Mixed Signals...What Do They Really Mean???

[Jon E]

I've been having some trouble with getting mixed signals lately.

A good example is with one girl I have been talking to recently that has a boyfriend (but hey nothing lasts forever, right?) so I haven't made any advances toward her at all but I've still been pressing her "sub-conscious attraction buttons" anyway with fairly good results. I spoke with her a week ago, she approached me first, was very up beat, all smiles, spoke faster than usual, asked me several questions about school etc and was generally displaying all the positive signals. We spoke for a few minuets, I busted on her a little and very easily got a "shut-up!" from her (The really good kind, with heavy emphasis on the "up") and I left it at that on a good note.
Now a week later I see her in the hall and I get nothing. Ice. Like she doesnt even remember my name, just a small wave and a little smile, so I wave back and keep on walking without ever saying a word.

I've had this happen several times before with her and I don't know how to interpret it. What does this type of behavior mean? Is it a good sign, bad, is it something Im doing wrong or is it totally meaningless? (bad day, PMS etc) In situations like these I keep trying to show indifference, but Im not sure if thats the right thing to do anymore.

What should I have done in this situation? Are these mixed signals from women just small tests to see if we're interested in them? To see if we will approach them, to show that we're interested? What do they mean?

Im not losing any sleep over it Im just a little confused thats all.

Thoughts?

 

[Halo]

I was in a similar situation last year. My advice is not to waste time on girls with boyfriends. It degenerated into a case of one-itis for me, which has thankfully ended.

Smooth up on some other girls. If this one does in fact have any latent desire for you, seeing you with other girls sure won't hurt.

 

[golf299]

here's a thought: read the "DJ Bible" (link at the top of the site) first. then you will realize what im about to tell you: forget about this chick. she is not worth the stress that going after a girl in a relationship presents. if you are willing to wait for her, you are willing to waste your life. don't do either. move on and find a single girl, and READ the BIBLE!

good luck, mate.

 

[Jon E]

Thanks for the replys,

I did read the Bible, there's a lot of great stuff in there.

I reread my original post and it does sound as if Im chasing after her. Let me clearify that: Im not pursuing this girl at all, Im really not even that interested in her. Im just using her for practice and she was the best example of this hot-cold, wishy-washy type of behavior that I could think of.

Im just trying to figure out what these signals mean to help me read these types of situations better and know what the women are thinking when it happens again later on and with a girl that really does matter.

 

[Halo]

Here's another nugget of widom from my gold mine of past failure: girls like the ego boost that comes from having guys want them. This is especially true with girls who are married or have boyfriends. Playful flirting with other men reminds them that they are still desired by guys. The thought of dumping their man might never even cross their minds, but they sure don't mind the ego boost of thinking "I've got it and so-and-so wants it bad."

Last year I was this girl's portable ego-booster for about 6 months before I finally accepted the fact that she was not about to dump her boyfriend and throw herself at my feet. I wanted her so bad that I could not even think about pursuing other girls, which is a ridiculous state of mind! So just forget about pursuing this one, save yourself the effort.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

And what most people are missing..... Girls may have days they are off... as in having not a very good day.

 

[OddTech]

Let me get one thing across, you are wasting your time trying to analyze these "signals" of hers. Why not spend your valuable solving the world problems instead?

Women signals mean nothing (or close to it). The only true indication that a woman likes you is if she go out to a date with you and let you f*ck her brains out. There....

I would also be careful of jealous boyfriends, you don't want to look down the barrel of a shotgun. That's another reason I don't get involved with women with boyfriend, too much drama.

 

[PEACEDJ]

Mixed signals to me don't mean anything unless you make it do. Which means if you lower your curiosity towards her actions and just see her as another girl who was born with good genes (who don't know what she wants) then everything just seems to be funny.


But to answer your question. I don't really think she means anything by the mixed signal, she seems to have a sunshine girl scent in her... Don't worry about it too much, soon enough you'll get a really good chance to talk to her and you'll do really good.

The key thing is not to think about it, just go along with it.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

I have the answer for you Jon E boy -- let me pull the rabbit out of the hat for you.

Your convo/signals showed her that you were interested in her - maybe even if at a subconscious level as you stated - so she felt this eagerness vibe coming from you and maybe she thought from her speech and demeanor that she was the one that encouraged your thinking and feelings and that by her opening up to you she unconsciously or consciously misled you.

So her next two cold encounters were deliberately done to send you the message that you were receiving the wrong signal from her (she was just being nice to you) on your proir encounter with her and she knows you want more than what she could give you because of her current beau situation...

and she was trying to distance herself from you to give you the message that no matter how many DJ' skillls you may have, up your sleeve or down your pants, your efforts are in vain and I'm sorry if you took my kindness for more than what it was meant for!

She didn't exactly say this but that is what her mind is telling you through telepathy and body language.

 

[NatureGuy]

Alot of good responses here Jon. I've also
had the "mixed signals" problem.
In your case, you don't have a relationship so it seems hardly worth the time wondering what's going on.
But for when you have a relationship,I've been finding in my experience that most verbal mixed signals seem to mean very little. You know what people keep saying (as OddTech references) judge by actions not words or "signals". If she treats you right (actions) but says some mixed or wierd things sometimes, it's OK.
I'm beginning to think that "mixed signals"
(where you have an established or growing relationship) are really expressions of insecurity on her part.

 

[Jon E]

PuertoRican_Lover,

Thats exactly what I thought at first and you may very well be right.

However, I have been experimenting with a lot of different angles lately and the one that I was practicing on this girl for the past few months was one of total indifference. Kind of a "I dont care if your here or not, you're just taking up space and youre kind of getting on my nerves anyway" Which at the time seemed to be working surprisingly well, the more I ignored her the more happy she was to see me! Ha! Although it is possible she received a different signal, maybe I was too harsh, or maybe she picked up on me, I dont know.

I may be thinking about this too hard, but I just love being able to stimulate people and then getting their responses on demand (Is'nt that what DJing is all about?) and it just bugs me when I cant figure out what another person is thinking.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Jon E
PuertoRican_Lover,

Thats exactly what I thought at first and you may very well be right.

However, I have been experimenting with a lot of different angles lately and the one that I was practicing on this girl for the past few months was one of total indifference. Kind of a "I dont care if your here or not, you're just taking up space and youre kind of getting on my nerves anyway" Which at the time seemed to be working surprisingly well, the more I ignored her the more happy she was to see me! Ha! Although it is possible she received a different signal,

Could it be that this is what you perceived it to be and thus thought this was her reality too? It may have been all in your head - because DJ'ing could have such an affect on one's mind when it is constantly all that they think about - one becomes delusional and starts seeing things that are not there!!!

Brush it off and move on.