she thought it was only about sex? Not sure.

 

[dutchmaster]

You made the mistake by telling her instead of taking what you want.

Telling her your feelings for her instead of going for a kiss made you look like a wuss, nice guy, afc etc in her eyes. While in her head you were this hotshot alpha male who's attention she needed to fight for.

Or she's a d!ck tease. A girl who is only interested in your attention to boost her ego, not so much you.

 

[Audiophile]

So this college girl I know for about a year, we are friends, and I always felt she had a thing for me. She copies me, goes out of her way to do nice things for me, flirts, etc... I just took it as friendship/respect for who I am though and left it at that. Saving herself for marriage, christian, sweet, loving but low life experience with men. .

Well it doesn't seem like this girl is very promising at this point. She's saving herself for marriage? Unless you absolutely connect with this girl it seems like a wasted effort. She may just be nice, but from my experience women don't go that out of the way for you just to be friends, she must have been attracted to you at some level.

well, recently she just came out and gained some courage because she started telling me that I am amazing, that I am the sweetest man she knows, and she began to ask me if I needed anything, and finding excuses to come get me to come hang out with her. I was just myself, acted normally... be cool, etc...no big deal.

All is going well here, you're being indifferent and playing it off.

Then we had a very sexual conversation, sharing our secret fantasies etc.. and I guess my attraction/desire for her sort of went to the next level. I was always interested in her as a person, but yeah.

So I go to her and tell her straight up, I am only expressing how I feel, I feel attracted to you, etc...

and she goes "I don't want anyone getting attached to me right now"

This is where it seems to me you messed up. You told her exactly how you feel, and clearly that just put her off. Unless you're in a deep relationship with a girl, talking about feelings like that just makes you come off as too eager and clingy. When you were talking about sexual fantasies you should have just escalated from there by actually making one of her fantasies come true.

The whole "I don't want anyone to be attached is the direct "consequence" of you sharing your feelings.

Since then, I've just continued being myself, I talk to her and let her know I am completely comfortable with sharing how I feel and not have it be weird or affect anything...

Obviously, I have just moved on and won't give her any attention, but why would she send all these signals and then reject me when I make a move? Maybe she thought it was only about sex? Not sure.

You never seemed to make a move, you just TOLD her about it, which is the AFC thing to do. You should have taken her in the heat of the conversation and kissed her right then and there. She was never sending you mixed signals at first (from what you described), but you just made a mistake in splurging on your feelings. Anyway, you just need to learn from that mistake and move on, at the end of the day she was just a christian girl with low experience saving herself for marriage, seems to me like you didn't waste time putting too much effort in, so you just got some lessons out of it.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

You should have went in for the kiss. It may have been a queue to her that you wanted something exclusive before going throw the prior steps (first kiss/makeout, sex, dates etc..) I think most women feel this way. They need to get to know you first (romantically, not friendly) before they can decide if you'll be a suitable partner.

 

[Single4Life]

1) The sexual convo happened over the phone, late at night. So wasn't exactly a "move in for the kiss" moment.

2) I told her I was attracted to her the very next day, in person


I wasn't trying to have sex with her. I actually like her and if she really did like me, I was thinking possible long term....but I think I made a mistake in how I express myself. I am open, direct, and honest... it's not a big deal to me to tell a woman I am attracted to her... I guess that was a bad move in this case.

 

[Single4Life]

double post bug.

 

[Single4Life]

Let me start off with, I am not looking for just sex, in case you guys are wondering. I am looking for the long term special girl. So don't come at me with sex talk. I don't give a F about that.

Just felt like giving an update, even though it's late. Soon after I did this, I realized I didn't want her as a long term partner. She's unstable and plays too many games.

About 1 week after I did this, she told me she was in love with me. Basically, she called me and as soon as I picked up the phone, that's the first thing out of her mouth. Not even a hello, haha.

I just told her, aw that's very sweet of you to say and brushed it off. Soon after, she started a long term project and she kept asking me for help with it, and kept speaking in "we can do this, and people can pay us" type of terms... which when a woman includes you in her future plans, it's a dead giveaway she's still pining for you.

However, I saw behaviors in her that told me this girl is unstable, so I did not want to actually consider this woman as a long term partner. I flirted and played the game with her, making sure to NOT hurt her feelings at all, always treat her with love and kindness, but I didn't go for the kill and close her.

Eventually, some guy asked her out and she kept trying to talk to me about it. Haha, I told her straight up to just give the guy a chance, go for it and go out with him (this must have killed her inside because I wasn't jealous like she wanted me to be) and that she needs more life experience... so if it works out, good, and if it doesn't, just take it as life experience and learn from it. So she accepted and now they are officially a couple, which she made sure to come tell me (haha).

Anyway, she seems kind of bitter because she keeps throwing jabs at me, hinting that I didn't ask her out, etc... I ignore it and keep positive and humor in convo. It seems she's stalking me though, because I have found out she is keeping tabs on the things I say and do. The other day, I told my friend I was listening to a song over and over for about 10 minutes, and lo and behold, the very next day, she randomly wants to show me a cover of the very same song I was listening to. She also seems to know the things I say to other people...

so yeah, I didn't do the wrong thing.

Every woman is different and likes different things, but HONESTY and DIRECT approach shows confidence and works. Thankfully that's how I am nautrally.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Let me start off with, I am not looking for just sex, in case you guys are wondering. I am looking for the long term special girl. So don't come at me with sex talk. I don't give a F about that.

Just felt like giving an update, even though it's late. Soon after I did this, I realized I didn't want her as a long term partner. She's unstable and plays too many games.

About 1 week after I did this, she told me she was in love with me. Basically, she called me and as soon as I picked up the phone, that's the first thing out of her mouth. Not even a hello, haha.

I just told her, aw that's very sweet of you to say and brushed it off. Soon after, she started a long term project and she kept asking me for help with it, and kept speaking in "we can do this, and people can pay us" type of terms... which when a woman includes you in her future plans, it's a dead giveaway she's still pining for you.

However, I saw behaviors in her that told me this girl is unstable, so I did not want to actually consider this woman as a long term partner. I flirted and played the game with her, making sure to NOT hurt her feelings at all, always treat her with love and kindness, but I didn't go for the kill and close her.

Eventually, some guy asked her out and she kept trying to talk to me about it. Haha, I told her straight up to just give the guy a chance, go for it and go out with him (this must have killed her inside because I wasn't jealous like she wanted me to be) and that she needs more life experience... so if it works out, good, and if it doesn't, just take it as life experience and learn from it. So she accepted and now they are officially a couple, which she made sure to come tell me (haha).

Anyway, she seems kind of bitter because she keeps throwing jabs at me, hinting that I didn't ask her out, etc... I ignore it and keep positive and humor in convo. It seems she's stalking me though, because I have found out she is keeping tabs on the things I say and do. The other day, I told my friend I was listening to a song over and over for about 10 minutes, and lo and behold, the very next day, she randomly wants to show me a cover of the very same song I was listening to. She also seems to know the things I say to other people...

so yeah, I didn't do the wrong thing.

Every woman is different and likes different things, but HONESTY and DIRECT approach shows confidence and works. Thankfully that's how I am nautrally.

Why is it that so many of the "nice" girls turn out to be psychos?